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Ah, ****. Lost another large chunk of a molar. This one's gotta go now --

not that I guess it had much of a chance for some time. And when it goes, so

does the one behind it that's already loose. At least it doesn't hurt.

Like my thumbs, particularly my right. Probably one of the sharpest joint

pains I've had for some time, and nothing's killing it for very long. The

migraine's have hurt worse, but... I've been trying to be so careful as I've

been

working on music, still I went too far. Last night I couldn't manage to turn

pages...so:

I have to go see my orthopod again (I'd been thinking about it), see about

finally getting some finger splints perhaps, maybe Medicare will actually cover

some cost. Also have to get a dentist faster than three months away....what

fun. It's been an absolutely awful week for pain, since last Sunday -- and now

it's worse. Delightful.

And Social Security sent me this lovely " Ticket to Work and Self-Sufficiency "

in nice big red letters. According to the letter, I can try to go back to

work through their approved agencies! These agencies can even get in touch with

me without my prior consent...and, although I'm under no obligation to do this,

if and as long as I DO try to work with one of their agencies, they promise

not to put me under medical review! Isn't that a nice touch of extortion, in

the last year of my first term as a state-approved handicapped person?

Oh, *&!@%. If I could do anything other than fifteen minutes of work at a

time, or more than an hour or two a day, I wouldn't be wasting it with their

approved agencies. I'd be doing housework. Or any of the literally dozens of

creative projects I've had to abandon. I might even be able to go sleep without

waking up gasping for air thinking I can't breathe. Drowning in air (a

description of emphysema)...what I felt like as I woke up about a half dozen

times last

night, panicked to all heaven...how nice. A " Ticket to Work and

Self-Sufficiency. " Can they button my shirtsleeves for me, too, please?

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