Re: Hello, I'm new to your group.

[Guest guest]

HI ,

My name is Juli. I was diagnosed with stage3b breast cancer last June.

I am wondering what your inspiration for this quest is?

~Juli

>

> I'm probably not like anyone else in your group, but I would really

> like to be here. Let me explain.

>

> I am a photgrapher, and I'm working on a project - I'm building a

> calendar (hopefully for 2008) for Breast Cancer Awareness. Since

it's

> a calendar, I obviously need 12 images for it. That's not

important.

> What is important is that I want to show a different perspective.

I

> look anywhere for facts and figures, or medical information, or any

> kind of specifics like that. That is not my focus.

>

> I want to learn about the emotions of people dealing with Breast

> Cancer. What do they think, how do they feel, what goes through

their

> minds from the first moment of " I may have a problem " to " seeing the

> doctor " , being told " You have a spot " . I think you get the idea. I

> am only guessing here, but I think I could capture the range of

> emotions in 12 stages.

>

> I have not had to deal with this disease personally, so I have

> absolutely no first hand knowledge of what you experience. I hope

> that I can learn enough from you folks to get a tiny little clue of

> what you feel and translate that into photos. I wish to honor those

> that have suffered through this - both the ones that have survived

and

> the ones that haven't.

>

> I am like an empty sponge, please, fill me up with your feelings and

> experience. Thank you for your help.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I too am a photographer and have thought of simular ideas in

photography in recent weeks, sense being diagnosed with Cancer. Now

that I am sitting in the drivers seat so to speak, I am having a hard

time discribing those feelings to others. I am not as severe as some

in this group, and I can not imagine what they would be going through

right now. All I can do is feel what " I " feel. What touches me, or

hurts me or makes me think.

I walked into the Cancer Center today. Feeling I dont belong, lost,

yet positive. As I sat there looking around me, the faces that came

in and out, all I could think of was about the other person. Where

are they in their treatments, what type of cancer do they have. I

lost control of myself a couple times and had to walk out of the

room. I watched as a man was rode in on a bed, weak, color lost from

his face, and I cried. Not for me... for him! I wanted out of that

place, I didnt fit in! I wished I could heal the others in there.

Have powers to make them better.

I looked again at the sign so large so negetive " CANCER CENTER " It

pains me to read those words. I wished that the name would be

something more positive something like " Feel Better Center " " Road to

Recovery Center " Something that doesnt slap you in the face. I guess

it is something that will be easier to look at each day, as I am

starting Radiation the beginning of November. I know that looking at

the people in there will never be easier, my heart aches for them.

Char

>

> I'm probably not like anyone else in your group, but I would really

> like to be here. Let me explain.

>

> I am a photgrapher, and I'm working on a project - I'm building a

> calendar (hopefully for 2008) for Breast Cancer Awareness. Since

it's

> a calendar, I obviously need 12 images for it. That's not

important.

> What is important is that I want to show a different perspective.

I

> look anywhere for facts and figures, or medical information, or any

> kind of specifics like that. That is not my focus.

>

> I want to learn about the emotions of people dealing with Breast

> Cancer. What do they think, how do they feel, what goes through

their

> minds from the first moment of " I may have a problem " to " seeing the

> doctor " , being told " You have a spot " . I think you get the idea. I

> am only guessing here, but I think I could capture the range of

> emotions in 12 stages.

>

> I have not had to deal with this disease personally, so I have

> absolutely no first hand knowledge of what you experience. I hope

> that I can learn enough from you folks to get a tiny little clue of

> what you feel and translate that into photos. I wish to honor those

> that have suffered through this - both the ones that have survived

and

> the ones that haven't.

>

> I am like an empty sponge, please, fill me up with your feelings and

> experience. Thank you for your help.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

gary, this is my journey.....

Click here: Juli's Journey

>

> I'm probably not like anyone else in your group, but I would really

> like to be here. Let me explain.

>

> I am a photgrapher, and I'm working on a project - I'm building a

> calendar (hopefully for 2008) for Breast Cancer Awareness. Since

it's

> a calendar, I obviously need 12 images for it. That's not

important.

> What is important is that I want to show a different perspective.

I

> look anywhere for facts and figures, or medical information, or any

> kind of specifics like that. That is not my focus.

>

> I want to learn about the emotions of people dealing with Breast

> Cancer. What do they think, how do they feel, what goes through

their

> minds from the first moment of " I may have a problem " to " seeing the

> doctor " , being told " You have a spot " . I think you get the idea. I

> am only guessing here, but I think I could capture the range of

> emotions in 12 stages.

>

> I have not had to deal with this disease personally, so I have

> absolutely no first hand knowledge of what you experience. I hope

> that I can learn enough from you folks to get a tiny little clue of

> what you feel and translate that into photos. I wish to honor those

> that have suffered through this - both the ones that have survived

and

> the ones that haven't.

>

> I am like an empty sponge, please, fill me up with your feelings and

> experience. Thank you for your help.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I tend to look at things kind of disconnected, if that makes sense.

Your vision of " Cancer Center " makes me think. If that is the center,

then everything outside of the center is a direction. Maybe the

directions could be choices. Once you have reached the center, then

from there, where do you go?

Keep in mind, as a photographer, and you will understand this, I am

always looking from the outside in so, since I haven't experienced

anything like you are my perspective is different. I guess that's why

I'm here - to learn your, and others', perspectives.

Thank you for your insight! I hope through my project, that I can

tell at least one person who is suffering, " I understand your loss and

fear, but I want you to know that I just happy that you are still

alive and here so I have more time to love you. "

I guess that would be my overall theme - but I also want to show the

fear, the anguish, the loss, the struggle - the journey!

So, please, keep telling me what you are feeling and thinking - I want

to learn.

> >

> > I'm probably not like anyone else in your group, but I would really

> > like to be here. Let me explain.

> >

> > I am a photgrapher, and I'm working on a project - I'm building a

> > calendar (hopefully for 2008) for Breast Cancer Awareness. Since

> it's

> > a calendar, I obviously need 12 images for it. That's not

> important.

> > What is important is that I want to show a different perspective.

> I

> > look anywhere for facts and figures, or medical information, or any

> > kind of specifics like that. That is not my focus.

> >

> > I want to learn about the emotions of people dealing with Breast

> > Cancer. What do they think, how do they feel, what goes through

> their

> > minds from the first moment of " I may have a problem " to " seeing the

> > doctor " , being told " You have a spot " . I think you get the idea. I

> > am only guessing here, but I think I could capture the range of

> > emotions in 12 stages.

> >

> > I have not had to deal with this disease personally, so I have

> > absolutely no first hand knowledge of what you experience. I hope

> > that I can learn enough from you folks to get a tiny little clue of

> > what you feel and translate that into photos. I wish to honor those

> > that have suffered through this - both the ones that have survived

> and

> > the ones that haven't.

> >

> > I am like an empty sponge, please, fill me up with your feelings and

> > experience. Thank you for your help.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I tend to look at things kind of disconnected, if that makes sense.

Your vision of " Cancer Center " makes me think. If that is the center,

then everything outside of the center is a direction. Maybe the

directions could be choices. Once you have reached the center, then

from there, where do you go?

Keep in mind, as a photographer, and you will understand this, I am

always looking from the outside in so, since I haven't experienced

anything like you are my perspective is different. I guess that's why

I'm here - to learn your, and others', perspectives.

Thank you for your insight! I hope through my project, that I can

tell at least one person who is suffering, " I understand your loss and

fear, but I want you to know that I just happy that you are still

alive and here so I have more time to love you. "

I guess that would be my overall theme - but I also want to show the

fear, the anguish, the loss, the struggle - the journey!

So, please, keep telling me what you are feeling and thinking - I want

to learn.

> >

> > I'm probably not like anyone else in your group, but I would really

> > like to be here. Let me explain.

> >

> > I am a photgrapher, and I'm working on a project - I'm building a

> > calendar (hopefully for 2008) for Breast Cancer Awareness. Since

> it's

> > a calendar, I obviously need 12 images for it. That's not

> important.

> > What is important is that I want to show a different perspective.

> I

> > look anywhere for facts and figures, or medical information, or any

> > kind of specifics like that. That is not my focus.

> >

> > I want to learn about the emotions of people dealing with Breast

> > Cancer. What do they think, how do they feel, what goes through

> their

> > minds from the first moment of " I may have a problem " to " seeing the

> > doctor " , being told " You have a spot " . I think you get the idea. I

> > am only guessing here, but I think I could capture the range of

> > emotions in 12 stages.

> >

> > I have not had to deal with this disease personally, so I have

> > absolutely no first hand knowledge of what you experience. I hope

> > that I can learn enough from you folks to get a tiny little clue of

> > what you feel and translate that into photos. I wish to honor those

> > that have suffered through this - both the ones that have survived

> and

> > the ones that haven't.

> >

> > I am like an empty sponge, please, fill me up with your feelings and

> > experience. Thank you for your help.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi -

I found the lump 2nd to last week of August 2006, after mamo, ultrasound and

biopsy. On September 12, 2006 at 11:30 am I got the news. My main thing is

wanting to go back to the time - the afternoon before I found the lump, when

the biggest decision on my mind was coming up with a really good reason to

justify a $675 purse. My world was blown apart at that moment in the parking

garage at work - I fell to my knees and cried like a baby, called my husband

hyperventilating, called my Dad then my best friend - then I went to my PCP

to tell me what the heck the report actually said since after the word

positive I had no clue. I spent the next two days weeping uncontrollably -

from self pity to " to hell with this " . I have been through an emotional and

spiritual wringer in the past 7 weeks (gosh is that all it has been??) - I

have been poked and prodded by every person I have met. My surgery was

successful (lumpectomy) with negative SLN, clear good sized margins, pr/er

+, her2- - grade/stage 1 tumor. We have decided, based on research and

studies and convos with docs that we will be skipping chemo (being told that

they are basing the need for chemo on 5 mm (my tumor was 1.5 cm). My

insurance has agreed to pay for the Oncotype dx test, however, it took 3

weeks to get an appt with an oncologist (surgery was 10/3, appt was 10/19)

they put in the request for the test on 10/23 - it has been approved as of

today. They will tell the docs office tomorrow, who then will finally order

it beginning of next week - it takes two weeks - so the results should be

back about a week after my 5 week window for optimum radiation. So I had to

make this decision without the results of the test - why it is not done

AUTOMATICALLY for women/men whose tumors are in the grey area is a wonder to

me - but that is all in the past. I will be switching Oncologists in January

when my new insurance takes over - the person I go to now refuses to speak

to me if my husband is in the room - I understand it is a culture thing for

him, but it is outrageously disrespectful in my culture. My DH agrees 100%.

So, in a nutshell - I have had every single emotion, breakdown, lightbulb

moment, pissed off, enraged, calm, peaceful, loving, caring, holy crap these

people do care for me, scared to death moment you can imagine in 7 weeks

time. I will go through the radiation being poked and prodded again, I will

go through my 5 year battle with tamoxafin. I will come to terms with not

being able to have children, I will accept that I will never be cured, but

will be a survivor, I will wear that badge of the club no one wants to join

proudly and will tell everyone about self exams and mammograms for the

younger generation, I will learn to love my en-boob, I will learn to

love myself as much as my husband loves me and I will go on with my life to

the fullest extent - but I will never ever get over the looks of sadness and

pity coming from the eyes of the sweet older folks at the cancer centers -

that I will never ever learn to live with. I was not too young to get breast

cancer - cancer knows no age - I was not too self confident to get breast

cancer - cancer knows no beauty - I was not the invincible person I always

believed I would be - cancer knows no boundaries.

Hope that this helps you

Sharon in Vegas

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure what to say here, but Wow. So much in so short a time.

Please forgive my ignorance, but is this " time table " common?

One other thing. You said something that I have not hear before in

reference to cancer - " lightbulb moment " - would you feel comfortable

explaining that to me?

Thank you,

>

> Hi -

>

>

>

> I found the lump 2nd to last week of August 2006, after mamo,

ultrasound and

> biopsy. On September 12, 2006 at 11:30 am I got the news. My main

thing is

> wanting to go back to the time - the afternoon before I found the

lump, when

> the biggest decision on my mind was coming up with a really good

reason to

> justify a $675 purse. My world was blown apart at that moment in the

parking

> garage at work - I fell to my knees and cried like a baby, called my

husband

> hyperventilating, called my Dad then my best friend - then I went to

my PCP

> to tell me what the heck the report actually said since after the word

> positive I had no clue. I spent the next two days weeping

uncontrollably -

> from self pity to " to hell with this " . I have been through an

emotional and

> spiritual wringer in the past 7 weeks (gosh is that all it has

been??) - I

> have been poked and prodded by every person I have met. My surgery was

> successful (lumpectomy) with negative SLN, clear good sized margins,

pr/er

> +, her2- - grade/stage 1 tumor. We have decided, based on research and

> studies and convos with docs that we will be skipping chemo (being

told that

> they are basing the need for chemo on 5 mm (my tumor was 1.5 cm). My

> insurance has agreed to pay for the Oncotype dx test, however, it took 3

> weeks to get an appt with an oncologist (surgery was 10/3, appt was

10/19)

> they put in the request for the test on 10/23 - it has been approved

as of

> today. They will tell the docs office tomorrow, who then will

finally order

> it beginning of next week - it takes two weeks - so the results

should be

> back about a week after my 5 week window for optimum radiation. So I

had to

> make this decision without the results of the test - why it is not done

> AUTOMATICALLY for women/men whose tumors are in the grey area is a

wonder to

> me - but that is all in the past. I will be switching Oncologists in

January

> when my new insurance takes over - the person I go to now refuses to

speak

> to me if my husband is in the room - I understand it is a culture

thing for

> him, but it is outrageously disrespectful in my culture. My DH

agrees 100%.

> So, in a nutshell - I have had every single emotion, breakdown,

lightbulb

> moment, pissed off, enraged, calm, peaceful, loving, caring, holy

crap these

> people do care for me, scared to death moment you can imagine in 7 weeks

> time. I will go through the radiation being poked and prodded again,

I will

> go through my 5 year battle with tamoxafin. I will come to terms

with not

> being able to have children, I will accept that I will never be

cured, but

> will be a survivor, I will wear that badge of the club no one wants

to join

> proudly and will tell everyone about self exams and mammograms for the

> younger generation, I will learn to love my en-boob, I will

learn to

> love myself as much as my husband loves me and I will go on with my

life to

> the fullest extent - but I will never ever get over the looks of

sadness and

> pity coming from the eyes of the sweet older folks at the cancer

centers -

> that I will never ever learn to live with. I was not too young to

get breast

> cancer - cancer knows no age - I was not too self confident to get

breast

> cancer - cancer knows no beauty - I was not the invincible person I

always

> believed I would be - cancer knows no boundaries.

>

>

>

> Hope that this helps you

>

>

>

> Sharon in Vegas

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure what to say here, but Wow. So much in so short a time.

Please forgive my ignorance, but is this " time table " common?

One other thing. You said something that I have not hear before in

reference to cancer - " lightbulb moment " - would you feel comfortable

explaining that to me?

Thank you,

>

> Hi -

>

>

>

> I found the lump 2nd to last week of August 2006, after mamo,

ultrasound and

> biopsy. On September 12, 2006 at 11:30 am I got the news. My main

thing is

> wanting to go back to the time - the afternoon before I found the

lump, when

> the biggest decision on my mind was coming up with a really good

reason to

> justify a $675 purse. My world was blown apart at that moment in the

parking

> garage at work - I fell to my knees and cried like a baby, called my

husband

> hyperventilating, called my Dad then my best friend - then I went to

my PCP

> to tell me what the heck the report actually said since after the word

> positive I had no clue. I spent the next two days weeping

uncontrollably -

> from self pity to " to hell with this " . I have been through an

emotional and

> spiritual wringer in the past 7 weeks (gosh is that all it has

been??) - I

> have been poked and prodded by every person I have met. My surgery was

> successful (lumpectomy) with negative SLN, clear good sized margins,

pr/er

> +, her2- - grade/stage 1 tumor. We have decided, based on research and

> studies and convos with docs that we will be skipping chemo (being

told that

> they are basing the need for chemo on 5 mm (my tumor was 1.5 cm). My

> insurance has agreed to pay for the Oncotype dx test, however, it took 3

> weeks to get an appt with an oncologist (surgery was 10/3, appt was

10/19)

> they put in the request for the test on 10/23 - it has been approved

as of

> today. They will tell the docs office tomorrow, who then will

finally order

> it beginning of next week - it takes two weeks - so the results

should be

> back about a week after my 5 week window for optimum radiation. So I

had to

> make this decision without the results of the test - why it is not done

> AUTOMATICALLY for women/men whose tumors are in the grey area is a

wonder to

> me - but that is all in the past. I will be switching Oncologists in

January

> when my new insurance takes over - the person I go to now refuses to

speak

> to me if my husband is in the room - I understand it is a culture

thing for

> him, but it is outrageously disrespectful in my culture. My DH

agrees 100%.

> So, in a nutshell - I have had every single emotion, breakdown,

lightbulb

> moment, pissed off, enraged, calm, peaceful, loving, caring, holy

crap these

> people do care for me, scared to death moment you can imagine in 7 weeks

> time. I will go through the radiation being poked and prodded again,

I will

> go through my 5 year battle with tamoxafin. I will come to terms

with not

> being able to have children, I will accept that I will never be

cured, but

> will be a survivor, I will wear that badge of the club no one wants

to join

> proudly and will tell everyone about self exams and mammograms for the

> younger generation, I will learn to love my en-boob, I will

learn to

> love myself as much as my husband loves me and I will go on with my

life to

> the fullest extent - but I will never ever get over the looks of

sadness and

> pity coming from the eyes of the sweet older folks at the cancer

centers -

> that I will never ever learn to live with. I was not too young to

get breast

> cancer - cancer knows no age - I was not too self confident to get

breast

> cancer - cancer knows no beauty - I was not the invincible person I

always

> believed I would be - cancer knows no boundaries.

>

>

>

> Hope that this helps you

>

>

>

> Sharon in Vegas

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure what to say here, but Wow. So much in so short a time.

Please forgive my ignorance, but is this " time table " common?

One other thing. You said something that I have not hear before in

reference to cancer - " lightbulb moment " - would you feel comfortable

explaining that to me?

Thank you,

>

> Hi -

>

>

>

> I found the lump 2nd to last week of August 2006, after mamo,

ultrasound and

> biopsy. On September 12, 2006 at 11:30 am I got the news. My main

thing is

> wanting to go back to the time - the afternoon before I found the

lump, when

> the biggest decision on my mind was coming up with a really good

reason to

> justify a $675 purse. My world was blown apart at that moment in the

parking

> garage at work - I fell to my knees and cried like a baby, called my

husband

> hyperventilating, called my Dad then my best friend - then I went to

my PCP

> to tell me what the heck the report actually said since after the word

> positive I had no clue. I spent the next two days weeping

uncontrollably -

> from self pity to " to hell with this " . I have been through an

emotional and

> spiritual wringer in the past 7 weeks (gosh is that all it has

been??) - I

> have been poked and prodded by every person I have met. My surgery was

> successful (lumpectomy) with negative SLN, clear good sized margins,

pr/er

> +, her2- - grade/stage 1 tumor. We have decided, based on research and

> studies and convos with docs that we will be skipping chemo (being

told that

> they are basing the need for chemo on 5 mm (my tumor was 1.5 cm). My

> insurance has agreed to pay for the Oncotype dx test, however, it took 3

> weeks to get an appt with an oncologist (surgery was 10/3, appt was

10/19)

> they put in the request for the test on 10/23 - it has been approved

as of

> today. They will tell the docs office tomorrow, who then will

finally order

> it beginning of next week - it takes two weeks - so the results

should be

> back about a week after my 5 week window for optimum radiation. So I

had to

> make this decision without the results of the test - why it is not done

> AUTOMATICALLY for women/men whose tumors are in the grey area is a

wonder to

> me - but that is all in the past. I will be switching Oncologists in

January

> when my new insurance takes over - the person I go to now refuses to

speak

> to me if my husband is in the room - I understand it is a culture

thing for

> him, but it is outrageously disrespectful in my culture. My DH

agrees 100%.

> So, in a nutshell - I have had every single emotion, breakdown,

lightbulb

> moment, pissed off, enraged, calm, peaceful, loving, caring, holy

crap these

> people do care for me, scared to death moment you can imagine in 7 weeks

> time. I will go through the radiation being poked and prodded again,

I will

> go through my 5 year battle with tamoxafin. I will come to terms

with not

> being able to have children, I will accept that I will never be

cured, but

> will be a survivor, I will wear that badge of the club no one wants

to join

> proudly and will tell everyone about self exams and mammograms for the

> younger generation, I will learn to love my en-boob, I will

learn to

> love myself as much as my husband loves me and I will go on with my

life to

> the fullest extent - but I will never ever get over the looks of

sadness and

> pity coming from the eyes of the sweet older folks at the cancer

centers -

> that I will never ever learn to live with. I was not too young to

get breast

> cancer - cancer knows no age - I was not too self confident to get

breast

> cancer - cancer knows no beauty - I was not the invincible person I

always

> believed I would be - cancer knows no boundaries.

>

>

>

> Hope that this helps you

>

>

>

> Sharon in Vegas

>

>

>

>