Guest guest Posted April 12, 2002 Report Share Posted April 12, 2002 > I am not sure I want to get out of the hole anymore... > does anyone know what i mean? YES!!! I know exactly what you mean! It's so much easier to do nothing about how depressed you are, and wallow in it. I've been there. It's not easy to get out of that hole, especially when you don't want to. But you have to decide, once and for all, am I going to, or aren't I? For me, sheer determination, and the thought of what would happen to my two cats(whom I love like children) if I didn't was what finally made me climb out of the hole. Everyone in this group is here for you, and will help you as much as they possibly can. But you have to decide to do it. No one can force you to get out of the hole. Please, do it for youself. Feel better please, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2002 Report Share Posted April 12, 2002 > I am not sure I want to get out of the hole anymore... > does anyone know what i mean? YES!!! I know exactly what you mean! It's so much easier to do nothing about how depressed you are, and wallow in it. I've been there. It's not easy to get out of that hole, especially when you don't want to. But you have to decide, once and for all, am I going to, or aren't I? For me, sheer determination, and the thought of what would happen to my two cats(whom I love like children) if I didn't was what finally made me climb out of the hole. Everyone in this group is here for you, and will help you as much as they possibly can. But you have to decide to do it. No one can force you to get out of the hole. Please, do it for youself. Feel better please, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2002 Report Share Posted April 12, 2002 > I am not sure I want to get out of the hole anymore... > does anyone know what i mean? YES!!! I know exactly what you mean! It's so much easier to do nothing about how depressed you are, and wallow in it. I've been there. It's not easy to get out of that hole, especially when you don't want to. But you have to decide, once and for all, am I going to, or aren't I? For me, sheer determination, and the thought of what would happen to my two cats(whom I love like children) if I didn't was what finally made me climb out of the hole. Everyone in this group is here for you, and will help you as much as they possibly can. But you have to decide to do it. No one can force you to get out of the hole. Please, do it for youself. Feel better please, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2002 Report Share Posted April 12, 2002 I often want to curl up in the fetal postition when I just can't take the pain anymore. My doctor has my family monitor my moods and if they get concerned they are to let him know at once and he will put me in the hospital. I don't feel like ending it all that often but sometimes if a flare is lasting a long time I start to feel defeated. Most of the time, I suck it up and get on w/ gettin' on. I take my pain meds and try to do the things I like but know my limitations. My doctor and physical therapist say I have a fantastic attitude for someone who suffers from chronic pain. I went to play bingo last night and you'd think that is a mellow activity but I'm hurting today because I sat still for so long. I also had some sort of muscle test at p.t. and I'm sore from that. I finally took a pain pill and should start to feel like I'm gonna live before too long. I am so sorry you are having a hard time and feel the only option is to end it all. I have been praying for you and will continue to do so. I hope that you can find some inner peace soon. The only advice I can offer is to find a happy place in your mind, a great memory, and hang on to it for dear life. Do you have anyone in your life to help you? Family, friends? What about a pet...they do wonders for our souls. I love my 2 dogs dearly and they take the focus off myself. Hang in there! Anne depression and holes I am not sure I want to get out of the hole anymore... does anyone know what i mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2002 Report Share Posted April 12, 2002 I often want to curl up in the fetal postition when I just can't take the pain anymore. My doctor has my family monitor my moods and if they get concerned they are to let him know at once and he will put me in the hospital. I don't feel like ending it all that often but sometimes if a flare is lasting a long time I start to feel defeated. Most of the time, I suck it up and get on w/ gettin' on. I take my pain meds and try to do the things I like but know my limitations. My doctor and physical therapist say I have a fantastic attitude for someone who suffers from chronic pain. I went to play bingo last night and you'd think that is a mellow activity but I'm hurting today because I sat still for so long. I also had some sort of muscle test at p.t. and I'm sore from that. I finally took a pain pill and should start to feel like I'm gonna live before too long. I am so sorry you are having a hard time and feel the only option is to end it all. I have been praying for you and will continue to do so. I hope that you can find some inner peace soon. The only advice I can offer is to find a happy place in your mind, a great memory, and hang on to it for dear life. Do you have anyone in your life to help you? Family, friends? What about a pet...they do wonders for our souls. I love my 2 dogs dearly and they take the focus off myself. Hang in there! Anne depression and holes I am not sure I want to get out of the hole anymore... does anyone know what i mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2002 Report Share Posted April 12, 2002 I often want to curl up in the fetal postition when I just can't take the pain anymore. My doctor has my family monitor my moods and if they get concerned they are to let him know at once and he will put me in the hospital. I don't feel like ending it all that often but sometimes if a flare is lasting a long time I start to feel defeated. Most of the time, I suck it up and get on w/ gettin' on. I take my pain meds and try to do the things I like but know my limitations. My doctor and physical therapist say I have a fantastic attitude for someone who suffers from chronic pain. I went to play bingo last night and you'd think that is a mellow activity but I'm hurting today because I sat still for so long. I also had some sort of muscle test at p.t. and I'm sore from that. I finally took a pain pill and should start to feel like I'm gonna live before too long. I am so sorry you are having a hard time and feel the only option is to end it all. I have been praying for you and will continue to do so. I hope that you can find some inner peace soon. The only advice I can offer is to find a happy place in your mind, a great memory, and hang on to it for dear life. Do you have anyone in your life to help you? Family, friends? What about a pet...they do wonders for our souls. I love my 2 dogs dearly and they take the focus off myself. Hang in there! Anne depression and holes I am not sure I want to get out of the hole anymore... does anyone know what i mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2002 Report Share Posted April 12, 2002 I spent 10 years struggling thru..I am only 23 and i sit back now and see how much this has messed up my life...I called off my wedding cause I coudnt handle all the stress and eveyrhthing got too much for me....now my Bf is in another country... its runied so much of my life...it controls eveyrthing day after day.. and iam tired of it... iam tired of fighting against it..figthing for what i want when in the end i do what it allows me to do..which is always the opposite of what i want... I wanted a wedding with all these speical things...and one by one eacxh thing i wanted was removed cause it was either physically too hard , too stressful or envloved too much of my time..i ended up settling for a wedding that i didnt want...and then a good day will come and ill think..shit..i still want those thigns and now they are gone... iam tired of making do with what i have because of this disease.... i want to do so much and i can.t and it controls eveyrhting.. I say no to things when i want to say yes because iam too tired to do it.. I argue with people just because Iam hurting and in pain and irritated.... I have spent the past 10 years hanging on by a thread and a few life lines...but now... its all broken. and there isnt anything to hang on to... and iam so resentful at eveyrting around me right now..i shouldnt have to do it on my own..i shouldnt have to..they are there they can help me... i need them to help me..and they wont..and iam tired of doing it on my own..if they wont help then why should i even bother..because if iam pulling myuself out its for them..not for me... iam too tired to begin this battle now..too tired.. > > I am not sure I want to get out of the hole anymore... > > does anyone know what i mean? > YES!!! I know exactly what you mean! It's so much easier to do > nothing about how depressed you are, and wallow in it. I've been > there. It's not easy to get out of that hole, especially when you > don't want to. But you have to decide, once and for all, am I going > to, or aren't I? For me, sheer determination, and the thought of what > would happen to my two cats(whom I love like children) if I didn't > was what finally made me climb out of the hole. Everyone in this > group is here for you, and will help you as much as they possibly > can. But you have to decide to do it. No one can force you to get out > of the hole. Please, do it for youself. > > Feel better please, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2002 Report Share Posted April 12, 2002 Dear Shellie, I've been getting more and more worried about you over the last few days, watching your despair growing with each post. My heart really goes out to you--I've suffered with bouts of recurring major depression for decades myself. And I know how horrible it is, and how much it hurts and how it has this insidious way of making itself seem like the truth and everything else seem an illusion. So I hope you won't be offended if I send you a long wordy post about some of the things I've learned--please know it comes from a place inside me that is sincerely worried about you. In one of your posts you wrote about not being sure you even wanted to crawl out of the hole--this really resonated with me. How well I know that feeling! It's just too much work to get out, it hurts too much and you're too tired and what's the point anyway. Or something like that. Over the years, I realized that when I get that way, when I feel I've given up, it actually is serving a function. It's allowing me to rest. No more worries. Of course, it's a terrible way to go about it--I mean there outta be a way that doesn't hurt so much! Someone mentioned meditation and that does help for me as well, but sometimes, things are so overwhelming, that the hole opens up and I slide right in. And then getting out again? Oh what a heroic effort. Hercules has nothing on us. There's this huge, steep, oddly cozy hole to climb out of and no energy and no fuel and no spark left in the battery to even get my engine going. So then I've gotta get a jump start. For me, this is usually a creative project. Anything from making an afghan to planting a garden to drawing to writing to photography to rearranging the furniture. And antidepressants. Which is something I'm wondering if you shouldn't look into? Do you have a therapist? Or a doctor who could prescribe something for you? In my experience, that's critically important--it is just way too difficult to break out of a deep depression otherwise. Not impossible, but harder than it has to be. I'm always glad that I've gritted my teeth and pulled myself out one more time. For one thing, while I'm down in the hole, tearing my soul and mind and heart all apart, stuff is bubbling beneath the surface of consciousness. It seems that everytime one of those episodes is over, I'm stronger and have learned something and grown somehow. So that's another function those holes serve--in addition to a place to rest, they are also a germination place, if that makes sense. Anyway, even if there is some function to all this, it's still really important not to believe depression's seductive voice. It has a way of seeming so true, so real, so right. It isn't, though. I know this from experience, because everytime I pull out, I'm glad I did. It's always been worth it. It's gotten easier to remember when I'm depressed, that it's a disease-- a biochemical imbalance. It responds to medication, and a new creative project, or a friend in need, or a furious boss...and just pulling on my own shoelaces until I'm up. And listen Shellie, NOTHING is true or right that robs you of your life, or the world of your voice and your gifts. Everyone is unique, everyone has their own contribution, their own way of seeing things, something to offer to Life--that includes you, even if your depression is whispering the exact opposite in your ear. You may not know what your gift is yet, but it's there, somewhere. You'll find it. It sounds as though you are really upset about your wedding , too. I went back and read your posts since you first joined and you've mentioned it several times. What's going on there, anyway? Is there someway you can work that out? It must be very tough with your boyfriend being far away, also. I hope you won't be apart too much longer--is that what triggered this? Being separated and having wedding anxiety and troubles--all while you are so sick? Being sick and depressed is awful. It stinks. Please hang in there and know that people care about you and that you are worthy of life and love And that depression is an illness and it is treatable--you should be able to lighten your very heavy load a little bit. I hope you will be able to get some help for that. Today, if possible. And finally, there is a part of this that is a spiritual battle, too--but that's way too big to get into here. But I wouldn't discount meditation and/or prayer too quickly. With a long gentle hug, Margaret >I spent 10 years struggling thru..I am only 23 and i sit back now >and see how much this has messed up my life...I called off my >wedding cause I coudnt handle all the stress and eveyrhthing got too >much for me....now my Bf is in another country... >its runied so much of my life...it controls eveyrthing day after >day.. and iam tired of it... iam tired of fighting against >it..figthing for what i want when in the end i do what it allows me >to do..which is always the opposite of what i want... > >I wanted a wedding with all these speical things...and one by one >eacxh thing i wanted was removed cause it was either physically too >hard , too stressful or envloved too much of my time..i ended up >settling for a wedding that i didnt want...and then a good day will >come and ill think..shit..i still want those thigns and now they are >gone... > >iam tired of making do with what i have because of this disease.... >i want to do so much and i can.t and it controls eveyrhting.. I say >no to things when i want to say yes because iam too tired to do it.. >I argue with people just because Iam hurting and in pain and >irritated.... > >I have spent the past 10 years hanging on by a thread and a few life >lines...but now... its all broken. and there isnt anything to hang >on to... and iam so resentful at eveyrting around me right now..i >shouldnt have to do it on my own..i shouldnt have to..they are there >they can help me... i need them to help me..and they wont..and iam >tired of doing it on my own..if they wont help then why should i >even bother..because if iam pulling myuself out its for them..not >for me... > >iam too tired to begin this battle now..too tired.. > > > > > >> > I am not sure I want to get out of the hole anymore... >> > does anyone know what i mean? > >> YES!!! I know exactly what you mean! It's so much easier to do >> nothing about how depressed you are, and wallow in it. I've been >> there. It's not easy to get out of that hole, especially when you >> don't want to. But you have to decide, once and for all, am I >going >> to, or aren't I? For me, sheer determination, and the thought of >what >> would happen to my two cats(whom I love like children) if I didn't > > was what finally made me climb out of the hole. Everyone in this > > group is here for you, and will help you as much as they possibly > > can. But you have to decide to do it. No one can force you to get >out >> of the hole. Please, do it for youself. >> >> Feel better please, >> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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