Really need a hug - bit OT

April 22, 2004

I really apologise for this, but I think the night-time is getting

the better of me and I just really need to talk and hug someone. I

have managed pretty well through the day when there have been

distractions, but now that I'm alone with only the empty, lonely

night my sadness and bitter sweet memories are getting the better of

me.

Today should have been the birthday of the man I love, but in 1999 I

actually saw him die in a horendous car accident. It's almost five

years now since I lost him, but I still miss him so much. His death

hit me incredibly hard as he was so full of live and epitomised the

future, yet here at 24 he was gone and I no longer had one of the

most wonderful, driving forces in my life. I did a hell of a lot of

crying and almost had a nervous breakdown after his death, until I

started remembering everything he stood for especially his way of

loving every minute of life. I realised that Greg wouldn't want me

to waste time crying, he would want me to use the gift that had been

cruelly taken form him - life.

The best memorial I could give him would be to continue living and

making the most of every moment, a lesson that has helped me acheive

some very special things and has been crucially important to me in

fighting my health induced restriction, pain and frustrations. He

may have died far too young, but he achieved more in those tender

years than most people I know in their 70's...and his legacy will

live on too. Greg was one of the kindest, loving, generous men I

have ever known, and I still believe his final and best gift to me

came when he left - the courage to keep living and enjoying life no

matter what it throws at me. A precious gift indeed.

Gosh I'm so sorry for this waffle, you don't need to know any of

this, I guess I just needed to talk about the person who was my

beloved friend while with me and is my constant inspiration even now

he's not. Thank you for letting me remember and sit here crying for

all I lost and all I gained.

Love and hugs....Jo

xxx

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