Re: need a listening ear

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'd just go ahead and schedule a time to meet with the teacher (and if it's

conference time for you, still do so with the explanation that you need more

than the X number of minutes allotted by the conference schedule). I'd

consider the meeting a general 'how are things going' time, where you can

ask what specific activities/situations they have done to help with his

social skills, which could be an opener for a discussion about the morning

snack.

If he's getting pull out services, that should be written in his ed plan.

His plan might also stipulate that he is not to be removed for services (we

have that written into Hadley's). You might want to see if the teacher is

out of compliance by insisting that all services be out of the classroom.

I had to have a rather unpleasant conversation with a teacher recently, and

it helped to write it out first, then practice with someone. Dorky, but it

helped to take away my apprehension.

Good luck with this,

Kerry

need a listening ear

I was at my son's school today and saw something that really bothered me. I

left and went to the store, drove home, exercised and all through it I just

kept thinking about the issue. I think I just need to talk to someone to

get it off my chest before I can actually address it with the teachers.

Perhaps sharing it with my online friends here will help me, not only get

some feedback but provide a cool off time for me to get my thoughts

together.

This morning after I dropped at school and went home I realized I

forgot to send him in with breakfast money. Not really a big deal because

he eats breakfast at home every morning but because the class goes to the

cafeteria every morning for half an hour for breakfast time I give him money

so he'll have something to keep him busy. Because thrives on routine I

didn't want to mess things up with him not being able to get his food and go

through the normal routine. So I went back to school with the money.

When I got there the class was already in the process of going through the

breakfast line and sitting at their table. I walked into the cafeteria and

saw already seated with his tray at the very end of the table by

himself. There were about six other children already seated on the same

side of the table all the way at the other end. They have very long tables

that stretch across the entire cafeteria and they're about 20 seats long.

My immediate assumption was that had been separated, maybe because of

poor behavior. I saw the teacher's papers across from him. I went over to

him and started asking him why he was sitting at the end of the table away

from his friends. He talked to me but didn't really have an answer as to

why he was in that seat. I'm still thinking it's a " time out " thing and I

was concerned about that because it was only 15 minutes into the day.

So I ask the assistant, " Why is he sitting over here? "

She said, " He sits at the end so he doesn't get distracted "

My heart sunk. This was a daily routine thing! I said, " But he needs the

socialization... "

She then explained further and I realized that not all the children were

seated yet and they would end up filling that side of the table. Apparently

she lines them all up on one side of the table. There are 16 of them and

they start seating themselves at the other end of the table and then work

their way down to the end where I was standing with . The assistant did

mention though that there still is a seat empty (or maybe more?) between the

last child and . For a brief moment I was reassured that he wasn't

separated for being in trouble and he was still part of the group but after

I left and drove home I became very disappointed in this.

I'm sure has problems keeping his hands to himself when he's sandwiched

between kids and I'm sure there are lots of times he gets up and down, makes

sounds, and is a bother to other students. Keeping him apart can control

that to some extent and make it easier for the teachers as they coordinate

getting the breakfast paid and counted and helping to open food items and

assist the kids. But I feel needs to learn appropriate behavior by

being in that group. Yes, it's more work for the teacher and it can be

frustrating but I just hated to see him sitting there all alone. I realize

that eventually there would be a long line of kids there, but before they

were all seated was all by himself. It still bothered me that he

couldn't sit next to someone and needed that exrat chair space. I realized

that the way he was sitting it would mean that the person sitting next to

him would be at a distance and on his hearing aid side. He uses a CI and he

would most likely not be able to hear a child in the cafeteria two seats

away from him on his hearing aid side.

ly the teacher intimidates me. She has not been very personable or

accomodating this year. I've been picking my battles as to not disrupt

things for . He seems to like her and I don't want to end up switching

classes or making things difficult between her and I. Just to give you an

idea... she is opposed to having other adults in the room so she has

requested that all 's services be pull out. I don't think this is

appropriate, especially with the PT who works on sensory stuff with him. He

needs help working in the classroom with his peers and with transitional

periods. She also pretty much refused to change his batteries herself and

insisted that he go to the nurse's office for that. I get the feeling that

she thinks if he's being mainstreamed he needs to be just like all the other

kids and doesn't get " special treatment " I really didn't mean to get into

these issues. I just want to get some ideas as to how to approach the

lunchroom issue. Am I being too sensitive? Should I not mess with it if

's used to this seating arrangement? Do I push to incorporate him more

socially at breakfast and then risk him becoming a nuisance to the other

children and being disliked? Like I said, I don't want to pick on the

little things. I need some way to approach this issue with the teacher

without coming across as an attack. I can only anticipate her saying that

they do that because he disturbs the other children and his seating

arrangement fixes that. I need an argument to go against what " fixes " it

and that is hard for me because how do I debate her solution? I will bring

up the social aspect because he definately needs work on that. The whole

hearing issue in general has taken a back seat to his behavior issues but I

still want to be able to remind them of the listening challenges in the

cafeteria. I'm afraid she'll think I'm making excuses always coming back to

the hearing thing. I won't let her get away with that because it's a plain

fact that he has hearing loss and whether she wants to ignore that or not, I

have to look out for . Sometimes I have a hard time determining when I

should focus on the behavior or social challenges exclusively and when I

should bring in the hearing loss.

well this is getting long and I apologize... I just have so many thoughts.

K

's mom (5years old), CI at 20 months

[Guest guest]

,

No advice, since my little ones are not yet in school, but hugs to you! That

scene would be heartbreaking to me, too. No one wants to see their child

isolated from the other kids.

Edith

mom to Lidy, Mimi (both mild/mod SNHL) and Owen (hears everything...and I mean

EVERYTHING!) all almost 3

need a listening ear

I was at my son's school today and saw something that really bothered me. I

left and went to the store, drove home, exercised and all through it I just kept

thinking about the issue. I think I just need to talk to someone to get it off

my chest before I can actually address it with the teachers. Perhaps sharing it

with my online friends here will help me, not only get some feedback but provide

a cool off time for me to get my thoughts together.

This morning after I dropped at school and went home I realized I forgot

to send him in with breakfast money. Not really a big deal because he eats

breakfast at home every morning but because the class goes to the cafeteria

every morning for half an hour for breakfast time I give him money so he'll have

something to keep him busy. Because thrives on routine I didn't want to

mess things up with him not being able to get his food and go through the normal

routine. So I went back to school with the money.

When I got there the class was already in the process of going through the

breakfast line and sitting at their table. I walked into the cafeteria and saw

already seated with his tray at the very end of the table by himself.

There were about six other children already seated on the same side of the table

all the way at the other end. They have very long tables that stretch across

the entire cafeteria and they're about 20 seats long. My immediate assumption

was that had been separated, maybe because of poor behavior. I saw the

teacher's papers across from him. I went over to him and started asking him why

he was sitting at the end of the table away from his friends. He talked to me

but didn't really have an answer as to why he was in that seat. I'm still

thinking it's a " time out " thing and I was concerned about that because it was

only 15 minutes into the day.

So I ask the assistant, " Why is he sitting over here? "

She said, " He sits at the end so he doesn't get distracted "

My heart sunk. This was a daily routine thing! I said, " But he needs the

socialization... "

She then explained further and I realized that not all the children were

seated yet and they would end up filling that side of the table. Apparently she

lines them all up on one side of the table. There are 16 of them and they start

seating themselves at the other end of the table and then work their way down to

the end where I was standing with . The assistant did mention though that

there still is a seat empty (or maybe more?) between the last child and .

For a brief moment I was reassured that he wasn't separated for being in trouble

and he was still part of the group but after I left and drove home I became very

disappointed in this.

I'm sure has problems keeping his hands to himself when he's sandwiched

between kids and I'm sure there are lots of times he gets up and down, makes

sounds, and is a bother to other students. Keeping him apart can control that

to some extent and make it easier for the teachers as they coordinate getting

the breakfast paid and counted and helping to open food items and assist the

kids. But I feel needs to learn appropriate behavior by being in that

group. Yes, it's more work for the teacher and it can be frustrating but I just

hated to see him sitting there all alone. I realize that eventually there would

be a long line of kids there, but before they were all seated was all by

himself. It still bothered me that he couldn't sit next to someone and needed

that exrat chair space. I realized that the way he was sitting it would mean

that the person sitting next to him would be at a distance and on his hearing

aid side. He uses a CI and he would most likely not be able to hear a child in

the cafeteria two seats away from him on his hearing aid side.

ly the teacher intimidates me. She has not been very personable or

accomodating this year. I've been picking my battles as to not disrupt things

for . He seems to like her and I don't want to end up switching classes or

making things difficult between her and I. Just to give you an idea... she is

opposed to having other adults in the room so she has requested that all 's

services be pull out. I don't think this is appropriate, especially with the PT

who works on sensory stuff with him. He needs help working in the classroom

with his peers and with transitional periods. She also pretty much refused to

change his batteries herself and insisted that he go to the nurse's office for

that. I get the feeling that she thinks if he's being mainstreamed he needs to

be just like all the other kids and doesn't get " special treatment " I really

didn't mean to get into these issues. I just want to get some ideas as to how

to approach the lunchroom issue. Am I being too sensitive? Should I not mess

with it if 's used to this seating arrangement? Do I push to incorporate him

more socially at breakfast and then risk him becoming a nuisance to the other

children and being disliked? Like I said, I don't want to pick on the little

things. I need some way to approach this issue with the teacher without coming

across as an attack. I can only anticipate her saying that they do that because

he disturbs the other children and his seating arrangement fixes that. I need

an argument to go against what " fixes " it and that is hard for me because how do

I debate her solution? I will bring up the social aspect because he definately

needs work on that. The whole hearing issue in general has taken a back seat to

his behavior issues but I still want to be able to remind them of the listening

challenges in the cafeteria. I'm afraid she'll think I'm making excuses always

coming back to the hearing thing. I won't let her get away with that because

it's a plain fact that he has hearing loss and whether she wants to ignore that

or not, I have to look out for . Sometimes I have a hard time determining

when I should focus on the behavior or social challenges exclusively and when I

should bring in the hearing loss.

well this is getting long and I apologize... I just have so many thoughts.

K

's mom (5years old), CI at 20 months

[Guest guest]

,

No advice, since my little ones are not yet in school, but hugs to you! That

scene would be heartbreaking to me, too. No one wants to see their child

isolated from the other kids.

Edith

mom to Lidy, Mimi (both mild/mod SNHL) and Owen (hears everything...and I mean

EVERYTHING!) all almost 3

need a listening ear

I was at my son's school today and saw something that really bothered me. I

left and went to the store, drove home, exercised and all through it I just kept

thinking about the issue. I think I just need to talk to someone to get it off

my chest before I can actually address it with the teachers. Perhaps sharing it

with my online friends here will help me, not only get some feedback but provide

a cool off time for me to get my thoughts together.

This morning after I dropped at school and went home I realized I forgot

to send him in with breakfast money. Not really a big deal because he eats

breakfast at home every morning but because the class goes to the cafeteria

every morning for half an hour for breakfast time I give him money so he'll have

something to keep him busy. Because thrives on routine I didn't want to

mess things up with him not being able to get his food and go through the normal

routine. So I went back to school with the money.

When I got there the class was already in the process of going through the

breakfast line and sitting at their table. I walked into the cafeteria and saw

already seated with his tray at the very end of the table by himself.

There were about six other children already seated on the same side of the table

all the way at the other end. They have very long tables that stretch across

the entire cafeteria and they're about 20 seats long. My immediate assumption

was that had been separated, maybe because of poor behavior. I saw the

teacher's papers across from him. I went over to him and started asking him why

he was sitting at the end of the table away from his friends. He talked to me

but didn't really have an answer as to why he was in that seat. I'm still

thinking it's a " time out " thing and I was concerned about that because it was

only 15 minutes into the day.

So I ask the assistant, " Why is he sitting over here? "

She said, " He sits at the end so he doesn't get distracted "

My heart sunk. This was a daily routine thing! I said, " But he needs the

socialization... "

She then explained further and I realized that not all the children were

seated yet and they would end up filling that side of the table. Apparently she

lines them all up on one side of the table. There are 16 of them and they start

seating themselves at the other end of the table and then work their way down to

the end where I was standing with . The assistant did mention though that

there still is a seat empty (or maybe more?) between the last child and .

For a brief moment I was reassured that he wasn't separated for being in trouble

and he was still part of the group but after I left and drove home I became very

disappointed in this.

I'm sure has problems keeping his hands to himself when he's sandwiched

between kids and I'm sure there are lots of times he gets up and down, makes

sounds, and is a bother to other students. Keeping him apart can control that

to some extent and make it easier for the teachers as they coordinate getting

the breakfast paid and counted and helping to open food items and assist the

kids. But I feel needs to learn appropriate behavior by being in that

group. Yes, it's more work for the teacher and it can be frustrating but I just

hated to see him sitting there all alone. I realize that eventually there would

be a long line of kids there, but before they were all seated was all by

himself. It still bothered me that he couldn't sit next to someone and needed

that exrat chair space. I realized that the way he was sitting it would mean

that the person sitting next to him would be at a distance and on his hearing

aid side. He uses a CI and he would most likely not be able to hear a child in

the cafeteria two seats away from him on his hearing aid side.

ly the teacher intimidates me. She has not been very personable or

accomodating this year. I've been picking my battles as to not disrupt things

for . He seems to like her and I don't want to end up switching classes or

making things difficult between her and I. Just to give you an idea... she is

opposed to having other adults in the room so she has requested that all 's

services be pull out. I don't think this is appropriate, especially with the PT

who works on sensory stuff with him. He needs help working in the classroom

with his peers and with transitional periods. She also pretty much refused to

change his batteries herself and insisted that he go to the nurse's office for

that. I get the feeling that she thinks if he's being mainstreamed he needs to

be just like all the other kids and doesn't get " special treatment " I really

didn't mean to get into these issues. I just want to get some ideas as to how

to approach the lunchroom issue. Am I being too sensitive? Should I not mess

with it if 's used to this seating arrangement? Do I push to incorporate him

more socially at breakfast and then risk him becoming a nuisance to the other

children and being disliked? Like I said, I don't want to pick on the little

things. I need some way to approach this issue with the teacher without coming

across as an attack. I can only anticipate her saying that they do that because

he disturbs the other children and his seating arrangement fixes that. I need

an argument to go against what " fixes " it and that is hard for me because how do

I debate her solution? I will bring up the social aspect because he definately

needs work on that. The whole hearing issue in general has taken a back seat to

his behavior issues but I still want to be able to remind them of the listening

challenges in the cafeteria. I'm afraid she'll think I'm making excuses always

coming back to the hearing thing. I won't let her get away with that because

it's a plain fact that he has hearing loss and whether she wants to ignore that

or not, I have to look out for . Sometimes I have a hard time determining

when I should focus on the behavior or social challenges exclusively and when I

should bring in the hearing loss.

well this is getting long and I apologize... I just have so many thoughts.

K

's mom (5years old), CI at 20 months

[Guest guest]

,

No advice, since my little ones are not yet in school, but hugs to you! That

scene would be heartbreaking to me, too. No one wants to see their child

isolated from the other kids.

Edith

mom to Lidy, Mimi (both mild/mod SNHL) and Owen (hears everything...and I mean

EVERYTHING!) all almost 3

need a listening ear

I was at my son's school today and saw something that really bothered me. I

left and went to the store, drove home, exercised and all through it I just kept

thinking about the issue. I think I just need to talk to someone to get it off

my chest before I can actually address it with the teachers. Perhaps sharing it

with my online friends here will help me, not only get some feedback but provide

a cool off time for me to get my thoughts together.

This morning after I dropped at school and went home I realized I forgot

to send him in with breakfast money. Not really a big deal because he eats

breakfast at home every morning but because the class goes to the cafeteria

every morning for half an hour for breakfast time I give him money so he'll have

something to keep him busy. Because thrives on routine I didn't want to

mess things up with him not being able to get his food and go through the normal

routine. So I went back to school with the money.

When I got there the class was already in the process of going through the

breakfast line and sitting at their table. I walked into the cafeteria and saw

already seated with his tray at the very end of the table by himself.

There were about six other children already seated on the same side of the table

all the way at the other end. They have very long tables that stretch across

the entire cafeteria and they're about 20 seats long. My immediate assumption

was that had been separated, maybe because of poor behavior. I saw the

teacher's papers across from him. I went over to him and started asking him why

he was sitting at the end of the table away from his friends. He talked to me

but didn't really have an answer as to why he was in that seat. I'm still

thinking it's a " time out " thing and I was concerned about that because it was

only 15 minutes into the day.

So I ask the assistant, " Why is he sitting over here? "

She said, " He sits at the end so he doesn't get distracted "

My heart sunk. This was a daily routine thing! I said, " But he needs the

socialization... "

She then explained further and I realized that not all the children were

seated yet and they would end up filling that side of the table. Apparently she

lines them all up on one side of the table. There are 16 of them and they start

seating themselves at the other end of the table and then work their way down to

the end where I was standing with . The assistant did mention though that

there still is a seat empty (or maybe more?) between the last child and .

For a brief moment I was reassured that he wasn't separated for being in trouble

and he was still part of the group but after I left and drove home I became very

disappointed in this.

I'm sure has problems keeping his hands to himself when he's sandwiched

between kids and I'm sure there are lots of times he gets up and down, makes

sounds, and is a bother to other students. Keeping him apart can control that

to some extent and make it easier for the teachers as they coordinate getting

the breakfast paid and counted and helping to open food items and assist the

kids. But I feel needs to learn appropriate behavior by being in that

group. Yes, it's more work for the teacher and it can be frustrating but I just

hated to see him sitting there all alone. I realize that eventually there would

be a long line of kids there, but before they were all seated was all by

himself. It still bothered me that he couldn't sit next to someone and needed

that exrat chair space. I realized that the way he was sitting it would mean

that the person sitting next to him would be at a distance and on his hearing

aid side. He uses a CI and he would most likely not be able to hear a child in

the cafeteria two seats away from him on his hearing aid side.

ly the teacher intimidates me. She has not been very personable or

accomodating this year. I've been picking my battles as to not disrupt things

for . He seems to like her and I don't want to end up switching classes or

making things difficult between her and I. Just to give you an idea... she is

opposed to having other adults in the room so she has requested that all 's

services be pull out. I don't think this is appropriate, especially with the PT

who works on sensory stuff with him. He needs help working in the classroom

with his peers and with transitional periods. She also pretty much refused to

change his batteries herself and insisted that he go to the nurse's office for

that. I get the feeling that she thinks if he's being mainstreamed he needs to

be just like all the other kids and doesn't get " special treatment " I really

didn't mean to get into these issues. I just want to get some ideas as to how

to approach the lunchroom issue. Am I being too sensitive? Should I not mess

with it if 's used to this seating arrangement? Do I push to incorporate him

more socially at breakfast and then risk him becoming a nuisance to the other

children and being disliked? Like I said, I don't want to pick on the little

things. I need some way to approach this issue with the teacher without coming

across as an attack. I can only anticipate her saying that they do that because

he disturbs the other children and his seating arrangement fixes that. I need

an argument to go against what " fixes " it and that is hard for me because how do

I debate her solution? I will bring up the social aspect because he definately

needs work on that. The whole hearing issue in general has taken a back seat to

his behavior issues but I still want to be able to remind them of the listening

challenges in the cafeteria. I'm afraid she'll think I'm making excuses always

coming back to the hearing thing. I won't let her get away with that because

it's a plain fact that he has hearing loss and whether she wants to ignore that

or not, I have to look out for . Sometimes I have a hard time determining

when I should focus on the behavior or social challenges exclusively and when I

should bring in the hearing loss.

well this is getting long and I apologize... I just have so many thoughts.

K

's mom (5years old), CI at 20 months

[Guest guest]

Hi - I like Kerry's way of writing out what you're going to say and

then rehearing it - we're a good group to practice on!

I think that any deaf or hard of hearing kid needs to be helped along

with social issues. We had them built into both boys' IEPs when they

were younger and I think it's helped a bunch. Is it possible that

could sit at that end of the table but still be with a buddy or two (and

have the buddy on the CI side, not the hearing aid side)? I think its

important... I'd also say that if your cafeteria is like most, it's

acoustically horrible so may be hard for him to be in there anyhow. Any

possibility that and maybe a friend could eat breakfast in another

classroom? I know my older son can't hear at all in the cafe...

I know how your heart hurts - I'd feel the same way if it were one of my

boys...

Barbara

Kearns wrote:

> I was at my son's school today and saw something that really bothered

> me. I left and went to the store, drove home, exercised and all

> through it I just kept thinking about the issue. I think I just need

> to talk to someone to get it off my chest before I can actually

> address it with the teachers. Perhaps sharing it with my online

> friends here will help me, not only get some feedback but provide a

> cool off time for me to get my thoughts together.

>

> This morning after I dropped at school and went home I realized I

> forgot to send him in with breakfast money. Not really a big deal

> because he eats breakfast at home every morning but because the class

> goes to the cafeteria every morning for half an hour for breakfast

> time I give him money so he'll have something to keep him busy.

> Because thrives on routine I didn't want to mess things up with

> him not being able to get his food and go through the normal routine.

> So I went back to school with the money.

>

> When I got there the class was already in the process of going through

> the breakfast line and sitting at their table. I walked into the

> cafeteria and saw already seated with his tray at the very end of

> the table by himself. There were about six other children already

> seated on the same side of the table all the way at the other end.

> They have very long tables that stretch across the entire cafeteria

> and they're about 20 seats long. My immediate assumption was that

> had been separated, maybe because of poor behavior. I saw the

> teacher's papers across from him. I went over to him and started

> asking him why he was sitting at the end of the table away from his

> friends. He talked to me but didn't really have an answer as to why

> he was in that seat. I'm still thinking it's a " time out " thing and I

> was concerned about that because it was only 15 minutes into the day.

>

> So I ask the assistant, " Why is he sitting over here? "

> She said, " He sits at the end so he doesn't get distracted "

> My heart sunk. This was a daily routine thing! I said, " But he needs

> the socialization... "

> She then explained further and I realized that not all the children

> were seated yet and they would end up filling that side of the table.

> Apparently she lines them all up on one side of the table. There are

> 16 of them and they start seating themselves at the other end of the

> table and then work their way down to the end where I was standing

> with . The assistant did mention though that there still is a

> seat empty (or maybe more?) between the last child and . For a

> brief moment I was reassured that he wasn't separated for being in

> trouble and he was still part of the group but after I left and drove

> home I became very disappointed in this.

>

> I'm sure has problems keeping his hands to himself when he's

> sandwiched between kids and I'm sure there are lots of times he gets

> up and down, makes sounds, and is a bother to other students. Keeping

> him apart can control that to some extent and make it easier for the

> teachers as they coordinate getting the breakfast paid and counted and

> helping to open food items and assist the kids. But I feel needs

> to learn appropriate behavior by being in that group. Yes, it's more

> work for the teacher and it can be frustrating but I just hated to see

> him sitting there all alone. I realize that eventually there would be

> a long line of kids there, but before they were all seated was

> all by himself. It still bothered me that he couldn't sit next to

> someone and needed that exrat chair space. I realized that the way he

> was sitting it would mean that the person sitting next to him would be

> at a distance and on his hearing aid side. He u! ses a CI and he

> would most likely not be able to hear a child in the cafeteria two

> seats away from him on his hearing aid side.

>

> ly the teacher intimidates me. She has not been very personable

> or accomodating this year. I've been picking my battles as to not

> disrupt things for . He seems to like her and I don't want to end

> up switching classes or making things difficult between her and I.

> Just to give you an idea... she is opposed to having other adults in

> the room so she has requested that all 's services be pull out. I

> don't think this is appropriate, especially with the PT who works on

> sensory stuff with him. He needs help working in the classroom with

> his peers and with transitional periods. She also pretty much refused

> to change his batteries herself and insisted that he go to the nurse's

> office for that. I get the feeling that she thinks if he's being

> mainstreamed he needs to be just like all the other kids and doesn't

> get " special treatment " I really didn't mean to get into these

> issues. I just want to get some i! deas as to how to approach the

> lunchroom issue. Am I being too sensitive? Should I not mess with it

> if 's used to this seating arrangement? Do I push to incorporate

> him more socially at breakfast and then risk him becoming a nuisance

> to the other children and being disliked? Like I said, I don't want

> to pick on the little things. I need some way to approach this issue

> with the teacher without coming across as an attack. I can only

> anticipate her saying that they do that because he disturbs the other

> children and his seating arrangement fixes that. I need an argument

> to go against what " fixes " it and that is hard for me because how do I

> debate her solution? I will bring up the social aspect because he

> definately needs work on that. The whole hearing issue in general has

> taken a back seat to his behavior issues but I still want to be able

> to remind them of the listening challenges in the cafeteria. I'm

> afraid! she'll think I'm making excuses always coming back to the

> hearing thi ng. I won't let her get away with that because it's a

> plain fact that he has hearing loss and whether she wants to ignore

> that or not, I have to look out for . Sometimes I have a hard

> time determining when I should focus on the behavior or social

> challenges exclusively and when I should bring in the hearing loss.

> well this is getting long and I apologize... I just have so many thoughts.

>

> K

> 's mom (5years old), CI at 20 months

>

> [

[Guest guest]

Hi - I like Kerry's way of writing out what you're going to say and

then rehearing it - we're a good group to practice on!

I think that any deaf or hard of hearing kid needs to be helped along

with social issues. We had them built into both boys' IEPs when they

were younger and I think it's helped a bunch. Is it possible that

could sit at that end of the table but still be with a buddy or two (and

have the buddy on the CI side, not the hearing aid side)? I think its

important... I'd also say that if your cafeteria is like most, it's

acoustically horrible so may be hard for him to be in there anyhow. Any

possibility that and maybe a friend could eat breakfast in another

classroom? I know my older son can't hear at all in the cafe...

I know how your heart hurts - I'd feel the same way if it were one of my

boys...

Barbara

Kearns wrote:

> I was at my son's school today and saw something that really bothered

> me. I left and went to the store, drove home, exercised and all

> through it I just kept thinking about the issue. I think I just need

> to talk to someone to get it off my chest before I can actually

> address it with the teachers. Perhaps sharing it with my online

> friends here will help me, not only get some feedback but provide a

> cool off time for me to get my thoughts together.

>

> This morning after I dropped at school and went home I realized I

> forgot to send him in with breakfast money. Not really a big deal

> because he eats breakfast at home every morning but because the class

> goes to the cafeteria every morning for half an hour for breakfast

> time I give him money so he'll have something to keep him busy.

> Because thrives on routine I didn't want to mess things up with

> him not being able to get his food and go through the normal routine.

> So I went back to school with the money.

>

> When I got there the class was already in the process of going through

> the breakfast line and sitting at their table. I walked into the

> cafeteria and saw already seated with his tray at the very end of

> the table by himself. There were about six other children already

> seated on the same side of the table all the way at the other end.

> They have very long tables that stretch across the entire cafeteria

> and they're about 20 seats long. My immediate assumption was that

> had been separated, maybe because of poor behavior. I saw the

> teacher's papers across from him. I went over to him and started

> asking him why he was sitting at the end of the table away from his

> friends. He talked to me but didn't really have an answer as to why

> he was in that seat. I'm still thinking it's a " time out " thing and I

> was concerned about that because it was only 15 minutes into the day.

>

> So I ask the assistant, " Why is he sitting over here? "

> She said, " He sits at the end so he doesn't get distracted "

> My heart sunk. This was a daily routine thing! I said, " But he needs

> the socialization... "

> She then explained further and I realized that not all the children

> were seated yet and they would end up filling that side of the table.

> Apparently she lines them all up on one side of the table. There are

> 16 of them and they start seating themselves at the other end of the

> table and then work their way down to the end where I was standing

> with . The assistant did mention though that there still is a

> seat empty (or maybe more?) between the last child and . For a

> brief moment I was reassured that he wasn't separated for being in

> trouble and he was still part of the group but after I left and drove

> home I became very disappointed in this.

>

> I'm sure has problems keeping his hands to himself when he's

> sandwiched between kids and I'm sure there are lots of times he gets

> up and down, makes sounds, and is a bother to other students. Keeping

> him apart can control that to some extent and make it easier for the

> teachers as they coordinate getting the breakfast paid and counted and

> helping to open food items and assist the kids. But I feel needs

> to learn appropriate behavior by being in that group. Yes, it's more

> work for the teacher and it can be frustrating but I just hated to see

> him sitting there all alone. I realize that eventually there would be

> a long line of kids there, but before they were all seated was

> all by himself. It still bothered me that he couldn't sit next to

> someone and needed that exrat chair space. I realized that the way he

> was sitting it would mean that the person sitting next to him would be

> at a distance and on his hearing aid side. He u! ses a CI and he

> would most likely not be able to hear a child in the cafeteria two

> seats away from him on his hearing aid side.

>

> ly the teacher intimidates me. She has not been very personable

> or accomodating this year. I've been picking my battles as to not

> disrupt things for . He seems to like her and I don't want to end

> up switching classes or making things difficult between her and I.

> Just to give you an idea... she is opposed to having other adults in

> the room so she has requested that all 's services be pull out. I

> don't think this is appropriate, especially with the PT who works on

> sensory stuff with him. He needs help working in the classroom with

> his peers and with transitional periods. She also pretty much refused

> to change his batteries herself and insisted that he go to the nurse's

> office for that. I get the feeling that she thinks if he's being

> mainstreamed he needs to be just like all the other kids and doesn't

> get " special treatment " I really didn't mean to get into these

> issues. I just want to get some i! deas as to how to approach the

> lunchroom issue. Am I being too sensitive? Should I not mess with it

> if 's used to this seating arrangement? Do I push to incorporate

> him more socially at breakfast and then risk him becoming a nuisance

> to the other children and being disliked? Like I said, I don't want

> to pick on the little things. I need some way to approach this issue

> with the teacher without coming across as an attack. I can only

> anticipate her saying that they do that because he disturbs the other

> children and his seating arrangement fixes that. I need an argument

> to go against what " fixes " it and that is hard for me because how do I

> debate her solution? I will bring up the social aspect because he

> definately needs work on that. The whole hearing issue in general has

> taken a back seat to his behavior issues but I still want to be able

> to remind them of the listening challenges in the cafeteria. I'm

> afraid! she'll think I'm making excuses always coming back to the

> hearing thi ng. I won't let her get away with that because it's a

> plain fact that he has hearing loss and whether she wants to ignore

> that or not, I have to look out for . Sometimes I have a hard

> time determining when I should focus on the behavior or social

> challenges exclusively and when I should bring in the hearing loss.

> well this is getting long and I apologize... I just have so many thoughts.

>

> K

> 's mom (5years old), CI at 20 months

>

> [

[Guest guest]

I feel your heart too, I think any of us on the list does. I think

you are NOT being too sensitive - nobody wants their child feeling

left out! Hayley was in a special day class and she was the only

deaf in school once she moved onto middle school. Everyone else was

hearing or hard of hearing. Last year when we were getting ready to

move, I was going thru some of her papers and I saw a worksheet which

the kid was supposed to write what was different about them and what

was the same. For different Hayley wrote " I am the only deaf in

school " . But, I have to say, that had Hayley stayed at this school,

she would have been okay- she had made some hearing friends that

liked learning sign language. At WPSD she is right at home though

and communication is effortless. But that is all another story!

Sorry for digressing.

--> I know how your heart hurts - I'd feel the same way if it were

one of my > boys...

I think you DO need to call a meeting or possibly even write an email

to the teacher outlining your concerns and then go observe to ensure

it's happened. I see that is only five so you are right to be

concerned. Don't let that teacher intimidate you. I know it is hard

not to; they always seem to " know more " than us. That teacher also

has a lot of kids to be dealing with - does have an aide in the

classroom that can help him sort things out as his listening skills

get to where you want them?

I wish I could help more but Hayley has only been in SDC or now the

deaf school. I wish you and all the best - and good for you for

getting in there and seeing things!

[Guest guest]

,

This teacher sounds as though SHE needs an education! I volunteered

in my son's kindergarten class last week and there is a special needs

child in that class. She is not D/HOH but she has an aide with her

all the time, she is in a walker/wheelchair, and she receives OT and

speech services in the classroom. I thought it was great how the

other kids interacted with her and she is a contributing member of

the class. The service providers (besides her full-time aide) came

in the class during the " centers " time, where all the kids are doing

their own thing at one of seven centers in the classroom. There was

no disruption to the class at all because everyone was working on

their own puzzle, math sheet, computer, game, etc. and was allowed to

be talking to the other kids at their center. For this teacher to

say she doesn't want other adults in the classroom is, to me, a sign

that she is insecure or not confident with her own abilities.

Otherwise, why would she care if there was someone else in the

classroom with her? Certainly, the other children wouldn't care and

they probably wouldn't even notice.

I'm not sure what 's issues are but when you said he has a hard

time keeping his hands to himself, I thought " don't most 5-year-

olds??? " Sometimes, the only way kids learn how to behave around

each other is by peer pressure and peer feedback. If the other kids

don't like something that is doing, would they tell him and

would he care about how they feel? If he cares about what they say,

he would change his behavior to fit in. Little kids don't hold

grudges and tend to forgive and forget rather easily. I tend to let

kids deal with " little people problems " on their own. That is how

they learn to grow up.

Definitely ask for a meeting with this teacher to see if you can work

out your issues between the two of you. If that doesn't work, then

ask for another IEP meeting and bring up the same issues. No need to

feel intimidated! We're all behind you on this!

Cherie

, 6, and Grace, 3.8, deaf and getting a CI on 12/19

[Guest guest]

,

This teacher sounds as though SHE needs an education! I volunteered

in my son's kindergarten class last week and there is a special needs

child in that class. She is not D/HOH but she has an aide with her

all the time, she is in a walker/wheelchair, and she receives OT and

speech services in the classroom. I thought it was great how the

other kids interacted with her and she is a contributing member of

the class. The service providers (besides her full-time aide) came

in the class during the " centers " time, where all the kids are doing

their own thing at one of seven centers in the classroom. There was

no disruption to the class at all because everyone was working on

their own puzzle, math sheet, computer, game, etc. and was allowed to

be talking to the other kids at their center. For this teacher to

say she doesn't want other adults in the classroom is, to me, a sign

that she is insecure or not confident with her own abilities.

Otherwise, why would she care if there was someone else in the

classroom with her? Certainly, the other children wouldn't care and

they probably wouldn't even notice.

I'm not sure what 's issues are but when you said he has a hard

time keeping his hands to himself, I thought " don't most 5-year-

olds??? " Sometimes, the only way kids learn how to behave around

each other is by peer pressure and peer feedback. If the other kids

don't like something that is doing, would they tell him and

would he care about how they feel? If he cares about what they say,

he would change his behavior to fit in. Little kids don't hold

grudges and tend to forgive and forget rather easily. I tend to let

kids deal with " little people problems " on their own. That is how

they learn to grow up.

Definitely ask for a meeting with this teacher to see if you can work

out your issues between the two of you. If that doesn't work, then

ask for another IEP meeting and bring up the same issues. No need to

feel intimidated! We're all behind you on this!

Cherie

, 6, and Grace, 3.8, deaf and getting a CI on 12/19

[Guest guest]

,

This teacher sounds as though SHE needs an education! I volunteered

in my son's kindergarten class last week and there is a special needs

child in that class. She is not D/HOH but she has an aide with her

all the time, she is in a walker/wheelchair, and she receives OT and

speech services in the classroom. I thought it was great how the

other kids interacted with her and she is a contributing member of

the class. The service providers (besides her full-time aide) came

in the class during the " centers " time, where all the kids are doing

their own thing at one of seven centers in the classroom. There was

no disruption to the class at all because everyone was working on

their own puzzle, math sheet, computer, game, etc. and was allowed to

be talking to the other kids at their center. For this teacher to

say she doesn't want other adults in the classroom is, to me, a sign

that she is insecure or not confident with her own abilities.

Otherwise, why would she care if there was someone else in the

classroom with her? Certainly, the other children wouldn't care and

they probably wouldn't even notice.

I'm not sure what 's issues are but when you said he has a hard

time keeping his hands to himself, I thought " don't most 5-year-

olds??? " Sometimes, the only way kids learn how to behave around

each other is by peer pressure and peer feedback. If the other kids

don't like something that is doing, would they tell him and

would he care about how they feel? If he cares about what they say,

he would change his behavior to fit in. Little kids don't hold

grudges and tend to forgive and forget rather easily. I tend to let

kids deal with " little people problems " on their own. That is how

they learn to grow up.

Definitely ask for a meeting with this teacher to see if you can work

out your issues between the two of you. If that doesn't work, then

ask for another IEP meeting and bring up the same issues. No need to

feel intimidated! We're all behind you on this!

Cherie

, 6, and Grace, 3.8, deaf and getting a CI on 12/19