Re: anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any suggestions?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/11/2006 7:06:05 P.M. Central Standard Time,

Barbara.T.Mellert@... writes:

Don't know

if you saw his letter to the editor in the A. G. Bell Magazine this past

spring but it was giving coaches and teammates " hints " on how to best

work with him when he's on their team. That's real progress!

I saw that-- cool!

Putz

Illinois Families for Hands & Voices

_www.handsandvoices.org_ (http://www.handsandvoices.org/)

_www.ilhandsandvoices.org_ (http://www.ilhandsandvoices.org/)

Email: support@...

[Guest guest]

Thanks, - Sam would have done that too. We've been SO lucky to

have had three wonderful teachers for Sam (third, fourth and fifth) who

really worked with us on the advocacy/shyness piece. I don't think Sam

is now particularly all that shy - he'll never be like his brother (who

I swear we'll be seeing in 20 years saying " I'd like to thank the

academy " ) but I do want him to nicely advocate for himself. Don't know

if you saw his letter to the editor in the A. G. Bell Magazine this past

spring but it was giving coaches and teammates " hints " on how to best

work with him when he's on their team. That's real progress!

Barbara

Parentsofdeafhoh@... wrote:

>

>

>In a message dated 1/11/2006 2:11:53 P.M. Central Standard Time,

>Barbara.T.Mellert@... writes:

>

>- I pretended to yell at him when he

>asked me to turn the mic on. Then we talked about the fact that a

>teacher would never do that! He's gotten much better about being

>assertive re: his needs in that area but it's taken a lot of work.

>

>

>

>Barbara-- I think it's great what you're doing! I can remember times when

>my hearing aid battery would die in the middle of class and I would sit there

>and freeze and pray for the bell so I could change it in the bathroom!

>

> Putz

>Illinois Families for Hands & Voices

>_www.handsandvoices.org_ (http://www.handsandvoices.org/)

>_www.ilhandsandvoices.org_ (http://www.ilhandsandvoices.org/)

>Email: support@...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

I have 4 children, 3 in high school and one older. One is HOH. It seems

like you and all of your son's teachers are doing everything right, but

maybe there is no issue and he just doesn't want to speak in groups

yet. What I mean is, our HOH kids are kids first. They're shy, noisy,

active, passive, and every combination. When your son is comfortable,

he'll talk. Maybe he needs time to find this part of himself. At 4 i/2,

he has time.

anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

My son Sam is 4.5 years old, and in an integrated special needs

preschool. Sam has a profound loss in one ear, and a mild-severe

sloping loss in the other. His better ear is aided.

Sam's teachers and speech therapist are great, and he sees a TOD once

per week as well as taking AVT at the Unversity of Akron with Dr.

Wray, Carol Flexer (she's retiring) and their students.

I think he's doing very well, though his articulation is still quite

poor. He can isolate and make an /f/, /th/, /s/ and /sh/ sound, but

doesn't really use them in his conversational speech. He has to stop,

think about it, and then very akwardly attaches those sounds to words.

For example, if he wants a snack, he'll say, " I want a nack pea " If

you

ask him to repeat with the /s/ and /l/ sound, he'll say, " I want a

ssssss-nack puh-leee-ssssss "

The most difficult thing right now is that Sam is oh-so-quiet in

preschool. Does anyone else experience this with their deaf/hoh

child? In free play time, he chats up a storm with his friends and is

often the leader of the pack. But in circle time, when it is his turn

to be in the spotlight and answer a question, he freezes. He'll

answer,

but generally only when prompted, very quietly and in 1-2 word phrases.

It's driving us all crazy because this child can do SO much (he's

identifying all his letters and knows the sounds they make!). In a

relaxed, unstructured environment, he's a mini-Jim Carrey (okay, don't

know if that's bad or good ;-).

Sam has always been shy and quiet in loud or intimidating settings - in

his element, he warms up in no time. I'm not sure if we are looking at

a temperment issue, a hearing issue or an anxiety issue or something

else.

He has said that it scares and worries him to talk loud at school. I

really don't know what to make of that.

Thanks for any insight!

Mom to Gabe, age 7, and Sam, 4 (HOH)

All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each

post is the

intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/11/2006 7:51:35 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Parentsofdeafhoh@... writes:

Barbara-- I think it's great what you're doing! I can remember times when

my hearing aid battery would die in the middle of class and I would sit

there

and freeze and pray for the bell so I could change it in the bathroom!

Putz

Ian now carries them in his wallet and will simply pop the silly thing out

during class. There was a time when he'd have waited until he got home, even

though there were batteries in the nurses office! We practiced with Ian the

same way Barbara did. It was funny to watch his face as he realized that no

teacher is going to yell at him for fixing his hearing aid, or asking for the

FM

to be turned on. He suddenly realized how stupid a teacher would sound when

yelling at him or refusing to turn on the FM. Play acting is SOOOOOO helpful.

Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/11/2006 7:51:35 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Parentsofdeafhoh@... writes:

Barbara-- I think it's great what you're doing! I can remember times when

my hearing aid battery would die in the middle of class and I would sit

there

and freeze and pray for the bell so I could change it in the bathroom!

Putz

Ian now carries them in his wallet and will simply pop the silly thing out

during class. There was a time when he'd have waited until he got home, even

though there were batteries in the nurses office! We practiced with Ian the

same way Barbara did. It was funny to watch his face as he realized that no

teacher is going to yell at him for fixing his hearing aid, or asking for the

FM

to be turned on. He suddenly realized how stupid a teacher would sound when

yelling at him or refusing to turn on the FM. Play acting is SOOOOOO helpful.

Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/11/2006 7:51:35 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Parentsofdeafhoh@... writes:

Barbara-- I think it's great what you're doing! I can remember times when

my hearing aid battery would die in the middle of class and I would sit

there

and freeze and pray for the bell so I could change it in the bathroom!

Putz

Ian now carries them in his wallet and will simply pop the silly thing out

during class. There was a time when he'd have waited until he got home, even

though there were batteries in the nurses office! We practiced with Ian the

same way Barbara did. It was funny to watch his face as he realized that no

teacher is going to yell at him for fixing his hearing aid, or asking for the

FM

to be turned on. He suddenly realized how stupid a teacher would sound when

yelling at him or refusing to turn on the FM. Play acting is SOOOOOO helpful.

Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/11/2006 2:13:05 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

.Schreiner@... writes:

The most difficult thing right now is that Sam is oh-so-quiet in

preschool. Does anyone else experience this with their deaf/hoh

child? In free play time, he chats up a storm with his friends and is

often the leader of the pack. But in circle time, when it is his turn

to be in the spotlight and answer a question, he freezes.

Our son Ian was painfully shy. I can't express how painfully shy he was. He

would watch the group and decide where to join and was never the leader of

the pack. He avoided the center of the pack at all times, but had a small group

of friends where he was comfortable. He still avoids the packs. When it was

a play day with just his friends, he was loud and energetic. On a full

playground (20-25 kids) he was cautious, even when with his own group.

At that time, we didn't know about Ian's hearing loss, all we knew was that

he was shy. My husband is very soft spoken, not shy, but not a chatty person.

I teased that Ian was genetically predisposed to be quiet, that he'd

inherited that from daddy. But his shyness was more than " normal. " He had full

blown

panic attacks if he had to talk in front of any size group, even one made up

of his friends.

In kindergarten he was asked to stand up, say his name and what his parents

did. He burst into tears and refused even to look up. At Tiger Scouts, he hid

behind my husband if there was even a chance that he'd be expected to speak

to the group. Yet, during activities, he'd ask the same boys to pass the glue,

or a certain color crayon, or take one of them to find the bathroom

(meetings were at our house). As long as there was not a line of faces watching

him,

he was fine in a group.

He hated group sports ... refused to play soccer or t-ball/baseball, even

though he is good at both. So, we decided to attack the issue using small

groups. Tiger Scouts, then Cub Scouts gave us a small group once a week, plus

lots

of fun activities. My husband was the Den leader back then, now he's the

Scout Master for the troop. Scouting is a father/son thing for our family.

I'd set up play date with 1-2 kids at a time. Sometimes a larger group would

meet at the playground. We'd take turns having lunch/play at different

houses, as well as the local parks. Ian established a little circle of friends.

We

had play dates several times a week.

We also added " practice for being brave " into our daily lives. For instance,

Ian loves french fries, always has. So, when we'd go to Mcs he often

wanted more fries. I wouldn't let him have mine (although that would be easy),

instead I'd give him money and send him up to the counter to get more. At

first I would stand behind him in line. Then I'd stand nearby and " watch him. "

Slowly, I moved further and further away, but always where he could see me.

Eventually, I was able to sit at the table with while he went up to the

counter. We intentionally went to the same Mcs, so he was comfortable

in the setting.

At the library he had to take his own books to the librarian, or we wouldn't

check any out. Several times we left the library with no books, and he was

MAD. At first all he had to do was say " I'd like these, please. " Then next

step was to hand her the library card. After a while, I'd send him up alone.

Books and french fries were great motivators.

We practiced " being brave " ever chance I thought of something. In the

grocery store, I'd let him pick out what fruit he wanted for lunch that week.

Then

in the check-out, I'd have him hand the lady his purchase. I'd have him buy

his own ticket at the movies -- anything that caused him to step up and be

independent.

We also talked about being shy, feeling scared to talk to people. We talked

about what it meant to be " brave. " Being brave doesn't mean you're not

scared. Being brave means you can be scared, but you do something anyway.

Firemen

are scared of going into burning buildings -- everyone is scared of a burning

building, and that fear makes them careful when they do go in. They wear all

the right gear and carry their equipment with them. But they still go into

the buildings. Being scared makes them more careful, so some fear is good.

Being brave didn't mean not being afraid, it was learning how to control the

fear. After a while, Ian found that some fears went away.

By first grade, Ian was raising his hand and answering questions. I almost

cried during that parent-teacher conference. This was a giant step for this

kid.

Now our painfully shy little boy is 15. He is still on the quiet side, still

chooses how/where to join a large group. But he can also give an oral

presentation in front of the class, or run a Boy Scout meeting. Or participate

in a

scout camporee where several thousand boys are camping and having

activities. Last summer he went (without dad) to the National Jamboree (35,000

men/boys) in Virginia as part of a provisional troop. Our council sent 6

troops, 250

boys, he knew 6 when it started. He had a blast!

When I think of how far this kid has come I am amazed. We very intentionally

practiced and worked to accomplish this. I refer to it as Ian's

" independence training " and he called it " being brave. " It took time and

patience and

knowing when to push him. There were days when he couldn't handle it, and that

was okay. We made little steps and whenever he was " brave " we'd praise and

support him.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/12/2006 9:46:25 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

etarter@... writes:

Jill,

I don't have shy kids, but am teary at your response (and I've read this

before a while back--it still chokes me up). Have you ever thought about

writing a book (maybe with Ian and ) about life with a deaf kid?

Edith

Edith,

I was asked this before and my response was: Why? We're nothing special.

Just a family dealing with what life threw at us. Now I wonder if I should,

just

because we are just a family dealing with " stuff " as it comes along. The

kids certainly have plenty to say (grin). But honestly, I don't know how to even

start something like that.

And the funny part -- I'm a book designer/illustrator. Making books is what

I do. But the writing and editing has never been my end of things. Maybe I

should take some of my old posts and start there. (shrug) I think of writing as

something hard, something I'm just not good at, something for other people to

do while I take their words and make them into something ready to print.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

I remember doing that with Sam and him laughing hysterically - we were

both crying we were laughing so hard! Point made...

Barbara

JillcWood@... wrote:

>

>He suddenly realized how stupid a teacher would sound when

>yelling at him or refusing to turn on the FM. Play acting is SOOOOOO helpful.

>

>Jill

>

>

>

>

****************

Barbara Mellert

Manager, Social Science Computing

Kiewit Computing Services

Dartmouth College

13A Silsby Hall, HB 6121

Hanover NH 03755

Telephone: 603/646-2877

URL: http://www.dartmouth.edu/~ssc

[Guest guest]

I remember doing that with Sam and him laughing hysterically - we were

both crying we were laughing so hard! Point made...

Barbara

JillcWood@... wrote:

>

>He suddenly realized how stupid a teacher would sound when

>yelling at him or refusing to turn on the FM. Play acting is SOOOOOO helpful.

>

>Jill

>

>

>

>

****************

Barbara Mellert

Manager, Social Science Computing

Kiewit Computing Services

Dartmouth College

13A Silsby Hall, HB 6121

Hanover NH 03755

Telephone: 603/646-2877

URL: http://www.dartmouth.edu/~ssc

[Guest guest]

And this would be where I'm grateful my son is the way he is, because I am a

totally negligent parent.

I sent him off to school this year, first grade, first time fully

mainstreamed, with an extra pack of batteries in his FM case. Never told him

they were there, never went over what to do in the event his batteries died

during class. Meant to go over that with the teacher when we met the second

week, but figured I'd mostly just change out the batteries every Sunday,

just to be sure.

First week of school, the batteries apparently died, and Ben nonchalantly

pulled the extra batteries out of his pack and changed them during class.

Now, my older child STILL wouldn't have been able to pull this off, which is

why I'm so grateful that Ben is Ben, because otherwise his hearing loss

would get in the way, and I would just not remember all the things I need to

teach him. I so admire all the parents out there who role-play and patiently

teach and go over situations, because I just miss the boat on most of that

stuff. And these are absolutely things I SHOULD be doing, especially with my

older child.

Ah, well...

Stefanie

Mom to Ben, 7, severe/profound HOH, and Isabella, 10, mild loss

on 1/12/06 8:44 AM, JillcWood@... at JillcWood@... wrote:

>

> In a message dated 1/11/2006 7:51:35 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> Parentsofdeafhoh@... writes:

>

> Barbara-- I think it's great what you're doing! I can remember times when

> my hearing aid battery would die in the middle of class and I would sit

> there

> and freeze and pray for the bell so I could change it in the bathroom!

>

> Putz

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Ian now carries them in his wallet and will simply pop the silly thing out

> during class. There was a time when he'd have waited until he got home, even

> though there were batteries in the nurses office! We practiced with Ian the

> same way Barbara did. It was funny to watch his face as he realized that no

> teacher is going to yell at him for fixing his hearing aid, or asking for the

> FM

> to be turned on. He suddenly realized how stupid a teacher would sound when

> yelling at him or refusing to turn on the FM. Play acting is SOOOOOO helpful.

>

> Jill

[Guest guest]

And this would be where I'm grateful my son is the way he is, because I am a

totally negligent parent.

I sent him off to school this year, first grade, first time fully

mainstreamed, with an extra pack of batteries in his FM case. Never told him

they were there, never went over what to do in the event his batteries died

during class. Meant to go over that with the teacher when we met the second

week, but figured I'd mostly just change out the batteries every Sunday,

just to be sure.

First week of school, the batteries apparently died, and Ben nonchalantly

pulled the extra batteries out of his pack and changed them during class.

Now, my older child STILL wouldn't have been able to pull this off, which is

why I'm so grateful that Ben is Ben, because otherwise his hearing loss

would get in the way, and I would just not remember all the things I need to

teach him. I so admire all the parents out there who role-play and patiently

teach and go over situations, because I just miss the boat on most of that

stuff. And these are absolutely things I SHOULD be doing, especially with my

older child.

Ah, well...

Stefanie

Mom to Ben, 7, severe/profound HOH, and Isabella, 10, mild loss

on 1/12/06 8:44 AM, JillcWood@... at JillcWood@... wrote:

>

> In a message dated 1/11/2006 7:51:35 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> Parentsofdeafhoh@... writes:

>

> Barbara-- I think it's great what you're doing! I can remember times when

> my hearing aid battery would die in the middle of class and I would sit

> there

> and freeze and pray for the bell so I could change it in the bathroom!

>

> Putz

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Ian now carries them in his wallet and will simply pop the silly thing out

> during class. There was a time when he'd have waited until he got home, even

> though there were batteries in the nurses office! We practiced with Ian the

> same way Barbara did. It was funny to watch his face as he realized that no

> teacher is going to yell at him for fixing his hearing aid, or asking for the

> FM

> to be turned on. He suddenly realized how stupid a teacher would sound when

> yelling at him or refusing to turn on the FM. Play acting is SOOOOOO helpful.

>

> Jill

[Guest guest]

And this would be where I'm grateful my son is the way he is, because I am a

totally negligent parent.

I sent him off to school this year, first grade, first time fully

mainstreamed, with an extra pack of batteries in his FM case. Never told him

they were there, never went over what to do in the event his batteries died

during class. Meant to go over that with the teacher when we met the second

week, but figured I'd mostly just change out the batteries every Sunday,

just to be sure.

First week of school, the batteries apparently died, and Ben nonchalantly

pulled the extra batteries out of his pack and changed them during class.

Now, my older child STILL wouldn't have been able to pull this off, which is

why I'm so grateful that Ben is Ben, because otherwise his hearing loss

would get in the way, and I would just not remember all the things I need to

teach him. I so admire all the parents out there who role-play and patiently

teach and go over situations, because I just miss the boat on most of that

stuff. And these are absolutely things I SHOULD be doing, especially with my

older child.

Ah, well...

Stefanie

Mom to Ben, 7, severe/profound HOH, and Isabella, 10, mild loss

on 1/12/06 8:44 AM, JillcWood@... at JillcWood@... wrote:

>

> In a message dated 1/11/2006 7:51:35 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> Parentsofdeafhoh@... writes:

>

> Barbara-- I think it's great what you're doing! I can remember times when

> my hearing aid battery would die in the middle of class and I would sit

> there

> and freeze and pray for the bell so I could change it in the bathroom!

>

> Putz

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Ian now carries them in his wallet and will simply pop the silly thing out

> during class. There was a time when he'd have waited until he got home, even

> though there were batteries in the nurses office! We practiced with Ian the

> same way Barbara did. It was funny to watch his face as he realized that no

> teacher is going to yell at him for fixing his hearing aid, or asking for the

> FM

> to be turned on. He suddenly realized how stupid a teacher would sound when

> yelling at him or refusing to turn on the FM. Play acting is SOOOOOO helpful.

>

> Jill

[Guest guest]

Jill,

I don't have shy kids, but am teary at your response (and I've read this before

a while back--it still chokes me up). Have you ever thought about writing a

book (maybe with Ian and ) about life with a deaf kid?

Edith

Re: anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

In a message dated 1/11/2006 2:13:05 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

.Schreiner@... writes:

The most difficult thing right now is that Sam is oh-so-quiet in

preschool. Does anyone else experience this with their deaf/hoh

child? In free play time, he chats up a storm with his friends and is

often the leader of the pack. But in circle time, when it is his turn

to be in the spotlight and answer a question, he freezes.

Our son Ian was painfully shy. I can't express how painfully shy he was. He

would watch the group and decide where to join and was never the leader of

the pack. He avoided the center of the pack at all times, but had a small

group

of friends where he was comfortable. He still avoids the packs. When it was

a play day with just his friends, he was loud and energetic. On a full

playground (20-25 kids) he was cautious, even when with his own group.

At that time, we didn't know about Ian's hearing loss, all we knew was that

he was shy. My husband is very soft spoken, not shy, but not a chatty person.

I teased that Ian was genetically predisposed to be quiet, that he'd

inherited that from daddy. But his shyness was more than " normal. " He had

full blown

panic attacks if he had to talk in front of any size group, even one made up

of his friends.

In kindergarten he was asked to stand up, say his name and what his parents

did. He burst into tears and refused even to look up. At Tiger Scouts, he hid

behind my husband if there was even a chance that he'd be expected to speak

to the group. Yet, during activities, he'd ask the same boys to pass the

glue,

or a certain color crayon, or take one of them to find the bathroom

(meetings were at our house). As long as there was not a line of faces

watching him,

he was fine in a group.

He hated group sports ... refused to play soccer or t-ball/baseball, even

though he is good at both. So, we decided to attack the issue using small

groups. Tiger Scouts, then Cub Scouts gave us a small group once a week, plus

lots

of fun activities. My husband was the Den leader back then, now he's the

Scout Master for the troop. Scouting is a father/son thing for our family.

I'd set up play date with 1-2 kids at a time. Sometimes a larger group would

meet at the playground. We'd take turns having lunch/play at different

houses, as well as the local parks. Ian established a little circle of

friends. We

had play dates several times a week.

We also added " practice for being brave " into our daily lives. For instance,

Ian loves french fries, always has. So, when we'd go to Mcs he often

wanted more fries. I wouldn't let him have mine (although that would be

easy),

instead I'd give him money and send him up to the counter to get more. At

first I would stand behind him in line. Then I'd stand nearby and " watch him. "

Slowly, I moved further and further away, but always where he could see me.

Eventually, I was able to sit at the table with while he went up to the

counter. We intentionally went to the same Mcs, so he was comfortable

in the setting.

At the library he had to take his own books to the librarian, or we wouldn't

check any out. Several times we left the library with no books, and he was

MAD. At first all he had to do was say " I'd like these, please. " Then next

step was to hand her the library card. After a while, I'd send him up alone.

Books and french fries were great motivators.

We practiced " being brave " ever chance I thought of something. In the

grocery store, I'd let him pick out what fruit he wanted for lunch that week.

Then

in the check-out, I'd have him hand the lady his purchase. I'd have him buy

his own ticket at the movies -- anything that caused him to step up and be

independent.

We also talked about being shy, feeling scared to talk to people. We talked

about what it meant to be " brave. " Being brave doesn't mean you're not

scared. Being brave means you can be scared, but you do something anyway.

Firemen

are scared of going into burning buildings -- everyone is scared of a burning

building, and that fear makes them careful when they do go in. They wear all

the right gear and carry their equipment with them. But they still go into

the buildings. Being scared makes them more careful, so some fear is good.

Being brave didn't mean not being afraid, it was learning how to control the

fear. After a while, Ian found that some fears went away.

By first grade, Ian was raising his hand and answering questions. I almost

cried during that parent-teacher conference. This was a giant step for this

kid.

Now our painfully shy little boy is 15. He is still on the quiet side, still

chooses how/where to join a large group. But he can also give an oral

presentation in front of the class, or run a Boy Scout meeting. Or participate

in a

scout camporee where several thousand boys are camping and having

activities. Last summer he went (without dad) to the National Jamboree

(35,000

men/boys) in Virginia as part of a provisional troop. Our council sent 6

troops, 250

boys, he knew 6 when it started. He had a blast!

When I think of how far this kid has come I am amazed. We very intentionally

practiced and worked to accomplish this. I refer to it as Ian's

" independence training " and he called it " being brave. " It took time and

patience and

knowing when to push him. There were days when he couldn't handle it, and

that

was okay. We made little steps and whenever he was " brave " we'd praise and

support him.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

Jill,

I don't have shy kids, but am teary at your response (and I've read this before

a while back--it still chokes me up). Have you ever thought about writing a

book (maybe with Ian and ) about life with a deaf kid?

Edith

Re: anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

In a message dated 1/11/2006 2:13:05 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

.Schreiner@... writes:

The most difficult thing right now is that Sam is oh-so-quiet in

preschool. Does anyone else experience this with their deaf/hoh

child? In free play time, he chats up a storm with his friends and is

often the leader of the pack. But in circle time, when it is his turn

to be in the spotlight and answer a question, he freezes.

Our son Ian was painfully shy. I can't express how painfully shy he was. He

would watch the group and decide where to join and was never the leader of

the pack. He avoided the center of the pack at all times, but had a small

group

of friends where he was comfortable. He still avoids the packs. When it was

a play day with just his friends, he was loud and energetic. On a full

playground (20-25 kids) he was cautious, even when with his own group.

At that time, we didn't know about Ian's hearing loss, all we knew was that

he was shy. My husband is very soft spoken, not shy, but not a chatty person.

I teased that Ian was genetically predisposed to be quiet, that he'd

inherited that from daddy. But his shyness was more than " normal. " He had

full blown

panic attacks if he had to talk in front of any size group, even one made up

of his friends.

In kindergarten he was asked to stand up, say his name and what his parents

did. He burst into tears and refused even to look up. At Tiger Scouts, he hid

behind my husband if there was even a chance that he'd be expected to speak

to the group. Yet, during activities, he'd ask the same boys to pass the

glue,

or a certain color crayon, or take one of them to find the bathroom

(meetings were at our house). As long as there was not a line of faces

watching him,

he was fine in a group.

He hated group sports ... refused to play soccer or t-ball/baseball, even

though he is good at both. So, we decided to attack the issue using small

groups. Tiger Scouts, then Cub Scouts gave us a small group once a week, plus

lots

of fun activities. My husband was the Den leader back then, now he's the

Scout Master for the troop. Scouting is a father/son thing for our family.

I'd set up play date with 1-2 kids at a time. Sometimes a larger group would

meet at the playground. We'd take turns having lunch/play at different

houses, as well as the local parks. Ian established a little circle of

friends. We

had play dates several times a week.

We also added " practice for being brave " into our daily lives. For instance,

Ian loves french fries, always has. So, when we'd go to Mcs he often

wanted more fries. I wouldn't let him have mine (although that would be

easy),

instead I'd give him money and send him up to the counter to get more. At

first I would stand behind him in line. Then I'd stand nearby and " watch him. "

Slowly, I moved further and further away, but always where he could see me.

Eventually, I was able to sit at the table with while he went up to the

counter. We intentionally went to the same Mcs, so he was comfortable

in the setting.

At the library he had to take his own books to the librarian, or we wouldn't

check any out. Several times we left the library with no books, and he was

MAD. At first all he had to do was say " I'd like these, please. " Then next

step was to hand her the library card. After a while, I'd send him up alone.

Books and french fries were great motivators.

We practiced " being brave " ever chance I thought of something. In the

grocery store, I'd let him pick out what fruit he wanted for lunch that week.

Then

in the check-out, I'd have him hand the lady his purchase. I'd have him buy

his own ticket at the movies -- anything that caused him to step up and be

independent.

We also talked about being shy, feeling scared to talk to people. We talked

about what it meant to be " brave. " Being brave doesn't mean you're not

scared. Being brave means you can be scared, but you do something anyway.

Firemen

are scared of going into burning buildings -- everyone is scared of a burning

building, and that fear makes them careful when they do go in. They wear all

the right gear and carry their equipment with them. But they still go into

the buildings. Being scared makes them more careful, so some fear is good.

Being brave didn't mean not being afraid, it was learning how to control the

fear. After a while, Ian found that some fears went away.

By first grade, Ian was raising his hand and answering questions. I almost

cried during that parent-teacher conference. This was a giant step for this

kid.

Now our painfully shy little boy is 15. He is still on the quiet side, still

chooses how/where to join a large group. But he can also give an oral

presentation in front of the class, or run a Boy Scout meeting. Or participate

in a

scout camporee where several thousand boys are camping and having

activities. Last summer he went (without dad) to the National Jamboree

(35,000

men/boys) in Virginia as part of a provisional troop. Our council sent 6

troops, 250

boys, he knew 6 when it started. He had a blast!

When I think of how far this kid has come I am amazed. We very intentionally

practiced and worked to accomplish this. I refer to it as Ian's

" independence training " and he called it " being brave. " It took time and

patience and

knowing when to push him. There were days when he couldn't handle it, and

that

was okay. We made little steps and whenever he was " brave " we'd praise and

support him.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

Jill,

I don't have shy kids, but am teary at your response (and I've read this before

a while back--it still chokes me up). Have you ever thought about writing a

book (maybe with Ian and ) about life with a deaf kid?

Edith

Re: anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

In a message dated 1/11/2006 2:13:05 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

.Schreiner@... writes:

The most difficult thing right now is that Sam is oh-so-quiet in

preschool. Does anyone else experience this with their deaf/hoh

child? In free play time, he chats up a storm with his friends and is

often the leader of the pack. But in circle time, when it is his turn

to be in the spotlight and answer a question, he freezes.

Our son Ian was painfully shy. I can't express how painfully shy he was. He

would watch the group and decide where to join and was never the leader of

the pack. He avoided the center of the pack at all times, but had a small

group

of friends where he was comfortable. He still avoids the packs. When it was

a play day with just his friends, he was loud and energetic. On a full

playground (20-25 kids) he was cautious, even when with his own group.

At that time, we didn't know about Ian's hearing loss, all we knew was that

he was shy. My husband is very soft spoken, not shy, but not a chatty person.

I teased that Ian was genetically predisposed to be quiet, that he'd

inherited that from daddy. But his shyness was more than " normal. " He had

full blown

panic attacks if he had to talk in front of any size group, even one made up

of his friends.

In kindergarten he was asked to stand up, say his name and what his parents

did. He burst into tears and refused even to look up. At Tiger Scouts, he hid

behind my husband if there was even a chance that he'd be expected to speak

to the group. Yet, during activities, he'd ask the same boys to pass the

glue,

or a certain color crayon, or take one of them to find the bathroom

(meetings were at our house). As long as there was not a line of faces

watching him,

he was fine in a group.

He hated group sports ... refused to play soccer or t-ball/baseball, even

though he is good at both. So, we decided to attack the issue using small

groups. Tiger Scouts, then Cub Scouts gave us a small group once a week, plus

lots

of fun activities. My husband was the Den leader back then, now he's the

Scout Master for the troop. Scouting is a father/son thing for our family.

I'd set up play date with 1-2 kids at a time. Sometimes a larger group would

meet at the playground. We'd take turns having lunch/play at different

houses, as well as the local parks. Ian established a little circle of

friends. We

had play dates several times a week.

We also added " practice for being brave " into our daily lives. For instance,

Ian loves french fries, always has. So, when we'd go to Mcs he often

wanted more fries. I wouldn't let him have mine (although that would be

easy),

instead I'd give him money and send him up to the counter to get more. At

first I would stand behind him in line. Then I'd stand nearby and " watch him. "

Slowly, I moved further and further away, but always where he could see me.

Eventually, I was able to sit at the table with while he went up to the

counter. We intentionally went to the same Mcs, so he was comfortable

in the setting.

At the library he had to take his own books to the librarian, or we wouldn't

check any out. Several times we left the library with no books, and he was

MAD. At first all he had to do was say " I'd like these, please. " Then next

step was to hand her the library card. After a while, I'd send him up alone.

Books and french fries were great motivators.

We practiced " being brave " ever chance I thought of something. In the

grocery store, I'd let him pick out what fruit he wanted for lunch that week.

Then

in the check-out, I'd have him hand the lady his purchase. I'd have him buy

his own ticket at the movies -- anything that caused him to step up and be

independent.

We also talked about being shy, feeling scared to talk to people. We talked

about what it meant to be " brave. " Being brave doesn't mean you're not

scared. Being brave means you can be scared, but you do something anyway.

Firemen

are scared of going into burning buildings -- everyone is scared of a burning

building, and that fear makes them careful when they do go in. They wear all

the right gear and carry their equipment with them. But they still go into

the buildings. Being scared makes them more careful, so some fear is good.

Being brave didn't mean not being afraid, it was learning how to control the

fear. After a while, Ian found that some fears went away.

By first grade, Ian was raising his hand and answering questions. I almost

cried during that parent-teacher conference. This was a giant step for this

kid.

Now our painfully shy little boy is 15. He is still on the quiet side, still

chooses how/where to join a large group. But he can also give an oral

presentation in front of the class, or run a Boy Scout meeting. Or participate

in a

scout camporee where several thousand boys are camping and having

activities. Last summer he went (without dad) to the National Jamboree

(35,000

men/boys) in Virginia as part of a provisional troop. Our council sent 6

troops, 250

boys, he knew 6 when it started. He had a blast!

When I think of how far this kid has come I am amazed. We very intentionally

practiced and worked to accomplish this. I refer to it as Ian's

" independence training " and he called it " being brave. " It took time and

patience and

knowing when to push him. There were days when he couldn't handle it, and

that

was okay. We made little steps and whenever he was " brave " we'd praise and

support him.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

I'd use your book world contacts to collect advice on how best to go about

writing a book. There are so few books out there on this topic and plenty of

audience to enjoy it.

When I was pg. with the triplets, I read a book about a family chronicling their

triplet pregnancy and life post-birth. It was fascinating and so helpful,

because it was real...not some medical/child care expert giving advice. I felt

so better prepared for what was to come, since I had read their own words of

wisdom, heartache, frustration, and ultimately joy.

GO FOR IT!!!!!

Edith

Re: anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

In a message dated 1/12/2006 9:46:25 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

etarter@... writes:

Jill,

I don't have shy kids, but am teary at your response (and I've read this

before a while back--it still chokes me up). Have you ever thought about

writing a book (maybe with Ian and ) about life with a deaf kid?

Edith

Edith,

I was asked this before and my response was: Why? We're nothing special.

Just a family dealing with what life threw at us. Now I wonder if I should,

just

because we are just a family dealing with " stuff " as it comes along. The

kids certainly have plenty to say (grin). But honestly, I don't know how to

even

start something like that.

And the funny part -- I'm a book designer/illustrator. Making books is what

I do. But the writing and editing has never been my end of things. Maybe I

should take some of my old posts and start there. (shrug) I think of writing

as

something hard, something I'm just not good at, something for other people to

do while I take their words and make them into something ready to print.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

I'd use your book world contacts to collect advice on how best to go about

writing a book. There are so few books out there on this topic and plenty of

audience to enjoy it.

When I was pg. with the triplets, I read a book about a family chronicling their

triplet pregnancy and life post-birth. It was fascinating and so helpful,

because it was real...not some medical/child care expert giving advice. I felt

so better prepared for what was to come, since I had read their own words of

wisdom, heartache, frustration, and ultimately joy.

GO FOR IT!!!!!

Edith

Re: anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

In a message dated 1/12/2006 9:46:25 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

etarter@... writes:

Jill,

I don't have shy kids, but am teary at your response (and I've read this

before a while back--it still chokes me up). Have you ever thought about

writing a book (maybe with Ian and ) about life with a deaf kid?

Edith

Edith,

I was asked this before and my response was: Why? We're nothing special.

Just a family dealing with what life threw at us. Now I wonder if I should,

just

because we are just a family dealing with " stuff " as it comes along. The

kids certainly have plenty to say (grin). But honestly, I don't know how to

even

start something like that.

And the funny part -- I'm a book designer/illustrator. Making books is what

I do. But the writing and editing has never been my end of things. Maybe I

should take some of my old posts and start there. (shrug) I think of writing

as

something hard, something I'm just not good at, something for other people to

do while I take their words and make them into something ready to print.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

I'd use your book world contacts to collect advice on how best to go about

writing a book. There are so few books out there on this topic and plenty of

audience to enjoy it.

When I was pg. with the triplets, I read a book about a family chronicling their

triplet pregnancy and life post-birth. It was fascinating and so helpful,

because it was real...not some medical/child care expert giving advice. I felt

so better prepared for what was to come, since I had read their own words of

wisdom, heartache, frustration, and ultimately joy.

GO FOR IT!!!!!

Edith

Re: anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

In a message dated 1/12/2006 9:46:25 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

etarter@... writes:

Jill,

I don't have shy kids, but am teary at your response (and I've read this

before a while back--it still chokes me up). Have you ever thought about

writing a book (maybe with Ian and ) about life with a deaf kid?

Edith

Edith,

I was asked this before and my response was: Why? We're nothing special.

Just a family dealing with what life threw at us. Now I wonder if I should,

just

because we are just a family dealing with " stuff " as it comes along. The

kids certainly have plenty to say (grin). But honestly, I don't know how to

even

start something like that.

And the funny part -- I'm a book designer/illustrator. Making books is what

I do. But the writing and editing has never been my end of things. Maybe I

should take some of my old posts and start there. (shrug) I think of writing

as

something hard, something I'm just not good at, something for other people to

do while I take their words and make them into something ready to print.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I do not usually reply to post's I read ...I am crying right

know it is all too familiar...I went thru the very same thing with the same

questions........

The difference is know my child is nearly 10, he will not

stop talking..

He is a social butterfly......he is hearing imparied;capd'dyslexic.....There

is an fm system in the classroom......speech ;occup. the whole package......

I learned they will make leaps strides and jumps when they are

ready.....

gina

stromms@... wrote:

,

I have 4 children, 3 in high school and one older. One is HOH. It seems

like you and all of your son's teachers are doing everything right, but

maybe there is no issue and he just doesn't want to speak in groups

yet. What I mean is, our HOH kids are kids first. They're shy, noisy,

active, passive, and every combination. When your son is comfortable,

he'll talk. Maybe he needs time to find this part of himself. At 4 i/2,

he has time.

anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

My son Sam is 4.5 years old, and in an integrated special needs

preschool. Sam has a profound loss in one ear, and a mild-severe

sloping loss in the other. His better ear is aided.

Sam's teachers and speech therapist are great, and he sees a TOD once

per week as well as taking AVT at the Unversity of Akron with Dr.

Wray, Carol Flexer (she's retiring) and their students.

I think he's doing very well, though his articulation is still quite

poor. He can isolate and make an /f/, /th/, /s/ and /sh/ sound, but

doesn't really use them in his conversational speech. He has to stop,

think about it, and then very akwardly attaches those sounds to words.

For example, if he wants a snack, he'll say, " I want a nack pea " If

you

ask him to repeat with the /s/ and /l/ sound, he'll say, " I want a

ssssss-nack puh-leee-ssssss "

The most difficult thing right now is that Sam is oh-so-quiet in

preschool. Does anyone else experience this with their deaf/hoh

child? In free play time, he chats up a storm with his friends and is

often the leader of the pack. But in circle time, when it is his turn

to be in the spotlight and answer a question, he freezes. He'll

answer,

but generally only when prompted, very quietly and in 1-2 word phrases.

It's driving us all crazy because this child can do SO much (he's

identifying all his letters and knows the sounds they make!). In a

relaxed, unstructured environment, he's a mini-Jim Carrey (okay, don't

know if that's bad or good ;-).

Sam has always been shy and quiet in loud or intimidating settings - in

his element, he warms up in no time. I'm not sure if we are looking at

a temperment issue, a hearing issue or an anxiety issue or something

else.

He has said that it scares and worries him to talk loud at school. I

really don't know what to make of that.

Thanks for any insight!

Mom to Gabe, age 7, and Sam, 4 (HOH)

All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each

post is the

intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

[Guest guest]

THANK YOU all so much for your wonderful replies. I've been away from

my computer for a day or so, and just not got to reading them. I love

all the ideas - role playing, " being brave " ..

Our Sammy is just about the sweetest, cutest little guy on earth (he

works the cute for all its worth!). Some days he'll come home from

school and say, " I said MORE SNACK PLEASE reeaaaaly loud today. You

proud of me, Mom? "

Yes, Sam does have the boot style FM system, and it seems to be

working well. He will always respond appropriately (non-verbally) to

questions asked in school. I think he is hearing as well as can be

expected, he just does not want to talk in a group when the teacher is

leading and all eyes are on him (even in small group instruction).

The speech therapist and TOD see him outside the class and they report

that he's a silly, lively talkative child in those situations.

One other issue that I always fear complicates things is that Sammy

was adopted at about 18 months old from Cambodia. He's been through a

lot of big, traumatic situations - multiple caregivers, illnesses and

then all the trauma of his adoption (change of language, sounds,

smells, food, people). That's a lot - in the back of my head, I

always worry that some behaviors are linked to that. We also see a

great developmental ped at our international adoption clinic - but she

has no experience with hearing loss. And everyone we see for hearing

loss as no experience with the adoption related issues.

RE: Carol Flexer. I believe that her retirement is only from U. of

Akron, but I'm not positive. She's a new grandma, and I know is

looking forward to spending time with her grandchild :-) I don't see

her all that often, as my husband goes to the AVT sessions and Dr.

Wray is primarily with Sam. Dr. Flexer always conducts Sam's hearing

tests though and she is *fabulous*. The other good news is that I

know she's turning out a crop of really great new, young AVT

professionals. We feel really blessed that Sammy is in the program.

[Guest guest]

THANK YOU all so much for your wonderful replies. I've been away from

my computer for a day or so, and just not got to reading them. I love

all the ideas - role playing, " being brave " ..

Our Sammy is just about the sweetest, cutest little guy on earth (he

works the cute for all its worth!). Some days he'll come home from

school and say, " I said MORE SNACK PLEASE reeaaaaly loud today. You

proud of me, Mom? "

Yes, Sam does have the boot style FM system, and it seems to be

working well. He will always respond appropriately (non-verbally) to

questions asked in school. I think he is hearing as well as can be

expected, he just does not want to talk in a group when the teacher is

leading and all eyes are on him (even in small group instruction).

The speech therapist and TOD see him outside the class and they report

that he's a silly, lively talkative child in those situations.

One other issue that I always fear complicates things is that Sammy

was adopted at about 18 months old from Cambodia. He's been through a

lot of big, traumatic situations - multiple caregivers, illnesses and

then all the trauma of his adoption (change of language, sounds,

smells, food, people). That's a lot - in the back of my head, I

always worry that some behaviors are linked to that. We also see a

great developmental ped at our international adoption clinic - but she

has no experience with hearing loss. And everyone we see for hearing

loss as no experience with the adoption related issues.

RE: Carol Flexer. I believe that her retirement is only from U. of

Akron, but I'm not positive. She's a new grandma, and I know is

looking forward to spending time with her grandchild :-) I don't see

her all that often, as my husband goes to the AVT sessions and Dr.

Wray is primarily with Sam. Dr. Flexer always conducts Sam's hearing

tests though and she is *fabulous*. The other good news is that I

know she's turning out a crop of really great new, young AVT

professionals. We feel really blessed that Sammy is in the program.

[Guest guest]

THANK YOU all so much for your wonderful replies. I've been away from

my computer for a day or so, and just not got to reading them. I love

all the ideas - role playing, " being brave " ..

Our Sammy is just about the sweetest, cutest little guy on earth (he

works the cute for all its worth!). Some days he'll come home from

school and say, " I said MORE SNACK PLEASE reeaaaaly loud today. You

proud of me, Mom? "

Yes, Sam does have the boot style FM system, and it seems to be

working well. He will always respond appropriately (non-verbally) to

questions asked in school. I think he is hearing as well as can be

expected, he just does not want to talk in a group when the teacher is

leading and all eyes are on him (even in small group instruction).

The speech therapist and TOD see him outside the class and they report

that he's a silly, lively talkative child in those situations.

One other issue that I always fear complicates things is that Sammy

was adopted at about 18 months old from Cambodia. He's been through a

lot of big, traumatic situations - multiple caregivers, illnesses and

then all the trauma of his adoption (change of language, sounds,

smells, food, people). That's a lot - in the back of my head, I

always worry that some behaviors are linked to that. We also see a

great developmental ped at our international adoption clinic - but she

has no experience with hearing loss. And everyone we see for hearing

loss as no experience with the adoption related issues.

RE: Carol Flexer. I believe that her retirement is only from U. of

Akron, but I'm not positive. She's a new grandma, and I know is

looking forward to spending time with her grandchild :-) I don't see

her all that often, as my husband goes to the AVT sessions and Dr.

Wray is primarily with Sam. Dr. Flexer always conducts Sam's hearing

tests though and she is *fabulous*. The other good news is that I

know she's turning out a crop of really great new, young AVT

professionals. We feel really blessed that Sammy is in the program.

[Guest guest]

,

I know you have gotten some wonderful responses, and what you have written

doesn't totally sound like what we went through. But our journey was soooooo

long and so difficult, and I had wished for an answer for so long, I just

thought I might share this.

I have two daughters that where born profoundly hearing impaired. They are

about sixteen months apart, and as different as night and day. The oldest,

is now 13. was ( and is sometimes still ) the most complicated

child I have ever meet. She was diagnosed at about 8 month, and aided

appropriately at about 11 months. We began our journey with AV as soon as she

was aided. The word stubborn, and went hand and hand from those very

early years. She would work well with me at home, but sitting with the AV

therapist not one single noise. I got a part time job and thought exposure to

other kids would help, so off to day care she went for a year and a half. Not

one single word, squeak or squawk was udered during that whole year and a half.

When I picked her she would tell me about her day, and she didn't seem unhappy

to be there. Then began school...again all day nothing, except at recess with

her friends. If she was asked a question she would sometimes whisper very

quietly, but it was slow, and selective to whom she would do that. I felt

crazy, and I am sure more than one person thought I was, as we shared often how

well she was doing language wise at home...but she showed no proof. Once we had

scheduled her to have an IQ test. I requested it be someone with AV knowledge,

and so they had to bring someone in. We invited him to come to our home on

Sunday for dinner, the day before he was to go to school and test her. In our

home in saw a comfortable child, who interacted with her family and peers, and

was doing well. The following day she meet him and school and getting anything

was like pulling teeth. He came back with the answer I had prayed for...for

years. " Selective, or elective mutism " I jumped on line and read everything I

could, and there was my child. After being told for so many year that she was

just stubborn, or trying to control everyone etc, I was so thankful to find a

tangible reason.

is very very smart, and slowly what we learned was that she didn't

want to stand out, or be different, or not be right. To this day unless she is

sure her answer is right she still will answer in nothing more than a mumble,

but some social behavioral therapy, and other ways to help build her self esteem

have helped greatly.

Again, I know your situation doesn't sound exactly like this...but after

struggling to find an answer for so long, I just wanted to share the

information.

Ci 8/99

Holly Ci 12/99

anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

My son Sam is 4.5 years old, and in an integrated special needs

preschool. Sam has a profound loss in one ear, and a mild-severe

sloping loss in the other. His better ear is aided.

Sam's teachers and speech therapist are great, and he sees a TOD once

per week as well as taking AVT at the Unversity of Akron with Dr.

Wray, Carol Flexer (she's retiring) and their students.

I think he's doing very well, though his articulation is still quite

poor. He can isolate and make an /f/, /th/, /s/ and /sh/ sound, but

doesn't really use them in his conversational speech. He has to stop,

think about it, and then very akwardly attaches those sounds to words.

For example, if he wants a snack, he'll say, " I want a nack pea " If you

ask him to repeat with the /s/ and /l/ sound, he'll say, " I want a

ssssss-nack puh-leee-ssssss "

The most difficult thing right now is that Sam is oh-so-quiet in

preschool. Does anyone else experience this with their deaf/hoh

child? In free play time, he chats up a storm with his friends and is

often the leader of the pack. But in circle time, when it is his turn

to be in the spotlight and answer a question, he freezes. He'll answer,

but generally only when prompted, very quietly and in 1-2 word phrases.

It's driving us all crazy because this child can do SO much (he's

identifying all his letters and knows the sounds they make!). In a

relaxed, unstructured environment, he's a mini-Jim Carrey (okay, don't

know if that's bad or good ;-).

Sam has always been shy and quiet in loud or intimidating settings - in

his element, he warms up in no time. I'm not sure if we are looking at

a temperment issue, a hearing issue or an anxiety issue or something else.

He has said that it scares and worries him to talk loud at school. I

really don't know what to make of that.

Thanks for any insight!

Mom to Gabe, age 7, and Sam, 4 (HOH)

All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each post is the

intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

[Guest guest]

,

I know you have gotten some wonderful responses, and what you have written

doesn't totally sound like what we went through. But our journey was soooooo

long and so difficult, and I had wished for an answer for so long, I just

thought I might share this.

I have two daughters that where born profoundly hearing impaired. They are

about sixteen months apart, and as different as night and day. The oldest,

is now 13. was ( and is sometimes still ) the most complicated

child I have ever meet. She was diagnosed at about 8 month, and aided

appropriately at about 11 months. We began our journey with AV as soon as she

was aided. The word stubborn, and went hand and hand from those very

early years. She would work well with me at home, but sitting with the AV

therapist not one single noise. I got a part time job and thought exposure to

other kids would help, so off to day care she went for a year and a half. Not

one single word, squeak or squawk was udered during that whole year and a half.

When I picked her she would tell me about her day, and she didn't seem unhappy

to be there. Then began school...again all day nothing, except at recess with

her friends. If she was asked a question she would sometimes whisper very

quietly, but it was slow, and selective to whom she would do that. I felt

crazy, and I am sure more than one person thought I was, as we shared often how

well she was doing language wise at home...but she showed no proof. Once we had

scheduled her to have an IQ test. I requested it be someone with AV knowledge,

and so they had to bring someone in. We invited him to come to our home on

Sunday for dinner, the day before he was to go to school and test her. In our

home in saw a comfortable child, who interacted with her family and peers, and

was doing well. The following day she meet him and school and getting anything

was like pulling teeth. He came back with the answer I had prayed for...for

years. " Selective, or elective mutism " I jumped on line and read everything I

could, and there was my child. After being told for so many year that she was

just stubborn, or trying to control everyone etc, I was so thankful to find a

tangible reason.

is very very smart, and slowly what we learned was that she didn't

want to stand out, or be different, or not be right. To this day unless she is

sure her answer is right she still will answer in nothing more than a mumble,

but some social behavioral therapy, and other ways to help build her self esteem

have helped greatly.

Again, I know your situation doesn't sound exactly like this...but after

struggling to find an answer for so long, I just wanted to share the

information.

Ci 8/99

Holly Ci 12/99

anyone's child very quiet/shy at preschool? any

suggestions?

My son Sam is 4.5 years old, and in an integrated special needs

preschool. Sam has a profound loss in one ear, and a mild-severe

sloping loss in the other. His better ear is aided.

Sam's teachers and speech therapist are great, and he sees a TOD once

per week as well as taking AVT at the Unversity of Akron with Dr.

Wray, Carol Flexer (she's retiring) and their students.

I think he's doing very well, though his articulation is still quite

poor. He can isolate and make an /f/, /th/, /s/ and /sh/ sound, but

doesn't really use them in his conversational speech. He has to stop,

think about it, and then very akwardly attaches those sounds to words.

For example, if he wants a snack, he'll say, " I want a nack pea " If you

ask him to repeat with the /s/ and /l/ sound, he'll say, " I want a

ssssss-nack puh-leee-ssssss "

The most difficult thing right now is that Sam is oh-so-quiet in

preschool. Does anyone else experience this with their deaf/hoh

child? In free play time, he chats up a storm with his friends and is

often the leader of the pack. But in circle time, when it is his turn

to be in the spotlight and answer a question, he freezes. He'll answer,

but generally only when prompted, very quietly and in 1-2 word phrases.

It's driving us all crazy because this child can do SO much (he's

identifying all his letters and knows the sounds they make!). In a

relaxed, unstructured environment, he's a mini-Jim Carrey (okay, don't

know if that's bad or good ;-).

Sam has always been shy and quiet in loud or intimidating settings - in

his element, he warms up in no time. I'm not sure if we are looking at

a temperment issue, a hearing issue or an anxiety issue or something else.

He has said that it scares and worries him to talk loud at school. I

really don't know what to make of that.

Thanks for any insight!

Mom to Gabe, age 7, and Sam, 4 (HOH)

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