Guest guest Posted April 13, 2004 Report Share Posted April 13, 2004 ....which means another couple hundred bucks and another sleepless night without my cats...I am so tired. Sick and tired. They just keep testing me, all the while refusing to do much of anything that actually HELPS me physically. I'm just tired of it. I sit here, filling my days with whatever doesn't seem like a total waste of my time (which is almost everything I can do anymore)...no social structure, theater social structures are entirely show-based -- all my gay friends have died, my hetero friends are few and spread across the world, or don't care to involve me in their lives since the diagnosis. I finally let push me in a wheelchair last week, twice so we could visit the museum (he was on vacation, so he gets to push me around -- (sarcasm alert) -- boy does THAT make me feel better about myself. I'll admit it made the second visit possible, and I didn't spend days recovering, but...one more thing gone... The boost I've felt for a couple of weeks was the result of actually starting writing again, but even that is useless -- like anything's going to get performed, now that I have no contacts, singers, musicians, and don't have the energy to " network " myself back into creative existence. Say I finish the works I've got underway -- what then? I write to communicate, and music sitting on paper isn't communicating, it's a waste of resources. Every morning feels like an accusation -- " what won't I be able to do today? " I am running my psyche on fumes, there's nothing really there except habit. Sorry, sorry...this is just as useless as taking three hours to tell me they need to test me again...Ack, thhhppt, &(*^@#$.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2004 Report Share Posted April 13, 2004 Mark, I'm sorry life has been so crappy lately for you! I feel kind of the same way - want to get together and complain to each other?? LOL! You will be in my thoughts and prayers! Hang in there - I am! We all need each other! Love Lana I am running my psyche on fumes, there's nothing really there except habit. Sorry, sorry...this is just as useless as taking three hours to tell me they need to test me again...Ack, thhhppt, &(*^@#$.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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