TO DONNA / RIGHT NOW I'M MORE OR LESS JUST WINGING IT

[Guest guest]

He hasadmitted to being passive aggressive so maybe he isupset about something but doesn't have the courage toaddress it and I see that as his problem not mine.

Dear Donna,

That statement alone tells me he has a " Personality Disorder" !

A person with Passive Aggressive tendencies.....will do anything to switch the blame to someone else to make them feel as if "THEY ARE CRAZY" ....and he is being so very reasonable to put up with them !

I come from a long line of Passive Aggressive.......disfunctional` Authority Figures' ! in my family......And am sorry to say......My Daughter is Very Passive Aggressive.....She will tell a lie.....when It would be easier to tell the truth, then she gets mixed up about which lie she has told.....and has to make up more lies to cover her trail.!

When she tells me something, I usually hear a totally different version from someone else......I have learned to take everything she says with a grain of salt. She just doesn't think she has a problem!.....(Every one else has the Problem.)

To answer your question about when I started having problems caused by Prednisone.....I guess the answer would be when I started falling and couldnot get back up......My muscles were useless....this was about a year after I had started taking it in 1997

......I had to be hospitalized....the Doctors wouln't let me go home till I learned to crawl to a sofa and pull myself up..........Then in 2000 I fell and shattered my right leg and knee. The xrays showed that I had severe osteoporosis. I now have to have a knee brace on when I am on my feet very long to keep my knee from locking up or trying to bend the wrong way.

I have been on very high doses of prednisone .....at one time I had to go into my Doctors Clinic 3 days in a row for I.V. infusions......to get my flare under control.Who knows how much was put into me on those occasions.

I have had times when I had a rash so bad, that the only thing that would get it under control was to go in for a huge injection of steroids, then start at 60mg.a day for 4 days....then 50mg. for 4 days......then 40.......till I would get back down to 10mg.....which I considered my "Maintenance Dose"

In the last few months this cycle has repeated itself several times.......the last time I got down to 10mg. a day.......it lasted about a month.....then I woke up one morning with the rash covering my neck, shoulders,. and back....and itching and burning like crazy....I had to do the steroid injection thing again..

...and this time increase to 30mg. a day But this time when I tried to drop 10mg. down to 20mg. I all at once " Crashed Big Time"......I hurt so bad all over my body, and my feet and legs hurt so bad I could not walk!

So I bumped it up to 25mg. for a few days ......and have just now started to taper 1mg.at a time on alternating days.......I don't have a Rheumatologist at all at the moment.....still waiting to hear if I get the privilidge of being a patient of the New One I am trying to get an appt. with.

I am tapering 25mg. alternating with 24mg. at the moment.....at this stage I don't know how well I'm going to do......but will do my best to stick with it......When I hurt so bad I can't stand it......I have Vicodin to take.

By the way.....My Primary Care Doctor thinks the rashes I keep having are a reaction to some or one of my Medications, as they are not the typical Lupus rash.

He has reduced my Blood pressure Medication, and my Plaquenil .....and also found that my thyroid was low again.....so he increased my Levoxyl to 88 mcg. a day.

When I saw my Nephrologist last week he approved the changes as far as he is concerned I am doing fine.

The doctors have always encouraged me to decrease the prednisone .....but are always there with the "Big Guns" when the rashes get out of control.......If the regimen I have put myself on doesn't work.....I hope I will have a Good Rheumy by then to help me out.

As far as the depression is concerned......when I was first diagnosed with Lupus, and realized I would never feel good again......I started making plans in my head about suicide......I was determined that I would not.....could not......never accept this as my fate!....However an antideprssant was finally found that works for me....I have tried several.......and with the help of this group......have managed to reach a place of not acceptance.......but have made Peace with The Wolf.....

I wish you well ,Donna, and hope you will find a good Rheumatologist to help you out.

C.