Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 I've seen both shows too, , and I agree with you. When we as mothers learn how to respect others' experiences instead of judging them, then the dialogue truly can be an open one. I stay home with because he needs me to right now. I do know, however, I would feel more fulfilled working outside my home. Until then, I'll do my volunteer work and pretend it's enough. Maggie ________________________________________________________________ The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand! Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER! Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 I've seen both shows too, , and I agree with you. When we as mothers learn how to respect others' experiences instead of judging them, then the dialogue truly can be an open one. I stay home with because he needs me to right now. I do know, however, I would feel more fulfilled working outside my home. Until then, I'll do my volunteer work and pretend it's enough. Maggie ________________________________________________________________ The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand! Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER! Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 I've seen both shows too, , and I agree with you. When we as mothers learn how to respect others' experiences instead of judging them, then the dialogue truly can be an open one. I stay home with because he needs me to right now. I do know, however, I would feel more fulfilled working outside my home. Until then, I'll do my volunteer work and pretend it's enough. Maggie ________________________________________________________________ The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand! Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER! Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 In a message dated 4/17/03 9:22:52 PM Eastern Daylight Time, shanley_n_teresa@... writes: > . I think i'd be a better mom if I felt more whole as a person by > accomplishing that goal. Does that make me a bad person because I want an > identity outside of the home? No I agree this is something that you need. After is in school full time I am going back to school for 4 classes to get my education degree. I want to be a special education teacher. My rule is: First my kid, then everyone else's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 I wish that my husband could stay home. I just wouldn't make the same money. I think my daughter responds better to him and I think our relationship would be better since he can " get her in line " easier and faster than I can. Seems that it's all about what's best for the kids not what's best for your family! I think the whole setup was fabulous! Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Since mt man has had the heart surgery, he's been obviously out of work. Hanging out waiting for disability to show it's way here has depleted what little savings we had so I had to go back to work. I have been a SAHM for the past 4 years and yesterday was my first day back. Wayne is playing " Mr. Mom " right now (yesterday was also the first day of spring break for us:) ). He had a great day (so did I) but after I came home and we had dinner he split to go shopping. He said " I need a break, I definitely have a new appreciation for your past 4 years " haha! I think the boys really enjoyed the dad time, my little one said " we farted and didn't say excuse me " lovely! Even when he goes back to work, I am still going to work, he will work days and I nights...that way we both have equal parenting responsibilities, I have no idea why I have felt the need to do it all alone over the past four years, nuts I guess...lol! I definitely enjoyed the break yesterday, the guys at work couldn't understand why I was so damn happy...lol! No whines, no fits, no demands...my kind of day:) Tommi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Since mt man has had the heart surgery, he's been obviously out of work. Hanging out waiting for disability to show it's way here has depleted what little savings we had so I had to go back to work. I have been a SAHM for the past 4 years and yesterday was my first day back. Wayne is playing " Mr. Mom " right now (yesterday was also the first day of spring break for us:) ). He had a great day (so did I) but after I came home and we had dinner he split to go shopping. He said " I need a break, I definitely have a new appreciation for your past 4 years " haha! I think the boys really enjoyed the dad time, my little one said " we farted and didn't say excuse me " lovely! Even when he goes back to work, I am still going to work, he will work days and I nights...that way we both have equal parenting responsibilities, I have no idea why I have felt the need to do it all alone over the past four years, nuts I guess...lol! I definitely enjoyed the break yesterday, the guys at work couldn't understand why I was so damn happy...lol! No whines, no fits, no demands...my kind of day:) Tommi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Since mt man has had the heart surgery, he's been obviously out of work. Hanging out waiting for disability to show it's way here has depleted what little savings we had so I had to go back to work. I have been a SAHM for the past 4 years and yesterday was my first day back. Wayne is playing " Mr. Mom " right now (yesterday was also the first day of spring break for us:) ). He had a great day (so did I) but after I came home and we had dinner he split to go shopping. He said " I need a break, I definitely have a new appreciation for your past 4 years " haha! I think the boys really enjoyed the dad time, my little one said " we farted and didn't say excuse me " lovely! Even when he goes back to work, I am still going to work, he will work days and I nights...that way we both have equal parenting responsibilities, I have no idea why I have felt the need to do it all alone over the past four years, nuts I guess...lol! I definitely enjoyed the break yesterday, the guys at work couldn't understand why I was so damn happy...lol! No whines, no fits, no demands...my kind of day:) Tommi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 I know this isn't completely in line with your post but it got me thinking. Ever since my husband and I had children, I have found women to be much more judgmental of other women's parenting choices than men. (This is a generalization, I apologize because not all women are). When we first told people that Jack (DH) would be staying home with our son, they looked at us like we had three heads. His own sister (who has a young child) said " DH & I could never stay home and do nothing " " I would have been scared to death to leave DS as a baby home with DH " !! (who is a great dad BTW)..His other sister who is a doctor said " Men are not nurturing enough to be the primary caretaker " . After DH was home with DS#1 for about 1 year, I had a woman ask me " what can't you husband find a job " !! My male co-workers were like " Cool, I would love to stay home with my kids " Because I had a high paying job that required long hours at some points, I had women say things like " how can you be away from your kids so much " etc etc. My MIL has made comments about how Jack knows the children better because he stayed home with him. I had to bite my tongue to not say " so your DD daycare must know her children best " I don't because I know its everyone's choice to do what they want and everyone's situation is different but I just wish that people wouldn't judge mine!!. BTW, I left my job and have been home with the boys for 8 months while DH is building us new house and my hat is off to SAHM!! There are days that 12 day at the office looks relaxing!! LOL It has been a wonderful experience however and I feel so lucky to have had it.... Rambling post I know but back to Oprah...Some women are great SAHM, some women are great providers, some women don't want children and some women are somewhere in between. I wish all women would support each other in their choices. Sorry to be on a soapbox, its early here and I have had only one cup of coffee LOL Warm Regards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 , Thanks! Its nice to have someone be supportive. Jack is great with the boys and they do respond quicker to him. Mommy is a softy! LOL Some of comes from when I was working and feeling guilty for not being home enough. There are days that I wish my DH could make the most money (don't get me wrong, he is a very hard working man ) and I could stay home forever but deep down I think him being home is best plus he is a great cook and can build anything so him being home has its benefits! I will be returning to work later this summer, the house is almost done as is the savings LOL Have a great day! Re: Oprah yesterday I wish that my husband could stay home. I just wouldn't make the same money. I think my daughter responds better to him and I think our relationship would be better since he can " get her in line " easier and faster than I can. Seems that it's all about what's best for the kids not what's best for your family! I think the whole setup was fabulous! Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Jacquie, I just keeping saying to myself... " she is not of this planet, she is not of this planet " and " she is not worth it " LOL.... Re: Oprah yesterday > Because I had a high paying job that required long hours at some points, I had women say things like " how can you be away from your kids so much " etc etc. My MIL has made comments about how Jack knows the children better because he stayed home with him. I had to bite my tongue to not say " so your DD daycare must know her children best " I don't because I know its everyone's choice to do what they want and everyone's situation is different but I just wish that people wouldn't judge mine!!. > I would've liked to see her tell Jack that YOU know the children better now. What a witch. :-( That must have been so hard to deal with!!!! I think it's wonderful your dh had the chance to primary caregiver. Fathers are just as capable as mothers as full-time parents, AND it's wonderful role model for children to see that BOTH sexes can be nurturing as well as providing financial support. (I wrote a paper on this for sociology) Too bad your mil couldn't see that. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Jacquie, I just keeping saying to myself... " she is not of this planet, she is not of this planet " and " she is not worth it " LOL.... Re: Oprah yesterday > Because I had a high paying job that required long hours at some points, I had women say things like " how can you be away from your kids so much " etc etc. My MIL has made comments about how Jack knows the children better because he stayed home with him. I had to bite my tongue to not say " so your DD daycare must know her children best " I don't because I know its everyone's choice to do what they want and everyone's situation is different but I just wish that people wouldn't judge mine!!. > I would've liked to see her tell Jack that YOU know the children better now. What a witch. :-( That must have been so hard to deal with!!!! I think it's wonderful your dh had the chance to primary caregiver. Fathers are just as capable as mothers as full-time parents, AND it's wonderful role model for children to see that BOTH sexes can be nurturing as well as providing financial support. (I wrote a paper on this for sociology) Too bad your mil couldn't see that. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Jacquie, I just keeping saying to myself... " she is not of this planet, she is not of this planet " and " she is not worth it " LOL.... Re: Oprah yesterday > Because I had a high paying job that required long hours at some points, I had women say things like " how can you be away from your kids so much " etc etc. My MIL has made comments about how Jack knows the children better because he stayed home with him. I had to bite my tongue to not say " so your DD daycare must know her children best " I don't because I know its everyone's choice to do what they want and everyone's situation is different but I just wish that people wouldn't judge mine!!. > I would've liked to see her tell Jack that YOU know the children better now. What a witch. :-( That must have been so hard to deal with!!!! I think it's wonderful your dh had the chance to primary caregiver. Fathers are just as capable as mothers as full-time parents, AND it's wonderful role model for children to see that BOTH sexes can be nurturing as well as providing financial support. (I wrote a paper on this for sociology) Too bad your mil couldn't see that. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 My cousin has 2 young adopted daughters and he is a stay at home dad, is home schooling them too! His wife is an attorney and made the larger paycheck so they decided she would continue working. He's a wonderful man and father, and even has small school desks for the one who's started schooling. If she walks away from the lesson, he calmly asks her 'why are you skipping school?'. My dad just finished visiting them and didn't seem to fazed by the whole arrangement! Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Glad you're getting adult time and enjoying it! Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Glad you're getting adult time and enjoying it! Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Glad you're getting adult time and enjoying it! Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 I think all dads are the ones that do the physical play with the kids after they get past the baby stage! They seem to be great at really working the kids up, don't they? Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 I think all dads are the ones that do the physical play with the kids after they get past the baby stage! They seem to be great at really working the kids up, don't they? Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 I think all dads are the ones that do the physical play with the kids after they get past the baby stage! They seem to be great at really working the kids up, don't they? Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 > Because I had a high paying job that required long hours at some points, I had women say things like " how can you be away from your kids so much " etc etc. My MIL has made comments about how Jack knows the children better because he stayed home with him. I had to bite my tongue to not say " so your DD daycare must know her children best " I don't because I know its everyone's choice to do what they want and everyone's situation is different but I just wish that people wouldn't judge mine!!. > I would've liked to see her tell Jack that YOU know the children better now. What a witch. :-( That must have been so hard to deal with!!!! I think it's wonderful your dh had the chance to primary caregiver. Fathers are just as capable as mothers as full-time parents, AND it's wonderful role model for children to see that BOTH sexes can be nurturing as well as providing financial support. (I wrote a paper on this for sociology) Too bad your mil couldn't see that. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 > Because I had a high paying job that required long hours at some points, I had women say things like " how can you be away from your kids so much " etc etc. My MIL has made comments about how Jack knows the children better because he stayed home with him. I had to bite my tongue to not say " so your DD daycare must know her children best " I don't because I know its everyone's choice to do what they want and everyone's situation is different but I just wish that people wouldn't judge mine!!. > I would've liked to see her tell Jack that YOU know the children better now. What a witch. :-( That must have been so hard to deal with!!!! I think it's wonderful your dh had the chance to primary caregiver. Fathers are just as capable as mothers as full-time parents, AND it's wonderful role model for children to see that BOTH sexes can be nurturing as well as providing financial support. (I wrote a paper on this for sociology) Too bad your mil couldn't see that. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 > Because I had a high paying job that required long hours at some points, I had women say things like " how can you be away from your kids so much " etc etc. My MIL has made comments about how Jack knows the children better because he stayed home with him. I had to bite my tongue to not say " so your DD daycare must know her children best " I don't because I know its everyone's choice to do what they want and everyone's situation is different but I just wish that people wouldn't judge mine!!. > I would've liked to see her tell Jack that YOU know the children better now. What a witch. :-( That must have been so hard to deal with!!!! I think it's wonderful your dh had the chance to primary caregiver. Fathers are just as capable as mothers as full-time parents, AND it's wonderful role model for children to see that BOTH sexes can be nurturing as well as providing financial support. (I wrote a paper on this for sociology) Too bad your mil couldn't see that. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2003 Report Share Posted April 21, 2003 >>>>>>>> I happen to identify very strongly with the moms who were frustrated. I know I do not feel completely fulfilled by just being a mom. I had those nursing dreams for many many years and it was who I identified myself as. I think i'd be a better mom if I felt more whole as a person by accomplishing that goal. Does that make me a bad person because I want an identity outside of the home? <<<<<<<<< Absolutely, postively, unequivocally, NOT!!!! We are woman first and Mom's second, at least I am... I've lost myself somewhere along the way and that's shitty, cuz *I* only have one life!!!! I'm with you, hon. Penny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2003 Report Share Posted April 21, 2003 >>>>>>>> I happen to identify very strongly with the moms who were frustrated. I know I do not feel completely fulfilled by just being a mom. I had those nursing dreams for many many years and it was who I identified myself as. I think i'd be a better mom if I felt more whole as a person by accomplishing that goal. Does that make me a bad person because I want an identity outside of the home? <<<<<<<<< Absolutely, postively, unequivocally, NOT!!!! We are woman first and Mom's second, at least I am... I've lost myself somewhere along the way and that's shitty, cuz *I* only have one life!!!! I'm with you, hon. Penny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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