Re: anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any suggestions?

[Guest guest]

,

I know you have gotten some wonderful responses, and what you have written

doesn't totally sound like what we went through. But our journey was soooooo

long and so difficult, and I had wished for an answer for so long, I just

thought I might share this.

I have two daughters that where born profoundly hearing impaired. They are

about sixteen months apart, and as different as night and day. The oldest,

is now 13. was ( and is sometimes still ) the most complicated

child I have ever meet. She was diagnosed at about 8 month, and aided

appropriately at about 11 months. We began our journey with AV as soon as she

was aided. The word stubborn, and went hand and hand from those very

early years. She would work well with me at home, but sitting with the AV

therapist not one single noise. I got a part time job and thought exposure to

other kids would help, so off to day care she went for a year and a half. Not

one single word, squeak or squawk was udered during that whole year and a half.

When I picked her she would tell me about her day, and she didn't seem unhappy

to be there. Then began school...again all day nothing, except at recess with

her friends. If she was asked a question she would sometimes whisper very

quietly, but it was slow, and selective to whom she would do that. I felt

crazy, and I am sure more than one person thought I was, as we shared often how

well she was doing language wise at home...but she showed no proof. Once we had

scheduled her to have an IQ test. I requested it be someone with AV knowledge,

and so they had to bring someone in. We invited him to come to our home on

Sunday for dinner, the day before he was to go to school and test her. In our

home in saw a comfortable child, who interacted with her family and peers, and

was doing well. The following day she meet him and school and getting anything

was like pulling teeth. He came back with the answer I had prayed for...for

years. " Selective, or elective mutism " I jumped on line and read everything I

could, and there was my child. After being told for so many year that she was

just stubborn, or trying to control everyone etc, I was so thankful to find a

tangible reason.

is very very smart, and slowly what we learned was that she didn't

want to stand out, or be different, or not be right. To this day unless she is

sure her answer is right she still will answer in nothing more than a mumble,

but some social behavioral therapy, and other ways to help build her self esteem

have helped greatly.

Again, I know your situation doesn't sound exactly like this...but after

struggling to find an answer for so long, I just wanted to share the

information.

Ci 8/99

Holly Ci 12/99

anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

My son Sam is 4.5 years old, and in an integrated special needs

preschool. Sam has a profound loss in one ear, and a mild-severe

sloping loss in the other. His better ear is aided.

Sam's teachers and speech therapist are great, and he sees a TOD once

per week as well as taking AVT at the Unversity of Akron with Dr.

Wray, Carol Flexer (she's retiring) and their students.

I think he's doing very well, though his articulation is still quite

poor. He can isolate and make an /f/, /th/, /s/ and /sh/ sound, but

doesn't really use them in his conversational speech. He has to stop,

think about it, and then very akwardly attaches those sounds to words.

For example, if he wants a snack, he'll say, " I want a nack pea " If you

ask him to repeat with the /s/ and /l/ sound, he'll say, " I want a

ssssss-nack puh-leee-ssssss "

The most difficult thing right now is that Sam is oh-so-quiet in

preschool. Does anyone else experience this with their deaf/hoh

child? In free play time, he chats up a storm with his friends and is

often the leader of the pack. But in circle time, when it is his turn

to be in the spotlight and answer a question, he freezes. He'll answer,

but generally only when prompted, very quietly and in 1-2 word phrases.

It's driving us all crazy because this child can do SO much (he's

identifying all his letters and knows the sounds they make!). In a

relaxed, unstructured environment, he's a mini-Jim Carrey (okay, don't

know if that's bad or good ;-).

Sam has always been shy and quiet in loud or intimidating settings - in

his element, he warms up in no time. I'm not sure if we are looking at

a temperment issue, a hearing issue or an anxiety issue or something else.

He has said that it scares and worries him to talk loud at school. I

really don't know what to make of that.

Thanks for any insight!

Mom to Gabe, age 7, and Sam, 4 (HOH)

All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each post is the

intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

[Guest guest]

,

I couldn't agree more with what has written. It's so easy to think

that everything they do is somehow related to their hearing loss, but that isn't

always the case. I know that several parents here have share the stories of

their shy kids.

Your son sounds so much like my niece. She's doesn't have a hearing loss,

but is " painfully shy " in front of people that she doesn't know. Small groups

of her peers are fine. At home she is never quiet. But while at my sister's

wedding shower whenever she was asked a questions she would just look at her

mom. Thankfully she was sitting next to her cousin who never stops talking (my

daughter with the hearing loss) and she would answer for her.

Debbie, mom to , 6, moderate SNHL and , 3, hearing

I have 4 children, 3 in high school and one older. One is HOH. It seems like you

and all of your son's teachers are doing everything right, but maybe there is no

issue and he just doesn't want to speak in groups yet. What I mean is, our HOH

kids are kids first. They're shy, noisy, active, passive, and every combination.

When your son is comfortable, he'll talk. Maybe he needs time to find this part

of himself. At 4 i/2, he has time.

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were

and ask why not. G.B Shaw

---------------------------------

Yahoo! Photos

Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays,

whatever.

[Guest guest]

,

I couldn't agree more with what has written. It's so easy to think

that everything they do is somehow related to their hearing loss, but that isn't

always the case. I know that several parents here have share the stories of

their shy kids.

Your son sounds so much like my niece. She's doesn't have a hearing loss,

but is " painfully shy " in front of people that she doesn't know. Small groups

of her peers are fine. At home she is never quiet. But while at my sister's

wedding shower whenever she was asked a questions she would just look at her

mom. Thankfully she was sitting next to her cousin who never stops talking (my

daughter with the hearing loss) and she would answer for her.

Debbie, mom to , 6, moderate SNHL and , 3, hearing

I have 4 children, 3 in high school and one older. One is HOH. It seems like you

and all of your son's teachers are doing everything right, but maybe there is no

issue and he just doesn't want to speak in groups yet. What I mean is, our HOH

kids are kids first. They're shy, noisy, active, passive, and every combination.

When your son is comfortable, he'll talk. Maybe he needs time to find this part

of himself. At 4 i/2, he has time.

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were

and ask why not. G.B Shaw

---------------------------------

Yahoo! Photos

Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays,

whatever.

[Guest guest]

I agree with what says here too - it's so interesting having two

boys with hearing loss and how different the two of them are! Tom's

very outgoing - he was in the school play last night! - Sam I think

would rather have his fingernails removed first! So much is who we are

as people. Someone I think said that our kids are kids first - so true.

Barbara

Deb DiAnni wrote:

> ,

> I couldn't agree more with what has written. It's so easy to think

that everything they do is somehow related to their hearing loss, but that isn't

always the case. I know that several parents here have share the stories of

their shy kids.

> Your son sounds so much like my niece. She's doesn't have a hearing loss,

but is " painfully shy " in front of people that she doesn't know. Small groups

of her peers are fine. At home she is never quiet. But while at my sister's

wedding shower whenever she was asked a questions she would just look at her

mom. Thankfully she was sitting next to her cousin who never stops talking (my

daughter with the hearing loss) and she would answer for her.

>

> Debbie, mom to , 6, moderate SNHL and , 3, hearing

>

>

>

>

>

>I have 4 children, 3 in high school and one older. One is HOH. It seems like

you and all of your son's teachers are doing everything right, but maybe there

is no issue and he just doesn't want to speak in groups yet. What I mean is, our

HOH kids are kids first. They're shy, noisy, active, passive, and every

combination. When your son is comfortable, he'll talk. Maybe he needs time to

find this part of himself. At 4 i/2, he has time.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never

were and ask why not. G.B Shaw

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>---------------------------------

>Yahoo! Photos

> Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays,

whatever.

>

>