Re: Completely off topic...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/2/2003 5:08:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,

giff7447@... writes:

> Then I get to thinking that it has been

> 3 years, and I should get over it.

((((((((Leigh))))))))

I wish I had known that because " angel dates " are very important to me and I

would have sent you a card. I've had 3 miscarriages. The first one was in

1995 so this October will be 8 years. You can never just get over it. It

doesn't work that way. I wish there were some magic words I could offer you

that would make everything ok but I know, from experience, that's not

possible. Your baby was and is a part of you whether he or she is here with

you right now or not. Your feelings are completely normal and to be

expected. Have you ever participated in any of the online groups for

pregnancy and infant loss support? If you don't want to do that, then please

remember that you can email me at anytime and I am here for you. I really

do understand.

Hugs...

Debbie (Dawsonville, GA) - Mom to Evan (9/7/98) Congenital Heart Defect,

Asthma, Autism Spectrum Disorder; (4/13/02); and, of course, my angel

babies (10/16/95; 4/26/96; 10/5/00) who I will meet when God says it's time.

April is National Autism Awareness Month!

9:1-3

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/2/2003 6:50:05 PM Eastern Standard Time,

MUOLLO3@... writes:

> btw, i just wanted to mention that i had an abortion on nov 2, 1988. that's

> over 14 years ago and i still feel a little sad on that day

>

(((((((()))))))) - big hugs to you. I know that's never an easy decision

and I am here for you too!!!

Hugs...

Debbie (Dawsonville, GA) - Mom to Evan (9/7/98) Congenital Heart Defect,

Asthma, Autism Spectrum Disorder; (4/13/02); and, of course, my angel

babies (10/16/95; 4/26/96; 10/5/00) who I will meet when God says it's time.

April is National Autism Awareness Month!

9:1-3

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/2/2003 6:50:05 PM Eastern Standard Time,

MUOLLO3@... writes:

> btw, i just wanted to mention that i had an abortion on nov 2, 1988. that's

> over 14 years ago and i still feel a little sad on that day

>

(((((((()))))))) - big hugs to you. I know that's never an easy decision

and I am here for you too!!!

Hugs...

Debbie (Dawsonville, GA) - Mom to Evan (9/7/98) Congenital Heart Defect,

Asthma, Autism Spectrum Disorder; (4/13/02); and, of course, my angel

babies (10/16/95; 4/26/96; 10/5/00) who I will meet when God says it's time.

April is National Autism Awareness Month!

9:1-3

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/2/2003 6:50:05 PM Eastern Standard Time,

MUOLLO3@... writes:

> btw, i just wanted to mention that i had an abortion on nov 2, 1988. that's

> over 14 years ago and i still feel a little sad on that day

>

(((((((()))))))) - big hugs to you. I know that's never an easy decision

and I am here for you too!!!

Hugs...

Debbie (Dawsonville, GA) - Mom to Evan (9/7/98) Congenital Heart Defect,

Asthma, Autism Spectrum Disorder; (4/13/02); and, of course, my angel

babies (10/16/95; 4/26/96; 10/5/00) who I will meet when God says it's time.

April is National Autism Awareness Month!

9:1-3

[Guest guest]

leigh, i don't think losing a child is something that one should ever " get

over " . i think you have every right to still be upset about it. i'd be concerned

about you being depressed, but if it's just this day that it really gets to you,

than that's ok. as far as your hubby, i don't know if i would call him clueless.

he obviously remembered once you said the date, but it must not be as much in

his mind as it is yours. i don't know for sure, but it seems as if the woman

would be more affected because it was her body that went through it, so it would

be more likely to stay with her longer. either way, i'm sorry you're having a

bad day and i hope tomorrow comes fast for you.

~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~

-------------------------

gina, 31, ny

single mom to -

kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

[Guest guest]

Leigh, I understand exactly where you are coming from. It has been

over seven years since my last miscarriage ( I had six total

miscarriages on five separate occasions, last one was twins.) You

don't forget, you just go on. My hubby bought me a ring for our

anniversary that year and he included a small ruby and two diamonds.

It was years later before he could tell me that the two diamonds were

for the twins, who miscarried shortly before the anniversary. He was

afraid it would make me cry at the time, but it still did years

later. I think men just put it out of their minds easier as they are

not the ones who have carried them for 10-12 weeks. It is just

different for us. Our hubbies are not unfeeling, it's just that they

have moved on and we will always remember. Hugs to you. Leggs

[Guest guest]

> My hubby bought me a ring for our anniversary that year and he included a

small ruby and two diamonds.

It was years later before he could tell me that the two diamonds were for the

twins, who miscarried shortly before the anniversary. <

awww, that's so sweet!

you don't have to answer this, but is that why you ended up going for adoption?

~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~

-------------------------

gina, 31, ny

single mom to -

kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

[Guest guest]

Leigh,

You are not whining. How you feel is valid, not the length of time it's

been since you're miscarriage. Feeling blue today is perfectly okay.

I'm thinking that April 2 may always cause you to feel at least a little

pain. My psychology professor in college said it best, " We don't really

get over grief. We just learn to handle it better. " And in this case,

you don't grieve over only what you lost, but also what might have been.

My AIM ID is AutumnIndigo and MSN Messenger is autumnindigo@...

if you ever need to talk.

Maggie

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[Guest guest]

Leigh,

I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you're having a difficult day with

this. Certainly I do not think you should " get over it " - you are

absolutely entitled to your greif and all the feelings that go along with

that.

That said, yes, I think it's just a case of him being clueless. To tell you

the truth, I can't keep track of what day our anniversary is, and if it

weren't for Matt I would probably not realize it was a birthday for any of

us, either - myself included. So I won't say it's a man thing, but yes,

definitely a clueless thing.

Men deal with these things differently, too. We lost a baby in November 98,

and Matt and I have really never talked about it at all. I think he just

doesn't know what to do or say about it. I don't think that means he feels

it any less, though.

{{{{{lots of hugs and prayers}}}}}

-Sara.

Wife to Matt

SAHM to (3.5, autism)

Gabe (21 mos, speech delay)

and 'Punkin' due late May!

[Guest guest]

I said that today was

> going to be a long, hard, emotional day for me. He asked me WHY?!?!?

> I just looked at him and said it was April 2nd. It finally dawned on

> him. Now, what do you think of that? Are all men clueless?

Well, I know lots of people who continue to remember their babies who might

have been so I don't think you are odd. Men do not remember the same way

because that baby is not a part of their body in the same way that it is for

women, obviously. I am sorry that he could not empathize with you better.

Hugs

Salli

[Guest guest]

btw, i just wanted to mention that i had an abortion on nov 2, 1988. that's over

14 years ago and i still feel a little sad on that day

~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~

-------------------------

gina, 31, ny

single mom to -

kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry, . I'll be thinking of you on that day. And if you ever

want to talk.....

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

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Only $9.95 per month!

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[Guest guest]

> I'm sorry, . I'll be thinking of you on that day. And if you ever want

to talk.....

Maggie <

thanks maggie. i'm ok tho. i still think it was the right decision at the time.

i have my 3 babies now, so i'm good

~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~

-------------------------

gina, 31, ny

single mom to -

kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

[Guest guest]

Leigh, you will always remember this, but not always with such deep

sorrow. I still remember, but I have accepted that this was not

meant to be. It's perfectly all right to grieve and every person's

journey is different. There is not proper time line or finite rules

to grieving. A loss is a loss, and it hurts. Hugs.

[Guest guest]

Leigh, you will always remember this, but not always with such deep

sorrow. I still remember, but I have accepted that this was not

meant to be. It's perfectly all right to grieve and every person's

journey is different. There is not proper time line or finite rules

to grieving. A loss is a loss, and it hurts. Hugs.

[Guest guest]

Yep, , that's why. Although we had applied to adopt prior to

this miscarriage, we weren't " official " until right after the

miscarriage happened. Then the first girl to see our file accepted

us and three months later, Mr. Brandt arrived. It was a whirlwind

year! My dad still refers to dh as " Poor Old Dave " since he walked

around that whole year looking shell-shocked. Remember, he had been

a forty year old bachelor only about a year before. Poor old Dave

indeed...Leggs

[Guest guest]

Yep, , that's why. Although we had applied to adopt prior to

this miscarriage, we weren't " official " until right after the

miscarriage happened. Then the first girl to see our file accepted

us and three months later, Mr. Brandt arrived. It was a whirlwind

year! My dad still refers to dh as " Poor Old Dave " since he walked

around that whole year looking shell-shocked. Remember, he had been

a forty year old bachelor only about a year before. Poor old Dave

indeed...Leggs

[Guest guest]

Yep, , that's why. Although we had applied to adopt prior to

this miscarriage, we weren't " official " until right after the

miscarriage happened. Then the first girl to see our file accepted

us and three months later, Mr. Brandt arrived. It was a whirlwind

year! My dad still refers to dh as " Poor Old Dave " since he walked

around that whole year looking shell-shocked. Remember, he had been

a forty year old bachelor only about a year before. Poor old Dave

indeed...Leggs

[Guest guest]

Leigh,

I think more of us than you realize understand the morning you're feeling.

I lost a child between and . I conceived again 7 wks later

though, so I think it's easier for me to let time go by without wondering

because if I hadn't lost that one, I wouldn't have , and I just can't

imagine not having this unique character in my life. I think our sadness

stems from knowing that the one lost would have been our girl.

Big hugs to you,

Sue

[Guest guest]

Leigh,

I think more of us than you realize understand the morning you're feeling.

I lost a child between and . I conceived again 7 wks later

though, so I think it's easier for me to let time go by without wondering

because if I hadn't lost that one, I wouldn't have , and I just can't

imagine not having this unique character in my life. I think our sadness

stems from knowing that the one lost would have been our girl.

Big hugs to you,

Sue

[Guest guest]

, whether by choice or by God, we'll always wonder what could have been.

(((Hugs)))

Sue

[Guest guest]

, whether by choice or by God, we'll always wonder what could have been.

(((Hugs)))

Sue

[Guest guest]

, whether by choice or by God, we'll always wonder what could have been.

(((Hugs)))

Sue

[Guest guest]

What a sweet thing for him to do!

Sue

[Guest guest]

Leigh,

I miscarried at 11 weeks, just after turned 2.

It's something you never forget.

(((Leigh)))

Tuna

=====

mom to:

, 8, ASD

, 4, NT

Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

- Whoopi Goldberg

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