Re: I am new to this group and feel very much alone

November 22, 2004

Hello,

Welcome to the group. You may note a delay in your emails reaching the group for a little while. All new members are "Moderated" and emails must be approved. We try to get to them as quickly as possible..

We do know how you are feeling. It's a constant battle, and I hope that you have seen someone for pain management, someone who will aggressively treat the RSD. Has it stayed in your right arm?

You didn't mention where you are from, or your name. Please do so when you get a moment.. maybe someone from your area can recommend good Drs. for you!

Again, welcome. You are always free to vent here, that's what we're here for. This is a wonderful group of truly supportive and caring individuals.

Hugs,

Jo

November 22, 2004

Gale - I wish I could just drive over there and sit with you for a while. Welcome to the group. There's probably not a one of us here who hasn't had a time at 4AM when we felt like we had lost control of our world as we had previously known it and wondered how we would continue to manage each day. Re wishing you could cut off your arm (that's a no-no....wouldn't work anyway) Tricia and I affectionately refer to that as "chainsaw therapy." I'm sorry that you're hurting so much but know that you're no longer alone.

The folks here are terrific. Quite a few of us have even gone to great lengths to meet each other and perhaps, in time, you could get together with at least one of us. It helps to see that we are more than just words in an email.

FOr the past 13 years, like yourself, I have had RSD in my arm and hand and now, my lower leg on the same side. It's hasn't been easy but there have been lengthy periods of time on and off when my pain/symptoms have been reduced (crummy right now though). I'm not sure that you have to give up the idea of never working again. It may mean medication adjustments and such, but I believe it can happen. Up until 7 weeks ago when I had to take a medical leave of absence, I had worked very full-time. Once my meds have been squared away, I'm shooting to return to work around Christmas and will gradually look to increase my hours over time.

You've got a whole lot of other things going on right now too and that can make it feel like a feather landing on your shoulder would put you over the edge. Lean on us, take a moment each day to stay in touch, and in time you'll find this place to be a great source of support. Hey, you might even get to the point where you'll feel like you can give some support back to someone here but don't even worry about that for now. Just let us help you out. Go get yourself a cup of tea or whatever and sit yourself down and be prepared to ready the zillion of posts that you'll see each day. No need to respond to all of them (or any of them for that matter). Just let this group become your place. Barbaragaleweb wrote:

I am sitting here at 4 AM reading some of these posts and crying. I have felt so alone. I haved been living this nightmare for over 2 yrs. I was diagnosed with RSDS 6 months after carpal tunnel surgery. My symptoms appeared about a month after the surgery and I spent the next 5 months going from doc to doc trying to find out what was wrong with me. One doc got so frustrated with me that he tried to make me feel like this was all in my head. But it isn't, I hurt! I am currently on disability, a policy I bought thru my benefits at work. My carpal tunnel was work related. I fixed office equipment for 20 years using various hand tools. Now my employer is fighting the work comp. Their doctors are saying that I never had carpal tunnel in the first place. Apparently I had my wrist sliced open for the hell of it. My docs are the ones

who diagnosed my carpal tunnel and recommended surgery. My life has been hell since then. I don't blame the doc who did the surgery for this. I understand that RSDS is just something that happened. I am a little upset that it took them 6 months to figure it out and yet they are still not agreeing on it. I have concentration problems, which the docs say it not RSDS yet I read from these posts that it is common among the people here. I don't sleep, can't fall asleep sometimes, or wake up all the time. I manage my pain with Vicodin, it helps some but it never goes completely away. I have constant severe burning, electrical jolts, stabbing pain and spasms. I find that I mentally cut my right arm off and set it aside. I have tried various other meds but Vicodin seems to work the best. I have taken behavioral classes which have taught relaxation, physical therapy and coping skills. That has really helped. I see a therapist once a

month, just to vent. I am fighting to keep my disability and am also trying to get SS. I have lost my job and don't see how I can even work at all. I have a 10lb weight restriction and limited use of my right arm. I am right hand dominate, so that makes it real tuff. I get tired very easy. If I have a decent day, then I overdo it and then down for a couple of days. My husband is very supportive but he is worried about the monies. We don't know month to month if I will get a check. During all of this my husband had surgery for prostate cancer and retired. My step-son was diagnosed bi-polar. My blood pressure is high and my stress is right up there also. I know that I am rambling, but I feel like I am wearing out my friends and family with this and really need to communicate with people who know what I am going thru. People look at me, I don't have missing limbs or any obvious problem. How can I be disabled? People don't

understand what they can't see and they don't know how much I hurt, both physically and emotionally. I am so tired of this. I am stuck in the middle of the doctors and lawyers.I keep thinking I should go out and find a job. But who is going to give me a job where I can work when I want and not get upset if I am too tired and call in sick? I can't go back to my old job and I don't have a college degree to get something else. What I would like to do, I am not able to do. I would like to do something with computers but even trying this post is causing a flare-up in my arm. My lack of concentration is a real big problem. I leave the sotve and oven on. I am not comfortable driving somewhere I haven't been before. I tell my husband right when I mean left. I can't remember what I did yesterday. I use to have an excellent memory for numbers, no more. I got a PDA just to keep phone numbers, appointments and shopping lists. If I don't

write it down, I will never remember it. My life is a mess. The one good thing is that I have many good friends. I can count on them for anything. They have been there for both my husband and myself. I know I am not alone, but it feels like it when they don't really know what it is like to walk in my shoes.

November 22, 2004

>

> I am sitting here at 4 AM reading some of these posts and crying.

I

> have felt so alone.

Hey, Gale...

Please don't feel alone anymore. You've just been adopted by a new

and really cool family in this group. We have people who are

currently in major flareups and people (like me) who are in sort of

a semi-remissive state where the pain isn't so severe and every pain

level in between. We all support one another with shoulders to cry

on, daily prayers and good thoughts for each other, 24/7...I'm glad

to hear that you have a supportive spouse, that's a big plus. I

pray that your pain lessens and that the struggles that you and your

family are going through are erased!

Peace, love and pain relief!!!

Cliff

November 23, 2004

Hi Sheri, have wanted to write to you directly and cannot figure which email address I have is yours. Would you please send me your private email address.....mine is 2xhawks@...

Sheri how are you doing? I am sorry that have not kept up as sure wanted to. Had all sorts of plans and they all went right out the door in last couple months or so. Anyway, would appreciate your email address and since so far behind in emails just have no clue what has been going on with you. Take good care Sheri and know have you in my thoughts and prayers, now if can know which email address belongs to you will be doing well!!! Happy Thanksgiving my new friend.

Hugs

JoAnn

s Momma

PS and Gale to you wishing you a Thanksgiving that brings you hope, love and knowing how many on this digest have just been added to your friend list. Have good day Gale

JoAnn

s Momma

Re: I am new to this group and feel very much alone

Welcome to the group. I felt the same way you did before i found this group. I have had RSD for now 6 years. Two weeks ago was my 6 year anniversary. The people in this group are so friendly and are always here to listen. So once again welcome.

Sheri

galeweb wrote:

I am sitting here at 4 AM reading some of these posts and crying. I have felt so alone. I haved been living this nightmare for over 2 yrs. I was diagnosed with RSDS 6 months after carpal tunnel surgery. My symptoms appeared about a month after the surgery and I spent the next 5 months going from doc to doc trying to find out what was wrong with me. One doc got so frustrated with me that he tried to make me feel like this was all in my head. But it isn't, I hurt! I am currently on disability, a policy I bought thru my benefits at work. My carpal tunnel was work related. I fixed office equipment for 20 years using various hand tools. Now my employer is fighting the work comp. Their doctors are saying that I never had carpal tunnel in the first place. Apparently I had my wrist sliced open for the hell of it. My docs are the ones who diagnosed my carpal tunnel and recommended surgery. My life has been hell since then. I don't blame the doc who did the surgery for this. I understand that RSDS is just something that happened. I am a little upset that it took them 6 months to figure it out and yet they are still not agreeing on it. I have concentration problems, which the docs say it not RSDS yet I read from these posts that it is common among the people here. I don't sleep, can't fall asleep sometimes, or wake up all the time. I manage my pain with Vicodin, it helps some but it never goes completely away. I have constant severe burning, electrical jolts, stabbing pain and spasms. I find that I mentally cut my right arm off and set it aside. I have tried various other meds but Vicodin seems to work the best. I have taken behavioral classes which have taught relaxation, physical therapy and coping skills. That has really helped. I see a therapist once a month, just to vent. I am fighting to keep my disability and am also trying to get SS. I have lost my job and don't see how I can even work at all. I have a 10lb weight restriction and limited use of my right arm. I am right hand dominate, so that makes it real tuff. I get tired very easy. If I have a decent day, then I overdo it and then down for a couple of days. My husband is very supportive but he is worried about the monies. We don't know month to month if I will get a check. During all of this my husband had surgery for prostate cancer and retired. My step-son was diagnosed bi-polar. My blood pressure is high and my stress is right up there also. I know that I am rambling, but I feel like I am wearing out my friends and family with this and really need to communicate with people who know what I am going thru. People look at me, I don't have missing limbs or any obvious problem. How can I be disabled? People don't understand what they can't see and they don't know how much I hurt, both physically and emotionally. I am so tired of this. I am stuck in the middle of the doctors and lawyers.I keep thinking I should go out and find a job. But who is going to give me a job where I can work when I want and not get upset if I am too tired and call in sick? I can't go back to my old job and I don't have a college degree to get something else. What I would like to do, I am not able to do. I would like to do something with computers but even trying this post is causing a flare-up in my arm. My lack of concentration is a real big problem. I leave the sotve and oven on. I am not comfortable driving somewhere I haven't been before. I tell my husband right when I mean left. I can't remember what I did yesterday. I use to have an excellent memory for numbers, no more. I got a PDA just to keep phone numbers, appointments and shopping lists. If I don't write it down, I will never remember it. My life is a mess. The one good thing is that I have many good friends. I can count on them for anything. They have been there for both my husband and myself. I know I am not alone, but it feels like it when they don't really know what it is like to walk in my shoes.

November 23, 2004

Hi Sheri, have wanted to write to you directly and cannot figure which email address I have is yours. Would you please send me your private email address.....mine is 2xhawks@...

Sheri how are you doing? I am sorry that have not kept up as sure wanted to. Had all sorts of plans and they all went right out the door in last couple months or so. Anyway, would appreciate your email address and since so far behind in emails just have no clue what has been going on with you. Take good care Sheri and know have you in my thoughts and prayers, now if can know which email address belongs to you will be doing well!!! Happy Thanksgiving my new friend.

Hugs

JoAnn

s Momma

PS and Gale to you wishing you a Thanksgiving that brings you hope, love and knowing how many on this digest have just been added to your friend list. Have good day Gale

JoAnn

s Momma

Re: I am new to this group and feel very much alone

Welcome to the group. I felt the same way you did before i found this group. I have had RSD for now 6 years. Two weeks ago was my 6 year anniversary. The people in this group are so friendly and are always here to listen. So once again welcome.

Sheri

galeweb wrote:

I am sitting here at 4 AM reading some of these posts and crying. I have felt so alone. I haved been living this nightmare for over 2 yrs. I was diagnosed with RSDS 6 months after carpal tunnel surgery. My symptoms appeared about a month after the surgery and I spent the next 5 months going from doc to doc trying to find out what was wrong with me. One doc got so frustrated with me that he tried to make me feel like this was all in my head. But it isn't, I hurt! I am currently on disability, a policy I bought thru my benefits at work. My carpal tunnel was work related. I fixed office equipment for 20 years using various hand tools. Now my employer is fighting the work comp. Their doctors are saying that I never had carpal tunnel in the first place. Apparently I had my wrist sliced open for the hell of it. My docs are the ones who diagnosed my carpal tunnel and recommended surgery. My life has been hell since then. I don't blame the doc who did the surgery for this. I understand that RSDS is just something that happened. I am a little upset that it took them 6 months to figure it out and yet they are still not agreeing on it. I have concentration problems, which the docs say it not RSDS yet I read from these posts that it is common among the people here. I don't sleep, can't fall asleep sometimes, or wake up all the time. I manage my pain with Vicodin, it helps some but it never goes completely away. I have constant severe burning, electrical jolts, stabbing pain and spasms. I find that I mentally cut my right arm off and set it aside. I have tried various other meds but Vicodin seems to work the best. I have taken behavioral classes which have taught relaxation, physical therapy and coping skills. That has really helped. I see a therapist once a month, just to vent. I am fighting to keep my disability and am also trying to get SS. I have lost my job and don't see how I can even work at all. I have a 10lb weight restriction and limited use of my right arm. I am right hand dominate, so that makes it real tuff. I get tired very easy. If I have a decent day, then I overdo it and then down for a couple of days. My husband is very supportive but he is worried about the monies. We don't know month to month if I will get a check. During all of this my husband had surgery for prostate cancer and retired. My step-son was diagnosed bi-polar. My blood pressure is high and my stress is right up there also. I know that I am rambling, but I feel like I am wearing out my friends and family with this and really need to communicate with people who know what I am going thru. People look at me, I don't have missing limbs or any obvious problem. How can I be disabled? People don't understand what they can't see and they don't know how much I hurt, both physically and emotionally. I am so tired of this. I am stuck in the middle of the doctors and lawyers.I keep thinking I should go out and find a job. But who is going to give me a job where I can work when I want and not get upset if I am too tired and call in sick? I can't go back to my old job and I don't have a college degree to get something else. What I would like to do, I am not able to do. I would like to do something with computers but even trying this post is causing a flare-up in my arm. My lack of concentration is a real big problem. I leave the sotve and oven on. I am not comfortable driving somewhere I haven't been before. I tell my husband right when I mean left. I can't remember what I did yesterday. I use to have an excellent memory for numbers, no more. I got a PDA just to keep phone numbers, appointments and shopping lists. If I don't write it down, I will never remember it. My life is a mess. The one good thing is that I have many good friends. I can count on them for anything. They have been there for both my husband and myself. I know I am not alone, but it feels like it when they don't really know what it is like to walk in my shoes.

November 24, 2004

I did see an opthamologist. I was diagnosed with ocular migraines.

Apparently it is a migraine without the headache part, just the

vision part. Sound hoky to me. Never had it until the RSD showed

up.

Gale

> > Gale, this is JoAnn, I sign with s Momma under name as

> is my

> > daughter and she was diagnosed with RSD 8 years ago and was in

> very bad

> > shape for long time. She is still not very well. But I have

the

> Fibro so

> > severe that it alone makes me permantly disabled, then thought

> what the

> > heck, and 2 years ago was told have rsd now in right foot/ankle

> and try with

> > blocks to keep it from moving up which does enjoy making my leg

> numb to see

> > how scared I get and must admit I do get scared when that

happens.

> > I do not get on much anymore as where computer is hurts to

> much to be

> > on anymore so very frustrated as want to know how all are doing

> and be part

> > of the conversations. It is a big plus of getting my mind off

> and

> > myself.

> > You are one of the rare ones you know having family and

plenty

> of

> > friends all this time. Alot loose the majority of their friends

> with not

> > being able to get out with them, and over time the calls slow

down

> and the

> > asking if want to get together stops, so you are doing great

> having that

> > large a support system and very happy for you, know this must be

> such a

> > grand blessing you have each day.

> > Where do you live Gale? Always like to know, seems most on

> here that

> > write anyway, are in upper East Coast, so do we add you to that

> group also?

> > Fixing computers is a career would think you had to really

> keep up with

> > new changes made all the time, or did the components stay

> basically the

> > same? Have you had the blocks Gale, I do not know if you wrote

> about that

> > as at this time have 560 emails and wish the heck would take the

> time to get

> > them deleted.

> > My home email is

> > 2xhawks@s...

> > in case you would care to write me direct. Those I catch

fairly

> quick and

> > if you have Fibro, heart troubles, Chronic Fatigue along with

rsd,

> can help

> > you with those as the Fibro had now over 14 years. Hope you do

> not have it.

> > Last thing in my normal novels, the forgetting things is so

> normal. Do

> > not know any on here that do not find they are forgetful. Some

is

> the

> > disease, some is meds on. So you are very normal in this, don't

> kick

> > yourself about it, it just is part of all your going through.

> Sorry my new

> > friend your having to experience this, but am thankful you found

> this group

> > as will have great support from those who understand, and that

way

> not

> > having to try and explain the why's etc to family and friends.

> > Please take care and hope your day goes well.

> > JoAnn

> > s Momma

> > I am new to this group and feel

very

> much alone

> >

> > >

> > > I am sitting here at 4 AM reading some of these posts and

> crying. I

> > > have felt so alone. I haved been living this nightmare for

over

> 2

> > > yrs. I was diagnosed with RSDS 6 months after carpal tunnel

> > > surgery. My symptoms appeared about a month after the surgery

> and I

> > > spent the next 5 months going from doc to doc trying to find

out

> > > what was wrong with me. One doc got so frustrated with me

that

> he

> > > tried to make me feel like this was all in my head. But it

> isn't, I

> > > hurt! I am currently on disability, a policy I bought thru my

> > > benefits at work. My carpal tunnel was work related. I fixed

> > > office equipment for 20 years using various hand tools. Now my

> > > employer is fighting the work comp. Their doctors are saying

> that I

> > > never had carpal tunnel in the first place. Apparently I had

my

> > > wrist sliced open for the hell of it. My docs are the ones who

> > > diagnosed my carpal tunnel and recommended surgery. My life

has

> > > been hell since then. I don't blame the doc who did the

surgery

> for

> > > this. I understand that RSDS is just something that happened.

I

> am a

> > > little upset that it took them 6 months to figure it out and

yet

> > > they are still not agreeing on it. I have concentration

> problems,

> > > which the docs say it not RSDS yet I read from these posts

that

> it

> > > is common among the people here. I don't sleep, can't fall

> asleep

> > > sometimes, or wake up all the time. I manage my pain with

> Vicodin,

> > > it helps some but it never goes completely away. I have

constant

> > > severe burning, electrical jolts, stabbing pain and spasms. I

> find

> > > that I mentally cut my right arm off and set it aside. I have

> tried

> > > various other meds but Vicodin seems to work the best. I have

> taken

> > > behavioral classes which have taught relaxation, physical

therapy

> > > and coping skills. That has really helped. I see a therapist

> once a

> > > month, just to vent. I am fighting to keep my disability and

am

> > > also trying to get SS. I have lost my job and don't see how I

> can

> > > even work at all. I have a 10lb weight restriction and

limited

> use

> > > of my right arm. I am right hand dominate, so that makes it

real

> > > tuff. I get tired very easy. If I have a decent day, then I

> overdo

> > > it and then down for a couple of days. My husband is very

> > > supportive but he is worried about the monies. We don't know

> month

> > > to month if I will get a check. During all of this my husband

> had

> > > surgery for prostate cancer and retired. My step-son was

> diagnosed

> > > bi-polar. My blood pressure is high and my stress is right up

> there

> > > also. I know that I am rambling, but I feel like I am wearing

> out

> > > my friends and family with this and really need to communicate

> with

> > > people who know what I am going thru. People look at me, I

don't

> > > have missing limbs or any obvious problem. How can I be

disabled?

> > > People don't understand what they can't see and they don't

know

> how

> > > much I hurt, both physically and emotionally. I am so tired of

> > > this. I am stuck in the middle of the doctors and lawyers.I

keep

> > > thinking I should go out and find a job. But who is going to

> give me

> > > a job where I can work when I want and not get upset if I am

too

> > > tired and call in sick? I can't go back to my old job and I

don't

> > > have a college degree to get something else. What I would like

to

> > > do, I am not able to do. I would like to do something with

> computers

> > > but even trying this post is causing a flare-up in my arm. My

> lack

> > > of concentration is a real big problem. I leave the sotve and

> oven

> > > on. I am not comfortable driving somewhere I haven't been

> before. I

> > > tell my husband right when I mean left. I can't remember what

I

> did

> > > yesterday. I use to have an excellent memory for numbers, no

> more.

> > > I got a PDA just to keep phone numbers, appointments and

shopping

> > > lists. If I don't write it down, I will never remember it.

My

> life

> > > is a mess. The one good thing is that I have many good

friends.

> I

> > > can count on them for anything. They have been there for both

my

> > > husband and myself. I know I am not alone, but it feels like

it

> > > when they don't really know what it is like to walk in my

shoes.

> > >

November 25, 2004

Gale,

I know other people who have been dx with ocular migraines..in fact Tonia in this group has...she might be able to give you some information on this. I am glad you saw an opthamologist..but have you seen a neurologist about this? If not that's who i would be going to see next...Good luck...Ginnygaleweb wrote:

I did see an opthamologist. I was diagnosed with ocular migraines. Apparently it is a migraine without the headache part, just the vision part. Sound hoky to me. Never had it until the RSD showed up.Gale> > Gale, this is JoAnn, I sign with s Momma under name as > is my> > daughter and she was diagnosed with RSD 8 years ago and was in > very

bad> > shape for long time. She is still not very well. But I have the > Fibro so> > severe that it alone makes me permantly disabled, then thought > what the> > heck, and 2 years ago was told have rsd now in right foot/ankle > and try with> > blocks to keep it from moving up which does enjoy making my leg > numb to see> > how scared I get and must admit I do get scared when that happens.> > I do not get on much anymore as where computer is hurts to > much to be> > on anymore so very frustrated as want to know how all are doing > and be part> > of the conversations. It is a big plus of getting my mind off > and> > myself.> > You are one of the rare ones you know having family and plenty > of> > friends all this time. Alot

loose the majority of their friends > with not> > being able to get out with them, and over time the calls slow down > and the> > asking if want to get together stops, so you are doing great > having that> > large a support system and very happy for you, know this must be > such a> > grand blessing you have each day.> > Where do you live Gale? Always like to know, seems most on > here that> > write anyway, are in upper East Coast, so do we add you to that > group also?> > Fixing computers is a career would think you had to really > keep up with> > new changes made all the time, or did the components stay > basically the> > same? Have you had the blocks Gale, I do not know if you wrote > about that> > as at this time have 560 emails and wish the heck would take

the > time to get> > them deleted.> > My home email is> > 2xhawks@s...> > in case you would care to write me direct. Those I catch fairly > quick and> > if you have Fibro, heart troubles, Chronic Fatigue along with rsd, > can help> > you with those as the Fibro had now over 14 years. Hope you do > not have it.> > Last thing in my normal novels, the forgetting things is so > normal. Do> > not know any on here that do not find they are forgetful. Some is > the> > disease, some is meds on. So you are very normal in this, don't > kick> > yourself about it, it just is part of all your going through. > Sorry my new> > friend your having to experience this, but am thankful you found > this group> > as will have

great support from those who understand, and that way > not> > having to try and explain the why's etc to family and friends.> > Please take care and hope your day goes well.> > JoAnn> > s Momma> > I am new to this group and feel very > much alone> > > > > > >> > >> > >> > > I am sitting here at 4 AM reading some of these posts and > crying. I> > > have felt so alone. I haved been living this nightmare for over > 2> > > yrs. I was diagnosed with RSDS 6 months after carpal tunnel> > > surgery. My symptoms appeared

about a month after the surgery > and I> > > spent the next 5 months going from doc to doc trying to find out> > > what was wrong with me. One doc got so frustrated with me that > he> > > tried to make me feel like this was all in my head. But it > isn't, I> > > hurt! I am currently on disability, a policy I bought thru my> > > benefits at work. My carpal tunnel was work related. I fixed> > > office equipment for 20 years using various hand tools. Now my> > > employer is fighting the work comp. Their doctors are saying > that I> > > never had carpal tunnel in the first place. Apparently I had my> > > wrist sliced open for the hell of it. My docs are the ones who> > > diagnosed my carpal tunnel and recommended surgery. My life has> > > been

hell since then. I don't blame the doc who did the surgery > for> > > this. I understand that RSDS is just something that happened. I > am a> > > little upset that it took them 6 months to figure it out and yet> > > they are still not agreeing on it. I have concentration > problems,> > > which the docs say it not RSDS yet I read from these posts that > it> > > is common among the people here. I don't sleep, can't fall > asleep> > > sometimes, or wake up all the time. I manage my pain with > Vicodin,> > > it helps some but it never goes completely away. I have constant> > > severe burning, electrical jolts, stabbing pain and spasms. I > find> > > that I mentally cut my right arm off and set it aside. I have > tried> > > various other meds but

Vicodin seems to work the best. I have > taken> > > behavioral classes which have taught relaxation, physical therapy> > > and coping skills. That has really helped. I see a therapist > once a> > > month, just to vent. I am fighting to keep my disability and am> > > also trying to get SS. I have lost my job and don't see how I > can> > > even work at all. I have a 10lb weight restriction and limited > use> > > of my right arm. I am right hand dominate, so that makes it real> > > tuff. I get tired very easy. If I have a decent day, then I > overdo> > > it and then down for a couple of days. My husband is very> > > supportive but he is worried about the monies. We don't know > month> > > to month if I will get a check. During all of this my

husband > had> > > surgery for prostate cancer and retired. My step-son was > diagnosed> > > bi-polar. My blood pressure is high and my stress is right up > there> > > also. I know that I am rambling, but I feel like I am wearing > out> > > my friends and family with this and really need to communicate > with> > > people who know what I am going thru. People look at me, I don't> > > have missing limbs or any obvious problem. How can I be disabled?> > > People don't understand what they can't see and they don't know > how> > > much I hurt, both physically and emotionally. I am so tired of> > > this. I am stuck in the middle of the doctors and lawyers.I keep> > > thinking I should go out and find a job. But who is going to > give me> > > a job where I can

work when I want and not get upset if I am too> > > tired and call in sick? I can't go back to my old job and I don't> > > have a college degree to get something else. What I would like to> > > do, I am not able to do. I would like to do something with > computers> > > but even trying this post is causing a flare-up in my arm. My > lack> > > of concentration is a real big problem. I leave the sotve and > oven> > > on. I am not comfortable driving somewhere I haven't been > before. I> > > tell my husband right when I mean left. I can't remember what I > did> > > yesterday. I use to have an excellent memory for numbers, no > more.> > > I got a PDA just to keep phone numbers, appointments and shopping> > > lists. If I don't write it down, I will never remember it. My

> life> > > is a mess. The one good thing is that I have many good friends. > I> > > can count on them for anything. They have been there for both my> > > husband and myself. I know I am not alone, but it feels like it> > > when they don't really know what it is like to walk in my shoes.> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >

November 25, 2004