Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 This is great advice. But I really think Dessiree, has an idea that what she is doing is wrong sometimes. She likes to eat play-doh. And all the times she plays with it she finds a way to sneak out of my sight and eat it. When I come close to her she runs and laugh. Obviously she thinks it's a game. What do you think? Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99) Lovely husband -----Mensaje original----- De: The Hunny Family Enviado el: Jueves, 17 de Abril de 2003 10:07 a.m. Para: parenting_autism Asunto: Re: WHY WHY WHY????????? > Hello all, I am so badly trying to understand why my Zachari does things he shouldn't do. I wonder sometimes if he even knows what he is doing is wrong. Nope. He's got no idea. That's why it's so incredibly hard to discipline young auties. They can't understand the consequences are linked to what they did. It's been a long long time since was a young autie, but I remember everything I ever read told me that redirection is pretty much the only option at that time of life. :-( They just don't have the ability to understand right and wrong, or to understand cause (behaviour) and effect (punishment). It's crazy-making. Do you think supplying Zach with a painting area and tempura paints that are available to him 24hours a day would make a difference? Maybe he just really wants to paint? that was, even if he paints the tv or the walls, it will wash off... Is that worth a try, do you think? And if it gives you any comfort, at 6 1/2 now knows darn well when he's done something wrong. ;-) Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > I am so badly trying to understand why my Zachari does things he shouldn't do. < not that it'll make you feel any better, but kailey's almost 9 and i'm STILL trying to figure it out :-/ ~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > And if it gives you any comfort, at 6 1/2 now knows darn well when he's done something wrong. ;-) < jacquie, you're very very lucky ~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > I really think Dessiree, has an idea that what she is doing is wrong sometimes. Obviously she thinks it's a game. What do you think? < i don't think she can know it's wrong, yet think it's a game. she may know she's not supposed to do it, but i don't think she understands why. that's been my experience anyway. of course, i could be wrong. ~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > It's all completely orchestrated, of course. I put on the 'mean angry stern mother' face and it intimidates the hell out of him. VERY theatric and over-acted. Jacquie < again, very lucky. this doesn't affect my kids one bit ~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 I think you have a point and you're probably right. Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99) Lovely husband -----Mensaje original----- De: muollo3 Enviado el: Jueves, 17 de Abril de 2003 09:37 a.m. Para: parenting_autism Asunto: Re: WHY WHY WHY????????? > I really think Dessiree, has an idea that what she is doing is wrong sometimes. Obviously she thinks it's a game. What do you think? < i don't think she can know it's wrong, yet think it's a game. she may know she's not supposed to do it, but i don't think she understands why. that's been my experience anyway. of course, i could be wrong. ~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > Hello all, I am so badly trying to understand why my Zachari does things he shouldn't do. I wonder sometimes if he even knows what he is doing is wrong. Nope. He's got no idea. That's why it's so incredibly hard to discipline young auties. They can't understand the consequences are linked to what they did. It's been a long long time since was a young autie, but I remember everything I ever read told me that redirection is pretty much the only option at that time of life. :-( They just don't have the ability to understand right and wrong, or to understand cause (behaviour) and effect (punishment). It's crazy-making. Do you think supplying Zach with a painting area and tempura paints that are available to him 24hours a day would make a difference? Maybe he just really wants to paint? that was, even if he paints the tv or the walls, it will wash off... Is that worth a try, do you think? And if it gives you any comfort, at 6 1/2 now knows darn well when he's done something wrong. ;-) Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > Hello all, I am so badly trying to understand why my Zachari does things he shouldn't do. I wonder sometimes if he even knows what he is doing is wrong. Nope. He's got no idea. That's why it's so incredibly hard to discipline young auties. They can't understand the consequences are linked to what they did. It's been a long long time since was a young autie, but I remember everything I ever read told me that redirection is pretty much the only option at that time of life. :-( They just don't have the ability to understand right and wrong, or to understand cause (behaviour) and effect (punishment). It's crazy-making. Do you think supplying Zach with a painting area and tempura paints that are available to him 24hours a day would make a difference? Maybe he just really wants to paint? that was, even if he paints the tv or the walls, it will wash off... Is that worth a try, do you think? And if it gives you any comfort, at 6 1/2 now knows darn well when he's done something wrong. ;-) Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > Hello all, I am so badly trying to understand why my Zachari does things he shouldn't do. I wonder sometimes if he even knows what he is doing is wrong. Nope. He's got no idea. That's why it's so incredibly hard to discipline young auties. They can't understand the consequences are linked to what they did. It's been a long long time since was a young autie, but I remember everything I ever read told me that redirection is pretty much the only option at that time of life. :-( They just don't have the ability to understand right and wrong, or to understand cause (behaviour) and effect (punishment). It's crazy-making. Do you think supplying Zach with a painting area and tempura paints that are available to him 24hours a day would make a difference? Maybe he just really wants to paint? that was, even if he paints the tv or the walls, it will wash off... Is that worth a try, do you think? And if it gives you any comfort, at 6 1/2 now knows darn well when he's done something wrong. ;-) Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > Thank you Jacquie for the encouragement. I think I will try the paints. I just don't understand why he wants to at 3 in the morning. It really scares me when he is awake and I am asleep. you know? Never know what could happen. Yup. I remember nights lying awake, running through the inventory -- did I hide the big knives? Where are the scissors? Are all the doors locked? Where are the lighters? Is the fan off? Is the oven off? Did I lock the cabinet with the cleaning stuff? Ugh. Luckily, nothing ever happened except one night he got a nosebleed while he wandered around so I woke up to a trail of blood around the house. ACK!!!!!!! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > Thank you Jacquie for the encouragement. I think I will try the paints. I just don't understand why he wants to at 3 in the morning. It really scares me when he is awake and I am asleep. you know? Never know what could happen. Yup. I remember nights lying awake, running through the inventory -- did I hide the big knives? Where are the scissors? Are all the doors locked? Where are the lighters? Is the fan off? Is the oven off? Did I lock the cabinet with the cleaning stuff? Ugh. Luckily, nothing ever happened except one night he got a nosebleed while he wandered around so I woke up to a trail of blood around the house. ACK!!!!!!! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > i don't think she can know it's wrong, yet think it's a game. she may know she's not supposed to do it, but i don't think she understands why. that's been my experience anyway. of course, i could be wrong. > I agree with ! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > > And if it gives you any comfort, at 6 1/2 now knows darn well when he's done something wrong. ;-) < > > jacquie, you're very very lucky Or very, very mean. My 'consequences' come swiftly, abruptly, and very very loudly. I know how to change myself from 'mom' to 'raving psycho bitch' in nanoseconds. I change every single aspect of myself when he's done something wrong -- I lower the pitch of my voice, look at him from under my eyebrows, repeat what I say a couple times, clearly and at theatre projection volume and tone, and then command him to do whatever I choose -- go to his room, clean up, whatever. Then I completely ignore him until it's done. Completely remove myself from him. This turns him into a very compliant little mouse-boy. It's all completely orchestrated, of course. I put on the 'mean angry stern mother' face and it intimidates the hell out of him. VERY theatric and over-acted. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 Amen. Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99) Lovely husband -----Mensaje original----- De: Jacquie Enviado el: Jueves, 17 de Abril de 2003 12:25 p.m. Para: parenting_autism Asunto: Re: WHY WHY WHY????????? I don't think any of that would qualify you as mean. I do the same thing with Greggory and Alec. While it works wonders with Greggory it works for squat with Alec. Nothing seems to work well with Alec though. But I do think that just like with me and Greggory you disciplining and being firm and direct and making him be responsible for his actions even when he was still learning about cause and effect made a huge difference! I don't think it is just luck that he has come so far. I believe that had the potential to(and does) to be someone extraordinary. Your pushing him has been what he needs. I know that Greggory does better with my being firm and I am sure it all helps. Now I know that Alec is different and he probably isn't as capable of reaching the same level of awareness as Greggory. But that is ok. Every child is different. Jacquie H Re: WHY WHY WHY????????? > > And if it gives you any comfort, at 6 1/2 now knows darn well when he's done something wrong. ;-) < > > jacquie, you're very very lucky Or very, very mean. My 'consequences' come swiftly, abruptly, and very very loudly. I know how to change myself from 'mom' to 'raving psycho bitch' in nanoseconds. I change every single aspect of myself when he's done something wrong -- I lower the pitch of my voice, look at him from under my eyebrows, repeat what I say a couple times, clearly and at theatre projection volume and tone, and then command him to do whatever I choose -- go to his room, clean up, whatever. Then I completely ignore him until it's done. Completely remove myself from him. This turns him into a very compliant little mouse-boy. It's all completely orchestrated, of course. I put on the 'mean angry stern mother' face and it intimidates the hell out of him. VERY theatric and over-acted. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 Amen. Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99) Lovely husband -----Mensaje original----- De: Jacquie Enviado el: Jueves, 17 de Abril de 2003 12:25 p.m. Para: parenting_autism Asunto: Re: WHY WHY WHY????????? I don't think any of that would qualify you as mean. I do the same thing with Greggory and Alec. While it works wonders with Greggory it works for squat with Alec. Nothing seems to work well with Alec though. But I do think that just like with me and Greggory you disciplining and being firm and direct and making him be responsible for his actions even when he was still learning about cause and effect made a huge difference! I don't think it is just luck that he has come so far. I believe that had the potential to(and does) to be someone extraordinary. Your pushing him has been what he needs. I know that Greggory does better with my being firm and I am sure it all helps. Now I know that Alec is different and he probably isn't as capable of reaching the same level of awareness as Greggory. But that is ok. Every child is different. Jacquie H Re: WHY WHY WHY????????? > > And if it gives you any comfort, at 6 1/2 now knows darn well when he's done something wrong. ;-) < > > jacquie, you're very very lucky Or very, very mean. My 'consequences' come swiftly, abruptly, and very very loudly. I know how to change myself from 'mom' to 'raving psycho bitch' in nanoseconds. I change every single aspect of myself when he's done something wrong -- I lower the pitch of my voice, look at him from under my eyebrows, repeat what I say a couple times, clearly and at theatre projection volume and tone, and then command him to do whatever I choose -- go to his room, clean up, whatever. Then I completely ignore him until it's done. Completely remove myself from him. This turns him into a very compliant little mouse-boy. It's all completely orchestrated, of course. I put on the 'mean angry stern mother' face and it intimidates the hell out of him. VERY theatric and over-acted. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 Amen. Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99) Lovely husband -----Mensaje original----- De: Jacquie Enviado el: Jueves, 17 de Abril de 2003 12:25 p.m. Para: parenting_autism Asunto: Re: WHY WHY WHY????????? I don't think any of that would qualify you as mean. I do the same thing with Greggory and Alec. While it works wonders with Greggory it works for squat with Alec. Nothing seems to work well with Alec though. But I do think that just like with me and Greggory you disciplining and being firm and direct and making him be responsible for his actions even when he was still learning about cause and effect made a huge difference! I don't think it is just luck that he has come so far. I believe that had the potential to(and does) to be someone extraordinary. Your pushing him has been what he needs. I know that Greggory does better with my being firm and I am sure it all helps. Now I know that Alec is different and he probably isn't as capable of reaching the same level of awareness as Greggory. But that is ok. Every child is different. Jacquie H Re: WHY WHY WHY????????? > > And if it gives you any comfort, at 6 1/2 now knows darn well when he's done something wrong. ;-) < > > jacquie, you're very very lucky Or very, very mean. My 'consequences' come swiftly, abruptly, and very very loudly. I know how to change myself from 'mom' to 'raving psycho bitch' in nanoseconds. I change every single aspect of myself when he's done something wrong -- I lower the pitch of my voice, look at him from under my eyebrows, repeat what I say a couple times, clearly and at theatre projection volume and tone, and then command him to do whatever I choose -- go to his room, clean up, whatever. Then I completely ignore him until it's done. Completely remove myself from him. This turns him into a very compliant little mouse-boy. It's all completely orchestrated, of course. I put on the 'mean angry stern mother' face and it intimidates the hell out of him. VERY theatric and over-acted. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 Kris, No, he doesn't know it's wrong. He doesn't understand consequences either, so punishment means nothing to him. He also can't generalize that if he's not supposed to do something here, that it also means he can't do it there. This is one of the hardest things to deal with, especially with the younger ones. As they get older, they can start learning rules, but right now, it takes a lot of watching over them to stop these things from happening. Here are some things that you can do for now; Keep telling him the same thing each time he does stuff. Be very repetitive. Use as few words as possible so he can try to understand you. Try to give him something appropriate to do in place of the inappropriate thing. Place a gate or something at his bedroom door so he can't prowl at night. You need to be assured he's safe so you can sleep. Maybe put a childguard doorknob on the inside of his door? Hang in there! It sounds like you're starting on another rollercoaster ride! Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 Remember, we're here for vents too! Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 Remember, we're here for vents too! Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > Me too, I wish this worked with n. Didn't work on when HE was 3. Didn't really become effective until he was around his sixth birthday -- and man, is it great! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > Me too, I wish this worked with n. Didn't work on when HE was 3. Didn't really become effective until he was around his sixth birthday -- and man, is it great! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > Me too, I wish this worked with n. Didn't work on when HE was 3. Didn't really become effective until he was around his sixth birthday -- and man, is it great! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 I'm glad you mentioned this, so I know there's hope : ) (SAHM in GA) MSN elizabethloht@... n 33, mo, no formal dx Phoebe, 9 wks Re: WHY WHY WHY????????? > > > Me too, I wish this worked with n. > > Didn't work on when HE was 3. Didn't really become effective until he > was around his sixth birthday -- and man, is it great! > > Jacquie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2003 Report Share Posted April 21, 2003 I guess my first reaction to this post is, no, Zach doesn't look at things as " wrong " or " right " , and most likely doesn't connect consequences with his actions. It sounds to me like he was awake and found something to do. That's pretty much it. It wasn't appropriate as far as you are concerned, but to him, it was just play. This stuff is SO hard to deal with because it plays against our OWN beliefs. My suggestion would be to find alternatives for him. Set up a space where he can have sand, water, squishys, manipulatives, etc., etc. Make it a safe place so if he gets up in the middle of the night the worse you'll deal with is a mess in the morning. We deal with it here all the time. It's not fun. It's exhausting, mentally and physically. Have you ever tried cleaning up baby oil from the floor? Do we tell her not to touch the baby oil? Yes. Does she still find it? Yes. When confronted, all she says is " Sorry Mom " , but does it again. She's not being " bad " or " sneaky " , but she STILL has to learn that baby oil is not acceptable. We don't have all the answers, but giving alternatives may help your sanity a bit. Penny WHY WHY WHY????????? Hello all, I am so badly trying to understand why my Zachari does things he shouldn't do. I wonder sometimes if he even knows what he is doing is wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2003 Report Share Posted April 21, 2003 I guess my first reaction to this post is, no, Zach doesn't look at things as " wrong " or " right " , and most likely doesn't connect consequences with his actions. It sounds to me like he was awake and found something to do. That's pretty much it. It wasn't appropriate as far as you are concerned, but to him, it was just play. This stuff is SO hard to deal with because it plays against our OWN beliefs. My suggestion would be to find alternatives for him. Set up a space where he can have sand, water, squishys, manipulatives, etc., etc. Make it a safe place so if he gets up in the middle of the night the worse you'll deal with is a mess in the morning. We deal with it here all the time. It's not fun. It's exhausting, mentally and physically. Have you ever tried cleaning up baby oil from the floor? Do we tell her not to touch the baby oil? Yes. Does she still find it? Yes. When confronted, all she says is " Sorry Mom " , but does it again. She's not being " bad " or " sneaky " , but she STILL has to learn that baby oil is not acceptable. We don't have all the answers, but giving alternatives may help your sanity a bit. Penny WHY WHY WHY????????? Hello all, I am so badly trying to understand why my Zachari does things he shouldn't do. I wonder sometimes if he even knows what he is doing is wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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