Guest guest Posted February 18, 2002 Report Share Posted February 18, 2002 > think about everything, and if at the end of all this, you still want a > kid, and know your backup plans would work, then I say go for it. > Darcy Well put, Darcy! You left out the teenage years tho, and those are much tougher than when children are babies! I have 3 daughters & the youngest is 17. Also, I have a 3 month old granddaughter. She is really the light of my life & I just smile everytime I think of her. I can only hold her for small periods of time because my neck & shoulders can't handle it. She only weighs about 12 lbs. She is a " good " baby, but when she cries for a while it makes tinninitis unbearable. I love her dearly! But I know I could not start all over with a baby again. I satisfied my baby-longings by babysitting in my home for some friends. It wears me out! I have 2 2-year olds & a 7- month old that I watch on a regular basis. Em, I have no doubt that you would be a wonderful mother. Reading your posts I can tell that you are a wonderful person. I have alot of admiration for you. You always seem to know just what to say to make someone feel better! Just make sure that having a baby is what you really want, because once you have a baby, he/she will be with you a very long time. I love my girls more than anything else on earth but I know that I wouldn't be able to raise them again the way I did the first time. Whatever you decide, make sure its right for you. Children take so-o- o much work & energy but they give you alot back also. Respectfully, Norma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2002 Report Share Posted February 20, 2002 Gosh, Darcy, Talk about being negative! I'm not a kid lover now, but I had two kids (now 21 and 24) with fibro--no meds--and did okay. I actually didn't know I had fibro back then. I was being treated by Dr. St. Amand, who said I had arthritis. Remember, he's the doc who started the Guaf treatment? Anyway, this is my thinking. If you really want a baby and that's all you can think of, having one will probably make you feel better that you do now. Being pregnant did press on my sore spots of my lower back, so I went on maternity leave sooner, and I lied on the couch all day reading novels. That was my second pregnancy. My son was 2, and I had a great time. If you don't have enough sick time, though, like 7 months, just in case, you should wait. As far as 'borrowing' someone's kid, that really isn't the same because mothers will go through a lot for their kids without feeling burdened, but having to do it for somone else's is just not the same. If I had it to do over--truthfully--I probably wouldn't have had any kids, or maybe just one, but that has nothing to do with fibro. BUT, if you are not in a happy marriage, don't do it! That will definitely make you wish you were dead. Joanne --- Darcy Stockstill catstamp@...> wrote: > Ok, here's my thoughts on the matter. I will > admit that I'm biased > because I don't have kids and don't want them > (but did have a period > where I wanted them), but I can't picture > having the energy and strength > to deal with even one more cat at this stage of > my life. When I'm > flaring, I can't even hardly take care of > myself, let alone a child, let > alone a child who is sick with the flu. My > eyes widen in amazement > every time I see someone who has a kid after > developing fibro. I have a > much larger problem with fatigue than I do with > pain, though which is a > big influence too. > > Anyway, things to consider: > > I know you said you went off most of your > medicines, Em, but you might > want to be off them for a few months to make > sure you can tolerate being > off of them long term. There are some > medicines that doctors can > substitute for and others that they can't give > anything that will safely > replace them. I know a friend of mine spent 9 > months miserable over her > allergies because the only thing the doctor > could give her, didn't > help. So I would suggest trying to go without > medicines for a few > months (under doctor's supervision) to see if > you feel like you can go > without them for 9 months. Ask your doctor > what of your medicines can > be substituted with a " safe " medicine. Does > your doctor think it's a > sound medical idea or does s/he think that you > have so many problems it > would be risky? > > Borrow some kids for a while. If you have a > friend who has a baby or > toddler, borrow them for few days, *several* > times, especially when you > have a flare. How do you feel about constantly > having to take care of > the child, especially when you don't feel so > well? For those with > insomnia, this might not be a problem, but try > getting only 3-4 hours a > sleep a night for a week to try to simulate a > baby crying and how little > sleep you can get with a baby. Does it make > your fibro flare really > badly or just a little? > > Do some *honest* soul searching for yourself. > How are you going to feel > if you aren't up to going to play ball, go for > walks, attend all of the > sporting games? Will you take it personally if > they tell you they want > a mommy who will do things with them? If they > develop fibro or any of > the other illnesses you have, will you feel > badly that you " gave it to > them " ? Can you handle even more housework then > you are presently doing? > > If you get to the point that you can't work > anymore, how will you pay > for things? Do you get along well with your > family and are they close > by that they could and would be willing to help > you? What would you do > if they weren't there? Back when we were going > to have kids, we > realized that we didn't have the money for > daycare. The idea of asking > my mom came up, but she ended up dying not too > long after that. If we > had *counted* on my mom to do it, we'd have > been up the creek without a > paddle because we literally didn't have an > extra $400 a month to pay for > daycare, let alone diapers, formula or any > other baby things. So, do > you have a fall back plan for what you'd do if > your mother/father died > or your sister had to move across country > because of a job? > > Have you given any thought to what you would do > if the baby had > problems? Could you handle a special needs > child whether the child was > blind or a severe case of cerebral palsy? > Could you afford the extra > energy a child with special needs would take? > > I know that babies are love, and you want one. > I was there too, as a > matter of fact, I stopped taking my birth > control and think I was even > pregnant for a month. But we stopped and > started taking a hard look at > the practical side of things, and we realized > we were in trouble. We > had no " bad " habits like going out to dinner or > lots of new clothes to > give up, and couldn't even afford daycare for > the kid. And there was no > way we could have made it on just one salary. > > It's something that you'll have to decide on > your own, but think about > the practical side of things too. Talk to your > doctor about the medical > side of it, talk to your family about how much > they'd be willing to help > (will they still be willing to help even if > they don't like the methods > you are using to raise the kid?), talk to your > friends about how life > with kids can be (and an honest look, not just > the sticky hands wrapping > around you going " I luv you, mommie " . How > often did their kids get > sick? How much sleep did they get? Would they > be willing to do it > again. I was shocked, when I started asking > that question how many > people said " I love my kids but if I had to do > it all over again, I > wouldn't. " ). Think about the money aspect, > think about much your stress > levels would go up and could you handle the > increase of fibro symptoms, > think about everything, and if at the end of > all this, you still want a > kid, and know your backup plans would work, > then I say go for it. > Darcy > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2002 Report Share Posted February 20, 2002 Gosh, Darcy, Talk about being negative! I'm not a kid lover now, but I had two kids (now 21 and 24) with fibro--no meds--and did okay. I actually didn't know I had fibro back then. I was being treated by Dr. St. Amand, who said I had arthritis. Remember, he's the doc who started the Guaf treatment? Anyway, this is my thinking. If you really want a baby and that's all you can think of, having one will probably make you feel better that you do now. Being pregnant did press on my sore spots of my lower back, so I went on maternity leave sooner, and I lied on the couch all day reading novels. That was my second pregnancy. My son was 2, and I had a great time. If you don't have enough sick time, though, like 7 months, just in case, you should wait. As far as 'borrowing' someone's kid, that really isn't the same because mothers will go through a lot for their kids without feeling burdened, but having to do it for somone else's is just not the same. If I had it to do over--truthfully--I probably wouldn't have had any kids, or maybe just one, but that has nothing to do with fibro. BUT, if you are not in a happy marriage, don't do it! That will definitely make you wish you were dead. Joanne --- Darcy Stockstill catstamp@...> wrote: > Ok, here's my thoughts on the matter. I will > admit that I'm biased > because I don't have kids and don't want them > (but did have a period > where I wanted them), but I can't picture > having the energy and strength > to deal with even one more cat at this stage of > my life. When I'm > flaring, I can't even hardly take care of > myself, let alone a child, let > alone a child who is sick with the flu. My > eyes widen in amazement > every time I see someone who has a kid after > developing fibro. I have a > much larger problem with fatigue than I do with > pain, though which is a > big influence too. > > Anyway, things to consider: > > I know you said you went off most of your > medicines, Em, but you might > want to be off them for a few months to make > sure you can tolerate being > off of them long term. There are some > medicines that doctors can > substitute for and others that they can't give > anything that will safely > replace them. I know a friend of mine spent 9 > months miserable over her > allergies because the only thing the doctor > could give her, didn't > help. So I would suggest trying to go without > medicines for a few > months (under doctor's supervision) to see if > you feel like you can go > without them for 9 months. Ask your doctor > what of your medicines can > be substituted with a " safe " medicine. Does > your doctor think it's a > sound medical idea or does s/he think that you > have so many problems it > would be risky? > > Borrow some kids for a while. If you have a > friend who has a baby or > toddler, borrow them for few days, *several* > times, especially when you > have a flare. How do you feel about constantly > having to take care of > the child, especially when you don't feel so > well? For those with > insomnia, this might not be a problem, but try > getting only 3-4 hours a > sleep a night for a week to try to simulate a > baby crying and how little > sleep you can get with a baby. Does it make > your fibro flare really > badly or just a little? > > Do some *honest* soul searching for yourself. > How are you going to feel > if you aren't up to going to play ball, go for > walks, attend all of the > sporting games? Will you take it personally if > they tell you they want > a mommy who will do things with them? If they > develop fibro or any of > the other illnesses you have, will you feel > badly that you " gave it to > them " ? Can you handle even more housework then > you are presently doing? > > If you get to the point that you can't work > anymore, how will you pay > for things? Do you get along well with your > family and are they close > by that they could and would be willing to help > you? What would you do > if they weren't there? Back when we were going > to have kids, we > realized that we didn't have the money for > daycare. The idea of asking > my mom came up, but she ended up dying not too > long after that. If we > had *counted* on my mom to do it, we'd have > been up the creek without a > paddle because we literally didn't have an > extra $400 a month to pay for > daycare, let alone diapers, formula or any > other baby things. So, do > you have a fall back plan for what you'd do if > your mother/father died > or your sister had to move across country > because of a job? > > Have you given any thought to what you would do > if the baby had > problems? Could you handle a special needs > child whether the child was > blind or a severe case of cerebral palsy? > Could you afford the extra > energy a child with special needs would take? > > I know that babies are love, and you want one. > I was there too, as a > matter of fact, I stopped taking my birth > control and think I was even > pregnant for a month. But we stopped and > started taking a hard look at > the practical side of things, and we realized > we were in trouble. We > had no " bad " habits like going out to dinner or > lots of new clothes to > give up, and couldn't even afford daycare for > the kid. And there was no > way we could have made it on just one salary. > > It's something that you'll have to decide on > your own, but think about > the practical side of things too. Talk to your > doctor about the medical > side of it, talk to your family about how much > they'd be willing to help > (will they still be willing to help even if > they don't like the methods > you are using to raise the kid?), talk to your > friends about how life > with kids can be (and an honest look, not just > the sticky hands wrapping > around you going " I luv you, mommie " . How > often did their kids get > sick? How much sleep did they get? Would they > be willing to do it > again. I was shocked, when I started asking > that question how many > people said " I love my kids but if I had to do > it all over again, I > wouldn't. " ). Think about the money aspect, > think about much your stress > levels would go up and could you handle the > increase of fibro symptoms, > think about everything, and if at the end of > all this, you still want a > kid, and know your backup plans would work, > then I say go for it. > Darcy > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2002 Report Share Posted February 20, 2002 Gosh, Darcy, Talk about being negative! I'm not a kid lover now, but I had two kids (now 21 and 24) with fibro--no meds--and did okay. I actually didn't know I had fibro back then. I was being treated by Dr. St. Amand, who said I had arthritis. Remember, he's the doc who started the Guaf treatment? Anyway, this is my thinking. If you really want a baby and that's all you can think of, having one will probably make you feel better that you do now. Being pregnant did press on my sore spots of my lower back, so I went on maternity leave sooner, and I lied on the couch all day reading novels. That was my second pregnancy. My son was 2, and I had a great time. If you don't have enough sick time, though, like 7 months, just in case, you should wait. As far as 'borrowing' someone's kid, that really isn't the same because mothers will go through a lot for their kids without feeling burdened, but having to do it for somone else's is just not the same. If I had it to do over--truthfully--I probably wouldn't have had any kids, or maybe just one, but that has nothing to do with fibro. BUT, if you are not in a happy marriage, don't do it! That will definitely make you wish you were dead. Joanne --- Darcy Stockstill catstamp@...> wrote: > Ok, here's my thoughts on the matter. I will > admit that I'm biased > because I don't have kids and don't want them > (but did have a period > where I wanted them), but I can't picture > having the energy and strength > to deal with even one more cat at this stage of > my life. When I'm > flaring, I can't even hardly take care of > myself, let alone a child, let > alone a child who is sick with the flu. My > eyes widen in amazement > every time I see someone who has a kid after > developing fibro. I have a > much larger problem with fatigue than I do with > pain, though which is a > big influence too. > > Anyway, things to consider: > > I know you said you went off most of your > medicines, Em, but you might > want to be off them for a few months to make > sure you can tolerate being > off of them long term. There are some > medicines that doctors can > substitute for and others that they can't give > anything that will safely > replace them. I know a friend of mine spent 9 > months miserable over her > allergies because the only thing the doctor > could give her, didn't > help. So I would suggest trying to go without > medicines for a few > months (under doctor's supervision) to see if > you feel like you can go > without them for 9 months. Ask your doctor > what of your medicines can > be substituted with a " safe " medicine. Does > your doctor think it's a > sound medical idea or does s/he think that you > have so many problems it > would be risky? > > Borrow some kids for a while. If you have a > friend who has a baby or > toddler, borrow them for few days, *several* > times, especially when you > have a flare. How do you feel about constantly > having to take care of > the child, especially when you don't feel so > well? For those with > insomnia, this might not be a problem, but try > getting only 3-4 hours a > sleep a night for a week to try to simulate a > baby crying and how little > sleep you can get with a baby. Does it make > your fibro flare really > badly or just a little? > > Do some *honest* soul searching for yourself. > How are you going to feel > if you aren't up to going to play ball, go for > walks, attend all of the > sporting games? Will you take it personally if > they tell you they want > a mommy who will do things with them? If they > develop fibro or any of > the other illnesses you have, will you feel > badly that you " gave it to > them " ? Can you handle even more housework then > you are presently doing? > > If you get to the point that you can't work > anymore, how will you pay > for things? Do you get along well with your > family and are they close > by that they could and would be willing to help > you? What would you do > if they weren't there? Back when we were going > to have kids, we > realized that we didn't have the money for > daycare. The idea of asking > my mom came up, but she ended up dying not too > long after that. If we > had *counted* on my mom to do it, we'd have > been up the creek without a > paddle because we literally didn't have an > extra $400 a month to pay for > daycare, let alone diapers, formula or any > other baby things. So, do > you have a fall back plan for what you'd do if > your mother/father died > or your sister had to move across country > because of a job? > > Have you given any thought to what you would do > if the baby had > problems? Could you handle a special needs > child whether the child was > blind or a severe case of cerebral palsy? > Could you afford the extra > energy a child with special needs would take? > > I know that babies are love, and you want one. > I was there too, as a > matter of fact, I stopped taking my birth > control and think I was even > pregnant for a month. But we stopped and > started taking a hard look at > the practical side of things, and we realized > we were in trouble. We > had no " bad " habits like going out to dinner or > lots of new clothes to > give up, and couldn't even afford daycare for > the kid. And there was no > way we could have made it on just one salary. > > It's something that you'll have to decide on > your own, but think about > the practical side of things too. Talk to your > doctor about the medical > side of it, talk to your family about how much > they'd be willing to help > (will they still be willing to help even if > they don't like the methods > you are using to raise the kid?), talk to your > friends about how life > with kids can be (and an honest look, not just > the sticky hands wrapping > around you going " I luv you, mommie " . How > often did their kids get > sick? How much sleep did they get? Would they > be willing to do it > again. I was shocked, when I started asking > that question how many > people said " I love my kids but if I had to do > it all over again, I > wouldn't. " ). Think about the money aspect, > think about much your stress > levels would go up and could you handle the > increase of fibro symptoms, > think about everything, and if at the end of > all this, you still want a > kid, and know your backup plans would work, > then I say go for it. > Darcy > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.