reaching out from far away

[Guest guest]

hello all- i am a 31 year old trapeze artist living and working in

germany. iwas diagnosed with thyroid cancer may 20th, right before

an important and lucrative 3.5 month trapeze contract. i asked my

great endocrinoligist if he thought i could wait for surgery (1mm

papilary carcinoma) and he suggested hormone therapy and frequent

checkups. (every 3 weeks.) So here i am, living in a beautiful small

town on the beach, and enjoying my light performing schedule. I take

125 micrograms of thyroxine, and feel good, not too speedy,not too

sleepy.

I am glad to have convinced my reluctant family that this is the

right choice for me, and know that my mental health, and self esteem

are important right now. I also know that my next visit, the doc.

could say that the nodule has grown, and i#ll forfeit my gig and

have the surgery right away. all of this is complicated slightly by

the fact that i do my trapeze number with another american woman,

and she is very anxious about this all. i have a surgery date

already for sept.18th- 3 days after my job ends.

so, I mostly feel lonely and far away. i feel the isolation of

having this cancer growing inside me. also, very few people know,

and none of the other artists in the show. usually i know i#ll be

fine, but at times i worry that my decision to wait will result

badly.(although deep down i feel confident) It was great to read

that other people have gone through all of this. it will be weird

to be in germany, i only speak passable german...and technical

jargon?

Can people tell me what to expect about the actual surgery?

that is where i seem to focus my fear. I know i#ll sleep in the

hospital 3-5 days, but what about the actual wound...how big? will

it hurt to swallow? have peoples voices been affected? will i be

able to eat? needless to say, i want to work out as soon as

possible, and will practice yoga as soon and much as is wise....i

guess i#m reaching out, but please, i can#t handle too many lectures

about waiting on my surgery- it just makes me defensive. maybe

personal accounts would help. also , just to know that people

understand...thanks for reading the rambles...teresa

[Guest guest]

teresa,

i admire your courage and vulnerability in reaching out in this way.... i won't

offer any lecturing except to say that this cancer is slow growing and you have

time to let this all sink in before jumping to action... [my cancer was growing

in my system many, many years before diagnosis, and my prognosis is excellent],

so lots of deep breaths, ok?

you will receive tons of posts on surgeries, treatments, and recovery, so intead

of commenting on that aspect of what you are going through, i will relate to you

as a fellow 31-year-old artist and yoga person. the deepest lesson of my thyca

journey has been realizing how important my art is to me. before i was

diagnosed, i struggled immenseley with my " decision " to be an artist [though

most of us feel we really don't have a choice, right?] -- fighting it and taking

on social pressures of sustainability and security. when i was diagnosed, people

constantly connected thyca to the fifth chakra of expression [creative

expression], and my husband looked me in the eye and said " this is about your

art. " whether i MADE it about my art or it was on its own, i will never know.

but i do know that pursuing my art along the way has been paramount to my

recovery.

just this past spring, i had my second RAi treatment and a pretty big metastasis

scare [another long story -- another time] --- launchign me into the deepest

place of fear i had been in since the beginning of this journey. ironically,

around that exact time, i got accepted into a rather competitive MFA program

scheduled to start one month later. i went back and forth a lot as to whether or

not to start the program -- not knowing if distraction would be good or bad,

fearing that stress would make more cancer grow, questioning my body's ability

to be energized and strong. ultimately, my yoga practice [and supportive

friends here] guided me, reminding me to take it one day at a time and breathe.

i decided to go for it, but i also gave myself permission at any time to bow out

if it felt like too much. well, i'm now at the end of my first semester and

frankly, feeling better than i have in 10 years. i go for a follow up scan in

september to see about the remaining cancer, but no matter what, i will have no

regrets about living my life this summer to the fullest!

i'm not saying you should automatically pursue your trapeze gig without

considering surgery first, but i am saying that your body will lead you in the

right direction. listen to your breath and your heart and trust that you, like

me, will be fine.

feel free to write me privately if you want to.. otherwise, remember that you

are not alone -- no matter how far away you might be....

big hug to you, teresa,

keira in san fran

01.02 dx papp thyca with regional mets

01.02 TT & full neck dissection

04.02 200 mci RAI

04.03 150 mci RAI, possible mets to mediastinum

[Guest guest]

teresa,

i admire your courage and vulnerability in reaching out in this way.... i won't

offer any lecturing except to say that this cancer is slow growing and you have

time to let this all sink in before jumping to action... [my cancer was growing

in my system many, many years before diagnosis, and my prognosis is excellent],

so lots of deep breaths, ok?

you will receive tons of posts on surgeries, treatments, and recovery, so intead

of commenting on that aspect of what you are going through, i will relate to you

as a fellow 31-year-old artist and yoga person. the deepest lesson of my thyca

journey has been realizing how important my art is to me. before i was

diagnosed, i struggled immenseley with my " decision " to be an artist [though

most of us feel we really don't have a choice, right?] -- fighting it and taking

on social pressures of sustainability and security. when i was diagnosed, people

constantly connected thyca to the fifth chakra of expression [creative

expression], and my husband looked me in the eye and said " this is about your

art. " whether i MADE it about my art or it was on its own, i will never know.

but i do know that pursuing my art along the way has been paramount to my

recovery.

just this past spring, i had my second RAi treatment and a pretty big metastasis

scare [another long story -- another time] --- launchign me into the deepest

place of fear i had been in since the beginning of this journey. ironically,

around that exact time, i got accepted into a rather competitive MFA program

scheduled to start one month later. i went back and forth a lot as to whether or

not to start the program -- not knowing if distraction would be good or bad,

fearing that stress would make more cancer grow, questioning my body's ability

to be energized and strong. ultimately, my yoga practice [and supportive

friends here] guided me, reminding me to take it one day at a time and breathe.

i decided to go for it, but i also gave myself permission at any time to bow out

if it felt like too much. well, i'm now at the end of my first semester and

frankly, feeling better than i have in 10 years. i go for a follow up scan in

september to see about the remaining cancer, but no matter what, i will have no

regrets about living my life this summer to the fullest!

i'm not saying you should automatically pursue your trapeze gig without

considering surgery first, but i am saying that your body will lead you in the

right direction. listen to your breath and your heart and trust that you, like

me, will be fine.

feel free to write me privately if you want to.. otherwise, remember that you

are not alone -- no matter how far away you might be....

big hug to you, teresa,

keira in san fran

01.02 dx papp thyca with regional mets

01.02 TT & full neck dissection

04.02 200 mci RAI

04.03 150 mci RAI, possible mets to mediastinum

[Guest guest]

teresa,

i admire your courage and vulnerability in reaching out in this way.... i won't

offer any lecturing except to say that this cancer is slow growing and you have

time to let this all sink in before jumping to action... [my cancer was growing

in my system many, many years before diagnosis, and my prognosis is excellent],

so lots of deep breaths, ok?

you will receive tons of posts on surgeries, treatments, and recovery, so intead

of commenting on that aspect of what you are going through, i will relate to you

as a fellow 31-year-old artist and yoga person. the deepest lesson of my thyca

journey has been realizing how important my art is to me. before i was

diagnosed, i struggled immenseley with my " decision " to be an artist [though

most of us feel we really don't have a choice, right?] -- fighting it and taking

on social pressures of sustainability and security. when i was diagnosed, people

constantly connected thyca to the fifth chakra of expression [creative

expression], and my husband looked me in the eye and said " this is about your

art. " whether i MADE it about my art or it was on its own, i will never know.

but i do know that pursuing my art along the way has been paramount to my

recovery.

just this past spring, i had my second RAi treatment and a pretty big metastasis

scare [another long story -- another time] --- launchign me into the deepest

place of fear i had been in since the beginning of this journey. ironically,

around that exact time, i got accepted into a rather competitive MFA program

scheduled to start one month later. i went back and forth a lot as to whether or

not to start the program -- not knowing if distraction would be good or bad,

fearing that stress would make more cancer grow, questioning my body's ability

to be energized and strong. ultimately, my yoga practice [and supportive

friends here] guided me, reminding me to take it one day at a time and breathe.

i decided to go for it, but i also gave myself permission at any time to bow out

if it felt like too much. well, i'm now at the end of my first semester and

frankly, feeling better than i have in 10 years. i go for a follow up scan in

september to see about the remaining cancer, but no matter what, i will have no

regrets about living my life this summer to the fullest!

i'm not saying you should automatically pursue your trapeze gig without

considering surgery first, but i am saying that your body will lead you in the

right direction. listen to your breath and your heart and trust that you, like

me, will be fine.

feel free to write me privately if you want to.. otherwise, remember that you

are not alone -- no matter how far away you might be....

big hug to you, teresa,

keira in san fran

01.02 dx papp thyca with regional mets

01.02 TT & full neck dissection

04.02 200 mci RAI

04.03 150 mci RAI, possible mets to mediastinum

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/25/03 8:31:53 PM Central Daylight Time,

FurballsX5@... writes:

<< . It's not large, about 4 inches long. >>

Ooops! Forget what I said above. just looked at it, and it's about 2 inches

long.

~Vel~

[Guest guest]

- I was told Nov. 22nd that I should have my thyroid removed

because of its growth, but did not know that it was cancerous until the

surgeon operated on March 6th of this year. I don't know how I would

have handled if I had known it was cancer, but waiting until the time

was right for me was great for my mental health. Good luck in Sept. I

was in surgery for 3 hours, have a 3 inch scar which has healed

wonderfully. I did have a drainage tube overnight and it was shock when

they pulled it out the next day. It was longer than I anticipated. Of

course, could be my imagination made it longer than it actually was. My

voice was raspy at first, but has returned to normal. I had a compete

thyroidectomy and some lymph nodes removed - Stage 3 Papillary

Carcinoma. I actually stayed longer in the hospital for my radiation

in April - 2 days. As for the lecture you won't get it form me. I

believe that attitude and readiness played a major part in my recovery.

Again Good Luck to you.

Kate

reaching out from far away

hello all- i am a 31 year old trapeze artist living and working in

germany. iwas diagnosed with thyroid cancer may 20th, right before

an important and lucrative 3.5 month trapeze contract. i asked my

great endocrinoligist if he thought i could wait for surgery (1mm

papilary carcinoma) and he suggested hormone therapy and frequent

checkups. (every 3 weeks.) So here i am, living in a beautiful small

town on the beach, and enjoying my light performing schedule. I take

125 micrograms of thyroxine, and feel good, not too speedy,not too

sleepy.

I am glad to have convinced my reluctant family that this is the

right choice for me, and know that my mental health, and self esteem

are important right now. I also know that my next visit, the doc.

could say that the nodule has grown, and i#ll forfeit my gig and

have the surgery right away. all of this is complicated slightly by

the fact that i do my trapeze number with another american woman,

and she is very anxious about this all. i have a surgery date

already for sept.18th- 3 days after my job ends.

so, I mostly feel lonely and far away. i feel the isolation of

having this cancer growing inside me. also, very few people know,

and none of the other artists in the show. usually i know i#ll be

fine, but at times i worry that my decision to wait will result

badly.(although deep down i feel confident) It was great to read

that other people have gone through all of this. it will be weird

to be in germany, i only speak passable german...and technical

jargon?

Can people tell me what to expect about the actual surgery?

that is where i seem to focus my fear. I know i#ll sleep in the

hospital 3-5 days, but what about the actual wound...how big? will

it hurt to swallow? have peoples voices been affected? will i be

able to eat? needless to say, i want to work out as soon as

possible, and will practice yoga as soon and much as is wise....i

guess i#m reaching out, but please, i can#t handle too many lectures

about waiting on my surgery- it just makes me defensive. maybe

personal accounts would help. also , just to know that people

understand...thanks for reading the rambles...teresa

[Guest guest]

- I was told Nov. 22nd that I should have my thyroid removed

because of its growth, but did not know that it was cancerous until the

surgeon operated on March 6th of this year. I don't know how I would

have handled if I had known it was cancer, but waiting until the time

was right for me was great for my mental health. Good luck in Sept. I

was in surgery for 3 hours, have a 3 inch scar which has healed

wonderfully. I did have a drainage tube overnight and it was shock when

they pulled it out the next day. It was longer than I anticipated. Of

course, could be my imagination made it longer than it actually was. My

voice was raspy at first, but has returned to normal. I had a compete

thyroidectomy and some lymph nodes removed - Stage 3 Papillary

Carcinoma. I actually stayed longer in the hospital for my radiation

in April - 2 days. As for the lecture you won't get it form me. I

believe that attitude and readiness played a major part in my recovery.

Again Good Luck to you.

Kate

reaching out from far away

hello all- i am a 31 year old trapeze artist living and working in

germany. iwas diagnosed with thyroid cancer may 20th, right before

an important and lucrative 3.5 month trapeze contract. i asked my

great endocrinoligist if he thought i could wait for surgery (1mm

papilary carcinoma) and he suggested hormone therapy and frequent

checkups. (every 3 weeks.) So here i am, living in a beautiful small

town on the beach, and enjoying my light performing schedule. I take

125 micrograms of thyroxine, and feel good, not too speedy,not too

sleepy.

I am glad to have convinced my reluctant family that this is the

right choice for me, and know that my mental health, and self esteem

are important right now. I also know that my next visit, the doc.

could say that the nodule has grown, and i#ll forfeit my gig and

have the surgery right away. all of this is complicated slightly by

the fact that i do my trapeze number with another american woman,

and she is very anxious about this all. i have a surgery date

already for sept.18th- 3 days after my job ends.

so, I mostly feel lonely and far away. i feel the isolation of

having this cancer growing inside me. also, very few people know,

and none of the other artists in the show. usually i know i#ll be

fine, but at times i worry that my decision to wait will result

badly.(although deep down i feel confident) It was great to read

that other people have gone through all of this. it will be weird

to be in germany, i only speak passable german...and technical

jargon?

Can people tell me what to expect about the actual surgery?

that is where i seem to focus my fear. I know i#ll sleep in the

hospital 3-5 days, but what about the actual wound...how big? will

it hurt to swallow? have peoples voices been affected? will i be

able to eat? needless to say, i want to work out as soon as

possible, and will practice yoga as soon and much as is wise....i

guess i#m reaching out, but please, i can#t handle too many lectures

about waiting on my surgery- it just makes me defensive. maybe

personal accounts would help. also , just to know that people

understand...thanks for reading the rambles...teresa

[Guest guest]

- I was told Nov. 22nd that I should have my thyroid removed

because of its growth, but did not know that it was cancerous until the

surgeon operated on March 6th of this year. I don't know how I would

have handled if I had known it was cancer, but waiting until the time

was right for me was great for my mental health. Good luck in Sept. I

was in surgery for 3 hours, have a 3 inch scar which has healed

wonderfully. I did have a drainage tube overnight and it was shock when

they pulled it out the next day. It was longer than I anticipated. Of

course, could be my imagination made it longer than it actually was. My

voice was raspy at first, but has returned to normal. I had a compete

thyroidectomy and some lymph nodes removed - Stage 3 Papillary

Carcinoma. I actually stayed longer in the hospital for my radiation

in April - 2 days. As for the lecture you won't get it form me. I

believe that attitude and readiness played a major part in my recovery.

Again Good Luck to you.

Kate

reaching out from far away

hello all- i am a 31 year old trapeze artist living and working in

germany. iwas diagnosed with thyroid cancer may 20th, right before

an important and lucrative 3.5 month trapeze contract. i asked my

great endocrinoligist if he thought i could wait for surgery (1mm

papilary carcinoma) and he suggested hormone therapy and frequent

checkups. (every 3 weeks.) So here i am, living in a beautiful small

town on the beach, and enjoying my light performing schedule. I take

125 micrograms of thyroxine, and feel good, not too speedy,not too

sleepy.

I am glad to have convinced my reluctant family that this is the

right choice for me, and know that my mental health, and self esteem

are important right now. I also know that my next visit, the doc.

could say that the nodule has grown, and i#ll forfeit my gig and

have the surgery right away. all of this is complicated slightly by

the fact that i do my trapeze number with another american woman,

and she is very anxious about this all. i have a surgery date

already for sept.18th- 3 days after my job ends.

so, I mostly feel lonely and far away. i feel the isolation of

having this cancer growing inside me. also, very few people know,

and none of the other artists in the show. usually i know i#ll be

fine, but at times i worry that my decision to wait will result

badly.(although deep down i feel confident) It was great to read

that other people have gone through all of this. it will be weird

to be in germany, i only speak passable german...and technical

jargon?

Can people tell me what to expect about the actual surgery?

that is where i seem to focus my fear. I know i#ll sleep in the

hospital 3-5 days, but what about the actual wound...how big? will

it hurt to swallow? have peoples voices been affected? will i be

able to eat? needless to say, i want to work out as soon as

possible, and will practice yoga as soon and much as is wise....i

guess i#m reaching out, but please, i can#t handle too many lectures

about waiting on my surgery- it just makes me defensive. maybe

personal accounts would help. also , just to know that people

understand...thanks for reading the rambles...teresa