Re: Eat all Points?/Betty

[Guest guest]

I agree how ridiculously easy it is to get feelings hurt on one of

these message boards.

For example, as self-centered & illogical it is, I got a little hurt

that I spent a long time thinking about the " Tory's WI " message, and

posted a heartfelt response to Tory, but got no response. I know

that she & Bette have history and maybe that's why she responded to

Bette, and that I am a newbie here, but I felt slighted.

How ridiculous! I am not the center of the universe, I know. I

think the problem's that it's a little exposing to put your feelings

& thoughts in writing in a national forum, then once it's out there

you worry about what others are going to think of you. Then you

move on to assuming that you're being ignored or your input is not

highly regarded.

You read sooo much into a few lines of text. Just Tory mentioning

that Prevention magazine may not be the most scientific source made

me embarrassed that I mentioned months ago an article from there

that spoke of water raising your metabolism. I'm sure I'm the only

one who remembered that, and I'm sure no one thought I was foolish

for posting it then. But my brain feels foolish now.

So, I know these feelings are unreasonable, but they are real. I

think it would go a long way towards harmony in the group if we all

try to put ourselves in the place of others in the group, and for

all of us to remember that a lot of us feel vulnerable, especially

due to the unique emotional minefield of a weight loss journey.

If you made it to the end of this ramble, thanks for listening,

Crystal

> >

> > Tory, while I agree that Cindy was being aggressive, I

> > am with her in saying that people here do come off as

> > rather hostile. I have been put into a defensive

> > position on this list before.

>

> I don't recall where she said anyone was being aggressive, but she

did

> call what I had written " Junk Science " which was uncalled for.

>

> You're right, though. People do get aggressive at times and I know

> you've been the brunt of part of it. Sometimes a carelessly thrown

out

> statement can come across as a direct attack on someone. I think

the

> other thing that has seen you in the thick of things is that the

> premise of this group is to take WWers seriously, don't whine about

> things, ask for help when you need it but take personal

> responsibility. Sometimes when we are going through something it is

> easy to believe that we are the only ones who have ever dealt with

> it...that the grass is greener in everyone else's yard...and that

no

> one understands. So when you toss out something like " Only rich

people

> have... " or act like no one else understands, it makes some people

say

> " Hey now Mister! We're all dealing with the same hockey you are. We

> will help, but don't make it sound like we've all got it easy just

> because we aren't in your situation. "

>

> I actually get that a lot. I'm told that it's way easier for me

> because I have no children. I'm told I'm selfish because I have no

> children. I'm told that I'm lucky because I have no children. Of

> course the tune changes when I point out to the person, who doesn't

> mean to be offensive, that the reason I have no children is that I

> can't.

>

> > The biggest problem with online groups like this is

> > that you can't easily convey emotions and as such, you

> > have to supply your own to what is being said. That

> > can lead to bad feelings and thus someone becoming

> > defensive.

>

> I think that you are right. But I see two things at work in most

> groups...and this one tends to get along VERY well 99% of the time.

>

> 1) People who say things flippantly or in humor, but those things

are

> taken wrong by others. I think that maybe this is what has

happened to

> you. We aren't all used to your sense of humor and I think you've

said

> things in jest and some of us have taken offense to it. You were

blown

> away because that's not how you meant it! For that, I know I'm

sorry.

>

> 2) People who say things because they are able to hide behind the

> security of the computer. I'm sure we have ALL done this at times.

I

> think this is what happened in Cindy's case. She felt that we were

> attacking her, which was not anyone's intent. I have re-read the

> thread a few times to see where someone said something out of line

> prior to the " junk science " comment. Nope. People were answering a

> question posted by one person, and then another asked for how

others

> were doing their weight loss (to flex or not to flex, that is the

> question). Bette and I, separately, offered up a simplified

version of

> why you should not lower your calories by too much and we were

> referred to as passing on " junk science. "

>

> Now I'll be honest. When someone treats me with disrespect, I turn

> from Mild Mannered MsTeechur into the Hulk. I don't post

information

> lightly and am VERY careful about what I do post. In fact, I am

> teaching Health this year for the first time in a long time.

Because

> it's been awhile I have made sure to read the research on each of

the

> topics I've taught to ensure that the information I give my

students

> is up to date and based in science. That's probably why the " junk

> science " comment steamed my 0-point bean so much. Part of what I

love

> doing, because I truly think I was called to it, is teach. When my

> teaching is called into question I am offended. I want to make sure

> when I teach that I'm not passing on information I read in a

women's

> magazine or Fred's weight loss website. I want it to be actual

factual

> information. I teach my students to do the same thing.

>

> So I reacted in response to Cindy's original post because I felt

like

> my teaching and knowledge was being directly insulted. In

addition, I

> wanted to make sure that others knew the facts. It never ceases to

> amaze me, and I mean no personal judgement by this, how little we

care

> to learn about our bodies. I know for years I even KNEW the stuff,

yet

> I still abused my body. But when it comes to our bodies depending

on

> Weight Watchers literature or Prevention magazine, or People

magazine

> for health information...well that just blows my mind. It's not

that I

> think everyone needs to do in-depth research on every aspect of

their

> health, but when it comes to weight loss we know that there is so

much

> MORE to it than eat less, lose weight. We're talking about what

fuels

> our bodies here, and our bodies are complicated machines! People

put

> more time and effort into researching what gasoline to put in their

> car than they do what they put into their bodies and it blows my

> little pink mind!

>

> > I say we all dress is tie-dyed clothing and sit around

> > a camp fire while singing songs. Come on. It can be fun.

>

> Ironically I am wearing tie-dye right now. I don't normally...it's

> just so last millenium.