Hunkering Down Manual-Part 2

[Guest guest]

Ok, for all of you who need to get to work...

Here goes.

Gloria

Winter Survival and Hunkering Down Manual: Part Two

© Gloria Durland Slater 1999

Last time I shared with you Part One of the updated, new and

revised version of my Winter Survival and Hunkering Down Manual.

This time I bring you Part Two. Let's start with;

1. Cabin Fever

Should you find yourself or a family member engaging in any

of the following activities; peeling wallpaper off a wall that is NOT

wallpapered, tying threads to the legs of flies to make tiny

helicopters, eating entire jars of FlutterNutter in one sitting, or

rewiring the toaster while standing in a metal pan of water, then

it's a sure bet that they've come down with a nasty case of

cabin

fever.

There is no known cure for this dreaded malady but there are

many ways to make the victim more comfortable until spring arrives.

Here are but a few suggestions.

Cut words out of magazines and use them to send amusing letters to

your neighbors. Anonymously, of course.

Thaw out all those Zip-Loc bags of unrecognizable leftovers and

prepare one gigantic casserole. Make a family game out of guessing

what is in it. The most accurate guess has to actually eat it.

Mom, help the kids make their own Mr. Potato Head out of real spuds.

Use marbles for eyes, pencils for arms, coat hanger glasses,

Grandpa's toupee and Grandma's dentures.

Do a post mortem on your dead houseplants

Turn your pole barn into a sauna by using leftover charcoal from the

grill, picnic benches and 743 teakettles of boiling water.

See how many Presidents' faces you can find in the ice crystal

patterns on your windows. Extra points for First Ladies.

Now let`s discuss;

2. Getting To Work

It's 7:00am. You've bathed in a metal pan of melted snow

that you warmed on the wood stove because once again your power is

out, you've eaten a half-defrosted Red Baron Pizza for breakfast,

you've shoveled out the car and the driveway, while you've

watched

helplessly as the snow plow walls you back in, you've snapped off

your car key in the frozen lock, you've tracked snow and mud

through

the house to retrieve another key, you've returned to the car

after

slipping on the icy sidewalk and scattering the contents of your

lunch bag across the yard, you've gotten the car door open, sat

down,

closed your coattail in the door, turned the key and...

NOTHING.

You open the car door, you step out into the only shovelful

of snow that you missed, you slam the door leaving the seatbelt

dangling in the snow, you return to the house, side-stepping the

slippery walk only to find the hidden landmine deposited by the

neighbors dog, you remove the offensive shoe and disgustedly throw it

into the road, as the once again, well-timed snowplow pushes it down

the street and out of sight, you hop the rest of the way to the front

door, you break the door key in the frozen lock, you hop around to

the back where you keep a spare key hidden under the ummm...the

hmmm...where is that stupid...

you break a window, enter the house and do the only logical thing.

Call in sick.

[Guest guest]

LMAO!! Too funny! I know the feeling of that snow plow pushing the snow back into the driveway!

I went out the other day and bought one of those jump start things. I had to use it this morning!! They work fantastic!