Sharing your decision

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/21/01 7:05:34 AM Central Standard Time,

wannabemagic@... writes:

<< And why should they care what anyone

thinks? Why keep it a cheap dark dirty little secret when the truth

needs to be told over and over again. This surgery saves lives and

everyone needs to know. >>

In the case of telling my boss and the people I work closely with, I do not

plan to tell them. I am not ashamed, but I realize that people just do not

understand, for many different reasons. My boss would probably be hesitant

to give me time off from work because he would see it as an " elective "

surgery, and I do not need his scrutiny of my personal decision. So for that

reason, I don't think I will be completely honest with him. He is a tiny

little man who I am certain, would not understand. He and his whole family

are tiny little people. What could they possibly know about the pain of

morbid obesity? I am very emotional about this surgery and don't think I

could stand to hear negative and stupid remarks and questions. There is one

guy that I work with who is morbidly obese, a good friend. I will probably

tell him because I think he could be helped and he might understand. Problem

is, he will tell his father, who also works here, and then his father will

probably blurt it out in front of others, and then the whole thing blows up

in my face. I do not need this in my life right now! Again, I say it is a

personal decision who you share this with and of course if I think someone

would be helped by the information, I would share the information with them.

cindyw in MS

BMI - 55

Dr. Booth

waiting for ins. approval

[Guest guest]

Cindy,

I totally understand what you mean about telling people at work. I

am feeling the backlash of that now. I told a close friend at work,

and inquired with someone (at work) that had WLS surgery as well.

Initially when I informed my employer I was having surgery (non-

specific) they didn't have a completely negative reaction. However,

days later I was greeted and subject to open hostility with regard to

time that I might need off.....was this an " elective

procedure " ?.... " does your surgeon have any flexibility with regard

to the timing of this ? " and a continued emphasis on " what a bad time

this is for us " .

Granted, I got right up on my high horse and made it known, to the

powers (NOT) that be, that I am aware of my rights and obligations as

it pertains to FMLA, disability law etc, etc. With that said, who

needs the pressure? I had the week from hell and I didn't even

volunteer any specifics about the surgery. However, I am pretty sure

they are aware of the specifics and do not approve. Do they have to

approve, NO. But they sure as hell can make my life miserable. I

fully expect retribution down the road. So, I will do what I have to

and fight any battles I have to.

In the meantime, that is not the first negative reaction I received.

The same " friend " at work recently asked... " Why don't you have a

different procedure that won't take you away from work as

long? " ....what a friend huh? To think I would base a decision that

could impact the rest of my life on a few days of sick/vacation

time???? Or perhaps she wishes she had a good enough " excuse " to

possibly need a month off (that is exactly why I am looking forward

to strangers re-routiung my digestive system..for the time off!).

Another friend felt didn't even bother to comment on the matter

during a weekend visit to my home, even though it is first and

foremost on my mind (and tongue!). She did however email me later to

say how proud she is, how brave I am...and how we will be friends

forever (at no prompting from this end). I think that was for her

benefit more than mine, as perhaps she is afraid she will lose me as

a friend.

I also have the benefit of this process draggin out a heck of a lot

longer than I thought it would so the people who knew about my

preliminary research are adding their two cents about the time frame

(as if I wasn't aware of every second that goes by on this).

Yes, there are supportive people too, however I honestly wish I

hadn't told anyone. I don't need the hassle of the negative

responses, the pressure of the good intentioned or the ignorance of

the misinformed.

I am usually a very private person but sometimes I forget myself as I

think it is human nature to want to share in the good times and there

have been moments of awareness and happiness when I jump over these

processing hurdles.

I also agree with the notion of telling people who show an interest,

either in the topic for themselves or to support the WLS patient. I

would have reacted really badly a few years ago to someone who

suggested WLS for me. I had to be ready.

So I think each person has to walk this journey along their own path

taking whatever detours, short or long cuts necessary for themselves,

and certainly not be intimidated by others who claim to know what is

in the best interest of all. Of course that is just my humble ~~~.

Sondra

Pre-Op BPD/DS

w/Dr. Herron @Mt. Sinai/NYC

tentative (still!) 3/13/01

BMI 56

> In a message dated 2/21/01 7:05:34 AM Central Standard Time,

> wannabemagic@b... writes:

>

> << And why should they care what anyone

> thinks? Why keep it a cheap dark dirty little secret when the

truth

> needs to be told over and over again. This surgery saves lives

and

> everyone needs to know. >>

>

> In the case of telling my boss and the people I work closely with,

I do not /

> plan to tell them. I am not ashamed, but I realize that people

just do not

> understand, for many different reasons. My boss would probably be

hesitant

> to give me time off from work because he would see it as

an " elective "

> surgery, and I do not need his scrutiny of my personal decision.

So for that

> reason, I don't think I will be completely honest with him. He is

a tiny

> little man who I am certain, would not understand. He and his

whole family

> are tiny little people. What could they possibly know about the

pain of

> morbid obesity? I am very emotional about this surgery and don't

think I

> could stand to hear negative and stupid remarks and questions.

There is one

> guy that I work with who is morbidly obese, a good friend. I will

probably

> tell him because I think he could be helped and he might

understand. Problem

> is, he will tell his father, who also works here, and then his

father will

> probably blurt it out in front of others, and then the whole thing

blows up

> in my face. I do not need this in my life right now! Again, I say

it is a

> personal decision who you share this with and of course if I think

someone

> would be helped by the information, I would share the information

with them.

>

>

> cindyw in MS

> BMI - 55

> Dr. Booth

> waiting for ins. approval