Re: Thursday's Misc. Stuff

[Guest guest]

,

I so do get your anger and frustration and despair over your current situation. As far as the issue of taking on illness for disability pay-- I know that while I was waiting for the process to get finished, I was a basketcase.

Depression, anger because I knew how sick I was-- and had to defend it to people whose job it is to protect the funds of the "government" (AKA our tax dollars) and who have seen both sides of the coin when it comes to disabilty. That is that they see both the frauds and the people that really are disabled. They also become so skeptical that it is truly sad.

I know when the pain was so very, very horrible in my spine and legs and hips, and hands-- that I too was ready to take a gun and do somehting. Anything. When this kind of despair is setting in, it is so very hard to even find the energy to reach out for help.

, Rose and Darlene and Debbie and I have all had to go thru the disability stuff. We've all lost jobs, financial security, our own identity as employees and professionals, due to this illness.

It is because we've been on the battle field in this sense, that we can tell you what you need to do to get the system to work for you.

Every state, including yours--has a "Welfare" dept. When you are both out of work, with the exception of a paper route, you should qualify for food stamps, rent subsidy, and even with your VA-- you should have the Medicaid backup so that if VA can't get you in-- you can go to the local ER and get some help.

The kind of pain you have in your knees and the back of legs isn't going to be helped by the over-the counter Tylenol type medication. You need serious help with pain control.

GAry,

We all are very VERY concerned about you. We know that your sarcoidosis is only a 10% part of the overall problem. We know that the financial nightmare you're living has you hitting rock bottom. We know that your marriage is falling apart, and both of you are totally depressed because you don't know how to get out of this problem.

, tomorrow is Sunday. i doubt you'll get this before then, if not until Monday. I beg you to go to one of the local churches, and ask for help. Call Salvation Army, and talk to someone. Call and ask them who you have to contact for emergency assistance. They can give you the name of a social worker that can help you.

HELP IS OUT THERE. These places know where to turn. They may help you with your rent, your food--churches almost always have food banks for the needy, and many of them have clothing closets. (Salvation Army does for sure.)

Now-- I'm sending you a private email also-- please answer my questions and send it back.

Tracie

[Guest guest]

,

I so do get your anger and frustration and despair over your current situation. As far as the issue of taking on illness for disability pay-- I know that while I was waiting for the process to get finished, I was a basketcase.

Depression, anger because I knew how sick I was-- and had to defend it to people whose job it is to protect the funds of the "government" (AKA our tax dollars) and who have seen both sides of the coin when it comes to disabilty. That is that they see both the frauds and the people that really are disabled. They also become so skeptical that it is truly sad.

I know when the pain was so very, very horrible in my spine and legs and hips, and hands-- that I too was ready to take a gun and do somehting. Anything. When this kind of despair is setting in, it is so very hard to even find the energy to reach out for help.

, Rose and Darlene and Debbie and I have all had to go thru the disability stuff. We've all lost jobs, financial security, our own identity as employees and professionals, due to this illness.

It is because we've been on the battle field in this sense, that we can tell you what you need to do to get the system to work for you.

Every state, including yours--has a "Welfare" dept. When you are both out of work, with the exception of a paper route, you should qualify for food stamps, rent subsidy, and even with your VA-- you should have the Medicaid backup so that if VA can't get you in-- you can go to the local ER and get some help.

The kind of pain you have in your knees and the back of legs isn't going to be helped by the over-the counter Tylenol type medication. You need serious help with pain control.

GAry,

We all are very VERY concerned about you. We know that your sarcoidosis is only a 10% part of the overall problem. We know that the financial nightmare you're living has you hitting rock bottom. We know that your marriage is falling apart, and both of you are totally depressed because you don't know how to get out of this problem.

, tomorrow is Sunday. i doubt you'll get this before then, if not until Monday. I beg you to go to one of the local churches, and ask for help. Call Salvation Army, and talk to someone. Call and ask them who you have to contact for emergency assistance. They can give you the name of a social worker that can help you.

HELP IS OUT THERE. These places know where to turn. They may help you with your rent, your food--churches almost always have food banks for the needy, and many of them have clothing closets. (Salvation Army does for sure.)

Now-- I'm sending you a private email also-- please answer my questions and send it back.

Tracie

[Guest guest]

,

I so do get your anger and frustration and despair over your current situation. As far as the issue of taking on illness for disability pay-- I know that while I was waiting for the process to get finished, I was a basketcase.

Depression, anger because I knew how sick I was-- and had to defend it to people whose job it is to protect the funds of the "government" (AKA our tax dollars) and who have seen both sides of the coin when it comes to disabilty. That is that they see both the frauds and the people that really are disabled. They also become so skeptical that it is truly sad.

I know when the pain was so very, very horrible in my spine and legs and hips, and hands-- that I too was ready to take a gun and do somehting. Anything. When this kind of despair is setting in, it is so very hard to even find the energy to reach out for help.

, Rose and Darlene and Debbie and I have all had to go thru the disability stuff. We've all lost jobs, financial security, our own identity as employees and professionals, due to this illness.

It is because we've been on the battle field in this sense, that we can tell you what you need to do to get the system to work for you.

Every state, including yours--has a "Welfare" dept. When you are both out of work, with the exception of a paper route, you should qualify for food stamps, rent subsidy, and even with your VA-- you should have the Medicaid backup so that if VA can't get you in-- you can go to the local ER and get some help.

The kind of pain you have in your knees and the back of legs isn't going to be helped by the over-the counter Tylenol type medication. You need serious help with pain control.

GAry,

We all are very VERY concerned about you. We know that your sarcoidosis is only a 10% part of the overall problem. We know that the financial nightmare you're living has you hitting rock bottom. We know that your marriage is falling apart, and both of you are totally depressed because you don't know how to get out of this problem.

, tomorrow is Sunday. i doubt you'll get this before then, if not until Monday. I beg you to go to one of the local churches, and ask for help. Call Salvation Army, and talk to someone. Call and ask them who you have to contact for emergency assistance. They can give you the name of a social worker that can help you.

HELP IS OUT THERE. These places know where to turn. They may help you with your rent, your food--churches almost always have food banks for the needy, and many of them have clothing closets. (Salvation Army does for sure.)

Now-- I'm sending you a private email also-- please answer my questions and send it back.

Tracie

[Guest guest]

,

My heart is just breaking for you ... I do have some suggestions ... I know you don't think it will help, but it really will ... all in due time...trust me on this.

1) Open up your local phone book and go to the yellow pages (this can also be done on line through Google). Write down several phone numbers of Social Security Attorney's. , you were turned down for Social Security the first time because most people are ... not always, but most of the time. Then the person gets an attorney to file an appeal, then they usually get SS benefits. I got a lawyer from the beginning because I knew what I had just gone through with Long Term Disability through my employer. Anyway, I won SS benefits the first time around. Social Security will send you to several doctors ... for instance, they sent me to get, of all things, an x-ray of my ankle (they knew I had broken my ankle after a fall when my legs gave out); then to a psychiatrist, then to a dr. who usually does work for auto insurance companies. Don't talk about anything to them except the disease. Also, if you tell them you do a paper route, that may mess you up ... SS may come back with "well, if he can do this, then he can work full time". If anyone does find out about your paper route, just tell them that since you can't do any walking, you drive your wife around while she distributes the papers. When they ask you if you have any support, don't mention that you walk to the library every other day. Again, just be very careful in what info you provide ... don't lie, but don't volunteer any info that can come back to bite you in the butt. If you get sent to a psychiatrist, and he/she asks if you are depressed, tell them the truth ... yes, of course you are depressed ... you are in constant pain, you have no money to take care of your family, you miss working (I do terribly, I am only assuming you do), etc., etc. ... they are looking to see if you are just trying to get out of working and getting paid to do so (at least that was the feeling I got). , do not worry about money for this attorney ... "good" SS attorneys will not charge you anything until you get a SS win ... and if they want any money before that, get rid of them ... don't use them!!...SS attorney's know that you are sick and are not working and have no money. And, since they don't get paid unless you do, they fight hard to get you a win. When I was awarded Social Security, they kept about $3500 and sent it to my attorney. SS attorney's are only allowed to take a certain percentage ... I believe they cannot take more than $5,000. Anyway, , once you get an attorney, you will get the benefits that are due you ... this makes me so angry ... that our government can treat our Veterans like this.

2) Here in NJ, there is a church called "St. de " ... I do not know if they are a nation-wide charitable organization, but I have a friend who recently called them for help. This wonderful church went to his house, reviewed all their bills, and ended up paying all of their back mortgage (several months worth!), and several months worth of electric, water, gas, cable. And you owe them nothing ... but they appreciate anything you can give back once on your feet again. I am sure their or churches/charitable organizations in your area as well. I believe that most, if not all, churches can provide food also. How about Am-Vets?...do you have any contact with them? ... I donate all of my clothes to them (many of them brand new with tags still on them ... I change sizes so frequently, I don't always get a chance to wear things). You should try giving them a call.

3) Churches can also sometimes arrange for a driver to take you to your dr. appt.'s, grocery stores, etc.

4) , if you still had some Tylenol 3's left over from a surgery a while back, I don't believe you need to worry about becoming addicted to them. I find that these medications are only addictive if the person has an addictive personality ... you obviously do not ... if you did, they would have been gone long ago ... especially since you've been living with pain and taking regular tylenol ... which I can't believe has helped your pain anyway ... , the kind of pain we get, you need something more stronger than tylenol or tylenol 3 for that matter. And, you can't be afraid to take them thinking you will get addicted to them. You won't given what I just said earlier. We need many various strong medications. , I really believe neurontin or a similar medication would help the pain in your legs. Neurontin is not a narcotic. You also need to be on immunosuppressant medication(s). I still have never taken prednisone and have no intention of ever taking it unless I get a major, major flare that my current meds can't handle.

5) , if you send me your address (privately), I'd be more than happy to send you some tylenol (until you get the proper medications that you need to be on, that is).

Feeling very sad for you,

Joan

, you would be surprised at how much help is really out there. There are some very good and kind people in this world...

Hello,

Tracie, I wrote that long response that you and Rose respond to because I had felt 's "rath" in that one line comment. I wasn't attacking her integrity either. What she had written at the end, "LMAO", does this stand for "lucky My Ass Oh-yeah" or what? After all these months of writing in here, that I just feel like giving up completely in doing this (write on the computer) permaintly again. For those who have been here as long I have, you still only know say 10% of what has happened in my life. Granted some things should be left unsaid and I intend to keep that way as far as with my family. Tracie or anyone else may have detected or have not that I've been having those suidical thoughts again for various amounts of time of any given day for these last two weeks or so. Taking any of those antidepressants for myself, yeah righty, yeah sure, you trying to make me cheery and laugh or something. IF I HAD THESE ON "HAND" OR TO MEAN IN MY APARTMENT, THERE'S A PART OF ME JUST WANTS TO SAVE MONEY HERE AND THERE AND THEN GO OUT AND BY SOME RUM AND "WASH" THESE ANTI-WHATEVERS WITH THIS RUM. JUST VENT TIME HERE THAT'S ALL.

I'am dealing with semi-unbearable pain right now as I have been and writing this now. It's this pain in my knees and the back side of my legs which mentioned about these past months ago. This pain has at times wish I 'd had a gun a blow my knees and legs away these last three weeks. The only thing I have for pain is acemanphen (tynol) with CODIENE WHICH JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE ADDICTIVE NARCOTIC PAINKILLER that is a left over prescription for when I hurt my leg fallen down on ice in Jan. I believe.

Know what has happened? Way back in June this year I requested to my Primary Care Doc, Dr. Vande Haar to have a referral visit to a Rhemy Doc. HE DIDN'T DO THIS AT ALL. I seen Dr. Vande Haar again I believe in August about this pain in knees and legs and he DID put in a refferal to the Rhemy doc and this was this past Tuesday. I had the apointment time written down on a calender by the dinning table/mircowave oven. WHAT HAPPENED? I GO AND FORGET ALL ABOUT THIS!! Now I have to get in a see Dr. Vande Haar again so he can put in a refferal again for me. Ten days to see him again and perhaps two months to see a Rhemy Doc. YES I SCREWED UP AND THIS WAS MY FAULT. I've been so trying to resolve this matter of having this nerve testing done and with everything else going on I just wasn't paying attention this rhemy appt. Kathy bought Extra Strength Aceophen (Tynol) Meijer brand capulutes this past winter or spring and their all gone now. 600 of these pills and all gone. Your's truley used say about 98% of these. I've been taking them for this pain in my knees & legs. We don't have money to buy any at all now. Kathy is so depressed because of not having steady income that she has been talking like we be living under a HIGHWAY BRIDGE. We're about facing EVICTION if not already are from our apartment. As far as this pain goes, I'am still "parked at that t-shape road intersection of my life" at that stop sign with the car engine turned off. (Turn left and start taking Prednisone, turn right and don't take it ever.)

Some reasons IF AND ONLY IF I was "Lucky".

1. One of 4 of my hospital socks I've been wearing for as regular socks has a hole in heel.

2. Air Force field jacket as a fall, winter, & spring jacket has holes all over it. No money to buy

replacement jacket as a "work" jacket.

3. No dress shoes that I've haven't had for perhaps ten years or more.

4. No dress slacks for ten years or more.

5. No money for a divorce, apartment for myself, (rent & sec. dep.).

6. No money for a used car, maintence & insurance.

7. No money to pay back EXISTING money owed to V.A. for medicial aquired debt. (about

$600.00)

8. No money to pay back EXISTING long ago debt owed (mostly prior medical bills-about

$10,600.00 and $10,600.00 might as well be $10,000,000,000,600.00 (this a trillion amount))

9. Because of NOT having money to do laundry there's times where I wear undies to three

maybe four days, BECAUSE of no damm money to wash them. I don't have a two week

supply of them.

I sell existing personal items I have, clothes, old ski equipement, books, & console tv it is only a LOUSY $300.00 aprox. This hardly enough to pay 1 months' rent & sec. dep. for myself. Being depressed because of having Sarcoidosis is only 5% at the most even as I write this I feel like BLOWING MY KNEES AWAY BECAUSE OF THIS DAMM PAIN. No, no, the majority of WHY I'AM DEPRESSED is because of this other crap, bullshit, frustrations, and suckyodosislifeIhavehad. Only if I had money I live my life by myself like in Denver, Co where I could still a Vetrean's care place and likewise in Reno, Nevada. I feel that I don't want anything to do with my so call family ever again at that point. What came around to me for 25 years of this shit and go around to them for rest of my life. , you have millions or even zillions of reasons to live on with this disease. It's call your sons or daughters, grand kids if you have them, other realives, friends, and neighbors. You are just like everyone else in this group. You have all these people such as I had just written as what? THEY ARE YOU'RE SUPPORT GROUP OF SORTS. You care about them and they care about you. So this is why in part you don't want this disease, so you can do things with them such as going to a amusement park with kids, nephews, nieces, etc. It is apparent I don't have this at all. NOTHING, NOTHING. NO MONEY AND MY SO CALLED FAMILY ISN'T WHAT EVERYONE DESIRES A FAMILY TO BE. Year, after year, after year, I put with crap from them like this 25 years I've said that they said I'am a failure, worthless, lazy, etc.

Maybe you see now why wish that I could be LUCKY in as having a SOURCE of INCOME ONLY, NOT AS IN A DISEASE.

[Guest guest]

,

My heart is just breaking for you ... I do have some suggestions ... I know you don't think it will help, but it really will ... all in due time...trust me on this.

1) Open up your local phone book and go to the yellow pages (this can also be done on line through Google). Write down several phone numbers of Social Security Attorney's. , you were turned down for Social Security the first time because most people are ... not always, but most of the time. Then the person gets an attorney to file an appeal, then they usually get SS benefits. I got a lawyer from the beginning because I knew what I had just gone through with Long Term Disability through my employer. Anyway, I won SS benefits the first time around. Social Security will send you to several doctors ... for instance, they sent me to get, of all things, an x-ray of my ankle (they knew I had broken my ankle after a fall when my legs gave out); then to a psychiatrist, then to a dr. who usually does work for auto insurance companies. Don't talk about anything to them except the disease. Also, if you tell them you do a paper route, that may mess you up ... SS may come back with "well, if he can do this, then he can work full time". If anyone does find out about your paper route, just tell them that since you can't do any walking, you drive your wife around while she distributes the papers. When they ask you if you have any support, don't mention that you walk to the library every other day. Again, just be very careful in what info you provide ... don't lie, but don't volunteer any info that can come back to bite you in the butt. If you get sent to a psychiatrist, and he/she asks if you are depressed, tell them the truth ... yes, of course you are depressed ... you are in constant pain, you have no money to take care of your family, you miss working (I do terribly, I am only assuming you do), etc., etc. ... they are looking to see if you are just trying to get out of working and getting paid to do so (at least that was the feeling I got). , do not worry about money for this attorney ... "good" SS attorneys will not charge you anything until you get a SS win ... and if they want any money before that, get rid of them ... don't use them!!...SS attorney's know that you are sick and are not working and have no money. And, since they don't get paid unless you do, they fight hard to get you a win. When I was awarded Social Security, they kept about $3500 and sent it to my attorney. SS attorney's are only allowed to take a certain percentage ... I believe they cannot take more than $5,000. Anyway, , once you get an attorney, you will get the benefits that are due you ... this makes me so angry ... that our government can treat our Veterans like this.

2) Here in NJ, there is a church called "St. de " ... I do not know if they are a nation-wide charitable organization, but I have a friend who recently called them for help. This wonderful church went to his house, reviewed all their bills, and ended up paying all of their back mortgage (several months worth!), and several months worth of electric, water, gas, cable. And you owe them nothing ... but they appreciate anything you can give back once on your feet again. I am sure their or churches/charitable organizations in your area as well. I believe that most, if not all, churches can provide food also. How about Am-Vets?...do you have any contact with them? ... I donate all of my clothes to them (many of them brand new with tags still on them ... I change sizes so frequently, I don't always get a chance to wear things). You should try giving them a call.

3) Churches can also sometimes arrange for a driver to take you to your dr. appt.'s, grocery stores, etc.

4) , if you still had some Tylenol 3's left over from a surgery a while back, I don't believe you need to worry about becoming addicted to them. I find that these medications are only addictive if the person has an addictive personality ... you obviously do not ... if you did, they would have been gone long ago ... especially since you've been living with pain and taking regular tylenol ... which I can't believe has helped your pain anyway ... , the kind of pain we get, you need something more stronger than tylenol or tylenol 3 for that matter. And, you can't be afraid to take them thinking you will get addicted to them. You won't given what I just said earlier. We need many various strong medications. , I really believe neurontin or a similar medication would help the pain in your legs. Neurontin is not a narcotic. You also need to be on immunosuppressant medication(s). I still have never taken prednisone and have no intention of ever taking it unless I get a major, major flare that my current meds can't handle.

5) , if you send me your address (privately), I'd be more than happy to send you some tylenol (until you get the proper medications that you need to be on, that is).

Feeling very sad for you,

Joan

, you would be surprised at how much help is really out there. There are some very good and kind people in this world...

Hello,

Tracie, I wrote that long response that you and Rose respond to because I had felt 's "rath" in that one line comment. I wasn't attacking her integrity either. What she had written at the end, "LMAO", does this stand for "lucky My Ass Oh-yeah" or what? After all these months of writing in here, that I just feel like giving up completely in doing this (write on the computer) permaintly again. For those who have been here as long I have, you still only know say 10% of what has happened in my life. Granted some things should be left unsaid and I intend to keep that way as far as with my family. Tracie or anyone else may have detected or have not that I've been having those suidical thoughts again for various amounts of time of any given day for these last two weeks or so. Taking any of those antidepressants for myself, yeah righty, yeah sure, you trying to make me cheery and laugh or something. IF I HAD THESE ON "HAND" OR TO MEAN IN MY APARTMENT, THERE'S A PART OF ME JUST WANTS TO SAVE MONEY HERE AND THERE AND THEN GO OUT AND BY SOME RUM AND "WASH" THESE ANTI-WHATEVERS WITH THIS RUM. JUST VENT TIME HERE THAT'S ALL.

I'am dealing with semi-unbearable pain right now as I have been and writing this now. It's this pain in my knees and the back side of my legs which mentioned about these past months ago. This pain has at times wish I 'd had a gun a blow my knees and legs away these last three weeks. The only thing I have for pain is acemanphen (tynol) with CODIENE WHICH JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE ADDICTIVE NARCOTIC PAINKILLER that is a left over prescription for when I hurt my leg fallen down on ice in Jan. I believe.

Know what has happened? Way back in June this year I requested to my Primary Care Doc, Dr. Vande Haar to have a referral visit to a Rhemy Doc. HE DIDN'T DO THIS AT ALL. I seen Dr. Vande Haar again I believe in August about this pain in knees and legs and he DID put in a refferal to the Rhemy doc and this was this past Tuesday. I had the apointment time written down on a calender by the dinning table/mircowave oven. WHAT HAPPENED? I GO AND FORGET ALL ABOUT THIS!! Now I have to get in a see Dr. Vande Haar again so he can put in a refferal again for me. Ten days to see him again and perhaps two months to see a Rhemy Doc. YES I SCREWED UP AND THIS WAS MY FAULT. I've been so trying to resolve this matter of having this nerve testing done and with everything else going on I just wasn't paying attention this rhemy appt. Kathy bought Extra Strength Aceophen (Tynol) Meijer brand capulutes this past winter or spring and their all gone now. 600 of these pills and all gone. Your's truley used say about 98% of these. I've been taking them for this pain in my knees & legs. We don't have money to buy any at all now. Kathy is so depressed because of not having steady income that she has been talking like we be living under a HIGHWAY BRIDGE. We're about facing EVICTION if not already are from our apartment. As far as this pain goes, I'am still "parked at that t-shape road intersection of my life" at that stop sign with the car engine turned off. (Turn left and start taking Prednisone, turn right and don't take it ever.)

Some reasons IF AND ONLY IF I was "Lucky".

1. One of 4 of my hospital socks I've been wearing for as regular socks has a hole in heel.

2. Air Force field jacket as a fall, winter, & spring jacket has holes all over it. No money to buy

replacement jacket as a "work" jacket.

3. No dress shoes that I've haven't had for perhaps ten years or more.

4. No dress slacks for ten years or more.

5. No money for a divorce, apartment for myself, (rent & sec. dep.).

6. No money for a used car, maintence & insurance.

7. No money to pay back EXISTING money owed to V.A. for medicial aquired debt. (about

$600.00)

8. No money to pay back EXISTING long ago debt owed (mostly prior medical bills-about

$10,600.00 and $10,600.00 might as well be $10,000,000,000,600.00 (this a trillion amount))

9. Because of NOT having money to do laundry there's times where I wear undies to three

maybe four days, BECAUSE of no damm money to wash them. I don't have a two week

supply of them.

I sell existing personal items I have, clothes, old ski equipement, books, & console tv it is only a LOUSY $300.00 aprox. This hardly enough to pay 1 months' rent & sec. dep. for myself. Being depressed because of having Sarcoidosis is only 5% at the most even as I write this I feel like BLOWING MY KNEES AWAY BECAUSE OF THIS DAMM PAIN. No, no, the majority of WHY I'AM DEPRESSED is because of this other crap, bullshit, frustrations, and suckyodosislifeIhavehad. Only if I had money I live my life by myself like in Denver, Co where I could still a Vetrean's care place and likewise in Reno, Nevada. I feel that I don't want anything to do with my so call family ever again at that point. What came around to me for 25 years of this shit and go around to them for rest of my life. , you have millions or even zillions of reasons to live on with this disease. It's call your sons or daughters, grand kids if you have them, other realives, friends, and neighbors. You are just like everyone else in this group. You have all these people such as I had just written as what? THEY ARE YOU'RE SUPPORT GROUP OF SORTS. You care about them and they care about you. So this is why in part you don't want this disease, so you can do things with them such as going to a amusement park with kids, nephews, nieces, etc. It is apparent I don't have this at all. NOTHING, NOTHING. NO MONEY AND MY SO CALLED FAMILY ISN'T WHAT EVERYONE DESIRES A FAMILY TO BE. Year, after year, after year, I put with crap from them like this 25 years I've said that they said I'am a failure, worthless, lazy, etc.

Maybe you see now why wish that I could be LUCKY in as having a SOURCE of INCOME ONLY, NOT AS IN A DISEASE.

[Guest guest]

Tracie, & Kim,

Tracie we have for the most part plenty of clothes. Reba, the one that has a job doesn't money on buying blouses and dresses like she should went she has money. She and Kathy both buy these t-shirts with writings on them alot over the years. One of my sneakers has a crack on the bottom and I'am due for a new pair before winter comes. My old Air Force field jacket is ready for the dumpster or cut it up to make rags. I'll make do with this for now. This dummy forgot to mentioned before that Kathy let me have her old winter parka with a hood attached to it. All those years I worked on and off which is about 22 years after being in the Air Force and have only about $300.00 of stuff that I actually I could say is mine. WHOPPEE!!!!!!!!! Tracie, I think it's not necessary for you or anyone else to send anything to us like clothes and such.

Tracie, how can I do custodial work when I can't be on my feet walking around at times. Walking doing the paperoutes sometimes does seem to help, or help for the time being doing the paperoutes. Also from what I read that a person is around fumes such as cleaning items that a custodial person uses is harmful with a Pulmonary Sarcoidosis. Short term using these perhaps okay, long term not a good idea. I thought about declaring bankruptcy before, but I always thought I should pay my debts off like a "responsible" citzsen should. This only pain medcine I have presently for myself is Codiene 30mg./with Acetaminophen 300mg. combination tablets. I have about 16 of them left as of this morning. I took one of them this morning after we got back to our apartment and wanted to go back to sleep but pain was still going on and took another one of these about 1 1/2 hours later. I'am suppose to take them one every 6 hours when this was prescribed to me after I fell on ice this past

winter.

I know that R. said before in her e-mail that she was paying alot of money for her health care, prescriptions, etc. She must have other sources of income like employment, savings, 401 k plan, investments, alimony, or whatever. I know this is hard on her to do this. But you know if I was "in her shoes", the way things are now I would have to be robing banks, stores, etc. How far would I get though with these legs of mine robing banks? Michigan has a 10 cent bottle/can returnable law for refund on pop cans & bottles and likewise on beer cans & glass bottles. Any money I have had from time to time is returning these that Kathy or Reba has bought (not beer ones though). , Reba, & Kathy have been going out sometimes and going through trash cans and such (germs I'am sure of this) to get these and turn them in for money. Like customers take to Meijer such as Walmart brand pop cans that Meijer doesn't accept. They go through the trash bins at the bottle return

area to get ones such as Walmart as an example. Kathy said that & Reba has collected a little over $100.00 doing this the past two months. They use it on paying their bills and buying gas for the car.

Tracie, could you e-mail and tell her that I was just upset of her response, but I'am not angry at her as a person. Tell her that she has millions if not zillions of reasons to carry on everyday having Sarcoidosis because of her family, friends, neighbors, etc.that I don't have. That each one of these people she is around is zillions of reasons this in themselves of to make through another day let alone rest of her life. Tell her that If I could take on this Sarcoidosis she has like everyone else upon myself that she be free of sarcoid forever. I was for the longest time this year believing that I have value of myself. I just don't see it anymore.

I forgot to say earlier. Yesterday at the laundrymat, for a short while I felt like I couldn't stand up and walk as well. It very well be that it is going to be harder and harder to do this (write on the computer) of getting to a library and do this e-mail thing.

Kim thank you for putting those pictures in the photo section for everyone to look at. But I wish now that you delete all these pictures.

Tracie, tell also I'am sorry she may have been upset at my response. Maybe I should not have written this in the first place.

tiodaat@... wrote:

,I so do get your anger and frustration and despair over your current situation. As far as the issue of taking on illness for disability pay-- I know that while I was waiting for the process to get finished, I was a basketcase. Depression, anger because I knew how sick I was-- and had to defend it to people whose job it is to protect the funds of the "government" (AKA our tax dollars) and who have seen both sides of the coin when it comes to disabilty. That is that they see both the frauds and the people that really are disabled. They also become so skeptical that it is truly sad.I know when the pain was so very, very horrible in my spine and legs and hips, and hands-- that I too was ready to take a

gun and do somehting. Anything. When this kind of despair is setting in, it is so very hard to even find the energy to reach out for help., Rose and Darlene and Debbie and I have all had to go thru the disability stuff. We've all lost jobs, financial security, our own identity as employees and professionals, due to this illness. It is because we've been on the battle field in this sense, that we can tell you what you need to do to get the system to work for you.Every state, including yours--has a "Welfare" dept. When you are both out of work, with the exception of a paper route, you should qualify for food stamps, rent subsidy, and even with your VA-- you should have the Medicaid backup so that if VA can't get you in-- you can go to the local ER and get some help.The kind of pain you have in your knees and the back of legs isn't going to be helped by the over-the counter Tylenol type medication. You need serious

help with pain control. GAry,We all are very VERY concerned about you. We know that your sarcoidosis is only a 10% part of the overall problem. We know that the financial nightmare you're living has you hitting rock bottom. We know that your marriage is falling apart, and both of you are totally depressed because you don't know how to get out of this problem., tomorrow is Sunday. i doubt you'll get this before then, if not until Monday. I beg you to go to one of the local churches, and ask for help. Call Salvation Army, and talk to someone. Call and ask them who you have to contact for emergency assistance. They can give you the name of a social worker that can help you. HELP IS OUT THERE. These places know where to turn. They may help you with your rent, your food--churches almost always have food banks for the needy, and many of them have clothing closets. (Salvation Army

does for sure.) Now-- I'm sending you a private email also-- please answer my questions and send it back.Tracie

Yahoo! Music Unlimited - Access over 1 million songs. Try it free.

[Guest guest]

Tracie, & Kim,

Tracie we have for the most part plenty of clothes. Reba, the one that has a job doesn't money on buying blouses and dresses like she should went she has money. She and Kathy both buy these t-shirts with writings on them alot over the years. One of my sneakers has a crack on the bottom and I'am due for a new pair before winter comes. My old Air Force field jacket is ready for the dumpster or cut it up to make rags. I'll make do with this for now. This dummy forgot to mentioned before that Kathy let me have her old winter parka with a hood attached to it. All those years I worked on and off which is about 22 years after being in the Air Force and have only about $300.00 of stuff that I actually I could say is mine. WHOPPEE!!!!!!!!! Tracie, I think it's not necessary for you or anyone else to send anything to us like clothes and such.

Tracie, how can I do custodial work when I can't be on my feet walking around at times. Walking doing the paperoutes sometimes does seem to help, or help for the time being doing the paperoutes. Also from what I read that a person is around fumes such as cleaning items that a custodial person uses is harmful with a Pulmonary Sarcoidosis. Short term using these perhaps okay, long term not a good idea. I thought about declaring bankruptcy before, but I always thought I should pay my debts off like a "responsible" citzsen should. This only pain medcine I have presently for myself is Codiene 30mg./with Acetaminophen 300mg. combination tablets. I have about 16 of them left as of this morning. I took one of them this morning after we got back to our apartment and wanted to go back to sleep but pain was still going on and took another one of these about 1 1/2 hours later. I'am suppose to take them one every 6 hours when this was prescribed to me after I fell on ice this past

winter.

I know that R. said before in her e-mail that she was paying alot of money for her health care, prescriptions, etc. She must have other sources of income like employment, savings, 401 k plan, investments, alimony, or whatever. I know this is hard on her to do this. But you know if I was "in her shoes", the way things are now I would have to be robing banks, stores, etc. How far would I get though with these legs of mine robing banks? Michigan has a 10 cent bottle/can returnable law for refund on pop cans & bottles and likewise on beer cans & glass bottles. Any money I have had from time to time is returning these that Kathy or Reba has bought (not beer ones though). , Reba, & Kathy have been going out sometimes and going through trash cans and such (germs I'am sure of this) to get these and turn them in for money. Like customers take to Meijer such as Walmart brand pop cans that Meijer doesn't accept. They go through the trash bins at the bottle return

area to get ones such as Walmart as an example. Kathy said that & Reba has collected a little over $100.00 doing this the past two months. They use it on paying their bills and buying gas for the car.

Tracie, could you e-mail and tell her that I was just upset of her response, but I'am not angry at her as a person. Tell her that she has millions if not zillions of reasons to carry on everyday having Sarcoidosis because of her family, friends, neighbors, etc.that I don't have. That each one of these people she is around is zillions of reasons this in themselves of to make through another day let alone rest of her life. Tell her that If I could take on this Sarcoidosis she has like everyone else upon myself that she be free of sarcoid forever. I was for the longest time this year believing that I have value of myself. I just don't see it anymore.

I forgot to say earlier. Yesterday at the laundrymat, for a short while I felt like I couldn't stand up and walk as well. It very well be that it is going to be harder and harder to do this (write on the computer) of getting to a library and do this e-mail thing.

Kim thank you for putting those pictures in the photo section for everyone to look at. But I wish now that you delete all these pictures.

Tracie, tell also I'am sorry she may have been upset at my response. Maybe I should not have written this in the first place.

tiodaat@... wrote:

,I so do get your anger and frustration and despair over your current situation. As far as the issue of taking on illness for disability pay-- I know that while I was waiting for the process to get finished, I was a basketcase. Depression, anger because I knew how sick I was-- and had to defend it to people whose job it is to protect the funds of the "government" (AKA our tax dollars) and who have seen both sides of the coin when it comes to disabilty. That is that they see both the frauds and the people that really are disabled. They also become so skeptical that it is truly sad.I know when the pain was so very, very horrible in my spine and legs and hips, and hands-- that I too was ready to take a

gun and do somehting. Anything. When this kind of despair is setting in, it is so very hard to even find the energy to reach out for help., Rose and Darlene and Debbie and I have all had to go thru the disability stuff. We've all lost jobs, financial security, our own identity as employees and professionals, due to this illness. It is because we've been on the battle field in this sense, that we can tell you what you need to do to get the system to work for you.Every state, including yours--has a "Welfare" dept. When you are both out of work, with the exception of a paper route, you should qualify for food stamps, rent subsidy, and even with your VA-- you should have the Medicaid backup so that if VA can't get you in-- you can go to the local ER and get some help.The kind of pain you have in your knees and the back of legs isn't going to be helped by the over-the counter Tylenol type medication. You need serious

help with pain control. GAry,We all are very VERY concerned about you. We know that your sarcoidosis is only a 10% part of the overall problem. We know that the financial nightmare you're living has you hitting rock bottom. We know that your marriage is falling apart, and both of you are totally depressed because you don't know how to get out of this problem., tomorrow is Sunday. i doubt you'll get this before then, if not until Monday. I beg you to go to one of the local churches, and ask for help. Call Salvation Army, and talk to someone. Call and ask them who you have to contact for emergency assistance. They can give you the name of a social worker that can help you. HELP IS OUT THERE. These places know where to turn. They may help you with your rent, your food--churches almost always have food banks for the needy, and many of them have clothing closets. (Salvation Army

does for sure.) Now-- I'm sending you a private email also-- please answer my questions and send it back.Tracie

Yahoo! Music Unlimited - Access over 1 million songs. Try it free.

[Guest guest]

Tracie, & Kim,

Tracie we have for the most part plenty of clothes. Reba, the one that has a job doesn't money on buying blouses and dresses like she should went she has money. She and Kathy both buy these t-shirts with writings on them alot over the years. One of my sneakers has a crack on the bottom and I'am due for a new pair before winter comes. My old Air Force field jacket is ready for the dumpster or cut it up to make rags. I'll make do with this for now. This dummy forgot to mentioned before that Kathy let me have her old winter parka with a hood attached to it. All those years I worked on and off which is about 22 years after being in the Air Force and have only about $300.00 of stuff that I actually I could say is mine. WHOPPEE!!!!!!!!! Tracie, I think it's not necessary for you or anyone else to send anything to us like clothes and such.

Tracie, how can I do custodial work when I can't be on my feet walking around at times. Walking doing the paperoutes sometimes does seem to help, or help for the time being doing the paperoutes. Also from what I read that a person is around fumes such as cleaning items that a custodial person uses is harmful with a Pulmonary Sarcoidosis. Short term using these perhaps okay, long term not a good idea. I thought about declaring bankruptcy before, but I always thought I should pay my debts off like a "responsible" citzsen should. This only pain medcine I have presently for myself is Codiene 30mg./with Acetaminophen 300mg. combination tablets. I have about 16 of them left as of this morning. I took one of them this morning after we got back to our apartment and wanted to go back to sleep but pain was still going on and took another one of these about 1 1/2 hours later. I'am suppose to take them one every 6 hours when this was prescribed to me after I fell on ice this past

winter.

I know that R. said before in her e-mail that she was paying alot of money for her health care, prescriptions, etc. She must have other sources of income like employment, savings, 401 k plan, investments, alimony, or whatever. I know this is hard on her to do this. But you know if I was "in her shoes", the way things are now I would have to be robing banks, stores, etc. How far would I get though with these legs of mine robing banks? Michigan has a 10 cent bottle/can returnable law for refund on pop cans & bottles and likewise on beer cans & glass bottles. Any money I have had from time to time is returning these that Kathy or Reba has bought (not beer ones though). , Reba, & Kathy have been going out sometimes and going through trash cans and such (germs I'am sure of this) to get these and turn them in for money. Like customers take to Meijer such as Walmart brand pop cans that Meijer doesn't accept. They go through the trash bins at the bottle return

area to get ones such as Walmart as an example. Kathy said that & Reba has collected a little over $100.00 doing this the past two months. They use it on paying their bills and buying gas for the car.

Tracie, could you e-mail and tell her that I was just upset of her response, but I'am not angry at her as a person. Tell her that she has millions if not zillions of reasons to carry on everyday having Sarcoidosis because of her family, friends, neighbors, etc.that I don't have. That each one of these people she is around is zillions of reasons this in themselves of to make through another day let alone rest of her life. Tell her that If I could take on this Sarcoidosis she has like everyone else upon myself that she be free of sarcoid forever. I was for the longest time this year believing that I have value of myself. I just don't see it anymore.

I forgot to say earlier. Yesterday at the laundrymat, for a short while I felt like I couldn't stand up and walk as well. It very well be that it is going to be harder and harder to do this (write on the computer) of getting to a library and do this e-mail thing.

Kim thank you for putting those pictures in the photo section for everyone to look at. But I wish now that you delete all these pictures.

Tracie, tell also I'am sorry she may have been upset at my response. Maybe I should not have written this in the first place.

tiodaat@... wrote:

,I so do get your anger and frustration and despair over your current situation. As far as the issue of taking on illness for disability pay-- I know that while I was waiting for the process to get finished, I was a basketcase. Depression, anger because I knew how sick I was-- and had to defend it to people whose job it is to protect the funds of the "government" (AKA our tax dollars) and who have seen both sides of the coin when it comes to disabilty. That is that they see both the frauds and the people that really are disabled. They also become so skeptical that it is truly sad.I know when the pain was so very, very horrible in my spine and legs and hips, and hands-- that I too was ready to take a

gun and do somehting. Anything. When this kind of despair is setting in, it is so very hard to even find the energy to reach out for help., Rose and Darlene and Debbie and I have all had to go thru the disability stuff. We've all lost jobs, financial security, our own identity as employees and professionals, due to this illness. It is because we've been on the battle field in this sense, that we can tell you what you need to do to get the system to work for you.Every state, including yours--has a "Welfare" dept. When you are both out of work, with the exception of a paper route, you should qualify for food stamps, rent subsidy, and even with your VA-- you should have the Medicaid backup so that if VA can't get you in-- you can go to the local ER and get some help.The kind of pain you have in your knees and the back of legs isn't going to be helped by the over-the counter Tylenol type medication. You need serious

help with pain control. GAry,We all are very VERY concerned about you. We know that your sarcoidosis is only a 10% part of the overall problem. We know that the financial nightmare you're living has you hitting rock bottom. We know that your marriage is falling apart, and both of you are totally depressed because you don't know how to get out of this problem., tomorrow is Sunday. i doubt you'll get this before then, if not until Monday. I beg you to go to one of the local churches, and ask for help. Call Salvation Army, and talk to someone. Call and ask them who you have to contact for emergency assistance. They can give you the name of a social worker that can help you. HELP IS OUT THERE. These places know where to turn. They may help you with your rent, your food--churches almost always have food banks for the needy, and many of them have clothing closets. (Salvation Army

does for sure.) Now-- I'm sending you a private email also-- please answer my questions and send it back.Tracie

Yahoo! Music Unlimited - Access over 1 million songs. Try it free.

[Guest guest]

.. I was for the longest time this year believing that I have value of myself. I just don't see it anymore.

Dear , it's true that you don't have loving family & friends encircling you, physically giving you the love & support that some (not all) of us have. I know that virtual hugs & cyber blankets aren't the same, but they are sent with the same love & caring! And the people in this group don't send hugs & virtual blankets to Junk! So right there you lose the argument that you have no value.

Now I'm shifting into Mom Mode, even though I'm not old enough to be your mother (at least I don't think so!). Tracie has mentioned on numerous times seeking help from a church. You don't seem inclined to do that. I don't know what kind of experiences you have gotten from churches, but I do know that church people can be pretty hateful, petty, distrustful & snotty, just like non-church people! But all churches aren't like that. I have friends who felt alone in the world, mistrustful. But they took a chance and found themselves in a new family, a family who loved & supported them emotionally & financially until they had no need. I understand how uncomfortable it is to visit a strange church. Anne Lamott in her book "Traveling Mercies" tells us passing a church every Sunday during her alcohol & drug addiction days. She was drawn to the music. At first, she just stood outside & listened, then eventually would go just inside the door & leave after the singing. She worked up to staying through the sermon, but left before people could come out & greet her. Finally, she felt safe enough to sit down in a pew (in the back so she could escape). All this while she was still drinking & drugging, feeling totally unloveable & worthless. But these people in this church did love her. Stick your toe in the water, just try it. Try a temple or mosque. It's time to shit or get off the pot, as my grandfather used to say. Help is out there. I wish there was someone there to help you with all this, but there isn't, at least right now, in this situation. But just take one step, then take one more, & you will find the people who can help you. Put aside your resistance, whatever it's from, and take that first step. I know you can do it. Will you try, just for little old me (Rose batting her eyelashes--the few that's left--at )? Love, your sarc sister, whether you want to claim me or not! Let's smoke those tires!

Ramblin Rose 3 FREE months of MSN Dial-up Internet service. Click for full details and to sign-up now!

Take an occasional risk.