Re: Whoa, there, Nellie

[Guest guest]

Helloooo out there? Is this still the Fibro/CFS group? I thought maybe I'd

joined a group that I didn't know I'd joined....lol. I am just trying to

make it a littler lighter here for everyone. I'm not sure what went on and I

don't think I want to anymore though. Seems like we might all be a bit short

tempered. I really think it's the weather. I know I feel it to and this is

the year that's supposed to better I thought? Anyway, better times and much

needed pain free times to everyone.

[Guest guest]

To all,

I'm not saying who's right or who's wrong I actually must have missed the

post that everyone is talking about.

What I do want to say is let's get back to why we are all here for Support,

Listening and Understanding!

We are all suffering with one illness or another and we are all here to help

each other, I wish everyone nothing but a painfree day........

Em please don't think that way, that you should have taken more pills we are

all here for you so don't ever feel alone or as if you have no one to talk

too! I will always be here as I'm sure everyone else will be.......

Take care everyone......

[Guest guest]

To all,

I'm not saying who's right or who's wrong I actually must have missed the

post that everyone is talking about.

What I do want to say is let's get back to why we are all here for Support,

Listening and Understanding!

We are all suffering with one illness or another and we are all here to help

each other, I wish everyone nothing but a painfree day........

Em please don't think that way, that you should have taken more pills we are

all here for you so don't ever feel alone or as if you have no one to talk

too! I will always be here as I'm sure everyone else will be.......

Take care everyone......

[Guest guest]

At 09:43 AM 01/06/2002 -0800, Jeane wrote:

>There is a big difference between wallowing in self pity and simply

>relating our problems. However, you have an equal right to the way you

>think, just as do I. Fortunately, I have a loving and understanding

>husband with whom I am able to let my hair down completely. Even then, I

>just can't afford to stay down for long . . . it hurts to darn much! I

>don't know about you or anyone else, but just smiling and being positive

>helps my FMS. Actually, it's the only reliable method I have for feeling

>better.

Well, I was wondering what your reply would be, and it was pretty much as I

suspected. If you have a loving and understanding partner, someone who

supports you and loves you and helps you out -- then you are miles upon

miles ahead of me.

This is the reason I left the list the first time. I know my main problem

is depression -- clinical depression. My Kenalog shot two days ago is

already working to mask my FM pain. I feel MUCH better, and I'm thankful

for that. Believe me.

You seem to believe that I can choose how I feel about things, and in some

ways you are absolutely correct. I go into work with a smile on my

face. I make jokes. I tease the EMTs. I get blankets for patients who

are uncomfortable, I sometimes will sit a few minutes (the longest I can be

away from my station) with those who are especially afraid or unhappy. I

call chaplains, I get pillows, I do everything I can to help out.

But I attempted suicide about five weeks ago. Cheerful? I have led a far,

far different life from you, almost certainly. I have been a professional

opera singer, lived in Switzerland, fought the good fight to audition, get

jobs, make enough money to live on. Because I loved singing. I started my

own opera company here, and I made it last three years (about 2.5 years

more than anyone else had ever managed locally). I loved what I was doing,

I loved teaching singing, and I loved my friends. But they moved away. I

could not keep the company going single-handedly. I took a job 2000 miles

away and raised our circulation by 38%; when I asked for a raise 15 months

later, I was told what a great job I'd done, what a difference I had made,

and was fired three weeks later. I lost my most beloved aunt a year

ago. I went for a year and a half without being able to leave my house,

from panic, fear, agoraphobia, that sprang up after a part of me -- the

part that let me move to Switzerland at 22, the part that has been a

risk-taker, a doer -- simply crumbled after many years of use.

If you think that depression and anxiety disorders are matters of choice,

you are grossly mistaken. " Wallowing in self-pity " -- what a perfect

demonstration of utter lack of understanding. I have acted my way through

my life, pretending to be happy, cheerful, everyone's fun girl, great

joke-teller, wore my heart on my sleeve, loved a lot and lost a lot. But

clinical depression isn't a choice. That horrible sly voice that told me a

month ago, Do it, kill yourself, no one will care, you don't matter, you're

invisible, wasn't something I chose to hear. I've fought that voice for

years. I'm fighting it this very moment. And you say I'm wallowing in

self-pity?

Perhaps was right. Maybe this list isn't what I thought it

was. Words and criticism like yours, Jeane, have a devastating impact on

people who are already fragile to begin with. Far from being angry any

longer, I feel as if I have simply failed. You make me feel as if I am a

loser, a mendicant who's really just dead weight, who likes to feel bad,

who wants to make others feel bad, too. And sweetheart, I have fought most

of my life against that, fought to help other people, fought to *make a

difference*.

So are depressed people losers? If we aren't cheerful, are we simply

wallowing?

Maybe I should have taken more pills a month ago. Then I wouldn't get in

the way of cheerful people like Jeane.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is the tale, not he who tells it.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself.

Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

Broccoli is bigger than all of us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Guest guest]

At 09:43 AM 01/06/2002 -0800, Jeane wrote:

>There is a big difference between wallowing in self pity and simply

>relating our problems. However, you have an equal right to the way you

>think, just as do I. Fortunately, I have a loving and understanding

>husband with whom I am able to let my hair down completely. Even then, I

>just can't afford to stay down for long . . . it hurts to darn much! I

>don't know about you or anyone else, but just smiling and being positive

>helps my FMS. Actually, it's the only reliable method I have for feeling

>better.

Well, I was wondering what your reply would be, and it was pretty much as I

suspected. If you have a loving and understanding partner, someone who

supports you and loves you and helps you out -- then you are miles upon

miles ahead of me.

This is the reason I left the list the first time. I know my main problem

is depression -- clinical depression. My Kenalog shot two days ago is

already working to mask my FM pain. I feel MUCH better, and I'm thankful

for that. Believe me.

You seem to believe that I can choose how I feel about things, and in some

ways you are absolutely correct. I go into work with a smile on my

face. I make jokes. I tease the EMTs. I get blankets for patients who

are uncomfortable, I sometimes will sit a few minutes (the longest I can be

away from my station) with those who are especially afraid or unhappy. I

call chaplains, I get pillows, I do everything I can to help out.

But I attempted suicide about five weeks ago. Cheerful? I have led a far,

far different life from you, almost certainly. I have been a professional

opera singer, lived in Switzerland, fought the good fight to audition, get

jobs, make enough money to live on. Because I loved singing. I started my

own opera company here, and I made it last three years (about 2.5 years

more than anyone else had ever managed locally). I loved what I was doing,

I loved teaching singing, and I loved my friends. But they moved away. I

could not keep the company going single-handedly. I took a job 2000 miles

away and raised our circulation by 38%; when I asked for a raise 15 months

later, I was told what a great job I'd done, what a difference I had made,

and was fired three weeks later. I lost my most beloved aunt a year

ago. I went for a year and a half without being able to leave my house,

from panic, fear, agoraphobia, that sprang up after a part of me -- the

part that let me move to Switzerland at 22, the part that has been a

risk-taker, a doer -- simply crumbled after many years of use.

If you think that depression and anxiety disorders are matters of choice,

you are grossly mistaken. " Wallowing in self-pity " -- what a perfect

demonstration of utter lack of understanding. I have acted my way through

my life, pretending to be happy, cheerful, everyone's fun girl, great

joke-teller, wore my heart on my sleeve, loved a lot and lost a lot. But

clinical depression isn't a choice. That horrible sly voice that told me a

month ago, Do it, kill yourself, no one will care, you don't matter, you're

invisible, wasn't something I chose to hear. I've fought that voice for

years. I'm fighting it this very moment. And you say I'm wallowing in

self-pity?

Perhaps was right. Maybe this list isn't what I thought it

was. Words and criticism like yours, Jeane, have a devastating impact on

people who are already fragile to begin with. Far from being angry any

longer, I feel as if I have simply failed. You make me feel as if I am a

loser, a mendicant who's really just dead weight, who likes to feel bad,

who wants to make others feel bad, too. And sweetheart, I have fought most

of my life against that, fought to help other people, fought to *make a

difference*.

So are depressed people losers? If we aren't cheerful, are we simply

wallowing?

Maybe I should have taken more pills a month ago. Then I wouldn't get in

the way of cheerful people like Jeane.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is the tale, not he who tells it.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself.

Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

Broccoli is bigger than all of us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Guest guest]

At 09:43 AM 01/06/2002 -0800, Jeane wrote:

>There is a big difference between wallowing in self pity and simply

>relating our problems. However, you have an equal right to the way you

>think, just as do I. Fortunately, I have a loving and understanding

>husband with whom I am able to let my hair down completely. Even then, I

>just can't afford to stay down for long . . . it hurts to darn much! I

>don't know about you or anyone else, but just smiling and being positive

>helps my FMS. Actually, it's the only reliable method I have for feeling

>better.

Well, I was wondering what your reply would be, and it was pretty much as I

suspected. If you have a loving and understanding partner, someone who

supports you and loves you and helps you out -- then you are miles upon

miles ahead of me.

This is the reason I left the list the first time. I know my main problem

is depression -- clinical depression. My Kenalog shot two days ago is

already working to mask my FM pain. I feel MUCH better, and I'm thankful

for that. Believe me.

You seem to believe that I can choose how I feel about things, and in some

ways you are absolutely correct. I go into work with a smile on my

face. I make jokes. I tease the EMTs. I get blankets for patients who

are uncomfortable, I sometimes will sit a few minutes (the longest I can be

away from my station) with those who are especially afraid or unhappy. I

call chaplains, I get pillows, I do everything I can to help out.

But I attempted suicide about five weeks ago. Cheerful? I have led a far,

far different life from you, almost certainly. I have been a professional

opera singer, lived in Switzerland, fought the good fight to audition, get

jobs, make enough money to live on. Because I loved singing. I started my

own opera company here, and I made it last three years (about 2.5 years

more than anyone else had ever managed locally). I loved what I was doing,

I loved teaching singing, and I loved my friends. But they moved away. I

could not keep the company going single-handedly. I took a job 2000 miles

away and raised our circulation by 38%; when I asked for a raise 15 months

later, I was told what a great job I'd done, what a difference I had made,

and was fired three weeks later. I lost my most beloved aunt a year

ago. I went for a year and a half without being able to leave my house,

from panic, fear, agoraphobia, that sprang up after a part of me -- the

part that let me move to Switzerland at 22, the part that has been a

risk-taker, a doer -- simply crumbled after many years of use.

If you think that depression and anxiety disorders are matters of choice,

you are grossly mistaken. " Wallowing in self-pity " -- what a perfect

demonstration of utter lack of understanding. I have acted my way through

my life, pretending to be happy, cheerful, everyone's fun girl, great

joke-teller, wore my heart on my sleeve, loved a lot and lost a lot. But

clinical depression isn't a choice. That horrible sly voice that told me a

month ago, Do it, kill yourself, no one will care, you don't matter, you're

invisible, wasn't something I chose to hear. I've fought that voice for

years. I'm fighting it this very moment. And you say I'm wallowing in

self-pity?

Perhaps was right. Maybe this list isn't what I thought it

was. Words and criticism like yours, Jeane, have a devastating impact on

people who are already fragile to begin with. Far from being angry any

longer, I feel as if I have simply failed. You make me feel as if I am a

loser, a mendicant who's really just dead weight, who likes to feel bad,

who wants to make others feel bad, too. And sweetheart, I have fought most

of my life against that, fought to help other people, fought to *make a

difference*.

So are depressed people losers? If we aren't cheerful, are we simply

wallowing?

Maybe I should have taken more pills a month ago. Then I wouldn't get in

the way of cheerful people like Jeane.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is the tale, not he who tells it.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself.

Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

Broccoli is bigger than all of us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Guest guest]

Jeane wrote:

> There is a big difference between wallowing in self pity and simply

> relating our problems. However, you have an equal right to the way you

> think, just as do I. Fortunately, I have a loving and understanding

> husband with whom I am able to let my hair down completely. Even then, I

> just can't afford to stay down for long . . . it hurts to darn much! I

> don't know about you or anyone else, but just smiling and being positive

> helps my FMS. Actually, it's the only reliable method I have for feeling

> better.

There is a huge difference between wallowing in self pity and finding

yourself either clinically depressed or in a really miserable spot in

life. I also have a loving, supportive husband, but that made no

difference at all when I slid into depression. There was no way " cheer

up, and look towards the positive " was possible. I *hated* the way I

felt, I certainly had *no* desire to be feeling down, most of the time,

I couldn't even tell you *why* I felt so bad, I simply did. It wasn't

an equal right to think the way I did, it was a chemical imbalance in my

brain. I was very fortunate, the very first antidepressant my doctor

put me on worked for me. Others aren't so fortunate, it can take years

if at all, to find the right antidepressant for them. I fought the idea

that there was anything wrong with me besides feeling a little bit down

and kept trying to " cheer myself up " . It didn't work. It wasn't until

I found myself on the verge of giving away prized possessions that I

realized I had a big problem. For other medical reasons, I went off my

antidepressants, and spent a month and a half in total misery, until I

could go back on them. If I had only abandoned the notion that I was

just fine much earlier, I might have been able to go on them for a while

and then get off them, similar to a post partum depression woman might.

As it is, because I spent so much time trying to cheer myself up, I'll

probably have to be on them for the rest of my life. I know you didn't

mean anything bad by what you said, I had no idea what depression

really was until I found myself there. I'm sorry if this seems as if

it's dumping on you, I really don't mean it that way, just trying to

explain how my world looks.

Darcy

[Guest guest]

Jeane wrote:

> There is a big difference between wallowing in self pity and simply

> relating our problems. However, you have an equal right to the way you

> think, just as do I. Fortunately, I have a loving and understanding

> husband with whom I am able to let my hair down completely. Even then, I

> just can't afford to stay down for long . . . it hurts to darn much! I

> don't know about you or anyone else, but just smiling and being positive

> helps my FMS. Actually, it's the only reliable method I have for feeling

> better.

There is a huge difference between wallowing in self pity and finding

yourself either clinically depressed or in a really miserable spot in

life. I also have a loving, supportive husband, but that made no

difference at all when I slid into depression. There was no way " cheer

up, and look towards the positive " was possible. I *hated* the way I

felt, I certainly had *no* desire to be feeling down, most of the time,

I couldn't even tell you *why* I felt so bad, I simply did. It wasn't

an equal right to think the way I did, it was a chemical imbalance in my

brain. I was very fortunate, the very first antidepressant my doctor

put me on worked for me. Others aren't so fortunate, it can take years

if at all, to find the right antidepressant for them. I fought the idea

that there was anything wrong with me besides feeling a little bit down

and kept trying to " cheer myself up " . It didn't work. It wasn't until

I found myself on the verge of giving away prized possessions that I

realized I had a big problem. For other medical reasons, I went off my

antidepressants, and spent a month and a half in total misery, until I

could go back on them. If I had only abandoned the notion that I was

just fine much earlier, I might have been able to go on them for a while

and then get off them, similar to a post partum depression woman might.

As it is, because I spent so much time trying to cheer myself up, I'll

probably have to be on them for the rest of my life. I know you didn't

mean anything bad by what you said, I had no idea what depression

really was until I found myself there. I'm sorry if this seems as if

it's dumping on you, I really don't mean it that way, just trying to

explain how my world looks.

Darcy

[Guest guest]

janissa@... wrote:

> Well, I was wondering what your reply would be, and it was pretty much as I

> suspected. If you have a loving and understanding partner, someone who

> supports you and loves you and helps you out -- then you are miles upon

> miles ahead of me.

I agree with this, Em, those of us with supportive spouses and families

are way ahead of those who have to fight on their own.

>

> You seem to believe that I can choose how I feel about things, and in some

> ways you are absolutely correct. I go into work with a smile on my

> face. I make jokes. I tease the EMTs.

No one at my work place except for the guy I worked directly with and a

lady I ate lunch (and they were only because I told them) with had the

slightest idea I was depressed. I had a smile on my face, made jokes

with everyone, chatted with people and seemed pretty normal on the face

of it. Even on the days, I only made it in because I absolutely forced

myself, no one knew how bad I was. You can't judge a book by it's

cover.

> -- the

> part that let me move to Switzerland at 22, the part that has been a

> risk-taker, a doer -- simply crumbled after many years of use.

I also finally couldn't do it anymore, I realized I needed help. I

forced myself through a lot of life, but there was a limit and I hit it.

> So are depressed people losers? If we aren't cheerful, are we simply

> wallowing?

>

> Maybe I should have taken more pills a month ago. Then I wouldn't get in

> the way of cheerful people like Jeane.

No, Em, not taking more pills was a good choice not a bad. It may not

feel like that right now, but it's true. Depressed people are neither

losers nor wallowing. Anyone who has ever experienced clinical

depression or anxiety would never choose to feel like that. I know I

sure wouldn't!!

Darcy

[Guest guest]

janissa@... wrote:

> Well, I was wondering what your reply would be, and it was pretty much as I

> suspected. If you have a loving and understanding partner, someone who

> supports you and loves you and helps you out -- then you are miles upon

> miles ahead of me.

I agree with this, Em, those of us with supportive spouses and families

are way ahead of those who have to fight on their own.

>

> You seem to believe that I can choose how I feel about things, and in some

> ways you are absolutely correct. I go into work with a smile on my

> face. I make jokes. I tease the EMTs.

No one at my work place except for the guy I worked directly with and a

lady I ate lunch (and they were only because I told them) with had the

slightest idea I was depressed. I had a smile on my face, made jokes

with everyone, chatted with people and seemed pretty normal on the face

of it. Even on the days, I only made it in because I absolutely forced

myself, no one knew how bad I was. You can't judge a book by it's

cover.

> -- the

> part that let me move to Switzerland at 22, the part that has been a

> risk-taker, a doer -- simply crumbled after many years of use.

I also finally couldn't do it anymore, I realized I needed help. I

forced myself through a lot of life, but there was a limit and I hit it.

> So are depressed people losers? If we aren't cheerful, are we simply

> wallowing?

>

> Maybe I should have taken more pills a month ago. Then I wouldn't get in

> the way of cheerful people like Jeane.

No, Em, not taking more pills was a good choice not a bad. It may not

feel like that right now, but it's true. Depressed people are neither

losers nor wallowing. Anyone who has ever experienced clinical

depression or anxiety would never choose to feel like that. I know I

sure wouldn't!!

Darcy

[Guest guest]

janissa@... wrote:

> Well, I was wondering what your reply would be, and it was pretty much as I

> suspected. If you have a loving and understanding partner, someone who

> supports you and loves you and helps you out -- then you are miles upon

> miles ahead of me.

I agree with this, Em, those of us with supportive spouses and families

are way ahead of those who have to fight on their own.

>

> You seem to believe that I can choose how I feel about things, and in some

> ways you are absolutely correct. I go into work with a smile on my

> face. I make jokes. I tease the EMTs.

No one at my work place except for the guy I worked directly with and a

lady I ate lunch (and they were only because I told them) with had the

slightest idea I was depressed. I had a smile on my face, made jokes

with everyone, chatted with people and seemed pretty normal on the face

of it. Even on the days, I only made it in because I absolutely forced

myself, no one knew how bad I was. You can't judge a book by it's

cover.

> -- the

> part that let me move to Switzerland at 22, the part that has been a

> risk-taker, a doer -- simply crumbled after many years of use.

I also finally couldn't do it anymore, I realized I needed help. I

forced myself through a lot of life, but there was a limit and I hit it.

> So are depressed people losers? If we aren't cheerful, are we simply

> wallowing?

>

> Maybe I should have taken more pills a month ago. Then I wouldn't get in

> the way of cheerful people like Jeane.

No, Em, not taking more pills was a good choice not a bad. It may not

feel like that right now, but it's true. Depressed people are neither

losers nor wallowing. Anyone who has ever experienced clinical

depression or anxiety would never choose to feel like that. I know I

sure wouldn't!!

Darcy

[Guest guest]

Yes, I too paste a smile on my face, a performance most of the time. Now

that I am close to disability, it is hard for others to understand that this

" quick change " has not been quick, just well=concealed, tho not so well at

times. I totally agree with you, Darcy, well said!

Hang in there, Em, you made the right choice, not taking the pills, please

keep writing, there are others out here who know how it is for you right

now. Usually, I can't say that to someone, " I know how you feel " , but in

this case I do know.

Carol

--

>

>

> I agree with this, Em, those of us with supportive spouses and families

> are way ahead of those who have to fight on their own.

>

>

>>

> of it. Even on the days, I only made it in because I absolutely forced

> myself, no one knew how bad I was. You can't judge a book by it's

> cover.

>

>

>> -

>

> No, Em, not taking more pills was a good choice not a bad. It may not

> feel like that right now, but it's true. Depressed people are neither

> losers nor wallowing. Anyone who has ever experienced clinical

> depression or anxiety would never choose to feel like that. I know I

> sure wouldn't!!

> Darcy

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I too paste a smile on my face, a performance most of the time. Now

that I am close to disability, it is hard for others to understand that this

" quick change " has not been quick, just well=concealed, tho not so well at

times. I totally agree with you, Darcy, well said!

Hang in there, Em, you made the right choice, not taking the pills, please

keep writing, there are others out here who know how it is for you right

now. Usually, I can't say that to someone, " I know how you feel " , but in

this case I do know.

Carol

--

>

>

> I agree with this, Em, those of us with supportive spouses and families

> are way ahead of those who have to fight on their own.

>

>

>>

> of it. Even on the days, I only made it in because I absolutely forced

> myself, no one knew how bad I was. You can't judge a book by it's

> cover.

>

>

>> -

>

> No, Em, not taking more pills was a good choice not a bad. It may not

> feel like that right now, but it's true. Depressed people are neither

> losers nor wallowing. Anyone who has ever experienced clinical

> depression or anxiety would never choose to feel like that. I know I

> sure wouldn't!!

> Darcy

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I too paste a smile on my face, a performance most of the time. Now

that I am close to disability, it is hard for others to understand that this

" quick change " has not been quick, just well=concealed, tho not so well at

times. I totally agree with you, Darcy, well said!

Hang in there, Em, you made the right choice, not taking the pills, please

keep writing, there are others out here who know how it is for you right

now. Usually, I can't say that to someone, " I know how you feel " , but in

this case I do know.

Carol

--

>

>

> I agree with this, Em, those of us with supportive spouses and families

> are way ahead of those who have to fight on their own.

>

>

>>

> of it. Even on the days, I only made it in because I absolutely forced

> myself, no one knew how bad I was. You can't judge a book by it's

> cover.

>

>

>> -

>

> No, Em, not taking more pills was a good choice not a bad. It may not

> feel like that right now, but it's true. Depressed people are neither

> losers nor wallowing. Anyone who has ever experienced clinical

> depression or anxiety would never choose to feel like that. I know I

> sure wouldn't!!

> Darcy

>

>

[Guest guest]

At 05:13 PM 01/06/2002 -0500, Darcy Stockstill wrote:

>There is a huge difference between wallowing in self pity and finding

>yourself either clinically depressed or in a really miserable spot in

>life.

I've been (nicely) told in private correspondence that a lot of people

don't understand that clinical depression is chemical, not something you

can turn off and on like a lamp. And I agree with her.

For me, depression has been a battle literally since I was a small

child. Fibromyalgia, OTOH, has been a problem for under two years. I have

found a moderately successful treatment for my FM, one that has worked for

six months, and I am so vastly pleased I can't even articulate it.

What has struck me as ironic and bitter about Jeane's posts is that it is a

mirror image of our communal struggle to get the public to recognize

fibromyalgia and CFS. As a group we would be up in arms if told we were

simply indulging in vague, formless symptoms that had no organic

cause. And yet this is essentially what Jeane has said regarding depression.

Jeane, along with your cheerful outlook, I encourage you to cultivate

compassion. Just because you do not experience something yourself does not

mean it is not very, very real. You would not mock a person with cancer

because you do not believe it exists. And depression, unfortunately, can

be a killer, too. I'm clinically depressed, chronically agoraphobic, and

struggling as well with a number of anxiety problems and

obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Clearly this is not a battle you

share. But it is no less real for that reason. My mother watched me a

year ago, awake for 72 hours, constantly weeping and circling the house and

hardly able to speak, because of my absolute terror of going alone to

Dallas to a friend's wedding. One of my best friends. There was nothing

my mother could do, and there was no way for me to control what was

happening. With my mother's support and encouragement, I called this

friend in tears and explained that I would not be able to attend, and that

I would explain the reasons later, since this was a joyous time in his life.

Do you honestly think that I wanted to feel that way, or had any control

over the fears that dominated my life and continue to pull me in every

direction? Do I enjoy feeling that way? I no more enjoy it than you enjoy

the pain and frustration of fibromyalgia. And I am fighting it, exactly as

I fight my FM, with every weapon at my disposal, and every ounce of

determination I possess.

Mental illness isn't a choice. Any more than fibromyalgia was a

choice. Even when we do not experience what someone else is experiencing,

we can at least respect that their experience is valid and serious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is the tale, not he who tells it.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself.

Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

Broccoli is bigger than all of us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Guest guest]

At 05:13 PM 01/06/2002 -0500, Darcy Stockstill wrote:

>There is a huge difference between wallowing in self pity and finding

>yourself either clinically depressed or in a really miserable spot in

>life.

I've been (nicely) told in private correspondence that a lot of people

don't understand that clinical depression is chemical, not something you

can turn off and on like a lamp. And I agree with her.

For me, depression has been a battle literally since I was a small

child. Fibromyalgia, OTOH, has been a problem for under two years. I have

found a moderately successful treatment for my FM, one that has worked for

six months, and I am so vastly pleased I can't even articulate it.

What has struck me as ironic and bitter about Jeane's posts is that it is a

mirror image of our communal struggle to get the public to recognize

fibromyalgia and CFS. As a group we would be up in arms if told we were

simply indulging in vague, formless symptoms that had no organic

cause. And yet this is essentially what Jeane has said regarding depression.

Jeane, along with your cheerful outlook, I encourage you to cultivate

compassion. Just because you do not experience something yourself does not

mean it is not very, very real. You would not mock a person with cancer

because you do not believe it exists. And depression, unfortunately, can

be a killer, too. I'm clinically depressed, chronically agoraphobic, and

struggling as well with a number of anxiety problems and

obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Clearly this is not a battle you

share. But it is no less real for that reason. My mother watched me a

year ago, awake for 72 hours, constantly weeping and circling the house and

hardly able to speak, because of my absolute terror of going alone to

Dallas to a friend's wedding. One of my best friends. There was nothing

my mother could do, and there was no way for me to control what was

happening. With my mother's support and encouragement, I called this

friend in tears and explained that I would not be able to attend, and that

I would explain the reasons later, since this was a joyous time in his life.

Do you honestly think that I wanted to feel that way, or had any control

over the fears that dominated my life and continue to pull me in every

direction? Do I enjoy feeling that way? I no more enjoy it than you enjoy

the pain and frustration of fibromyalgia. And I am fighting it, exactly as

I fight my FM, with every weapon at my disposal, and every ounce of

determination I possess.

Mental illness isn't a choice. Any more than fibromyalgia was a

choice. Even when we do not experience what someone else is experiencing,

we can at least respect that their experience is valid and serious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is the tale, not he who tells it.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself.

Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

Broccoli is bigger than all of us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Guest guest]

At 05:13 PM 01/06/2002 -0500, Darcy Stockstill wrote:

>There is a huge difference between wallowing in self pity and finding

>yourself either clinically depressed or in a really miserable spot in

>life.

I've been (nicely) told in private correspondence that a lot of people

don't understand that clinical depression is chemical, not something you

can turn off and on like a lamp. And I agree with her.

For me, depression has been a battle literally since I was a small

child. Fibromyalgia, OTOH, has been a problem for under two years. I have

found a moderately successful treatment for my FM, one that has worked for

six months, and I am so vastly pleased I can't even articulate it.

What has struck me as ironic and bitter about Jeane's posts is that it is a

mirror image of our communal struggle to get the public to recognize

fibromyalgia and CFS. As a group we would be up in arms if told we were

simply indulging in vague, formless symptoms that had no organic

cause. And yet this is essentially what Jeane has said regarding depression.

Jeane, along with your cheerful outlook, I encourage you to cultivate

compassion. Just because you do not experience something yourself does not

mean it is not very, very real. You would not mock a person with cancer

because you do not believe it exists. And depression, unfortunately, can

be a killer, too. I'm clinically depressed, chronically agoraphobic, and

struggling as well with a number of anxiety problems and

obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Clearly this is not a battle you

share. But it is no less real for that reason. My mother watched me a

year ago, awake for 72 hours, constantly weeping and circling the house and

hardly able to speak, because of my absolute terror of going alone to

Dallas to a friend's wedding. One of my best friends. There was nothing

my mother could do, and there was no way for me to control what was

happening. With my mother's support and encouragement, I called this

friend in tears and explained that I would not be able to attend, and that

I would explain the reasons later, since this was a joyous time in his life.

Do you honestly think that I wanted to feel that way, or had any control

over the fears that dominated my life and continue to pull me in every

direction? Do I enjoy feeling that way? I no more enjoy it than you enjoy

the pain and frustration of fibromyalgia. And I am fighting it, exactly as

I fight my FM, with every weapon at my disposal, and every ounce of

determination I possess.

Mental illness isn't a choice. Any more than fibromyalgia was a

choice. Even when we do not experience what someone else is experiencing,

we can at least respect that their experience is valid and serious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is the tale, not he who tells it.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself.

Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

Broccoli is bigger than all of us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Guest guest]

>If you have a loving and understanding partner, someone who

>supports you and loves you and helps you out -- then you are miles upon

>miles ahead of me.

Yes, I am very fortunate, and I realize that . . . but I didn't always have

Jim. We've only been together for 4 years. Before that I cared for my

late husband Ray, who died slowly and painfully from AIDS-related

diseases. He was blind, barely able to speak, wheel-chair bound . . . and

he had FMS! We lived in Oklahoma, were very poor, and could not afford

nursing care. It was difficult, but we got through each day by making each

other laugh.

>But I attempted suicide about five weeks ago. Cheerful? I have led a far,

>far different life from you, almost certainly. I have been a professional

>opera singer, lived in Switzerland, fought the good fight to audition, get

>jobs, make enough money to live on.

Well, we have something in common. I have MA's in Speech Communication and

Theater Arts, and until recently was active in several local musical

theater groups as well as doing the occasional " professional " gig. I

taught for many years at the college level. OK, so now the FMS is so bad

it has effected both my singing and speaking voice. Five years ago I lost

my lovely husband, my career, and my hobby/avocation. Excuse me for trying

to make the best of the worst situation! I refuse to let anyone or

anything get the best of me!!

" The seabird struggles in the wind, she topples, balances again. " Joan

Baez . . . wonderful words to live by.

Jeane aka roseStorm aka Scorpi

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them. " - Livy, Roman

historian (64 B.C.-17 A.D.)

Scorpie's World http://www.geocities.com/scorpijeane/

Caught in the Eye of the Red Storm http://www.geocities.com/myredstorm/

Southwest Adventure http://www.geocities.com/swadventure/

Graphics with PANACHE! http://www.geocities.com/graphicswithpanache/

's Roost http://www.geocities.com/raymondsroost/

In Memory of June Conant Rae http://www.geocities.com/junebug1918/

Rebel Roars http://www.geocities.com/rebelroars/

Zootopia 2000 http://www.geocities.com/zootopia2000/

Kananiopuna's Korner of Paradise

http://www.geocities.com/kananiopuna/ -- GENEALOGY SITE

My RAE Family Tree http://www.geocities.com/myraetree/ -- GENEALOGY SITE

Webmaster for: WHIVRING http://www.geocities.com/raymondsroost/WHIV/

Health & Recovery Webring http://www.geocities.com/raymondsroost/RECOVERY.HTM

Ring of Rhetoric http://www.geocities.com/scorpijeane/Rings/ror.html

[Guest guest]

,

From someone who also has been diagnosed with Clincal Depression, I

hear ya. It is something that never goes away, also even when you are

on anti-depressants it still doesn't go away, it evens out a bit but

those depressed thoughts are still there they are just easier to deal

with on the medication.

My mother never understood either that there was something missing in

my brain that was why I was so depressed and anti-social. She always

and still thinks that I should just snap out of it but I can't unless

I am fully medicated.

Tara

>

> >There is a huge difference between wallowing in self pity and

finding

> >yourself either clinically depressed or in a really miserable spot

in

> >life.

>

> I've been (nicely) told in private correspondence that a lot of

people

> don't understand that clinical depression is chemical, not

something you

> can turn off and on like a lamp. And I agree with her.

>

> For me, depression has been a battle literally since I was a small

> child. Fibromyalgia, OTOH, has been a problem for under two

years. I have

> found a moderately successful treatment for my FM, one that has

worked for

> six months, and I am so vastly pleased I can't even articulate it.

>

> What has struck me as ironic and bitter about Jeane's posts is that

it is a

> mirror image of our communal struggle to get the public to

recognize

> fibromyalgia and CFS. As a group we would be up in arms if told we

were

> simply indulging in vague, formless symptoms that had no organic

> cause. And yet this is essentially what Jeane has said regarding

depression.

>

> Jeane, along with your cheerful outlook, I encourage you to

cultivate

> compassion. Just because you do not experience something yourself

does not

> mean it is not very, very real. You would not mock a person with

cancer

> because you do not believe it exists. And depression,

unfortunately, can

> be a killer, too. I'm clinically depressed, chronically

agoraphobic, and

> struggling as well with a number of anxiety problems and

> obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Clearly this is not a battle you

> share. But it is no less real for that reason. My mother watched

me a

> year ago, awake for 72 hours, constantly weeping and circling the

house and

> hardly able to speak, because of my absolute terror of going alone

to

> Dallas to a friend's wedding. One of my best friends. There was

nothing

> my mother could do, and there was no way for me to control what was

> happening. With my mother's support and encouragement, I called

this

> friend in tears and explained that I would not be able to attend,

and that

> I would explain the reasons later, since this was a joyous time in

his life.

>

> Do you honestly think that I wanted to feel that way, or had any

control

> over the fears that dominated my life and continue to pull me in

every

> direction? Do I enjoy feeling that way? I no more enjoy it than

you enjoy

> the pain and frustration of fibromyalgia. And I am fighting it,

exactly as

> I fight my FM, with every weapon at my disposal, and every ounce of

> determination I possess.

>

> Mental illness isn't a choice. Any more than fibromyalgia was a

> choice. Even when we do not experience what someone else is

experiencing,

> we can at least respect that their experience is valid and serious.

>

>

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> It is the tale, not he who tells it.

>

> I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself.

> Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

>

> Broccoli is bigger than all of us.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Guest guest]

Hey Em,

I've fought the same battle, will probably continue to fight it my whole

life, and I KNOW how bad it sucks first hand. If I hadn't finally gone for

help, who knows where or if I would be right now, but what limited me as

much as the depression were the attitudes that were passed on to me, that I

should be able to " cheer up " and get over it, that I was somehow

contributing to my state of mind simply because I was too " weak " to help

myself. I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced clinical depression can

ever understand what it is like. If they had they would KNOW that no one

would ever CHOOSE to be in such a hideously ugly place. When there is no

pleasure in anything, when happiness is just a word, when getting out of

bed to face the day is an act of monumental proportions, when you live with

fear at every turn and your body betrays your every effort, it is like

living in hell. It is so miserable some people feel they have no choice but

to end their lives. When you add physical pain to that equation, it is a

wonder any of us survive, but we do.

Em, I know you already know this in your heart, but you are not a failure

or a loser, no matter what anyone or your own chemically altered brain

says. You know what you have accomplished and contributed, especially to

other's suffering. It is terribly unfair that the kindest people seem to be

the ones who suffer the most, but the fact is, you are one of the good

ones, I have read your posts and heard your story. I wish I could whisper

the magic words or possessed the magic balm to heal and protect you, but

the best I can do is to tell you I care about you and understand. You are a

warm and intelligent woman who has my respect, and I'm sure many others

will say the same. I know you don't really want to die, just escape from

the misery, and I also know how hard it is to go on lugging around all that

physical and emotional pain, but we are an army millions strong, and we

would be missed, regardless of what our misfiring brains tell us.

My days aren't always filled with joy, but thanks to hitting upon a good

combo of medication I have found hope again, I can experience pleasure, I

can like the face in the mirror. Now I CAN choose how I react, and my

thoughts are rational and not twisted, (for the most part, LOL) Even in my

worst FMS flare, I am able to see past it and still have a life, albeit

very physically limited, I can dig up something to distract me and switch

the focus.

I don't remember what route you have taken medically for your depression,

I'm not a doctor,but it is obvious it hasn't been beneficial and needs to

be pursued further. Feel free to write me if you need to dump, I will be

happy to listen, no judgment here.

Your friend,

Char

[Guest guest]

Jeane wrote:

He was blind, barely able to speak, wheel-chair bound . . . and

> he had FMS! We lived in Oklahoma, were very poor, and could not afford

> nursing care. It was difficult, but we got through each day by making each

> other laugh.

Jeane, I'm sorry to hear that your first husband had some many problems,

but how wonderful that you were able to work together rather than the

problems spitting you as so many couples do.

> Five years ago I lost

> my lovely husband, my career, and my hobby/avocation. Excuse me for trying

> to make the best of the worst situation! I refuse to let anyone or

> anything get the best of me!!

You certainly lost a lot that not a lot of people do. I also went

through a lot including the loss of what family my husband and I had

left (we have some brothers, but they choose not to want to be a family

with the exception of one of my brothers). My husband and I also chose

to pull together rather than split apart. Somewhere in all of that loss

and stress, it ceased to become my choice on how to react to things. My

body physically changed and became depressed. I *couldn't* choose to be

happy, no matter how much I tried. My body physically wouldn't let me be

happy. I was fortunate to find an antidepressant that worked for me the

first try. Now, I'm mostly back to the person I was before I became

depressed. Sometimes, I will still become a little depressed for no

reason even though I don't want to be, but that doesn't happen very

often any more.

Yesterday, I was walking through a store similar to what I use to work

in during high school and collage. I heard a couple of the clerks

talking about another clerk, and the one said to the other " oh, she's so

great, she really knows what she is doing " . This made me sad because

*I* use to be that person, all the managers loved to have me work for

them because I was hard working, dependable and did a great job. That's

who I've *always* been, but I'm not that person any more. I was sad for

a few more feet and then I said to myself, " well, I'll just have to

figure out a new way for me to be appreciated in that kind of a vein " .

I chose to be happy because it was better than being sad, but had I not

be on antidepressants, I wouldn't have even been able to make that

choice. I had a hard time understand depression until I became

depressed. I think you deserve a lot of credit for making the best of

your situation, please realize not everyone can do that.

Thanks

Darcy

[Guest guest]

Darcy

Thank you for you consideration. I agree, antidepressants do help, and

sometimes it does seem like we can't do anything. I'm just saying that we

cannot give in to all this. When everything is at its worst, we need to

pull inside ourselves and find even the tiniest bit of strength and pull it

out. " Forcing " a more positive attitude helps to do this. I've just found

that if I can " put on " that facade, it eventually becomes real. ACK! It's

really difficult to explain. HMMM . . . I guess it's just that I push

very hard to not let myself stay down . . . I still get very low, more than

I'd like! I have simply determined to not stay there and not go

further. Maybe it's a mind over matter thing? I just know it has made a

big difference in my life! I used to be an extremely negative person, now

I'm not, and I'm so very much happier.

>Jeane wrote:

> He was blind, barely able to speak, wheel-chair bound . . . and

> > he had FMS! We lived in Oklahoma, were very poor, and could not afford

> > nursing care. It was difficult, but we got through each day by making each

> > other laugh.

>

>Jeane, I'm sorry to hear that your first husband had some many problems,

>but how wonderful that you were able to work together rather than the

>problems spitting you as so many couples do.

>

>

> > Five years ago I lost

> > my lovely husband, my career, and my hobby/avocation. Excuse me for trying

> > to make the best of the worst situation! I refuse to let anyone or

> > anything get the best of me!!

>

>You certainly lost a lot that not a lot of people do. I also went

>through a lot including the loss of what family my husband and I had

>left (we have some brothers, but they choose not to want to be a family

>with the exception of one of my brothers). My husband and I also chose

>to pull together rather than split apart. Somewhere in all of that loss

>and stress, it ceased to become my choice on how to react to things. My

>body physically changed and became depressed. I *couldn't* choose to be

>happy, no matter how much I tried. My body physically wouldn't let me be

>happy. I was fortunate to find an antidepressant that worked for me the

>first try. Now, I'm mostly back to the person I was before I became

>depressed. Sometimes, I will still become a little depressed for no

>reason even though I don't want to be, but that doesn't happen very

>often any more.

>

>Yesterday, I was walking through a store similar to what I use to work

>in during high school and collage. I heard a couple of the clerks

>talking about another clerk, and the one said to the other " oh, she's so

>great, she really knows what she is doing " . This made me sad because

>*I* use to be that person, all the managers loved to have me work for

>them because I was hard working, dependable and did a great job. That's

>who I've *always* been, but I'm not that person any more. I was sad for

>a few more feet and then I said to myself, " well, I'll just have to

>figure out a new way for me to be appreciated in that kind of a vein " .

>I chose to be happy because it was better than being sad, but had I not

>be on antidepressants, I wouldn't have even been able to make that

>choice. I had a hard time understand depression until I became

>depressed. I think you deserve a lot of credit for making the best of

>your situation, please realize not everyone can do that.

>Thanks

>Darcy

>

>

>

>SEND POST TO: fibromyalgia-cfs

>

>HOME PAGE:http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Oaks/7127/fibromyalgia-cfs.html

>LIST OWNER: " Missy " Parrot004@...>

>UNSUBSCRIBE:fibromyalgia-cfs-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Darcy

Thank you for you consideration. I agree, antidepressants do help, and

sometimes it does seem like we can't do anything. I'm just saying that we

cannot give in to all this. When everything is at its worst, we need to

pull inside ourselves and find even the tiniest bit of strength and pull it

out. " Forcing " a more positive attitude helps to do this. I've just found

that if I can " put on " that facade, it eventually becomes real. ACK! It's

really difficult to explain. HMMM . . . I guess it's just that I push

very hard to not let myself stay down . . . I still get very low, more than

I'd like! I have simply determined to not stay there and not go

further. Maybe it's a mind over matter thing? I just know it has made a

big difference in my life! I used to be an extremely negative person, now

I'm not, and I'm so very much happier.

>Jeane wrote:

> He was blind, barely able to speak, wheel-chair bound . . . and

> > he had FMS! We lived in Oklahoma, were very poor, and could not afford

> > nursing care. It was difficult, but we got through each day by making each

> > other laugh.

>

>Jeane, I'm sorry to hear that your first husband had some many problems,

>but how wonderful that you were able to work together rather than the

>problems spitting you as so many couples do.

>

>

> > Five years ago I lost

> > my lovely husband, my career, and my hobby/avocation. Excuse me for trying

> > to make the best of the worst situation! I refuse to let anyone or

> > anything get the best of me!!

>

>You certainly lost a lot that not a lot of people do. I also went

>through a lot including the loss of what family my husband and I had

>left (we have some brothers, but they choose not to want to be a family

>with the exception of one of my brothers). My husband and I also chose

>to pull together rather than split apart. Somewhere in all of that loss

>and stress, it ceased to become my choice on how to react to things. My

>body physically changed and became depressed. I *couldn't* choose to be

>happy, no matter how much I tried. My body physically wouldn't let me be

>happy. I was fortunate to find an antidepressant that worked for me the

>first try. Now, I'm mostly back to the person I was before I became

>depressed. Sometimes, I will still become a little depressed for no

>reason even though I don't want to be, but that doesn't happen very

>often any more.

>

>Yesterday, I was walking through a store similar to what I use to work

>in during high school and collage. I heard a couple of the clerks

>talking about another clerk, and the one said to the other " oh, she's so

>great, she really knows what she is doing " . This made me sad because

>*I* use to be that person, all the managers loved to have me work for

>them because I was hard working, dependable and did a great job. That's

>who I've *always* been, but I'm not that person any more. I was sad for

>a few more feet and then I said to myself, " well, I'll just have to

>figure out a new way for me to be appreciated in that kind of a vein " .

>I chose to be happy because it was better than being sad, but had I not

>be on antidepressants, I wouldn't have even been able to make that

>choice. I had a hard time understand depression until I became

>depressed. I think you deserve a lot of credit for making the best of

>your situation, please realize not everyone can do that.

>Thanks

>Darcy

>

>

>

>SEND POST TO: fibromyalgia-cfs

>

>HOME PAGE:http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Oaks/7127/fibromyalgia-cfs.html

>LIST OWNER: " Missy " Parrot004@...>

>UNSUBSCRIBE:fibromyalgia-cfs-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , Thank you for the informative posts. It is

hard to explain to someone about fibro. I finally quit

trying and just don'[t even mention to anyone I have

it. I just no longer share how I feel except with one

close friend. Noone else seems to understand when we

are experiencing. I have been diagnosed bi-polar,

panic disorder, insomnia, fibro, chronic bronchitis,

chronic back pain, asthma. My husband tells people

I've got a " cough " when I have bronchitis or asthma

attack. He says " I'm just tired " when I get depressed

or agoraphobic. I can't even tell him how I feel

becuase he doesn't understand either so why try? That

leaves me to fend for myself when I have difficulty

functioning, that is why I really enjoy these support

groups. I have also enjoyed the Chronic Pain Support

Group as well and just recently came here. Thanks for

the input. Stop and visit my new web site (my therapy)

www.emergingcourageous.com My Helper went back to

school and Im trying to figure out how to add my

stories. Any ideas? Lovingly< Marilyn

--- u2tree2000 u2tree2000@...> wrote:

> ,

>

> From someone who also has been diagnosed with

> Clincal Depression, I

> hear ya. It is something that never goes away, also

> even when you are

> on anti-depressants it still doesn't go away, it

> evens out a bit but

> those depressed thoughts are still there they are

> just easier to deal

> with on the medication.

>

> My mother never understood either that there was

> something missing in

> my brain that was why I was so depressed and

> anti-social. She always

> and still thinks that I should just snap out of it

> but I can't unless

> I am fully medicated.

>

> Tara

>

> >

> > >There is a huge difference between wallowing in

> self pity and

> finding

> > >yourself either clinically depressed or in a

> really miserable spot

> in

> > >life.

> >

> > I've been (nicely) told in private correspondence

> that a lot of

> people

> > don't understand that clinical depression is

> chemical, not

> something you

> > can turn off and on like a lamp. And I agree with

> her.

> >

> > For me, depression has been a battle literally

> since I was a small

> > child. Fibromyalgia, OTOH, has been a problem for

> under two

> years. I have

> > found a moderately successful treatment for my FM,

> one that has

> worked for

> > six months, and I am so vastly pleased I can't

> even articulate it.

> >

> > What has struck me as ironic and bitter about

> Jeane's posts is that

> it is a

> > mirror image of our communal struggle to get the

> public to

> recognize

> > fibromyalgia and CFS. As a group we would be up

> in arms if told we

> were

> > simply indulging in vague, formless symptoms that

> had no organic

> > cause. And yet this is essentially what Jeane has

> said regarding

> depression.

> >

> > Jeane, along with your cheerful outlook, I

> encourage you to

> cultivate

> > compassion. Just because you do not experience

> something yourself

> does not

> > mean it is not very, very real. You would not

> mock a person with

> cancer

> > because you do not believe it exists. And

> depression,

> unfortunately, can

> > be a killer, too. I'm clinically depressed,

> chronically

> agoraphobic, and

> > struggling as well with a number of anxiety

> problems and

> > obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Clearly this is

> not a battle you

> > share. But it is no less real for that reason.

> My mother watched

> me a

> > year ago, awake for 72 hours, constantly weeping

> and circling the

> house and

> > hardly able to speak, because of my absolute

> terror of going alone

> to

> > Dallas to a friend's wedding. One of my best

> friends. There was

> nothing

> > my mother could do, and there was no way for me to

> control what was

> > happening. With my mother's support and

> encouragement, I called

> this

> > friend in tears and explained that I would not be

> able to attend,

> and that

> > I would explain the reasons later, since this was

> a joyous time in

> his life.

> >

> > Do you honestly think that I wanted to feel that

> way, or had any

> control

> > over the fears that dominated my life and continue

> to pull me in

> every

> > direction? Do I enjoy feeling that way? I no

> more enjoy it than

> you enjoy

> > the pain and frustration of fibromyalgia. And I

> am fighting it,

> exactly as

> > I fight my FM, with every weapon at my disposal,

> and every ounce of

> > determination I possess.

> >

> > Mental illness isn't a choice. Any more than

> fibromyalgia was a

> > choice. Even when we do not experience what

> someone else is

> experiencing,

> > we can at least respect that their experience is

> valid and serious.

> >

> >

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > It is the tale, not he who tells it.

> >

> > I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise

> myself.

> > Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

> >

> > Broccoli is bigger than all of us.

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Hi:

I have decided whenever someone asks about Fibro that

I just tell them it is a form of Arthritis only

instead of affecting the joints it effects all the

muscles, tendons, and ligaments in the entire body.

People seem to understand that concept and then I

don't have to explain it any further. As for the

depression I just say that I suffer from a chemical

imbalance that effects my moods like PMS. They seem to

understand and accept that discription as well. Of

course I don't have the same problems with my

diabetes, asthma, coronary artery disease, or other

" normal/accepted " medical problems. :>)

That is all the explaination I give to the " normals "

in this world that ask what is wrong with me. I figure

they don't want to know any more and I don't want to

try to explain it any further so that way we both are

sort of happy.

Tina

--- Marilyn Pfanstiel emergingcourageous@...>

wrote:

> Hi , Thank you for the informative posts. It is

> hard to explain to someone about fibro. I finally

> quit

> trying and just don'[t even mention to anyone I have

> it. I just no longer share how I feel except with

> one

> close friend. Noone else seems to understand when we

> are experiencing.

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