Re: Hello from a new member

[Guest guest]

>Hi, I am , mum to Rohan aged 11 weeks, and stepmum to Craig aged 3! I

>live with my husband Gareth near Luton,

Whereabouts are you ? I'm in Leighton Buzzard (soon to move to Eaton

Bray, nr Dunstable - fingers crossed)

Newsletter Editor, Leighton Buzzard & District NCT

SAHM to 19/9/97 and Caitlin 12/1/00.

Photo Album

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/AlbumIndex?u=697874&a=11513591

[Guest guest]

> Hi, I am , mum to Rohan aged 11 weeks, and stepmum to Craig

aged 3! I

> live with my husband Gareth near Luton, with three horses and a goat

(my

> other children!). I am on maturntiy leave from a large bank, but am

a

> registered childminder on the side. Next year (2002) I am hoping to

start a

> degree in Midwifery, but am still waiting to see if I have a place!

>

> I would love any advice regarding coping with stepkids and new

babies, as

> Craig is finding it difficult to share his Dad with both me and

Rohan. Also,

> any advice as to how long to leave between children. I want to have

the next

> one asap, but not if it will adversely affect baby Rohan.

Hi

I have just had a baby ( now 14 weeks) and also have a step-son

who lives with us. Luckily Dan really loves his new sister so we

haven't had any problems so far. Dan is 7 though so a bit older than

Craig. Does Craig live with you?

[Guest guest]

> Hi, I am , mum to Rohan aged 11 weeks, and stepmum to Craig aged 3!

Welcome to the list

My friend's son is called Rohan and your baby is the first time I've come

across the name elsewhere - my friend is Indian and I believe the name is

too?

> any advice as to how long to leave between children.

As you can see from my 'signature' I have a large age gap between my Ist and

2nd children and could recommend that 100% - sorry I know that doesn't

answer your question. I can let you know how 3.5 years works after

September!!

Jenni

(& Gethyn) 16.5yrs, Mari 3yrs (HB), Babi Bach exp.09/2001

P.S. Fingers crossed for the Midwifery course

[Guest guest]

> Hi, I am , mum to Rohan aged 11 weeks, and stepmum to Craig aged 3!

Welcome to the list

My friend's son is called Rohan and your baby is the first time I've come

across the name elsewhere - my friend is Indian and I believe the name is

too?

> any advice as to how long to leave between children.

As you can see from my 'signature' I have a large age gap between my Ist and

2nd children and could recommend that 100% - sorry I know that doesn't

answer your question. I can let you know how 3.5 years works after

September!!

Jenni

(& Gethyn) 16.5yrs, Mari 3yrs (HB), Babi Bach exp.09/2001

P.S. Fingers crossed for the Midwifery course

[Guest guest]

,

No Craig my stepson, doesnt live with us, he only stays every other week for

4 days, and spends most of his time with me, as his Dad works. Hes ok with

me, but as soon as dad gets home, he starts playing up, wont come near me,

cries, wets and poos himself etc....its really traumatic for all of us.

Seems to just want his dad all to himself, which just isnt possible!!

Telling him off doesnt seem to help, but how can you ignore a three year old

when hes weeing everywhere?

I really want to help him to feel happier about the whole situation, but dont

know how really, I just get cross!!

Congratulations on you new baby anyway!

[Guest guest]

What trousers are called Rohan...or have I completely lost the plot??? LOL

Someone said there is a rohan tree, but its spelt Rowan not Rohan, but

trousers...thats a new one!!! :>) :>D

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/16/01 1:54:05 PM GMT Daylight Time,

Kirsten@... writes:

<< Kirsten@... (Kirsten Boustred) >>

THanks for the advice, we havent really given Craig (stepson) time alone with

his Dad, we have been pushing the idea of the whole family being together, so

maybe its worth a try!!

I wish I had known how much hard work a stepson would be!! Still, hes really

cute most of the time!!

Thanks

[Guest guest]

Rohan and Rowan are the same name just from different origins. Rowan is

scottish I think and means the name of a tree, and Rohan is sanscrit meaning

" healing "

Rohan 11weeks

[Guest guest]

I know a little boy called Rohan, too. I always assumed he was named

after the trousers. ;-)))

Lesley

--------------

From: Jenni

> Hi, I am , mum to Rohan aged 11 weeks, and stepmum to Craig

aged 3!

Welcome to the list

My friend's son is called Rohan and your baby is the first time I've

come

across the name elsewhere - my friend is Indian and I believe the name

is

too?

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I have a step-son (6) and DS (nearly2). Dstepson was 4 when DS was

born and we have had a few problems with the sharing parent situation.

In the end we had to solve it by DH spending a couple of hours quality

time with DStepson and then explaining that the rest of the time was

to be shared with the whole family. Sounds easier said than done I

know, but it does get much easier as they get older, Since DS was

about 1yr we found that they could play together quite well, and DSS

loves teaching DS new things and helps him learn new words. DS now

hates DSS going home and cries so we are considering having the next

baby as a companion, playmate etc

Does your DSS live with you? if not how often does he stay? Shelby

stays every other weekend Fri evening-Sun 9am, and comes to visit on

the other Friday evening. This makes the coming and going hard work,

but worth it as the kids love each other very much. Funnily enough,

DSS has 4 other younger half siblings that live with him at home and

he fights incessantly with his younger brother there, but is good as

gold with our DS. We also find his behaviour with us better than at

home, something to do with change I suppose.

If you want to see lots of comments on age gap between children,

access the yahoo group coffee page and rifle through the messages,

about 3-4 weeks ago, I raised this question and received lots of

useful information from the other members.

Good to have another step mum on the list.

Kirsten

mum to almost 2, step-mom to Shelby 6.

Trainee ANT, memb-sec Woking and Knaphill.

Hello from a new member

>Hi, I am , mum to Rohan aged 11 weeks, and stepmum to Craig aged

3! I

>live with my husband Gareth near Luton, with three horses and a goat

(my

>other children!). I am on maturntiy leave from a large bank, but am

a

>registered childminder on the side. Next year (2002) I am hoping to

start a

>degree in Midwifery, but am still waiting to see if I have a place!

>

>I would love any advice regarding coping with stepkids and new

babies, as

>Craig is finding it difficult to share his Dad with both me and

Rohan. Also,

>any advice as to how long to leave between children. I want to have

the next

>one asap, but not if it will adversely affect baby Rohan.

>

>Anyway, thanks for reading,

>

>Bye

>

>

>

>

>*** NCT enquiry line - 0 ***

>

>Live chat http://www.yahoogroups.com/chat/nct-coffee

>

>Have you found out about all the other groups for the NCT online?

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I know a little boy called Rohan, too. I always assumed he was

named

> after the trousers. ;-)))<<

I know a little boy called Rowan. Is this the same or pronounced

differently? I always thought it was after the tree.

Lorraine

Mum to 10, Natasha 8, 5, ph 3

[Guest guest]

In article 95.aede2d7.2833d44c@...>, choneybeee@... writes

>What trousers are called Rohan...or have I completely lost the plot??? LOL

>

>Someone said there is a rohan tree, but its spelt Rowan not Rohan, but

>trousers...thats a new one!!! :>) :>D

Rohan are a manufacturer of outdoor-type clothing. One of the items for

which they are best known are Rohan bags, trousers specifically designed

for outdoor activities. See http://www.rohan.co.uk for more details!

HTH!

Cath

[Guest guest]

I feel for you! I sometimes have the same trouble with my step-son.

Is lovely when DH is out, but pushes his luck and basically acts up

the rest of the time. Unfortunately this then in turn misleads our DS

and they both behave badly. At times the only solution we have been

able to come up with is to cancel stays. As a very last resort saying

something like 'if you would like to come again, you must be a good

boy' usually does the trick.

Sound very harsh, but in your circumstances surely it cannot go on

like this, you put up with enough taking on another child. Many women

wouldn't!!!!!

Good luck

Kirsten

Re: Hello from a new member

>,

>

>No Craig my stepson, doesnt live with us, he only stays every other

week for

>4 days, and spends most of his time with me, as his Dad works. Hes

ok with

>me, but as soon as dad gets home, he starts playing up, wont come

near me,

>cries, wets and poos himself etc....its really traumatic for all of

us.

>Seems to just want his dad all to himself, which just isnt possible!!

>Telling him off doesnt seem to help, but how can you ignore a three

year old

>when hes weeing everywhere?

>

>I really want to help him to feel happier about the whole situation,

but dont

>know how really, I just get cross!!

>

>Congratulations on you new baby anyway!

>

>

>

>*** NCT enquiry line - 0 ***

>

>Live chat http://www.yahoogroups.com/chat/nct-coffee

>

>Have you found out about all the other groups for the NCT online?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi

You poor thing - that sounds really difficult to cope with! My Mum found

being a stepmum really difficult (though we were all much older) and got a

lot of help and information from a charity called Stepfamilies. I think

they're based in Cambridge, but you could try them...

Vicki

Re: Hello from a new member

> ,

>

> No Craig my stepson, doesnt live with us, he only stays every other week

for

> 4 days, and spends most of his time with me, as his Dad works. Hes ok

with

> me, but as soon as dad gets home, he starts playing up, wont come near me,

> cries, wets and poos himself etc....its really traumatic for all of us.

> Seems to just want his dad all to himself, which just isnt possible!!

> Telling him off doesnt seem to help, but how can you ignore a three year

old

> when hes weeing everywhere?

>

> I really want to help him to feel happier about the whole situation, but

dont

> know how really, I just get cross!!

>

> Congratulations on you new baby anyway!

>

>

>

> *** NCT enquiry line - 0 ***

>

> Live chat http://www.yahoogroups.com/chat/nct-coffee

>

> Have you found out about all the other groups for the NCT online?

>

>

[Guest guest]

choneybeee@... wrote:

> What trousers are called Rohan...or have I completely lost the plot??? LOL

>

> Someone said there is a rohan tree, but its spelt Rowan not Rohan, but

> trousers...thats a new one!!! :>) :>D

>

Rohan are a make of sports/outdoor pursuit trousers & clothes (often

those convertible to shorts type form before they were trendy) in

lightweight cotton & hi tech materials... aimed at walkers and travellers

hth

[Guest guest]

Rohan is a very popular make of outdoor wear.

The Rohan I know is pronounced 'Rowan' - which makes we wonder why

they didn't just call him Rowan. He has Down's Syndrome, so I can see

it might be a problem for him when he gets older and has to

communicate his name.

Lesley

----------

From: choneybeee@

What trousers are called Rohan...or have I completely lost the plot???

LOL

Someone said there is a rohan tree, but its spelt Rowan not Rohan, but

trousers...thats a new one!!! :>) :>D

[Guest guest]

> I really want to help him to feel happier about the whole situation,

but dont

> know how really, I just get cross!!

Do you think maybe 4 days is a bit over-whelming for him? I know it is

only every other week but it must still be very disruptive for a 3

year old to spend half a week in one place and half in another. Maybe

you need to cut down the days and let him have his Dad's full

attention for that time. Then when he feels more settled you can

increase the time spent with you again.

I have been really lucky with Dan. He used to visit every weekend and

we didn't have many problems. Then one day his mother decided she

didn't want him living with her anymore. He's lived with us ever

since. He does see his mum but not on a regular basis. We get on well

but I did find it hard to cope at first as I had no experience of

children whatsoever.

I hope you manage to sort things out. And when you get too stressed

this is a good place to come:-)

[Guest guest]

Sounds like this little boy is 'punishing' his dad for not being there

all the time. It also happens with children whose parents have gone

away for some time - my DD did it to me when I went away for two weeks

when she was 2.

He maybe needs to have some time exclusively with his father. A three

yr old is really too young to understand much about the concept of

sharing - lets face it, most of us adults would get pretty mad if our

other halves brought home a new woman and told us we had to share

him!!

Hope the situation improves soon.

Lesley

-----------

From: choneybeee@

,

No Craig my stepson, doesnt live with us, he only stays every other

week for

4 days, and spends most of his time with me, as his Dad works. Hes ok

with

me, but as soon as dad gets home, he starts playing up, wont come near

me,

cries, wets and poos himself etc....its really traumatic for all of

us.

Seems to just want his dad all to himself, which just isnt possible!!

Telling him off doesnt seem to help, but how can you ignore a three

year old

when hes weeing everywhere?

I really want to help him to feel happier about the whole situation,

but dont

know how really, I just get cross!!

[Guest guest]

,

yes I think four days is a bit overwhelming for him, and me!! But his mum

used to work shift work and we had him one day, then she had him a day or two

etc, and the poor kid was hauled across the county day in and day out and had

no strict routine. He seems better with this arrangement, and his mum likes

the break. Trouble is my husband works seven days so its me who has the bulk

of the looking after, and hes really happy with me and Rohan, the problems

only start when my husband gets home, and he wants all the attention. Its

really upsetting as he tells people he doesnt like me (I know he doesnt

understand what he is saying at three) sometimes, because I think he is

jealous that he has to share me with his dad, and now I have had a baby, he

seems to think I have done it just to take his dads attention away from him

even more!!

Still, hes a very loving child most of the time, I just dont want him to grow

up with problems like his dad, who went through terrible childhood with

fighting parents and divorce, and felt that noone cared about him. Now even

though he is nearly 30, he has barely a relationship with either parent, and

a massive insecurity problem! And as for my mother in law...well, where do I

begin!!! LOL............

Mum to Rohan 11 weeks

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks for that, it has helped, I think I definately think he is older and

more capable of understanding than he really is, if you see what I mean. I

dont understand relationships myself so I guess it is hard to expect a baby

to!

I feel a bit guilty now as I have sort of forced Rohan onto him in the hope

we can all be a nice family, when really SS needs more time to adjust and

needs reassurance from his Dad!

This parenting lark is bloody complicated at times!!!

Thanks again

sarah