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Shari, we all lose it some times. With these kids it is so hard

because they look so normal and often seem so NT, but we don't know

what's going on in their minds. And it sometimes is a complete

bafflement when they " go off. " I have been humiliated by son in

public and by my reaction and those of others who see him. I have

over-reacted to his antics at home until I just have to leave or beat

him. These are exasperating kids to deal with and even though it

help to know that they aren't exasperating on purpose, they can still

drive you crazy. There is no hard and fast solution. They get more

adaptable with maturity, with the right medications, with the right

interventions, and with understanding. We often go many days or

weeks now without a meltdown or embarassing show in public. When

they come, and they still do sometimes, they make me feel sick to my

stomach. But it does get better. Just come here and vent and you

will feel better. Someone here has been thru it. Fully half of us

are on meds ourselves to help us cope. Hang in there. Leggs, mom to

Brandt, HFA or Aspergers and 7 years old.

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Shari, we all lose it some times. With these kids it is so hard

because they look so normal and often seem so NT, but we don't know

what's going on in their minds. And it sometimes is a complete

bafflement when they " go off. " I have been humiliated by son in

public and by my reaction and those of others who see him. I have

over-reacted to his antics at home until I just have to leave or beat

him. These are exasperating kids to deal with and even though it

help to know that they aren't exasperating on purpose, they can still

drive you crazy. There is no hard and fast solution. They get more

adaptable with maturity, with the right medications, with the right

interventions, and with understanding. We often go many days or

weeks now without a meltdown or embarassing show in public. When

they come, and they still do sometimes, they make me feel sick to my

stomach. But it does get better. Just come here and vent and you

will feel better. Someone here has been thru it. Fully half of us

are on meds ourselves to help us cope. Hang in there. Leggs, mom to

Brandt, HFA or Aspergers and 7 years old.

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Shari, we all lose it some times. With these kids it is so hard

because they look so normal and often seem so NT, but we don't know

what's going on in their minds. And it sometimes is a complete

bafflement when they " go off. " I have been humiliated by son in

public and by my reaction and those of others who see him. I have

over-reacted to his antics at home until I just have to leave or beat

him. These are exasperating kids to deal with and even though it

help to know that they aren't exasperating on purpose, they can still

drive you crazy. There is no hard and fast solution. They get more

adaptable with maturity, with the right medications, with the right

interventions, and with understanding. We often go many days or

weeks now without a meltdown or embarassing show in public. When

they come, and they still do sometimes, they make me feel sick to my

stomach. But it does get better. Just come here and vent and you

will feel better. Someone here has been thru it. Fully half of us

are on meds ourselves to help us cope. Hang in there. Leggs, mom to

Brandt, HFA or Aspergers and 7 years old.

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Shari,

you have come to the right place. Everybody here knows exactly how you feel,

we have all been there and done that. And are still doing it.

My Toby will be 6 tomorrow, was diagnosed 2 years ago. At that time I didn;t

like my child. As hard as that sounds, I had no idea what was going on with

him, all I knew was he was behaving exactly as Brendon is now.

Two years later we still don't go to restaurants , going new places is a

challenge. But he turned out to be my sunshine, even if he screams at me and

our life is going into a different direction than planned. Toby has learned

a lot in school as have I . We are blessed with great teachers. Just knowing

what is wrong made all the difference. I can now deal with his behaviour,

often prevent it or calm him down. He still lives on cheeseburgers and

fruit, but he thrives.

As will Brendon. It;s overwhelming, it takes all you have and plain sucks

sometimes. Toby used to run as soon as his feet touched the ground , now he

stops when called and even comes back sometimes. :-) They learn and grow.

You will regain your strenght for yourself and your family. Knowing and

understanding what's going on is the biggest step.

Well, I usually lurk and read and feel with everybody, probably one of the

other moms can help you better than I can. Just wanted to let you know you

can vent anytime :-)

susi

mom to Toby ( almost 6 ASD ) and Lars ( almost 8 NT)

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Hi Shari,

Welcome to the group. You've come to the right place because I think

we've all felt like you have. I realize you feel all alone in this, but

you have us. We will listen to you vent, share in your enjoys, and even

give advice when requested. How you feel doesn't make you a bad mother

either. Just a very normal one. And coming here looking for support

shows that you ARE a good mother. n is a lucky child.

Maggie

ps When embarrasses me in public, I've been known to say to him,

" Just wait until I tell your mother what you're doing! " It works like a

charm. :)

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>

> Maggie

>

> ps When embarrasses me in public, I've been known to say to him,

> " Just wait until I tell your mother what you're doing! " It works like a

> charm. :)

LOL that's a good one !!! Wouldn't work for me, Toby is mini-me, can't deny

that child for one minute !!! Toby is light blonde with blue eyes , his

brother has brown hair and dark brown eyes ( their dad is of italian

descent )

Just sharing

susi

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> Hi, my name is Shari and I am new to this list. I am Mom to

n

> (ASD, 5yrs old) and Jenna 2 yrs. Sorry to make my first post a

> venting one, but our family is at wits end.

Hi Shari. I thought at first you were answering one of my posts from

the title. This list is a great place to come to when you are at

wit's end. The folks here really do understand, and more than likely

there are others who have experience the same thing. We feel so cut

off and isolated sometimes and here we find out that other families

have similar experiences. It helps. Alot.

I am really starting to

> worry. ly it just comes down to this. Today I officially

> became sick and tired of having a special needs child.

We all visit this from time to time. Fact is that it's hard.

Sometimes are harder than others, but it's hard. We didn't go out

and decide to be parents of autistic kids. It's one of those things

that happens and there you are. Even when you accept that things are

the way they are it still doesn't change the fact that it's hard, and

no one wants to deal with difficult things ALL the time.

Today I just

> wanted to go out like a normal family and I can't, and it doesn't

> seem like I ever will be able to. Special diets, and extremely

picky

> eating prevent us from eating out, tendency to run away, erratic

> emotional outburst over ridiculous things really make it unpleasant

> to go anywhere.

All of us deal with some aspect of any or all of these to some

degree. It's a part of our lives, and yeah, sometimes it stinks.

I''m pretty tired of some of this right now too.

I feel like I am trying everything that is out there

> and nothing is making a dent in his behavior, and that isn't

helping

> the mood any. Help, I feel like the worst mother there is.

That is such a frustrating place to be in. You are not a bad

mother. None of us are. You do the best you can with what you have

at the time, and sometimes, things are just really really difficult.

Period. No matter what you do, it's just hard. School, diets,

sometimes medication, therapy, time, all those things help. The

problem is that they all take time. Sometimes progress is a very

slow thing for our kids. They take alot of little steps learning how

to make one regular size step, and things that come effortlessly to

NT (neurotypical) kids so often do not come easily to ours. It's not

bad parenting, it's just part of autism.

I wonder

> how on earth I can love this child so much it hurts yet get so

angry,

> frustrated and tired of the same kid. Especially feel bad since I

> know he isn't doing any of it on purpose, but it still makes me

crazy

> somedays, since by knowing he isn't acting this way on purpose also

> tells me there is no way he can change his behavior on purpose.

Um, yeah. That about sums that up. It's incredibly frustrating.

You love them so much and you could also pull your hair out. Pretty

normal response around here.

> Can't bribe him, threaten him, punish him to get him to stop

> screaming and overreacting so what do I do?

You learn how to avoid, redirect, manipulate, communicate (in a

fashion they can manage), structure, restrain (if they are agressive

or runners), use ABA, Floortime, or whatever else works. You also

drink coffee, eat chocolate and spend time reading PA email. Oh

wait..that's me.

I really think I am

> embarrassed now by his behavior. I got over that a while back, but

> it seems to have returned......Help!

The people who should be embarrased are the people that can

cognitively make choices over their behavior. Don't let them bother

you. They don't have a clue about your life, your son, or what your

family deals with. He has autism. What's their excuse?

> Thanks for " listening " everyone, I really needed this.

So glad you found us. BTW..where are you? Do you have other kids?

Are you married? Tell tell. We are nosy too, lol, but only if you

want to share. Hugs, and welcome.

, one of the so called mommas of hundreds. I'll list my crew

for you as a brief intro as I do not typically use a sig line.

, amazing man that comes home every day to all of this

, nearly 16, NVLD, ADD, Tourette's, OCD, Hyperlexic, (Aspie, but

not officially so)

Gail, 13, Asperger's, severe ADHD, OCD, Anxiety with panic attacks

11 on Wednesday!! ASD, BP, ADHD, Tourette's, DSI (Having a

VERY hard time right now)

, 5, Asperger's, Very H in the ADHD, OCD, ODD, DSI

, 2.5, Developmental Delay, Apraxia of speech, DSI, (autistic,

just not formal yet)

> Shari

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Joshie looks like me when I was a kid, but not like me now, if that makes

sense. But it is hysterical to see the look on his face when I say that.

Maggie

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Hi Shari!

Sorry things are so bad right now. Most of us here know how frustrating it

can get. I'm again at a stage where I won't take my youngest shopping with

me because of his obsession to have to buy things, it will end up in a

tantrum in the store and I don't have the patients for it right now.

You're not a bad mother, you're just reacting to things that are out of your

control. It's not fun parenting a children like ours! It's damn hard and

none of us signed up as parents expecting this kind of a job. We all know

about loving a child that much, yet wanting to scream at the top of your

lungs at him, and knowing that he just isn't going to get it so you'll just

be wasting your breath. I guess the important thing is to just try to keep

remembering that there is a wonderful kid in there, and sooner or later

something will click and you'll get to see more of him. In the meantime,

all you can do is avoid the situations that set him off as much as

possible...sometimes, that's all you can do.

Big hugs,

Sue

When you feel a bit better, tell us some of what he's been doing. Maybe we

can give you some ideas of things that have worked for us.

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Shari

Wow that post could have been written by ANY of us :) If we can we'll help.

Have you tried keeping track of what happened before during and after his

behaviors.

My daughter is 3.5 and we usually find that her berhaviors are either for

escape or sensory. The ones that are for attention are easy because that's

the only time she'll look at me lol.

Hugs and hang in there.

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Shari

Wow that post could have been written by ANY of us :) If we can we'll help.

Have you tried keeping track of what happened before during and after his

behaviors.

My daughter is 3.5 and we usually find that her berhaviors are either for

escape or sensory. The ones that are for attention are easy because that's

the only time she'll look at me lol.

Hugs and hang in there.

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Shari

Wow that post could have been written by ANY of us :) If we can we'll help.

Have you tried keeping track of what happened before during and after his

behaviors.

My daughter is 3.5 and we usually find that her berhaviors are either for

escape or sensory. The ones that are for attention are easy because that's

the only time she'll look at me lol.

Hugs and hang in there.

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> ps When embarrasses me in public, I've been known to say to

him, " Just wait until I tell your mother what you're doing! " It

works like a charm. :)

>

ROLFMAO!! That's a good one Maggie! I love it. I'd do that but

would holler " MooooMM!! " She wouldn't let me get by with it.

might though.....

Tina

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> ps When embarrasses me in public, I've been known to say to

him, " Just wait until I tell your mother what you're doing! " It

works like a charm. :)

>

ROLFMAO!! That's a good one Maggie! I love it. I'd do that but

would holler " MooooMM!! " She wouldn't let me get by with it.

might though.....

Tina

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> ps When embarrasses me in public, I've been known to say to

him, " Just wait until I tell your mother what you're doing! " It

works like a charm. :)

>

ROLFMAO!! That's a good one Maggie! I love it. I'd do that but

would holler " MooooMM!! " She wouldn't let me get by with it.

might though.....

Tina

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>>Toby used to run as soon as his feet touched the

> ground , now he

> stops when called and even comes back sometimes. :-)<<

Boy, I can't wait for this to happen. Buster still starts his day running, but I

think I'm finally working this one out in my mind. He absolutely NEEDS all the

overstimulation. It drives me completely batty as I am not exactly your high

energy person, but we've finally worked the back yard issue out for the time

being

(Can someone tell him to stop growing??) and he runs and runs in a safe place

now.

With all the stimulation he's been getting here and at school, he actually said

his own name for the first time ever this week (YAY!). Of course, he won't say

it

when asked or when you want him to, but my husband and I both actually heard him

say it, so that's a step. He also picked up a toy cell phone, when my husband

told

him it was for him, Buster put it to his ear and said " Lo-lo " ! So, that kind of

made up for the really interesting time everyone else in the restaurant was

having

watching him eat his food. Buster has every right to be there, we went and both

of

us had a nice breakfast while everyone around us was murmuring (To hell with

them). Of course, that's this week, next week he could be in his jumping off the

table mood again and I could be tearing my hair out. But I'll deal with that

then.

LOL.

debbi

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>>>>>>

Hi, my name is Shari and I am new to this list. I am Mom to n

(ASD, 5yrs old) and Jenna 2 yrs.

<<<<<<

Welcome to you all!!

>>>>>>

Sorry to make my first post a

venting one, but our family is at wits end. I am really starting to

worry. ly it just comes down to this. Today I officially

became sick and tired of having a special needs child.

<<<<<<

Don't worry that's what we are here for. Believe me we ALL have been where

you are right now.

>>>>>>>>>>

Special diets, and extremely picky

eating prevent us from eating out, tendency to run away, erratic

emotional outburst over ridiculous things really make it unpleasant

to go anywhere. I feel like I am trying everything that is out there

and nothing is making a dent in his behavior, and that isn't helping

the mood any.

<<<<<<<<<<

All of this is extrememly familiar territory...YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!

>>>>>>>

Help, I feel like the worst mother there is.

<<<<<<<

You are not. You definitely ARE NOT!!!! I'm sure you are a GREAT mom!

>>>>>>>>

I wonder

how on earth I can love this child so much it hurts yet get so angry,

frustrated and tired of the same kid. Especially feel bad since I

know he isn't doing any of it on purpose, but it still makes me crazy

somedays, since by knowing he isn't acting this way on purpose also

tells me there is no way he can change his behavior on purpose.

Can't bribe him, threaten him, punish him to get him to stop

screaming and overreacting so what do I do? I really think I am

embarrassed now by his behavior. I got over that a while back, but

it seems to have returned......Help!

Thanks for " listening " everyone, I really needed this.

Shari

<<<<<<<<<<<

What you are going thru is perfectly normal! and it SUCKS! Is n in

school? Does he get any services? Are you married? Do you get respite? I

know lots of questions....lol....we're here to support and help you...so

keep on venting.

Where are you from?

Penny - Mom to Jacqui, 8, HFA

Jeff, 20

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>Help, I feel like the worst mother there is. I wonder

> how on earth I can love this child so much it hurts yet get so angry,

> frustrated and tired of the same kid.

Welcome, Shari!

I can't tell you how many times I've asked the question above. My son,

, is nearly 7, and some days I am sick to DEATH of him. And that can

happen only hours after he's done something so miraculous I feel I have to

sit and cry with gratitude.

We are living on a roller coaster, and we can't get off. The heights are

exhilarating, and the plummets make you sick to your stomach.

>Help, I feel like the worst mother there is.

Well, you love him enough to have him diagnosed, to try diets and therapies,

to keep taking him out in public regardless of how frustrated or embarassed

you feel. You don't threaten him, or bribe him, or use punishments you know

won't help. You are 'trying everything that's out there', to quote your

post. And now you've reached out to a group of parents who know what you're

going through, so that you can get some support and understanding.

Sounds like a good mother to me, Shari. n is lucky to have someone

who works so hard even when it's hard on her.

(((hugs)))

Jacquie

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Hi Shari,

Your post describes my house about 3 years ago. The

tantrums were enough to drive me buggy without all the

other issues. is 8, ASD, and his behaviour has

evened out a lot and he's developed enough verbal

skill to tell me what's wrong, most of the time. I

still remember the days when opening the curtains

could cause a full-blown melt-down. And just yesterday

he had a total fit because the local ice rink let the

ice go for the spirng. Oh well.

Hang in there hon. It will get better. Try keeping a

journal, it could help you pin down the things that

bug him the most. As for the food thing, I'm still

wotking on that. My boy lives on chicken nuggets and

bagels.

Vent here whenever you need. We get it.

Tuna

=====

mom to:

, 8, ASD

, 4, NT

Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

- Whoopi Goldberg

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You know it's funny how we get " used " to the meltdowns.

I can usually just walk away now.

The other day Jacqui wanted a KitKat, (we have to hide anything chocolate

now, for obvious reasons). I told her we didn't have any. That was

unacceptable. She asked me at least four more times, got out the stool to

search the cupboards and DEMANDED a KitKat. There were no KitKats to be

had.

She reached her frustration level, and of course, no more words. Just a

screaching, primal, autistic scream.

Didn't phase me a bit.

Penny

Re: At wits end

Hi Shari,

Your post describes my house about 3 years ago. The

tantrums were enough to drive me buggy without all the

other issues. is 8, ASD, and his behaviour has

evened out a lot and he's developed enough verbal

skill to tell me what's wrong, most of the time. I

still remember the days when opening the curtains

could cause a full-blown melt-down. And just yesterday

he had a total fit because the local ice rink let the

ice go for the spirng. Oh well.

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Shari:

Sorry I am so late in replying here, but I wanted to give you a proper

response. First, welcome to the group. My name is , mom to n

(3 in July, ASD?) and Phoebe (9 weeks).

Let me say that I feel your pain, really. I was just thinking myself lately

that I am officially tired of the " special needs " experience. Like your

child, n also runs away has outbursts over everything. I also feel

like I've tried everything, nothing works, and I'm a terrible mother because

I feel like my only option left is to begin administering regular beatings!

Again, like you I never imagined that you could love someone so much and

have them drive you f**king insane. And like you, I also know that he is

innocent.

Honestly I don't have any answers. We're all still figuring it out. All I

can tell you is that when you need to talk about these things, you can come

here, and people *will* understand.

Thanks for sharing,

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

----- Original Message -----

> Hi, my name is Shari and I am new to this list. I am Mom to n

> (ASD, 5yrs old) and Jenna 2 yrs. Sorry to make my first post a

> venting one, but our family is at wits end. I am really starting to

> worry. ly it just comes down to this. Today I officially

> became sick and tired of having a special needs child. Today I just

> wanted to go out like a normal family and I can't, and it doesn't

> seem like I ever will be able to. Special diets, and extremely picky

> eating prevent us from eating out, tendency to run away, erratic

> emotional outburst over ridiculous things really make it unpleasant

> to go anywhere. I feel like I am trying everything that is out there

> and nothing is making a dent in his behavior, and that isn't helping

> the mood any. Help, I feel like the worst mother there is. I wonder

> how on earth I can love this child so much it hurts yet get so angry,

> frustrated and tired of the same kid. Especially feel bad since I

> know he isn't doing any of it on purpose, but it still makes me crazy

> somedays, since by knowing he isn't acting this way on purpose also

> tells me there is no way he can change his behavior on purpose.

> Can't bribe him, threaten him, punish him to get him to stop

> screaming and overreacting so what do I do? I really think I am

> embarrassed now by his behavior. I got over that a while back, but

> it seems to have returned......Help!

> Thanks for " listening " everyone, I really needed this.

> Shari

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Shari:

Sorry I am so late in replying here, but I wanted to give you a proper

response. First, welcome to the group. My name is , mom to n

(3 in July, ASD?) and Phoebe (9 weeks).

Let me say that I feel your pain, really. I was just thinking myself lately

that I am officially tired of the " special needs " experience. Like your

child, n also runs away has outbursts over everything. I also feel

like I've tried everything, nothing works, and I'm a terrible mother because

I feel like my only option left is to begin administering regular beatings!

Again, like you I never imagined that you could love someone so much and

have them drive you f**king insane. And like you, I also know that he is

innocent.

Honestly I don't have any answers. We're all still figuring it out. All I

can tell you is that when you need to talk about these things, you can come

here, and people *will* understand.

Thanks for sharing,

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

----- Original Message -----

> Hi, my name is Shari and I am new to this list. I am Mom to n

> (ASD, 5yrs old) and Jenna 2 yrs. Sorry to make my first post a

> venting one, but our family is at wits end. I am really starting to

> worry. ly it just comes down to this. Today I officially

> became sick and tired of having a special needs child. Today I just

> wanted to go out like a normal family and I can't, and it doesn't

> seem like I ever will be able to. Special diets, and extremely picky

> eating prevent us from eating out, tendency to run away, erratic

> emotional outburst over ridiculous things really make it unpleasant

> to go anywhere. I feel like I am trying everything that is out there

> and nothing is making a dent in his behavior, and that isn't helping

> the mood any. Help, I feel like the worst mother there is. I wonder

> how on earth I can love this child so much it hurts yet get so angry,

> frustrated and tired of the same kid. Especially feel bad since I

> know he isn't doing any of it on purpose, but it still makes me crazy

> somedays, since by knowing he isn't acting this way on purpose also

> tells me there is no way he can change his behavior on purpose.

> Can't bribe him, threaten him, punish him to get him to stop

> screaming and overreacting so what do I do? I really think I am

> embarrassed now by his behavior. I got over that a while back, but

> it seems to have returned......Help!

> Thanks for " listening " everyone, I really needed this.

> Shari

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Shari:

Sorry I am so late in replying here, but I wanted to give you a proper

response. First, welcome to the group. My name is , mom to n

(3 in July, ASD?) and Phoebe (9 weeks).

Let me say that I feel your pain, really. I was just thinking myself lately

that I am officially tired of the " special needs " experience. Like your

child, n also runs away has outbursts over everything. I also feel

like I've tried everything, nothing works, and I'm a terrible mother because

I feel like my only option left is to begin administering regular beatings!

Again, like you I never imagined that you could love someone so much and

have them drive you f**king insane. And like you, I also know that he is

innocent.

Honestly I don't have any answers. We're all still figuring it out. All I

can tell you is that when you need to talk about these things, you can come

here, and people *will* understand.

Thanks for sharing,

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 9 wks

----- Original Message -----

> Hi, my name is Shari and I am new to this list. I am Mom to n

> (ASD, 5yrs old) and Jenna 2 yrs. Sorry to make my first post a

> venting one, but our family is at wits end. I am really starting to

> worry. ly it just comes down to this. Today I officially

> became sick and tired of having a special needs child. Today I just

> wanted to go out like a normal family and I can't, and it doesn't

> seem like I ever will be able to. Special diets, and extremely picky

> eating prevent us from eating out, tendency to run away, erratic

> emotional outburst over ridiculous things really make it unpleasant

> to go anywhere. I feel like I am trying everything that is out there

> and nothing is making a dent in his behavior, and that isn't helping

> the mood any. Help, I feel like the worst mother there is. I wonder

> how on earth I can love this child so much it hurts yet get so angry,

> frustrated and tired of the same kid. Especially feel bad since I

> know he isn't doing any of it on purpose, but it still makes me crazy

> somedays, since by knowing he isn't acting this way on purpose also

> tells me there is no way he can change his behavior on purpose.

> Can't bribe him, threaten him, punish him to get him to stop

> screaming and overreacting so what do I do? I really think I am

> embarrassed now by his behavior. I got over that a while back, but

> it seems to have returned......Help!

> Thanks for " listening " everyone, I really needed this.

> Shari

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