Re: Best Comebacks

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for your comebacks!! you go girl! I definitely

wouldn't want to get in your face on any subject. Like I said the

month is going to go by and I am sure those few people in my life

will noticed me shrinking so I am going to have to use one of your

lines. I promise to post the response.

I truly believe the majority of the criticism comes from lack of

education. I just wish they would be honest and say what they really

feel. I finally told my cousin at lunch time that she had to stop

being so negative. She said , " I just don't want you to die " . I told

her I am 27 and 270 and climbing - I am dying. She began to cry. I

then told her if something did happen to me would she really want me

to leave this earth with us arguing or her standing beside me. I

think I turned her around.

Also Robin, you hit the nail on the head. I got married at 19, after

3 kids and 8 years of marriage - it is time I do something for me.

That comment brought tears to my eyes. This will be the most selfish

thing I do for myself - and damn it I am worth it.

Thanks to you all,

Vikki

[Guest guest]

I have read all about the comments from people about having the surgery.

I so far haven't told many, but the few I did I regretted telling.

My husband who is not really in favor of me having the surgery really got to me yesterday.

I told him I was going to get a membership to a gym next week and start doing water aerobics to somewhat prepare my body for surgery.

He said you never exercised up until now, and you won't now either. Man did that hurt.

I cried and cried. He has no idea how many years I have wanted to exercise but when you weight 300 lbs and everything on you aches how much exercise can you do?

And then he went into his typical crap of since he was a child, he ate in moderation and exercised and he has never had a weight problem and that is true we have been married for 15 years and he has always been thin.

He is so convinced that I am just not disciplined and am too lazy to exercise. When I was young before having 8 kids, I was very active and did alot of sports and exercise. But with each childbirth I gained more and more weight and got more and more depressed not to mention all the resonsibilities I have had ( I also had identical triplets 7 years ago). Man they have no idea what they do to you to imply that it is all your fault. And that is exactly what I have bought into now for 35 years. That it is my fault and that I am a total failure, and that I am not a normal person. I am so sick of being labeled that way. Since researching WLS I have been so comforted to know that maybe just maybe being morbidly obese is not my fault, but a genetic make up. After all my sister is MO and my mother is MO, so it does run in the family.

Well thanks for letting me go on and on and get this out, then after saying all of this my husband had the nerve to want to take me out to dinner for my birthday last night, I was refusing to go, but wound up going when friends of ours wanted to pay and take us out. Kathy

pre op

5' 6" 313 lbs

BMI 50.4

Wife and mom to 8

Consult with Dr. Elariny March 23

[Guest guest]

Kathy,

When you do this surgery, you indeed have to do it for yourself. It has been

a wonder for me. I can imagine how busy your life has to be with the family

you have to take care of. Having the surgery will totally lift the " having

to diet " thoughts and energies from you. I am so glad I lifted this burden

off of myself. I did not have any more energy to put into dieting or

exercising. Not that I don't exercise now. I try to go to the gym three

days a week. However, now it is for health. I am not obsessing about how

many calories the machines say I have expended. I am doing a moderate amount

that allows me to be healthy but does not wipe me out for the whole rest of

the evening. It is so refreshing to exercise just for health and not for the

idea of how many pounds it will help me lose. The surgery has totally done

the weight loss for me. Some may think this is not a good way of thinking,

but it has released me to put so much energy into other areas of my life

which are NOT food and food thoughts. This is also a reason I am glad I

found the DS because it seems many who have the RNY still have to think too

much about food.

Just my ramblings.

Dawn

Dr. Hess

4/27/00

267 to 169

size 22 to size 10 (even an occasional 8)

no more high blood pressure or sore feet!!!

[Guest guest]

This is also a reason I am glad I found the DS because it seems many who have the RNY still have to think too much about food.

Thanks Dawn for the advice concerning the reasons why to have the surgery.

I am so glad I am to the point in research where I am meeting real people and learning real life stories.

At first when I began reading about people I read so much about people getting very skinny. I started to think that was my main goal, to be really skinny. But I am realizing that I want to be healthy and that needs to be my goal. Reading everything about you all has really helped me to have the right prospetive on things.

Thanks for all the help and information.

Kathy

pre op

5' 6" 313 lbs

BMI 50.4

Wife and mom to 8

Consult with Dr. Elariny on March 23

[Guest guest]

Hang in there, you are not alone.

Thanks , I appreciate it. I realized last night how important this is to ME. and even if he was to have to be left behind, I would keep going for ME. For many years now I have put him and the kids first. I have been taught that if you concentrate on yourself it is selfish. Well even if it is, I am

going to do it now for me. So I told him exactly what you said, if he can't be positive and encouraging then stay out of it.

Kathy

pre op

5' 6" 313 lbs

BMI 50.4

Wife and mom to 8

[Guest guest]

The journey is not easy. The operation may, in fact, turn out to be the easiest part.

What truths you revealed here. It sounded so much like us, but I guess many relationships are like this.

I am going to stay focused on my goal, which is to take care of me and do all that I need to do to be healthy.

Thanks for all the thoughtful and insightful words you shared with me, it means alot.

Kathy

pre op

5' 6" 313 lbs

BMI 50.4

Wife and mom to 8

Consult with Dr. Elariny March 23

[Guest guest]

At 10:04 AM -0500 3/10/01, kathysyear2001@... wrote:

....

My husband who is not really in

favor of me having the surgery really got

to me yesterday.

.... he went into his typical crap of since he was a

child, he ate

in moderation and exercised and he has never had a

weight problem and that is

true we have been married for 15 years and he has always been

thin.

He is so convinced that I am just not disciplined and am too lazy

to

exercise. ... it is my fault

and

that I am a total failure, and that I am not a normal

person. ...then after saying

all of this my husband had the nerve to want to take

me out to dinner for my

birthday last night, I

Kathy, first of all, Happy Birthday!!!

Next, all of us need to understand that when we change, or

announce that we are about to change, in any way, we threaten those

with whom we have close relationships: family, SO's, friends, etc.

That is, because our traits, characteristics and behaviors mutually

determine the dynamics of the relationships. If the traits,

characteristics or behaviors change, then the relationships' dynamics

may change, and change is threatening to most people.

What if you were to become so thin and " attractive "

(not that you are not attractive now, but, in your hubby's mind, more

attractive to the average man in the street) that men might start

looking at you admiringly; or, your hubby would no longer be able to

control you based on your low self-esteem related to your obesity?

Most likely, hubby does not even realize that he may be having these

feelings. Most likely, he is just responding to a knee-jerk

feeling of loss of security because the status quo may be disrupted.

Many of us live in co-dependent relationships. We feel inadequate

in some way, and our significant other (SO) helps to perpetuate the

state that keeps us feeling inadequate because the SO nurtures his own

sense of inadequacy by reassuring himself of his control over us--and,

by the way, this is a mutual thing; we do the same thing with our SO.

It really takes two to tango. This is not a healthy

relationship. When both parties have self esteem and feel

secure, there is no need for this game-playing tug-of-war to go on.

You may want to look into a support group and/or counseling for

yourself and your hubby, because you will (both) need

support post-op to keep eating properly. This is a lifelong

journey. You cannot let hubby sabotage it post-op by pulling

your chain and telling you that you were born to be fat. And, you can

put weight back on if you do not eat properly.

The journey is not easy. The operation may, in fact, turn

out to be the easiest part.

I wish you the best of luck,

Steve

[Guest guest]

" My husband who is not really in favor of me having the surgery

really got to me yesterday. "

Kathy,

Next time your husband goes off on you like that.., just think about

this... some people of average size exercise and some don't and

maintain weight.. Your weight is not based solely on whether you

exercise or not. Its based on metabolism, genetics, and many other

factors - some within our control some not.

His body did not have to endure numerous pregnancies and the toll it

takes, the hormonal changes that tell your body to put on weight and

retain water monthly and especially when pregnant.

Obviously he is not with you on this... tell him to either keep his

feelings to himself as what you need right now is support and if he

cant find it in him to respect your decision to please not harp on it

as you are determined to do what you think is best for you. Its a

matter of saving your life. If he cant see that it takes courage to

make this decision and change in your life you will just have to

proceed without his blessings.

No one can really understand what we go thru.. So chalk it up to

ignorant insensitivity and maybe fear of the possible negative

consequences.

Let him tell you what a big mistake it was a year and a half from now

when you are 150 lighter, healthier and exercising ... that's if you

want to exercise! You will know it was the right thing, you don't

need anyone else to tell you that.

Hang in there, you are not alone.

mary

corona, ca

bmi 66

consult mar 29 dr rabkin san francisco

hoping for a DS/Lap

[Guest guest]

Kathy Dear One:

Take a deep breath and smile. Remember you are doing this for you and it is your choice not his, he doesn't live in that prison you lug around and although you love them and want to be around for them this isn't for your kids either, it is for you.

Do not allow his words no matter what he says to discourage you from the path you have started down. Go to the gym and take your pool classes, it is for you do it! Doesn't matter what he says think how big a step you are taking for yourself just taking that step on your journey.

If he can't say anything good or be supportive then tell him that you do not care to discuss the subject with him just as with anyone else, you have made your choice and the subject isn't open for debate, yes you will talk about your goals, hopes and dreams but will not listen to any negativity about your choice.

We are here to help and give support use us often.

Huggles,

Tiger

[Guest guest]

Kathy Dear One:

Take a deep breath and smile. Remember you are doing this for you and it is your choice not his, he doesn't live in that prison you lug around and although you love them and want to be around for them this isn't for your kids either, it is for you.

Do not allow his words no matter what he says to discourage you from the path you have started down. Go to the gym and take your pool classes, it is for you do it! Doesn't matter what he says think how big a step you are taking for yourself just taking that step on your journey.

If he can't say anything good or be supportive then tell him that you do not care to discuss the subject with him just as with anyone else, you have made your choice and the subject isn't open for debate, yes you will talk about your goals, hopes and dreams but will not listen to any negativity about your choice.

We are here to help and give support use us often.

Huggles,

Tiger

[Guest guest]

Kathy Dear One:

Take a deep breath and smile. Remember you are doing this for you and it is your choice not his, he doesn't live in that prison you lug around and although you love them and want to be around for them this isn't for your kids either, it is for you.

Do not allow his words no matter what he says to discourage you from the path you have started down. Go to the gym and take your pool classes, it is for you do it! Doesn't matter what he says think how big a step you are taking for yourself just taking that step on your journey.

If he can't say anything good or be supportive then tell him that you do not care to discuss the subject with him just as with anyone else, you have made your choice and the subject isn't open for debate, yes you will talk about your goals, hopes and dreams but will not listen to any negativity about your choice.

We are here to help and give support use us often.

Huggles,

Tiger

[Guest guest]

At 2:54 PM -0500 3/10/01, kathysyear2001@... wrote:

....

What truths you revealed here. It sounded so much like us, but I guess

many

relationships are like this.

Yes, but relationships CAN improve, if both parties want it to

and are willing to be honest and work toward improvement. And,

please don't refer to yours as a sick relationship; few relationships

are perfect, and most have ups and downs. Rather, consider that

neither of you probably learned the skills to to risk communicating

without fear from the depths of your beings with each other. It

takes practice. It takes trust (which needs time and lots of

risk on both sides to regain). It takes self-esteem and

self-love, on BOTH your parts. You have to be able to love

yourself before you can truly love another person.

I am going to stay focused on my goal, which is to

take care of me and do all

that I need to do to be healthy.

For now, that is the most important thing. You can only be

responsible for you and not for your husband. But, understand

that your husband may try to sabotage your efforts (as in inviting

you to go out for dinner to celebrate), and he probably won't

even realize what he is doing or why he is doing it. It's part

of the co-dependency, and you may have both learned its rules so well

that you aren't even aware of what you do to perpetuate it. But,

don't shut him out, either. That will only widen the gap between

you. And, that's the last thing that you need to happen at this

time. You may be angry. In fact, I'd venture that once you

decode the mysteries of what has been going on for years, you

will be angry. At him. At yourself. At your

parents... But, use the anger constructively as a source of

strength to rebuild relationships and not to tear them down.

Thanks for all the thoughtful and insightful words you

shared with me, it

means alot.

I am glad that you could listen. I laid some pretty heavy stuff

on you.

To be fair to your husband, the fear of change may involve

bogeymen like: fear of other men looking at you as a sex object (and,

even worse, his losing you to another man). Or, as others

pointed out, fear of losing you on the operating table or of your

having complications from the operation and his losing your

companionship that way, or of having to take care of an invalid for

the rest of your lives, or whatever... I have no idea what could

be going through your hubby's head. He may not either unless he

is willing to look inside and to share with you. A pastor or a

counselor might be of assistance, but only if you are both willing to

look inside and share scary feelings with each other. I hope

that you two can find a way to do this, or at least to get a running

start, before your surgery. It will surely help you both if you

do.

With high hopes for you both,

Steve

[Guest guest]

We are here to help and give support use us often.

Tiger,

I can't tell you how thankful I am for all the kind, loving and supportive words from everyone. I am overwhelmed that "strangers" would care about me so much. Your words were very much what I needed to hear.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs to all of my dear friends}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Kathy

pre op

5' 6" 313 lbs

BMI 50.4

Wife and mom to 8

Consult with Dr. Elariny March 23

[Guest guest]

We are here to help and give support use us often.

Tiger,

I can't tell you how thankful I am for all the kind, loving and supportive words from everyone. I am overwhelmed that "strangers" would care about me so much. Your words were very much what I needed to hear.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs to all of my dear friends}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Kathy

pre op

5' 6" 313 lbs

BMI 50.4

Wife and mom to 8

Consult with Dr. Elariny March 23

[Guest guest]

We are here to help and give support use us often.

Tiger,

I can't tell you how thankful I am for all the kind, loving and supportive words from everyone. I am overwhelmed that "strangers" would care about me so much. Your words were very much what I needed to hear.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs to all of my dear friends}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Kathy

pre op

5' 6" 313 lbs

BMI 50.4

Wife and mom to 8

Consult with Dr. Elariny March 23

[Guest guest]

Dearest Kathy:

Strangers???? We ain't no strangers!! We be friends and family! So I guess you will just have to get use to us! LOL

Glad I could help in the making you feel better department.

You remember just how strong a person it takes to do this!

Huggles,

Tiger Lake

Female

160 lbs. BMI 21.7

224lbs gone

165 1/2 inches gone

6' -- 53yrs young

Dr. Anthone@USC So. Calif.

Open DS

Surgery 1/13/99 384lbs BMI 51.21

Last Visit 4/20/99 315.5 BMI 42.07

7/19/99 274.8 BMI 36.64

9/03/99 259.3 BMI 34.54

10/04/99 252.4 BMI 34.02

10/25/99 231 BMI 32

12/17/99 217.5 BMI 30.2

01/19/00 211 BMI 28

02/20/00 195 BMI 26

04/08/00 182.9 BMI 25

06/07/00 160 BMI 21.7

01/08/01 164.3 BMI 21.7

Hernia repair on 06/07/00 Dr. Anthone

Tummy Tuck & Breast Reduction Dr. Downey

Total Weight Loss! 224.1lbs GONE!

Total inches lost 165!

http://www.duodenalswitch.com (our groups very own web site)

[Guest guest]

" . I have been taught that if you concentrate on yourself it is

selfish. "

What to they tell you to do in an airplane when there is a prolem and

the oxygen drops and you have kids? .... THEY TELL YOU TO PUT THE

OXYGEN ON YOURSELF FIRST.

You will be no good to anyone or yourself dead or crippled with a

stroke or severe co-morbidities... and besides, it is NOT selfish to

want to be healthy. You will be a better wife and Mom if you are a

happy healthy person. You should not feel guilty for deciding to do

what you think is best in trying to save your life.

Taking care of you first is just practical not selfish. If all you

thought about was yourself that is another matter... but doing what

you need to do to be a happy healthy person is only what's reasonable

and basic common sense.

Just remember the risk of dying and suffering severe health problems

is much higher than the risk of surgery.

You owe it to yourself to be healthy and happy... and you don't need

to defend that to anyone.

I know you know this yourself, but sometimes we just need to have

someone confirm it if our significant others cant!

hang in there,Remember:You're worth it~!

mary

[Guest guest]

I know you know this yourself, but sometimes we just need to have someone confirm it if our significant others cant!

Thanks your right. Today I joined the gym. I was so proud of myself. I haven't exercised regularly other than kids and housework in years. I did 12 laps at the pool, that is all I felt I could handle on my first day, but believe me that was DIFFICULT. I am sore, but good sore. Of course my husband wasn't happy about it, complained about the money, but I just kept telling myself that he will get used to it. I am trying to get a little big of exercise in before surgery so I get used to the discipline of going a few times a week.

Kathy

pre op

5' 6" 313 lbs

BMI 50.4

Wife and mom to 8

Consult with Dr. Elariny March 23

[Guest guest]

I'm proud of you too. You're worth it. We're all worth it.

Thanks Kim

Kathy

pre op

5' 6" 313 lbs

BMI 50.4

Wife and mom to 8

Consult with Dr. Elariny March 23

[Guest guest]

I am so proud of you getting to the gym and doing those laps.

You know one of my biggest struggles was how I would look with all those skinny people there, but I just didn't care. I figured I look alot worse to sit home and get bigger and more unhealthy.

Thanks .

[Guest guest]

> In a message dated 3/12/2001 6:20:02 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> waterlilys@a... writes:

>

> Thanks your right. Today I joined the gym. I was so proud of

myself...Of course my husband wasn't happy about it, complained about

the money, but I just kept telling myself that he will get used to

it. I am trying to get a little big of exercise in before surgery so

I get used to the discipline of going a few times a week.

> Kathy

> pre op

> 5' 6 " 313 lbs

> BMI 50.4

> Wife and mom to 8

> Consult with Dr. Elariny March 23

Dear Kathy,

I was married to a man who sounds much like your husband. I found

that they may gripe and make it difficult for awhile, but they

actually respect you more when you take care of yourself. I'm proud

of you too. You're worth it. We're all worth it.

Keep up the good work!

Kim G.

BMI 38

beginning insurance process

[Guest guest]

Kathy, that is Wonderful! I am so proud of you getting to the gym and

doing those laps. Excercise is so good for you on so many levels.

(now you can be a role model and get *me* back to the gym..) Way to

go!

Marietta, GA

Dr.

Waiting on Insurance Approval

BMI 40

> In a message dated 3/12/2001 6:20:02 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> waterlilys@a... writes:

>

>

> > I know you know this yourself, but sometimes we just need to have

> > someone confirm it if our significant others cant!

> >

>

> Thanks your right. Today I joined the gym. I was so proud of

myself. I

> haven't exercised regularly other than kids and housework in years.

I did 12

> laps at the pool,

>

> Kathy

> pre op

> 5' 6 " 313 lbs

> BMI 50.4

> Wife and mom to 8

> Consult with Dr. Elariny March 23

[Guest guest]

" Of course my husband wasn't happy about it, complained about the

money "

Interesting that he chose to think about the cost and not about how

this might your health... nevermind now much less the food bills will

be in the next year!

Now you know where he's at and where you're at, and now you know

what's important and what isnt.. you can put what he thinks about

your surgery in better perspective now. You can give his comments

thier proper due and file them away in thier proper place...the waste

bin.

mary

[Guest guest]

> In a message dated 3/12/2001 6:53:13 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> anagileadder@y... writes:

> > I am so proud of you getting to the gym and

> > doing those laps.

> You know one of my biggest struggles was how I would look with all

those

> skinny people there, but I just didn't care.

Renae,

You might not realize it, but not all of them are there to be

judgemental.. the first gym I joined, I was there 6 days a week,

faithfully. After I'd been there a while, maybe 2 months, I started

getting congrats on my dedication, & also lots of encouragement.. I

knew I was feeling better, but it was pretty cool to hear it from all

the muscled weightlifters, the trainers, the skinny women.. It boosted

my confidence a lot, & I stayed a regular there in the mornings until

I moved back to Texas.. I still miss that gym..

Hug & lotsa congrats!!

Liane

BMI 60

consult 3/21/01

Dr Dennis