Online Relationships

[Guest guest]

I got this from another group that I'm in.....and it applies to everyone in any kind of Support Group with any kind of Chronic Pain, not just Fibromyalgia.

I thought that with everything that's going on, maybe reading it will help everyone here....

Tonia

Those of us who are not only living daily with the multiple symptoms of fibromyalgia, but are also using the Internet for support can find ourselves having relationship problems online. It is difficult enough to deal with the relationships in our personal lives without adding the stress of online relationships which can lead to conflicts. My family has accepted the amount of time that I spend online to a certain degree, and it is mostly because they are aware that I'm actually working when I'm online. I rarely go into chat rooms, and although I did find them helpful for me when I first accepted my diagnosis,I discovered that there are just as many relationship problems online as offline. Even the e-mail list that I subscribe to has arguments and battles frequently, and although I've used IRC and ICQ to chat, it is extremely rare for me to enter into a chat with either one person or several anymore. Newsgroups, such as the e-mail list that I subscribe to, and message boards are also areas where relationship problems occur and arguing and continual battles do take place. I don't know if it is the nature of our condition which causes these problems with communicating online, or whether it is because it is online communication and body language is missing. One study that is helpful in understanding the structure of newsgroups is The UCLA Center for the study of online community. With their research, they discovered that if there are boundaries and rules that each person follows, then the conflicts aren't as great. What tends to happen in a chat about fibromyalgia, a message board, or a newsgroup that has its main focus for support and information is that some of the information is inaccurate, misleading, and confusing at times because there is no firm structure to the content discussed. There usually are rules listed on a web site, or in the case of private newsgroups which have been started by a group of people, the rules are set up and sent via email to new members. The problem seems to be that people don't read the rules or due to our fibromyalgia and foggy days, we forget. I suggest that if one is going to visit chat rooms, message boards, or subscribe to a newsgroup, that they periodically go over the rules to refresh their memories. Fibromyalgia flares can and do occur by conflicts online, and the last thing that we need is a relationship that is causing our fibromyalgia to actually become worse. Another concern for online relationships is the fact that we may feel that our online friends understand us and support us better than our own families or friends who live near us. In some cases, this may be true, but having been online for almost two years now, I've come to realize that the support we get online isn't the same as what we can receive when communicating with someone face to face, or even on the phone. This isn't to say that support isn't given online, because I've been greatly supported by online friends either through e-mail, messages in ICQ, or even on message boards and in chats when I've posted or typed words that express my need for support. Theresa Goebel, Suite 101 Editor for Relationships, had written an article on June 12, 1998, about Cyber-Relationships, and although it is about romance online, it can also relate to the people whom we choose to share ourselves with online. If we aren't getting the support, love, understanding, and care from our families or friends who live around us, we may be drawn into an online relationship with someone who seems to understand us and gives us the love and support that we need.This is not a bad thing, and I do have a couple of male friends online who do listen and support me when I feel that my life is out of control, and my pain and fatigue levels are more than I can bear.The important thing to remember is that these relationships must be a give and take relationship, and that the boundaries are set by us. This is not to say that online relationships with the opposite sex are unhealthy for us, and the laughing and joking that I've done online seems to actually help my pain and fatigue levels. Humor is necessary for health, and to sit in front of the computer and be laughing outloud over something that someone has written is very good therapy for us. However, with the conflicts that I've witnessed online, I feel that it is very important for those of us with fibromyalgia to practice setting boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.For example, if someone has written something that makes me angry, it is better for me to write a private e-mail to them and not send it for a day.Waiting and rereading an e-mail can help to end many conflicts before they've even begun, because usually the anger is gone by the next day. Removing ourselves from a chat room, or staying away from a message board that causes us to feel upset and angry is simple to do. When in doubt, it is better to sit back and either just write down our feelings or share them with a trusted friend until we can feel comfortable again. Personally, I give and receive a great deal of support from a few Vietnam veterans who are dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. Their illness is just as invisible as ours, and there have been many times when I've shared my feelings of not being able to do all the things that I want to do, and they understand. They have periods of time when they become depressed, have little energy, and feel alone as they struggle through their painful emotions. Tucker, another Suite 101 Editor for Military Veterans and Retirees has written an article about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and there are even some veterans who must deal with both PTSD and FMS. There are also some people with fibromyalgia as a primary condition who also have PTSD. The importance of setting boundaries, learning to let go of comments posted, refreshing our memories of the rules for online communication, and either walking away from the computer or waiting a day before posting a negative comment will make our online relationships much easier to understand. Also, we may find that we are actually growing emotionally by learning to take care of ourselves first when we are online.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing Tonia...this is a good article...Hope you have a great day..Hugs..GinnyTonia wrote:

I got this from another group that I'm in.....and it applies to everyone in any kind of Support Group with any kind of Chronic Pain, not just Fibromyalgia.

I thought that with everything that's going on, maybe reading it will help everyone here....

Tonia

Those of us who are not only living daily with the multiple symptoms of fibromyalgia, but are also using the Internet for support can find ourselves having relationship problems online. It is difficult enough to deal with the relationships in our personal lives without adding the stress of online relationships which can lead to conflicts. My family has accepted the amount of time that I spend online to a certain degree, and it is mostly because they are aware that I'm actually working when I'm online. I rarely go into chat rooms, and although I did find them helpful for me when I first accepted my diagnosis,I discovered that there are just as many relationship problems online as offline. Even the e-mail list that I subscribe to has arguments and battles frequently, and although I've used IRC and ICQ to chat, it is extremely rare for me to enter into a chat with either one person or several anymore. Newsgroups, such as

the e-mail list that I subscribe to, and message boards are also areas where relationship problems occur and arguing and continual battles do take place. I don't know if it is the nature of our condition which causes these problems with communicating online, or whether it is because it is online communication and body language is missing. One study that is helpful in understanding the structure of newsgroups is The UCLA Center for the study of online community. With their research, they discovered that if there are boundaries and rules that each person follows, then the conflicts aren't as great. What tends to happen in a chat about fibromyalgia, a message board, or a newsgroup that has its main focus for support and information is that some of the information is inaccurate, misleading, and confusing at times because there is no firm structure to the content discussed. There usually are rules listed on a web site, or in the case of private

newsgroups which have been started by a group of people, the rules are set up and sent via email to new members. The problem seems to be that people don't read the rules or due to our fibromyalgia and foggy days, we forget. I suggest that if one is going to visit chat rooms, message boards, or subscribe to a newsgroup, that they periodically go over the rules to refresh their memories. Fibromyalgia flares can and do occur by conflicts online, and the last thing that we need is a relationship that is causing our fibromyalgia to actually become worse. Another concern for online relationships is the fact that we may feel that our online friends understand us and support us better than our own families or friends who live near us. In some cases, this may be true, but having been online for almost two years now, I've come to realize that the support we get online isn't the same as what we can receive when communicating with someone face to face, or

even on the phone. This isn't to say that support isn't given online, because I've been greatly supported by online friends either through e-mail, messages in ICQ, or even on message boards and in chats when I've posted or typed words that express my need for support. Theresa Goebel, Suite 101 Editor for Relationships, had written an article on June 12, 1998, about Cyber-Relationships, and although it is about romance online, it can also relate to the people whom we choose to share ourselves with online. If we aren't getting the support, love, understanding, and care from our families or friends who live around us, we may be drawn into an online relationship with someone who seems to understand us and gives us the love and support that we need.This is not a bad thing, and I do have a couple of male friends online who do listen and support me when I feel that my life is out of control, and my pain and fatigue levels are more than I can bear.The

important thing to remember is that these relationships must be a give and take relationship, and that the boundaries are set by us. This is not to say that online relationships with the opposite sex are unhealthy for us, and the laughing and joking that I've done online seems to actually help my pain and fatigue levels. Humor is necessary for health, and to sit in front of the computer and be laughing outloud over something that someone has written is very good therapy for us. However, with the conflicts that I've witnessed online, I feel that it is very important for those of us with fibromyalgia to practice setting boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.For example, if someone has written something that makes me angry, it is better for me to write a private e-mail to them and not send it for a day.Waiting and rereading an e-mail can help to end many conflicts before they've even begun, because usually the anger is gone by the next

day. Removing ourselves from a chat room, or staying away from a message board that causes us to feel upset and angry is simple to do. When in doubt, it is better to sit back and either just write down our feelings or share them with a trusted friend until we can feel comfortable again. Personally, I give and receive a great deal of support from a few Vietnam veterans who are dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. Their illness is just as invisible as ours, and there have been many times when I've shared my feelings of not being able to do all the things that I want to do, and they understand. They have periods of time when they become depressed, have little energy, and feel alone as they struggle through their painful emotions. Tucker, another Suite 101 Editor for Military Veterans and Retirees has written an article about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and there are even some veterans who must deal with both PTSD and FMS.

There are also some people with fibromyalgia as a primary condition who also have PTSD. The importance of setting boundaries, learning to let go of comments posted, refreshing our memories of the rules for online communication, and either walking away from the computer or waiting a day before posting a negative comment will make our online relationships much easier to understand. Also, we may find that we are actually growing emotionally by learning to take care of ourselves first when we are online.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing Tonia...this is a good article...Hope you have a great day..Hugs..GinnyTonia wrote:

I got this from another group that I'm in.....and it applies to everyone in any kind of Support Group with any kind of Chronic Pain, not just Fibromyalgia.

I thought that with everything that's going on, maybe reading it will help everyone here....

Tonia

Those of us who are not only living daily with the multiple symptoms of fibromyalgia, but are also using the Internet for support can find ourselves having relationship problems online. It is difficult enough to deal with the relationships in our personal lives without adding the stress of online relationships which can lead to conflicts. My family has accepted the amount of time that I spend online to a certain degree, and it is mostly because they are aware that I'm actually working when I'm online. I rarely go into chat rooms, and although I did find them helpful for me when I first accepted my diagnosis,I discovered that there are just as many relationship problems online as offline. Even the e-mail list that I subscribe to has arguments and battles frequently, and although I've used IRC and ICQ to chat, it is extremely rare for me to enter into a chat with either one person or several anymore. Newsgroups, such as

the e-mail list that I subscribe to, and message boards are also areas where relationship problems occur and arguing and continual battles do take place. I don't know if it is the nature of our condition which causes these problems with communicating online, or whether it is because it is online communication and body language is missing. One study that is helpful in understanding the structure of newsgroups is The UCLA Center for the study of online community. With their research, they discovered that if there are boundaries and rules that each person follows, then the conflicts aren't as great. What tends to happen in a chat about fibromyalgia, a message board, or a newsgroup that has its main focus for support and information is that some of the information is inaccurate, misleading, and confusing at times because there is no firm structure to the content discussed. There usually are rules listed on a web site, or in the case of private

newsgroups which have been started by a group of people, the rules are set up and sent via email to new members. The problem seems to be that people don't read the rules or due to our fibromyalgia and foggy days, we forget. I suggest that if one is going to visit chat rooms, message boards, or subscribe to a newsgroup, that they periodically go over the rules to refresh their memories. Fibromyalgia flares can and do occur by conflicts online, and the last thing that we need is a relationship that is causing our fibromyalgia to actually become worse. Another concern for online relationships is the fact that we may feel that our online friends understand us and support us better than our own families or friends who live near us. In some cases, this may be true, but having been online for almost two years now, I've come to realize that the support we get online isn't the same as what we can receive when communicating with someone face to face, or

even on the phone. This isn't to say that support isn't given online, because I've been greatly supported by online friends either through e-mail, messages in ICQ, or even on message boards and in chats when I've posted or typed words that express my need for support. Theresa Goebel, Suite 101 Editor for Relationships, had written an article on June 12, 1998, about Cyber-Relationships, and although it is about romance online, it can also relate to the people whom we choose to share ourselves with online. If we aren't getting the support, love, understanding, and care from our families or friends who live around us, we may be drawn into an online relationship with someone who seems to understand us and gives us the love and support that we need.This is not a bad thing, and I do have a couple of male friends online who do listen and support me when I feel that my life is out of control, and my pain and fatigue levels are more than I can bear.The

important thing to remember is that these relationships must be a give and take relationship, and that the boundaries are set by us. This is not to say that online relationships with the opposite sex are unhealthy for us, and the laughing and joking that I've done online seems to actually help my pain and fatigue levels. Humor is necessary for health, and to sit in front of the computer and be laughing outloud over something that someone has written is very good therapy for us. However, with the conflicts that I've witnessed online, I feel that it is very important for those of us with fibromyalgia to practice setting boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.For example, if someone has written something that makes me angry, it is better for me to write a private e-mail to them and not send it for a day.Waiting and rereading an e-mail can help to end many conflicts before they've even begun, because usually the anger is gone by the next

day. Removing ourselves from a chat room, or staying away from a message board that causes us to feel upset and angry is simple to do. When in doubt, it is better to sit back and either just write down our feelings or share them with a trusted friend until we can feel comfortable again. Personally, I give and receive a great deal of support from a few Vietnam veterans who are dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. Their illness is just as invisible as ours, and there have been many times when I've shared my feelings of not being able to do all the things that I want to do, and they understand. They have periods of time when they become depressed, have little energy, and feel alone as they struggle through their painful emotions. Tucker, another Suite 101 Editor for Military Veterans and Retirees has written an article about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and there are even some veterans who must deal with both PTSD and FMS.

There are also some people with fibromyalgia as a primary condition who also have PTSD. The importance of setting boundaries, learning to let go of comments posted, refreshing our memories of the rules for online communication, and either walking away from the computer or waiting a day before posting a negative comment will make our online relationships much easier to understand. Also, we may find that we are actually growing emotionally by learning to take care of ourselves first when we are online.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing Tonia...this is a good article...Hope you have a great day..Hugs..GinnyTonia wrote:

I got this from another group that I'm in.....and it applies to everyone in any kind of Support Group with any kind of Chronic Pain, not just Fibromyalgia.

I thought that with everything that's going on, maybe reading it will help everyone here....

Tonia

Those of us who are not only living daily with the multiple symptoms of fibromyalgia, but are also using the Internet for support can find ourselves having relationship problems online. It is difficult enough to deal with the relationships in our personal lives without adding the stress of online relationships which can lead to conflicts. My family has accepted the amount of time that I spend online to a certain degree, and it is mostly because they are aware that I'm actually working when I'm online. I rarely go into chat rooms, and although I did find them helpful for me when I first accepted my diagnosis,I discovered that there are just as many relationship problems online as offline. Even the e-mail list that I subscribe to has arguments and battles frequently, and although I've used IRC and ICQ to chat, it is extremely rare for me to enter into a chat with either one person or several anymore. Newsgroups, such as

the e-mail list that I subscribe to, and message boards are also areas where relationship problems occur and arguing and continual battles do take place. I don't know if it is the nature of our condition which causes these problems with communicating online, or whether it is because it is online communication and body language is missing. One study that is helpful in understanding the structure of newsgroups is The UCLA Center for the study of online community. With their research, they discovered that if there are boundaries and rules that each person follows, then the conflicts aren't as great. What tends to happen in a chat about fibromyalgia, a message board, or a newsgroup that has its main focus for support and information is that some of the information is inaccurate, misleading, and confusing at times because there is no firm structure to the content discussed. There usually are rules listed on a web site, or in the case of private

newsgroups which have been started by a group of people, the rules are set up and sent via email to new members. The problem seems to be that people don't read the rules or due to our fibromyalgia and foggy days, we forget. I suggest that if one is going to visit chat rooms, message boards, or subscribe to a newsgroup, that they periodically go over the rules to refresh their memories. Fibromyalgia flares can and do occur by conflicts online, and the last thing that we need is a relationship that is causing our fibromyalgia to actually become worse. Another concern for online relationships is the fact that we may feel that our online friends understand us and support us better than our own families or friends who live near us. In some cases, this may be true, but having been online for almost two years now, I've come to realize that the support we get online isn't the same as what we can receive when communicating with someone face to face, or

even on the phone. This isn't to say that support isn't given online, because I've been greatly supported by online friends either through e-mail, messages in ICQ, or even on message boards and in chats when I've posted or typed words that express my need for support. Theresa Goebel, Suite 101 Editor for Relationships, had written an article on June 12, 1998, about Cyber-Relationships, and although it is about romance online, it can also relate to the people whom we choose to share ourselves with online. If we aren't getting the support, love, understanding, and care from our families or friends who live around us, we may be drawn into an online relationship with someone who seems to understand us and gives us the love and support that we need.This is not a bad thing, and I do have a couple of male friends online who do listen and support me when I feel that my life is out of control, and my pain and fatigue levels are more than I can bear.The

important thing to remember is that these relationships must be a give and take relationship, and that the boundaries are set by us. This is not to say that online relationships with the opposite sex are unhealthy for us, and the laughing and joking that I've done online seems to actually help my pain and fatigue levels. Humor is necessary for health, and to sit in front of the computer and be laughing outloud over something that someone has written is very good therapy for us. However, with the conflicts that I've witnessed online, I feel that it is very important for those of us with fibromyalgia to practice setting boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.For example, if someone has written something that makes me angry, it is better for me to write a private e-mail to them and not send it for a day.Waiting and rereading an e-mail can help to end many conflicts before they've even begun, because usually the anger is gone by the next

day. Removing ourselves from a chat room, or staying away from a message board that causes us to feel upset and angry is simple to do. When in doubt, it is better to sit back and either just write down our feelings or share them with a trusted friend until we can feel comfortable again. Personally, I give and receive a great deal of support from a few Vietnam veterans who are dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. Their illness is just as invisible as ours, and there have been many times when I've shared my feelings of not being able to do all the things that I want to do, and they understand. They have periods of time when they become depressed, have little energy, and feel alone as they struggle through their painful emotions. Tucker, another Suite 101 Editor for Military Veterans and Retirees has written an article about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and there are even some veterans who must deal with both PTSD and FMS.

There are also some people with fibromyalgia as a primary condition who also have PTSD. The importance of setting boundaries, learning to let go of comments posted, refreshing our memories of the rules for online communication, and either walking away from the computer or waiting a day before posting a negative comment will make our online relationships much easier to understand. Also, we may find that we are actually growing emotionally by learning to take care of ourselves first when we are online.