Re: My child may have cancer

[Guest guest]

Ooooh , I wish I was there to give you a loooong hug...

No, your child does not hate you. Not at all. She is just in that

age, and one of those who have ideas about handling everything

herself... I know, because I was just like that myself. I wouldn't

even let my mom go with me to hospital when I had a big knee

operation at 15 yrs old... I tell you, it has to do with her, and not

you at all. But I think some of us who have had quite a bit of health

challenges when we grew up, and had to have our parents helps all the

time because of that, just for some reason feel like handling things

ourselves and really need to prove for ourselves that we can do it

ourselves... I really don't know why, because burdens shared are so

much lighter, we all know that now... She probably just has to try

this for herself, even if it is about such a serious thing. You can

just lend her a ear and tell her that you are there for her, she can

just tell you to come, whatever, and you will be there for her

because you love her so much... If it is difficult to tell her these

things because the conversation turns into a negative one, write her

a nice card and send it or give it to her. Sometimes that is such a

good thing... It must be awful having to take a passive stand in the

middle of this. That is not what a mom wants to do, of course it

isn't. You want to be there for her and help out all you can. But it

is her choice, even if it is not a good one... I hope she at least

turns to her boyfriend... I know what you mean by the rules saying

that when a person is over a certain age, a mom has nothing to say at

all. You can't even expect to get any info at all if you call her

doctor... That of course depends on the doctor, some doctors seem to

use a good portion common sense rather than read rules by the

letter...

I just wanted to let you know that I am here as you probably posted

late, so nobody was here and nobody could reply yet. I hope that you

are getting some sleep now though...

If you need to talk off list, you know my e-mail address. I have time

off from work for a week now for the Easter holidays....

Looots of hugs,

Aase Marit

>This is very hard for me to write and to even think about. THe last two weeks

>have gotten worse and worse and there is still more to come. My Sara, who

>justed turned 20, has always had excruseating periods. I have writtenn that to

>the list before. She finally went to gyn in her college town. It was her first

>pelvic which I know was hard. Well, until last week, I had no idea but her pap

>came back as abnormal. I just happened to find out when we were talking online

>and she was talking about needing some extra money and I was inquiring why.

>When she mentioned a doctor's appt. I asked who and when she said that she was

>going back to the gyn again, I asked her why so soon. Then she tells me about

>the pap smear.Well, I get all upset that this hard headed, independent but

>stressed out EDSer of a kid of mine didn't even tell me but I'm trying to stay

>cool about that and the abnormal results. Then she is scheduled to

>come back for

>a colposcopy or something like that. That was yesterday. She promised me she

>would call. She didn't . She didn't answer my calls. This morning I finally

>reach her and she tells me, as she is crying , that the doctor took

>4 biopsies,

>that she would know in a week but that it appeared to be cancerous. If so,

>she would go to the hospital for surgery annd that should take care of it!!

>Well, I wanted ssooooooooo badly to talk to this doctor(who wasn't

>the one who did

>the pelvic exam) but Sara didn't want me " bothering her wiht lots of

>questions. I was about to just fall apart,,, and did actually

>later!. I tried to get

>across to her that there are many stages to go through before it

>actually being

>malignant, and requiring a hysterectomy. It was awful! I got her to come home

>tonight after her last class for the weekend, alonng with her boyfriend, She

>has said that she wished that she had never told anyone. I cannot tell you how

>hurt that made me. I want to be there for her and to help and to find out

>what is going on and I can't!! I told her that that is what love is and what

>family's do.

>

>She's 20, though and parents have NO rights!! I talked with a friend who is a

>doc who said it would be very unusal at her age annd all the other things it

>could be and blah blah blah. He offered to talk to the gyn but I know Sara

>would refuge. I am tempted to get Bob, our friend just to call her

>annd talk to

>her. I am so sorry that I am just rambling at 2 am but I had to tell you all.

>Bob also said that it is odd that they wouldn't rush it and get the results

>in 48 houurs instead of makinng her wait so long. He said that lots of it

>sounded wierd to him. She will hear next week and I won't be there

>for her. I have

>to some how , gently, try again to talk to her about it. She has always been

>independent but this is redicuouus. This child has been through so much in she

>short life. It just wants to make me cry.....more!

>I am due to go to NIH Monday for two days for the new EDS protocol. If the

>timing is as they said, she won't have heard by then. Maybe then I will go to

>onburg and campout. She didn't even tell her big sis who goes to college

>there too.

>We have been through alot in this fammily. It's our second cancer scare with

>the kds. This onne may not have as happy a ending. Sara has really gotten the

>sucky part of life!! I wish so much I could take it all away from her....or

>even onne thing,,,, her severe asthma, her EDS, her life threatening

>allergies,

>pain , something. I realize that there are others far worse but please God

>help us here.

>sorry to have rambled so. Thank you for listening. I'll be trying to figure

>out how do you help a child who feels that she needs none? Maybe just give it

>to her anyway. When she told me about the pap test coming back abnormal and

>when I wanted to speak with the doctor( she didnn't even know this one's name)

>she told mme that I had my hands in too many things already. Does my

>child hate

>me!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I am so sorry to hear this. This must be so scary for you and your daughter.

Know that you are all in my prayers and thoughts. Keep us up to date with

what happens.

Hugs,

Sue

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I am so sorry to hear this. This must be so scary for you and your daughter.

Know that you are all in my prayers and thoughts. Keep us up to date with

what happens.

Hugs,

Sue

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I am so sorry to hear this. This must be so scary for you and your daughter.

Know that you are all in my prayers and thoughts. Keep us up to date with

what happens.

Hugs,

Sue

[Guest guest]

Does my child hate me!

>

Oh, my Dear Friend, I am so SORRY to hear this! NO, I don't think

your daughter hates you at ALL! I think she's probably trying to

protect you! It's too bad, , all of it! I think what I would

do if it were me in your shoes, is to let her know that you would be

able to relax and just deal with whatever it is, if she would just

share it with you. Now in saying that, you may have to show her just

how strong you are, and not fall apart until after you're away from

her, but I know you can do that! I'm just so sad you both have to

face this awful fear, and I pray it will all turn out for the better-

with no cancer. You ALL will be in my thoughts and prayers, !

Please call me if you need to talk! Any time, night or day!

Love Lana

[Guest guest]

Oh ,

I'm so sorry. I know you must be so scared.

First off, since the test is gonna take a week, could the dr have said

" pre-cancerous " tissue, or something like that? I can't imagine them taking

that long if they think it's cancer. I don't know, but that's just a guess.

I had a bad pap once, about 12 years ago. They had to do a biopsy, and I was

scared out of my mind. They said " pre-cancerous " tissue. But all I heard was

" Cancer " .

If your daughter is coming home this weekend, just be there. She'll talk when

she's ready. She probably just needs you to cuddle up with her. That's what

you need too. Lots of hugs and cuddles.

So here's one from me -

big hugs,

[Guest guest]

Oh ,

I'm so sorry. I know you must be so scared.

First off, since the test is gonna take a week, could the dr have said

" pre-cancerous " tissue, or something like that? I can't imagine them taking

that long if they think it's cancer. I don't know, but that's just a guess.

I had a bad pap once, about 12 years ago. They had to do a biopsy, and I was

scared out of my mind. They said " pre-cancerous " tissue. But all I heard was

" Cancer " .

If your daughter is coming home this weekend, just be there. She'll talk when

she's ready. She probably just needs you to cuddle up with her. That's what

you need too. Lots of hugs and cuddles.

So here's one from me -

big hugs,

[Guest guest]

Oh ,

I'm so sorry. I know you must be so scared.

First off, since the test is gonna take a week, could the dr have said

" pre-cancerous " tissue, or something like that? I can't imagine them taking

that long if they think it's cancer. I don't know, but that's just a guess.

I had a bad pap once, about 12 years ago. They had to do a biopsy, and I was

scared out of my mind. They said " pre-cancerous " tissue. But all I heard was

" Cancer " .

If your daughter is coming home this weekend, just be there. She'll talk when

she's ready. She probably just needs you to cuddle up with her. That's what

you need too. Lots of hugs and cuddles.

So here's one from me -

big hugs,

[Guest guest]

--

Whne I was in my 20's I had an abnormal pap test. The doctors ended up freezing

the surface of my cervix and then I had to have pap tests every six months for

awhile. I hope that your daughter will be fine - I know it is a very scary

thing and she sounds like she IS very scared, as you are also, obviously. It

sounds like the doctor she is going to is not going to take any chances, which

is good.

I will be keeping you and you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, Patti

My child may have cancer

[Guest guest]

~ sending our thoughts, prayers, and hugs from here to all of

you.

Kaci

[Guest guest]

~ sending our thoughts, prayers, and hugs from here to all of

you.

Kaci

[Guest guest]

~ sending our thoughts, prayers, and hugs from here to all of

you.

Kaci

[Guest guest]

Dianna - my thoughts and prayers are with your family. I doubt she

hates you . If she's like I was at that age she's just growing up

and becoming independent - and that's a good thing even if it is

painful. Just be there for her when she needs you in whatever way

she needs you - non judgemental listening is a wonderful thing.

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

So sorry to hear this news about your beloved Sara! I'm sure she loves you,

maybe she's just trying to be a big girl and protect you. It's a long wait

for the biopsies to come back, I just hope it's not as bad as you fear!

Sometimes Pap's can be wrong, that's why they go in and do the biopsies.

Maybe too she didn't want to tell you because she knew you would worry and

didn't want to tell you unless there was something to be worried about.

Hugs, thoughts and prayers are sent you!

Take Care and let us all know!

Sincerely, S.

My child may have cancer

> This is very hard for me to write and to even think about. THe last two

weeks

> have gotten worse and worse and there is still more to come. My Sara, who

> justed turned 20, has always had excruseating periods. I have writtenn

that to

> the list before. She finally went to gyn in her college town. It was her

first

> pelvic which I know was hard. Well, until last week, I had no idea but her

pap

> came back as abnormal. I just happened to find out when we were talking

online

> and she was talking about needing some extra money and I was inquiring

why.

> When she mentioned a doctor's appt. I asked who and when she said that she

was

> going back to the gyn again, I asked her why so soon. Then she tells me

about

> the pap smear.Well, I get all upset that this hard headed, independent but

> stressed out EDSer of a kid of mine didn't even tell me but I'm trying to

stay

> cool about that and the abnormal results. Then she is scheduled to come

back for

> a colposcopy or something like that. That was yesterday. She promised me

she

> would call. She didn't . She didn't answer my calls. This morning I

finally

> reach her and she tells me, as she is crying , that the doctor took 4

biopsies,

> that she would know in a week but that it appeared to be cancerous. If so,

> she would go to the hospital for surgery annd that should take care of

it!!

> Well, I wanted ssooooooooo badly to talk to this doctor(who wasn't the one

who did

> the pelvic exam) but Sara didn't want me " bothering her wiht lots of

> questions. I was about to just fall apart,,, and did actually later!. I

tried to get

> across to her that there are many stages to go through before it actually

being

> malignant, and requiring a hysterectomy. It was awful! I got her to come

home

> tonight after her last class for the weekend, alonng with her boyfriend,

She

> has said that she wished that she had never told anyone. I cannot tell you

how

> hurt that made me. I want to be there for her and to help and to find out

> what is going on and I can't!! I told her that that is what love is and

what

> family's do.

>

> She's 20, though and parents have NO rights!! I talked with a friend who

is a

> doc who said it would be very unusal at her age annd all the other things

it

> could be and blah blah blah. He offered to talk to the gyn but I know

Sara

> would refuge. I am tempted to get Bob, our friend just to call her annd

talk to

> her. I am so sorry that I am just rambling at 2 am but I had to tell you

all.

> Bob also said that it is odd that they wouldn't rush it and get the

results

> in 48 houurs instead of makinng her wait so long. He said that lots of it

> sounded wierd to him. She will hear next week and I won't be there for

her. I have

> to some how , gently, try again to talk to her about it. She has always

been

> independent but this is redicuouus. This child has been through so much in

she

> short life. It just wants to make me cry.....more!

> I am due to go to NIH Monday for two days for the new EDS protocol. If the

> timing is as they said, she won't have heard by then. Maybe then I will go

to

> onburg and campout. She didn't even tell her big sis who goes to

college

> there too.

> We have been through alot in this fammily. It's our second cancer scare

with

> the kds. This onne may not have as happy a ending. Sara has really gotten

the

> sucky part of life!! I wish so much I could take it all away from

her....or

> even onne thing,,,, her severe asthma, her EDS, her life threatening

allergies,

> pain , something. I realize that there are others far worse but please God

> help us here.

> sorry to have rambled so. Thank you for listening. I'll be trying to

figure

> out how do you help a child who feels that she needs none? Maybe just give

it

> to her anyway. When she told me about the pap test coming back abnormal

and

> when I wanted to speak with the doctor( she didnn't even know this one's

name)

> she told mme that I had my hands in too many things already. Does my child

hate

> me!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

It would be really out of the ordinary for your daughter to be diagnosed

with cancer at this stage and age really, please try to focus on that. If

she has cervical cancer, it would be quickly and easily treated and unlikely

to go any further then that. It is too unlikely that this has grown into

something bigger than this if it is even cervical cancer. I can't imagine

any doctor telling a patient that 'it looks like cancer' to them without

evidence of such, especially a young and impressionable young woman who is

away from home at university, so wait until the results are in and then move

forward. An abnormal pap does not mean cancer at all, so please just try to

relax. Hard I know, but really, there is nothing to do now but get the

final results.

I am thinking about you!

Jill

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I am on a " foreign " computer at NIH and wrote you you all but it seemed to have

disappeared into space!

I have not been online since the end of last week and I want to thank you all

for your thoughts and prayers. I don't think that I could have made it if it

hadn't been for you all.

I am trying very hard to let her have her space while still being comforting and

there for her. I have told her that i respect her independence and strength but

I just ask that I be keep informed. I will let you all know as soon as we do.

A friend who is a doctor has talked to me twice and also taked with Sara. He

thought she sounded just fine which I have to agree she did but it has been said

that this child/young lady of mine has the best defenses of most anyone ever

seen!!

Thank you all once again for all your love.