Moms

[Guest guest]

Subject: Fw: MOMS

MOM - Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of

us would have done it!!!!

POSITION:

Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work

in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent

communication and organizational skills and be willing to work

variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24

hour

shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive

camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far

away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also

required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least

temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue

repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and

be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this

time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must

be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget

repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen

phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple

homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings

for

clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be

indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle

assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys,

and

battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be

prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the

quality

of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and

janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for

years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your

skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a

continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A

balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption

that college will help them become financially independent. When you die,

you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary

scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition

reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this

job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for

life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the Moms you know, in appreciation for

everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are

appreciated.