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Re: How do you deal with telling or not telling about DX

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This is such a great question. And I have no idea what the answer is.

n is nearly 3 and looks like he could easily be 4. People stop us in

the grocery store all the time to try and talk to n, and they will

stand there blocking us until he replies. And I agree, it is awkward. I

usually just smile and wait for them to give up and walk away. On one hand,

n is a person, and it pleases me that people will talk to him and

address him as they would any other child. It doesn't seem right to tell

people " he's autistic " because then I feel like I've just taught them that

autistic individuals should be ignored and never spoken to.

It's a tough one.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

How do you deal with telling or not telling

about DX

> Good Morning Everyone,

>

> is getting to the age where other children or adults will speak to

him (like at the playground or the beach) and expect a reply. Not that they

are rude but just normal interaction. Up to this point, I would just smile

and say " say Hi " . He is almost 2.5 now and I don't want people to

think we are rude. Luckily he looks a bit younger than he is so perhaps

people don't think too much yet but they will as he gets older. He was only

Dx in March so we have in the mode of not telling people about his DX yet.

At the ped, a child was talking to him with his mother and I could tell the

mother thought it odd that he did not reply or was just talking

" justinspeak " , her son was 1 year younger and talking. So I said, " he is a

bit delayed and doesn't speak yet " and Her reply " oh don't worry he will, my

son talks so much because I talk to him all the time " !! Ok I just bite my

tongue and smiled. (This was before his dx)...I know she meant well........

>

> Oh so before I go off on a ramble about that, I will get back to my

point...Do you tell strangers your child is Autistic, do you just not say

anything? I just don't know. I am not ashamed of my son however I know the

stigma that goes with Autism and I know that many people will react very

strongly to it and perhaps not want their child to play with mine (like it

is catching LOL). Maybe I don't give people enough credit......

>

> I would love to hear all your thoughts. I will be back tomorrow night,

taking the boys to the grandparents

>

> Warm Regards

>

> & ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

>

>

> ---

> Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

> Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

> Version: 6.0.427 / Virus Database: 240 - Release Date: 12/6/2002

>

>

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This is such a great question. And I have no idea what the answer is.

n is nearly 3 and looks like he could easily be 4. People stop us in

the grocery store all the time to try and talk to n, and they will

stand there blocking us until he replies. And I agree, it is awkward. I

usually just smile and wait for them to give up and walk away. On one hand,

n is a person, and it pleases me that people will talk to him and

address him as they would any other child. It doesn't seem right to tell

people " he's autistic " because then I feel like I've just taught them that

autistic individuals should be ignored and never spoken to.

It's a tough one.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

How do you deal with telling or not telling

about DX

> Good Morning Everyone,

>

> is getting to the age where other children or adults will speak to

him (like at the playground or the beach) and expect a reply. Not that they

are rude but just normal interaction. Up to this point, I would just smile

and say " say Hi " . He is almost 2.5 now and I don't want people to

think we are rude. Luckily he looks a bit younger than he is so perhaps

people don't think too much yet but they will as he gets older. He was only

Dx in March so we have in the mode of not telling people about his DX yet.

At the ped, a child was talking to him with his mother and I could tell the

mother thought it odd that he did not reply or was just talking

" justinspeak " , her son was 1 year younger and talking. So I said, " he is a

bit delayed and doesn't speak yet " and Her reply " oh don't worry he will, my

son talks so much because I talk to him all the time " !! Ok I just bite my

tongue and smiled. (This was before his dx)...I know she meant well........

>

> Oh so before I go off on a ramble about that, I will get back to my

point...Do you tell strangers your child is Autistic, do you just not say

anything? I just don't know. I am not ashamed of my son however I know the

stigma that goes with Autism and I know that many people will react very

strongly to it and perhaps not want their child to play with mine (like it

is catching LOL). Maybe I don't give people enough credit......

>

> I would love to hear all your thoughts. I will be back tomorrow night,

taking the boys to the grandparents

>

> Warm Regards

>

> & ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

>

>

> ---

> Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

> Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

> Version: 6.0.427 / Virus Database: 240 - Release Date: 12/6/2002

>

>

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This is such a great question. And I have no idea what the answer is.

n is nearly 3 and looks like he could easily be 4. People stop us in

the grocery store all the time to try and talk to n, and they will

stand there blocking us until he replies. And I agree, it is awkward. I

usually just smile and wait for them to give up and walk away. On one hand,

n is a person, and it pleases me that people will talk to him and

address him as they would any other child. It doesn't seem right to tell

people " he's autistic " because then I feel like I've just taught them that

autistic individuals should be ignored and never spoken to.

It's a tough one.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

How do you deal with telling or not telling

about DX

> Good Morning Everyone,

>

> is getting to the age where other children or adults will speak to

him (like at the playground or the beach) and expect a reply. Not that they

are rude but just normal interaction. Up to this point, I would just smile

and say " say Hi " . He is almost 2.5 now and I don't want people to

think we are rude. Luckily he looks a bit younger than he is so perhaps

people don't think too much yet but they will as he gets older. He was only

Dx in March so we have in the mode of not telling people about his DX yet.

At the ped, a child was talking to him with his mother and I could tell the

mother thought it odd that he did not reply or was just talking

" justinspeak " , her son was 1 year younger and talking. So I said, " he is a

bit delayed and doesn't speak yet " and Her reply " oh don't worry he will, my

son talks so much because I talk to him all the time " !! Ok I just bite my

tongue and smiled. (This was before his dx)...I know she meant well........

>

> Oh so before I go off on a ramble about that, I will get back to my

point...Do you tell strangers your child is Autistic, do you just not say

anything? I just don't know. I am not ashamed of my son however I know the

stigma that goes with Autism and I know that many people will react very

strongly to it and perhaps not want their child to play with mine (like it

is catching LOL). Maybe I don't give people enough credit......

>

> I would love to hear all your thoughts. I will be back tomorrow night,

taking the boys to the grandparents

>

> Warm Regards

>

> & ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

>

>

> ---

> Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

> Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

> Version: 6.0.427 / Virus Database: 240 - Release Date: 12/6/2002

>

>

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> While I have said " Jordan is autistic " , I

> actually prefer saying " Jordan has autism " ... semantics but to me it

> makes a difference in how I look at it. I personally need to separate

> the boy from the diagnosis.

It is interesting that you made this point. I find that both phrases don't

quite suit me. Among ourselves, I find that I am most comfortable saying

that n (or whoever else) is on the " spectrum " , but I realize most

people don't know what this means. I agree that it bothers me to say that

he *is* autistic, but if I say that he *has* autism, then I feel like that

makes it sound like some sort of disease instead of a life condition, or

challenge. Perhaps is would be easier, and less scary, to tell people

simply that he has a disability and doesn't speak yet ... (?)

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

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> While I have said " Jordan is autistic " , I

> actually prefer saying " Jordan has autism " ... semantics but to me it

> makes a difference in how I look at it. I personally need to separate

> the boy from the diagnosis.

It is interesting that you made this point. I find that both phrases don't

quite suit me. Among ourselves, I find that I am most comfortable saying

that n (or whoever else) is on the " spectrum " , but I realize most

people don't know what this means. I agree that it bothers me to say that

he *is* autistic, but if I say that he *has* autism, then I feel like that

makes it sound like some sort of disease instead of a life condition, or

challenge. Perhaps is would be easier, and less scary, to tell people

simply that he has a disability and doesn't speak yet ... (?)

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

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> While I have said " Jordan is autistic " , I

> actually prefer saying " Jordan has autism " ... semantics but to me it

> makes a difference in how I look at it. I personally need to separate

> the boy from the diagnosis.

It is interesting that you made this point. I find that both phrases don't

quite suit me. Among ourselves, I find that I am most comfortable saying

that n (or whoever else) is on the " spectrum " , but I realize most

people don't know what this means. I agree that it bothers me to say that

he *is* autistic, but if I say that he *has* autism, then I feel like that

makes it sound like some sort of disease instead of a life condition, or

challenge. Perhaps is would be easier, and less scary, to tell people

simply that he has a disability and doesn't speak yet ... (?)

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

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----- Original Message -----

> I won't tell

> you about the woman at the grocery store I almost swung around by her

> ponytail.

But inquiring minds want to know!

: )

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

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----- Original Message -----

> I won't tell

> you about the woman at the grocery store I almost swung around by her

> ponytail.

But inquiring minds want to know!

: )

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

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> challenge. Perhaps is would be easier, and less scary, to tell people

> simply that he has a disability and doesn't speak yet ... (?)

Whatever you're comfortable with, , really.

My husband has diabetes. My husband is diabetic. Now, there's no " stigma "

attached to either one of those. I try to view autism in the same way. My

son is autistic. My son has autism. They are equally true to me.

But certainly there is NO reason you should share ANYTHING from your child's

personal medical history if you don't want to. You don't have to say

anything at all.

As for people blocking the way until he responds -- well, that's just rude.

" Excuse us please " and push on by them. Sheesh. (Unless, of course, you

*want* to encourage the interaction! I'm sure there are times that you do,

and times that you don't.)

When I share 's diagnosis I don't feel like I'm telling them to

ignore him, but more explaining why HE is ignoring THEM. But obviously

there's a difference in our two boys. can't and won't respond. At

all. Period. He's just not there yet. If n is able to respond, even

if it takes some time and cajoling, he's in a very different place than

, and your answers are going to be very different than mine.

So...whatever makes YOU comfortable is what you should do. :)

JMO,

-Sara.

Wife to Matt

SAHM to (3.5, autism)

Gabe (23 mos, speech delay)

and 'Punkin' due in May!

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> challenge. Perhaps is would be easier, and less scary, to tell people

> simply that he has a disability and doesn't speak yet ... (?)

Whatever you're comfortable with, , really.

My husband has diabetes. My husband is diabetic. Now, there's no " stigma "

attached to either one of those. I try to view autism in the same way. My

son is autistic. My son has autism. They are equally true to me.

But certainly there is NO reason you should share ANYTHING from your child's

personal medical history if you don't want to. You don't have to say

anything at all.

As for people blocking the way until he responds -- well, that's just rude.

" Excuse us please " and push on by them. Sheesh. (Unless, of course, you

*want* to encourage the interaction! I'm sure there are times that you do,

and times that you don't.)

When I share 's diagnosis I don't feel like I'm telling them to

ignore him, but more explaining why HE is ignoring THEM. But obviously

there's a difference in our two boys. can't and won't respond. At

all. Period. He's just not there yet. If n is able to respond, even

if it takes some time and cajoling, he's in a very different place than

, and your answers are going to be very different than mine.

So...whatever makes YOU comfortable is what you should do. :)

JMO,

-Sara.

Wife to Matt

SAHM to (3.5, autism)

Gabe (23 mos, speech delay)

and 'Punkin' due in May!

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> challenge. Perhaps is would be easier, and less scary, to tell people

> simply that he has a disability and doesn't speak yet ... (?)

Whatever you're comfortable with, , really.

My husband has diabetes. My husband is diabetic. Now, there's no " stigma "

attached to either one of those. I try to view autism in the same way. My

son is autistic. My son has autism. They are equally true to me.

But certainly there is NO reason you should share ANYTHING from your child's

personal medical history if you don't want to. You don't have to say

anything at all.

As for people blocking the way until he responds -- well, that's just rude.

" Excuse us please " and push on by them. Sheesh. (Unless, of course, you

*want* to encourage the interaction! I'm sure there are times that you do,

and times that you don't.)

When I share 's diagnosis I don't feel like I'm telling them to

ignore him, but more explaining why HE is ignoring THEM. But obviously

there's a difference in our two boys. can't and won't respond. At

all. Period. He's just not there yet. If n is able to respond, even

if it takes some time and cajoling, he's in a very different place than

, and your answers are going to be very different than mine.

So...whatever makes YOU comfortable is what you should do. :)

JMO,

-Sara.

Wife to Matt

SAHM to (3.5, autism)

Gabe (23 mos, speech delay)

and 'Punkin' due in May!

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Welcome back, Jacquie. I think you're wise to not tell the evil .

It sounds like you have a well-honed instinct about what to say.

Maggie

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Welcome back, Jacquie. I think you're wise to not tell the evil .

It sounds like you have a well-honed instinct about what to say.

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

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Welcome back, Jacquie. I think you're wise to not tell the evil .

It sounds like you have a well-honed instinct about what to say.

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

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oops, I meant Ben's evil older brother. Not . Can you tell I forgot

to drink my coffee tonight?

Sorry,

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

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Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

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oops, I meant Ben's evil older brother. Not . Can you tell I forgot

to drink my coffee tonight?

Sorry,

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

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oops, I meant Ben's evil older brother. Not . Can you tell I forgot

to drink my coffee tonight?

Sorry,

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!

Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!

Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!

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i agree with tamara on this awareness aspect. i especially agree with

explaining the diagnosis to other children - it's like the more they hear and

understand about autism the less strange and mysterious it becomes.

jmho,

M.G.mum to

Sebastian, 11 kinda quirky(NT)

Rowan, 6 extra quirky (ASD)

married to and living in Northern Ontario

How do you deal with telling or not telling

>about DX

>Date: Sat, 19 Apr 2003 07:34:03 -0400

>

>Good Morning Everyone,

>

> is getting to the age where other children or adults will speak to

>him (like at the playground or the beach) and expect a reply. Not that they

>are rude but just normal interaction. Up to this point, I would just smile

>and say " say Hi " . He is almost 2.5 now and I don't want people to

>think we are rude. Luckily he looks a bit younger than he is so perhaps

>people don't think too much yet but they will as he gets older. He was only

>Dx in March so we have in the mode of not telling people about his DX yet.

>At the ped, a child was talking to him with his mother and I could tell the

>mother thought it odd that he did not reply or was just talking

> " justinspeak " , her son was 1 year younger and talking. So I said, " he is a

>bit delayed and doesn't speak yet " and Her reply " oh don't worry he will,

>my son talks so much because I talk to him all the time " !! Ok I just bite

>my tongue and smiled. (This was before his dx)...I know she meant

>well........

>

>Oh so before I go off on a ramble about that, I will get back to my

>point...Do you tell strangers your child is Autistic, do you just not say

>anything? I just don't know. I am not ashamed of my son however I know the

>stigma that goes with Autism and I know that many people will react very

>strongly to it and perhaps not want their child to play with mine (like it

>is catching LOL). Maybe I don't give people enough credit......

>

>I would love to hear all your thoughts. I will be back tomorrow night,

>taking the boys to the grandparents

>

>Warm Regards

>

> & ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

>

>

>---

>Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

>Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

>Version: 6.0.427 / Virus Database: 240 - Release Date: 12/6/2002

>

>

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i agree with tamara on this awareness aspect. i especially agree with

explaining the diagnosis to other children - it's like the more they hear and

understand about autism the less strange and mysterious it becomes.

jmho,

M.G.mum to

Sebastian, 11 kinda quirky(NT)

Rowan, 6 extra quirky (ASD)

married to and living in Northern Ontario

How do you deal with telling or not telling

>about DX

>Date: Sat, 19 Apr 2003 07:34:03 -0400

>

>Good Morning Everyone,

>

> is getting to the age where other children or adults will speak to

>him (like at the playground or the beach) and expect a reply. Not that they

>are rude but just normal interaction. Up to this point, I would just smile

>and say " say Hi " . He is almost 2.5 now and I don't want people to

>think we are rude. Luckily he looks a bit younger than he is so perhaps

>people don't think too much yet but they will as he gets older. He was only

>Dx in March so we have in the mode of not telling people about his DX yet.

>At the ped, a child was talking to him with his mother and I could tell the

>mother thought it odd that he did not reply or was just talking

> " justinspeak " , her son was 1 year younger and talking. So I said, " he is a

>bit delayed and doesn't speak yet " and Her reply " oh don't worry he will,

>my son talks so much because I talk to him all the time " !! Ok I just bite

>my tongue and smiled. (This was before his dx)...I know she meant

>well........

>

>Oh so before I go off on a ramble about that, I will get back to my

>point...Do you tell strangers your child is Autistic, do you just not say

>anything? I just don't know. I am not ashamed of my son however I know the

>stigma that goes with Autism and I know that many people will react very

>strongly to it and perhaps not want their child to play with mine (like it

>is catching LOL). Maybe I don't give people enough credit......

>

>I would love to hear all your thoughts. I will be back tomorrow night,

>taking the boys to the grandparents

>

>Warm Regards

>

> & ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

>

>

>---

>Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

>Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

>Version: 6.0.427 / Virus Database: 240 - Release Date: 12/6/2002

>

>

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i agree with tamara on this awareness aspect. i especially agree with

explaining the diagnosis to other children - it's like the more they hear and

understand about autism the less strange and mysterious it becomes.

jmho,

M.G.mum to

Sebastian, 11 kinda quirky(NT)

Rowan, 6 extra quirky (ASD)

married to and living in Northern Ontario

How do you deal with telling or not telling

>about DX

>Date: Sat, 19 Apr 2003 07:34:03 -0400

>

>Good Morning Everyone,

>

> is getting to the age where other children or adults will speak to

>him (like at the playground or the beach) and expect a reply. Not that they

>are rude but just normal interaction. Up to this point, I would just smile

>and say " say Hi " . He is almost 2.5 now and I don't want people to

>think we are rude. Luckily he looks a bit younger than he is so perhaps

>people don't think too much yet but they will as he gets older. He was only

>Dx in March so we have in the mode of not telling people about his DX yet.

>At the ped, a child was talking to him with his mother and I could tell the

>mother thought it odd that he did not reply or was just talking

> " justinspeak " , her son was 1 year younger and talking. So I said, " he is a

>bit delayed and doesn't speak yet " and Her reply " oh don't worry he will,

>my son talks so much because I talk to him all the time " !! Ok I just bite

>my tongue and smiled. (This was before his dx)...I know she meant

>well........

>

>Oh so before I go off on a ramble about that, I will get back to my

>point...Do you tell strangers your child is Autistic, do you just not say

>anything? I just don't know. I am not ashamed of my son however I know the

>stigma that goes with Autism and I know that many people will react very

>strongly to it and perhaps not want their child to play with mine (like it

>is catching LOL). Maybe I don't give people enough credit......

>

>I would love to hear all your thoughts. I will be back tomorrow night,

>taking the boys to the grandparents

>

>Warm Regards

>

> & ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

>

>

>---

>Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

>Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

>Version: 6.0.427 / Virus Database: 240 - Release Date: 12/6/2002

>

>

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>

> Oh so before I go off on a ramble about that, I will get back to my

point...Do you tell strangers your child is Autistic, do you just not say

anything? I just don't know. I am not ashamed of my son however I know the

stigma that goes with Autism and I know that many people will react very

strongly to it and perhaps not want their child to play with mine (like it

is catching LOL). Maybe I don't give people enough credit......

>

I am very in-your-face about it. Totally up front. No one has ever changed

their mind about letting their child play with him because of it. One mom I

was nervous about telling turned out to have done peer support with autistic

kids all through high school. She sometimes jokes that my son will marry

her daughter!

The only time I have been reluctant to tell is recently. 's friend Ben

has an older brother, 13, who is just plain evil. I'm afriad if we explain

to the 13 year old about , he will warp it for Ben. I don't know if

that WOULD happen, but I'm playing it safe on that score. Since will

never be at Ben's house again, it's a non issue now anyway.

We've never told 's classmates about it, because they haven't noticed

enough of a difference in him to comment to anyone. I'm sure as school

progresses and he gets older, the time will come.

Jacquie

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> > While I have said " Jordan is autistic " , I

> > actually prefer saying " Jordan has autism " ... semantics but to me it

> > makes a difference in how I look at it. I personally need to separate

> > the boy from the diagnosis.

I fall on the other side of that one. :-) To my brain, 'has autism'

sounds like 'has cancer' or 'has aids' but 'is autistic' sounds like 'is

German/ish'.

Jacquie

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> > While I have said " Jordan is autistic " , I

> > actually prefer saying " Jordan has autism " ... semantics but to me it

> > makes a difference in how I look at it. I personally need to separate

> > the boy from the diagnosis.

I fall on the other side of that one. :-) To my brain, 'has autism'

sounds like 'has cancer' or 'has aids' but 'is autistic' sounds like 'is

German/ish'.

Jacquie

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> > While I have said " Jordan is autistic " , I

> > actually prefer saying " Jordan has autism " ... semantics but to me it

> > makes a difference in how I look at it. I personally need to separate

> > the boy from the diagnosis.

I fall on the other side of that one. :-) To my brain, 'has autism'

sounds like 'has cancer' or 'has aids' but 'is autistic' sounds like 'is

German/ish'.

Jacquie

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Hmmmmm....I dont really remember what I did in the very beginning. I think I

just flat out told people that Greggory (and then later Alec) was autistic. I

know now that with Alec being 5 yrs old and 60 lbs and almost 4 feet tall most

people can tell there is something wrong with him. We dont get many people

trying to talk to him anymore. Just weird looks now. ;)

Jacquie H

How do you deal with telling or not telling about

DX

Good Morning Everyone,

is getting to the age where other children or adults will speak to him

(like at the playground or the beach) and expect a reply. Not that they are rude

but just normal interaction. Up to this point, I would just smile and say " say

Hi " . He is almost 2.5 now and I don't want people to think we are rude.

Luckily he looks a bit younger than he is so perhaps people don't think too much

yet but they will as he gets older. He was only Dx in March so we have in the

mode of not telling people about his DX yet. At the ped, a child was talking to

him with his mother and I could tell the mother thought it odd that he did not

reply or was just talking " justinspeak " , her son was 1 year younger and talking.

So I said, " he is a bit delayed and doesn't speak yet " and Her reply " oh don't

worry he will, my son talks so much because I talk to him all the time " !! Ok I

just bite my tongue and smiled. (This was before his dx)...I know she meant

well........

Oh so before I go off on a ramble about that, I will get back to my point...Do

you tell strangers your child is Autistic, do you just not say anything? I just

don't know. I am not ashamed of my son however I know the stigma that goes with

Autism and I know that many people will react very strongly to it and perhaps

not want their child to play with mine (like it is catching LOL). Maybe I don't

give people enough credit......

I would love to hear all your thoughts. I will be back tomorrow night, taking

the boys to the grandparents

Warm Regards

& ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

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