2nd attempt to send post to Shandi

[Guest guest]

Firstly Iam wondering if this post will even make it into yahoo as

my posts are getting lost..except for the posts where i write " where

are my posts " they seem to always make it thru...weird that huh?

ok..i have money and they make me food and wash my clothes and dont

ask me to do chores( they gave up long time ago) its emotional

support i need.. i think.. i dont know... I love my paretns but i

just dont connect with them when it comes to being sick..

I feel judged by them all the time..constantly iam worrying about

what they think..and this comes from the " never doing anything

right: upbringing...

i strive for the attnention but mostly for there praise..somedays

all i want is for them to say.. you did right..but always its..yes

thats good BUT..or WELL... You shouldnt have... sigh.

I cant be me around them...i cant cry with the pain and I cant tell

the truth how I feel..

the other week i burst into tears after my father accused me of

having an argument with my BF (he caught me crying online and

preusmed it was over a e-mail with BF) automatically it was my fault.

and i burst and told him he was wrong..that i was crying cause my

life was horrible and i didnt want to live it anymore... well i

screamed it at him.. U know what his reply was..

Shhh keep your voice down the neighbours will here.

later he came and kissed me on the cheek and apologised..but for me

it was too little too late... the other day he brought me flowers

and kissed me on the cheek and said here I love you..

I know he loves me..what i want is him to pat me on the head and

tell me Iam doing something right...

ok...crying again..

sigh

too many issues..too much pain..too little strength

>> Dove...I guess my name does sound sort of Indian but I can

assure

> you I am pasty french canadian by blood. Don't worry about

> forgetting questions....I seem to be forgetting everything

> lately...sometimes I can sit here for an hour and wonder what I

> should eat. Ugh. I know what you mean about asking people for

help.

> You ask someone to listen....they instead want to advise you

instead

> of being a shoulder to cry on. With my parents....they just aren't

> compassionate types, so I make my needs very specific. I need

money.

> I need help with such and such. Sometimes I don't even get that

> much, but I end up asking them for non emotional things. Bleh.

>

> Shandi

[Guest guest]

In @y..., " brokendovebird " wrote:---

> i strive for the attnention but mostly for there praise..somedays

> all i want is for them to say.. you did right..but always its..yes

> thats good BUT..or WELL... You shouldnt have... sigh.

>

> I cant be me around them...i cant cry with the pain and I cant tell

> the truth how I feel..

>

> the other week i burst into tears after my father accused me of

> having an argument with my BF (he caught me crying online and

> preusmed it was over a e-mail with BF) automatically it was my

fault.

> and i burst and told him he was wrong..that i was crying cause my

> life was horrible and i didnt want to live it anymore... well i

> screamed it at him.. U know what his reply was..

>

> Shhh keep your voice down the neighbours will here.

>

> later he came and kissed me on the cheek and apologised..but for me

> it was too little too late... the other day he brought me flowers

> and kissed me on the cheek and said here I love you..

>

> I know he loves me..what i want is him to pat me on the head and

> tell me Iam doing something right...

>

> ok...crying again..

> sigh

>

> too many issues..too much pain..too little strength

Brokendove,

I'm so sorry. That's a hard thing to live with. It does seem like

your father is trying. Maybe a little late, but he is trying, it

seems. I know this won't help, but remember, your parents are

probably trying to overcome their own fears and shortcomings brought

on by their upbringing. Maybe when your father says things like you

had a fight with your boyfriend, hes' not judging you, but trying to

help you. All men want to fix things. Maybe he might be rough about

the way he goes about it, but maybe that's what he's trying to do.

Remember, you have done everything RIGHT. Life is learning, which

includes making mistakes(many, many mistakes, especially if your like

me :-)), not being perfect. In fact, you're perfect in and of

yourself, just by being yourself. The harder you are on yourself, the

more it seems like others are judging you. Be kind to yourself, and

remember you're doing a good job at being you.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

Dove,

I am so sorry you are feeling so depressed again! It sounds like you

are missing out on a lot of positive stuff because the depression can

be so blinding, if that makes sense.

It sounds like your parents do love you, they just don't express it

in the way you like or are comfortable with...like you long for one

form of validation and they offer another. Sounds like a lack of

communication, of just saying, hey I want emotional support. It also

may be that you have one of those families where it's hard to be open

about feelings. I dont know.

My parents don't touch me. They never come to visit, despite my

imploring them for help with going to the laundromat, cleaning,

fixing things. They never tell me they love me, and when I do ask for

money, they give it to me, after much messing around, complaining,

and making me feel like I am taking a handout. I have supported

myself for a while, but that accomplishment seems lost on them when I

ask for help. I have come to realize my parents will never change,

and it's not about ME! They're the ones missing out. I'm grateful for

their money, but I ignore the crap that comes with it. If they never

believe I have an illness, whatever. I am trying to stay on my own,

and if I had to go live with them, I'd probably pop pills. As long as

I don't have to...it's all good.

Remember your parents approval or disapproval doesn't make you a good

or bad person. It's your own opinion that matters. If someone doesn't

appreciate you, it's not a reflection of you, it's a reflection of

their inability to be grateful for what they have. Parents can be

wonderful, but after a while, we have to leave baggage with them

behind and be our own people, not letting them downgrade us long

after they shouldn't have the power to do so. My parents are some of

the most self esteem killing verbally abusive people I have ever

known, and if I held onto that, I would have slit my wrists a long

time ago for feeling so bad.

it all comes back to what the others are saying. Happiness resides

soley in yourself. Letting other people control our happiness to the

point we're depressed just isn't fair to ourselves. You deserve

better dove! Remember you can't control them, but you can control

yourself.

Shandi

> >> Dove...I guess my name does sound sort of Indian but I can

> assure

> > you I am pasty french canadian by blood. Don't worry about

> > forgetting questions....I seem to be forgetting everything

> > lately...sometimes I can sit here for an hour and wonder what I

> > should eat. Ugh. I know what you mean about asking people for

> help.

> > You ask someone to listen....they instead want to advise you

> instead

> > of being a shoulder to cry on. With my parents....they just

aren't

> > compassionate types, so I make my needs very specific. I need

> money.

> > I need help with such and such. Sometimes I don't even get that

> > much, but I end up asking them for non emotional things. Bleh.

> >

> > Shandi