Guest guest Posted April 18, 2004 Report Share Posted April 18, 2004 Too funny...thanks for the laugh. Betty Brain Cramps > > > Brain Cramps > > Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: " I would > not live forever! , because we should not live forever, because if we > were > supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live > forever, which is why I would not live forever, " > > --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. > `````````````````````````````` > " Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the > world, > I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not > with > all those flies and death and stuff. " > > --h Carey > `````````````````````````````` > " Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of > your life, " -- Shields, during an interview to become > Spokesperson > for federal anti-smoking campaign. `````````````````````````````` > " I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body, " > --Winston , University of Kentucky basketball forward. > `````````````````````````````` > " Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates > in > the country, " > --Mayor n Barry, Washington, DC. > ````````````````````````````` > " I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are > the president. " --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of > subpoenaed > documents. ``````````````````````````````` > " That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and > I'm just the one to do it, " --A congressional candidate in Texas. > ``````````````````````````````` > " Half this game is ninety percent mental. " > --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark > ```````````````````````````````` > " It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities > in > our air and water that are doing it. " --Al Gore, Vice President > ```````````````````````````````` > " It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or > another " > -- Bush, US President > ``````````````````````````````` > " I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix. " > --Dan Quayle > ````````````````````````````` > " We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need? " > --Lee Iacocca > `````````````````````````````` > " I was provided with additional input that was radically different from > the truth. I assisted in furthering that version. " > --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. > ```````````````````````````````` > " The word " genius " isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like > Norman Einstein. " > --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. > ``````````````````````````````` > " We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of > people. " > --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. > ````````````````````````````` > " Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas. " > --Keppel Enderbery > ```````````````````````````` > " Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we > received > notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there > is a change in your circumstances. " > > --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina > ```````````````````````````` > " If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as > they > go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the > next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record. " > --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman > > ..Feeling smarter yet? Send it on to your other brilliant friends, as I > am > doing. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2004 Report Share Posted April 18, 2004 Too funny...thanks for the laugh. Betty Brain Cramps > > > Brain Cramps > > Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: " I would > not live forever! , because we should not live forever, because if we > were > supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live > forever, which is why I would not live forever, " > > --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. > `````````````````````````````` > " Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the > world, > I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not > with > all those flies and death and stuff. " > > --h Carey > `````````````````````````````` > " Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of > your life, " -- Shields, during an interview to become > Spokesperson > for federal anti-smoking campaign. `````````````````````````````` > " I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body, " > --Winston , University of Kentucky basketball forward. > `````````````````````````````` > " Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates > in > the country, " > --Mayor n Barry, Washington, DC. > ````````````````````````````` > " I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are > the president. " --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of > subpoenaed > documents. ``````````````````````````````` > " That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and > I'm just the one to do it, " --A congressional candidate in Texas. > ``````````````````````````````` > " Half this game is ninety percent mental. " > --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark > ```````````````````````````````` > " It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities > in > our air and water that are doing it. " --Al Gore, Vice President > ```````````````````````````````` > " It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or > another " > -- Bush, US President > ``````````````````````````````` > " I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix. " > --Dan Quayle > ````````````````````````````` > " We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need? " > --Lee Iacocca > `````````````````````````````` > " I was provided with additional input that was radically different from > the truth. I assisted in furthering that version. " > --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. > ```````````````````````````````` > " The word " genius " isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like > Norman Einstein. " > --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. > ``````````````````````````````` > " We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of > people. " > --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. > ````````````````````````````` > " Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas. " > --Keppel Enderbery > ```````````````````````````` > " Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we > received > notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there > is a change in your circumstances. " > > --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina > ```````````````````````````` > " If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as > they > go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the > next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record. " > --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman > > ..Feeling smarter yet? Send it on to your other brilliant friends, as I > am > doing. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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