Guest guest Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 It wasn't until I started competing only with me, setting goals that only I understood the meaning of, and then INTENTIONALLY celebrating (even if, at first, it felt a little foolish) that I started realizing just how much I *could* do that I never dreamed I could do. That's what a lot of my posts are about. You know what I did on Saturday, Sharon? I ran seven miles. I ran SEVEN FREAKING MILES! I didn't have a ticker tape parade when I was done, but I sure did a little victory dance in my head and my husband and I talked about how amazed we are at our own physical accomplishments. If you had said to me three years ago, " You are going to be a runner some day and you're going to be thin and healthier than you've ever been. " I would have thought you were completely nuts. So yeah, I celebrate because this lifestyle isn't always easy, but it is ALWAYS worth it. TORY, everything you said above fits me to a T! If I had to walk a mile right now, I would probably collapse with a heart attack, so yes, if someone told me I would ever be a runner, I would tell them they are nots! I think for me I wanted it more than I'd ever admit. I felt for a long time that to say I wanted to lose weight was to admit I had a problem, and if I didn't admit it then I didn't. But at the same time hated how I felt and how I looked and that I was " aging " right before my eyes. I hated that. Yes, I know some of that feeling. But do you what I had to do before losing a single ounce? I had to look long and hard and boldly into the mirror and say " I love you. I love your fat. I love those rumples. I love that hair and those eyes. I love that you are funny and your weight has nothing to do with that. I love the way your mind works, and your weight has nothing to do with that. I love everything about you. " Not sure I could ever do this, or at least mean it when I said it. Oh man that sounds SO cornball and it is, but it's amazing. Sharon, if your daughter came to you tomorrow and said " Mom, I am suffering and I need your help " you would drop everything and help her because you love her. She is of your flesh. She is a part of who you are. You would scale mountains, swim oceans, do anything for her. You'd even do things for her when you know it's best for her, but she doesn't want it. If she ballooned up, you'd still love her. If she made wrong choices, you might not love the choices, but you'd still love her. You have to be willing to love yourself as much as you love your daughter. You have to be willing to be tough on yourself when you need to be. No, I do NOT mean " cruel " to yourself. I know we're all tough on ourselves, but you need to be the " right " kind of tough. You wouldn't judge her, or mock her, or call her names, but you do that yourself. You need to love yourself enough to say right now, " Sharon, you are a valuable, wonderful and I love you. Because I love you I will not ever allow you be abused by anyone, including me. I will not allow you to be intentionally hurt by anyone, including me. I will celebrate all of the wonderful things about you. I will love you like I love my daughter, and like you NEED to be loved. " . I was hurt beyond belief. My mother does not love me the way I am. Ouch. I was so angry and hurt...I can't even put into words. Anyhow, the more I dealt with that, the angrier I got. I wasn't " less " than my siblings (who are all thin and beautiful, wouldn't you just know) because I was fat! How dare she not love me for who I am! How DARE she! ...and then I realized... There is nothing like unconditional love, huh? I believe my husband is the first person in my life -- that I consider, anyway - who loved me from the beginning for ME, not my outer shell. I was asking her to do something I was not willing to do for myself. I was asking her to love me the way I am. I did not love me the way I was. That was when I started down this sort of " road of self discovery " . I had to learn to love me fat, thin, tall, short, whatever. It wasn't until I was " there " that I was able to find success with weight loss. For me, that was the road I needed to take. Your road might be different, but I sense so much self loathing in your posts and it makes me sad. Not because I think you're pathetic, but because you're just like me a few years back and I know how much it hurts. Yes Tory, I know I am a very loving, giving person, etc. but I treat 'ME' worse than anyone. Yes, it makes me FURIOUS to eat myself into such stupors that I wuold actually regain over a 100 pounds THREE Times. Must be a slow learner!!! It does hurt but I am trying to get to the point I won't let it hurt anymore, especially ignorant comments from ignorant people - - - just like you said about your double chin. Know what I have always HATED hearing all my life? People telling me I have 'such a pretty face'! I HATE that phrase. Either a person is pretty or else they aren't, it isn't just the FACE! As for your father-in-law, you have given him power for 15 years. People like that are so small minded and say such hurtful things, that they don't even begin to keep track of them. He'll never feel the shame HE should feel over what he said to this child. You need to let the shame and anger go because it's only eating YOU up inside. It is doing nothing to him, I guarantee that. Take that power back and when you go to visit be gracious but look at him with a look that says, " You can never hurt me again, you sorry sad man. " Take care of yourself, Sharon...and I don't mean that lightly. I mean you need to put you first and take care of you...period. Tory Thanks for taking the time to write this Tory! I needed to hear everything you said! I read the self-help books, etc. but I know I need to start not just reading, but doing the work they tell one to do - on myself. Bless you, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 24, 2004 Report Share Posted June 24, 2004 You're welcome Sharon. My husband is also the first person who I felt loved me unconditionally. He's the best guy in the world! > Re: Tory > > > > > It wasn't until I started competing only with me, setting > goals that only I > understood the meaning of, and then INTENTIONALLY > celebrating (even if, at > first, it felt a little foolish) that I started realizing > just how much I > *could* do that I never dreamed I could do. That's what a > lot of my posts > are about. You know what I did on Saturday, Sharon? I ran > seven miles. I ran > SEVEN FREAKING MILES! I didn't have a ticker tape parade > when I was done, > but I sure did a little victory dance in my head and my > husband and I talked > about how amazed we are at our own physical > accomplishments. If you had said > to me three years ago, " You are going to be a runner some > day and you're > going to be thin and healthier than you've ever been. " I > would have thought > you were completely nuts. So yeah, I celebrate because this > lifestyle isn't > always easy, but it is ALWAYS worth it. TORY, everything > you said above fits > me to a T! If I had to walk a mile right now, I would > probably collapse with a > heart attack, so yes, if someone told me I would ever be a > runner, I would tell > them they are nots! > > > > I think for me I wanted it more than I'd ever admit. I felt > for a long time > that to say I wanted to lose weight was to admit I had a > problem, and if I > didn't admit it then I didn't. But at the same time hated > how I felt and how > I looked and that I was " aging " right before my eyes. I > hated that. Yes, I know > some of that feeling. > > But do you what I had to do before losing a single ounce? I > had to look long > and hard and boldly into the mirror and say " I love you. I > love your fat. I > love those rumples. I love that hair and those eyes. I love > that you are > funny and your weight has nothing to do with that. I love > the way your mind > works, and your weight has nothing to do with that. I love > everything about > you. " Not sure I could ever do this, or at least mean it > when I said it. > > Oh man that sounds SO cornball and it is, but it's amazing. > Sharon, if your > daughter came to you tomorrow and said " Mom, I am suffering > and I need your > help " you would drop everything and help her because you > love her. She is of > your flesh. She is a part of who you are. You would scale > mountains, swim > oceans, do anything for her. You'd even do things for her > when you know it's > best for her, but she doesn't want it. If she ballooned up, > you'd still love > her. If she made wrong choices, you might not love the > choices, but you'd > still love her. > > You have to be willing to love yourself as much as you love > your daughter. > You have to be willing to be tough on yourself when you > need to be. No, I do > NOT mean " cruel " to yourself. I know we're all tough on > ourselves, but you > need to be the " right " kind of tough. You wouldn't judge > her, or mock her, > or call her names, but you do that yourself. You need to > love yourself > enough to say right now, " Sharon, you are a valuable, > wonderful and I love > you. Because I love you I will not ever allow you be abused > by anyone, > including me. I will not allow you to be intentionally hurt > by anyone, > including me. I will celebrate all of the wonderful things > about you. I will > love you like I love my daughter, and like you NEED to be loved. " > . > I was hurt beyond belief. My mother does not love me the > way I am. Ouch. I > was so angry and hurt...I can't even put into words. > Anyhow, the more I > dealt with that, the angrier I got. I wasn't " less " than my > siblings (who > are all thin and beautiful, wouldn't you just know) because > I was fat! How > dare she not love me for who I am! How DARE she! > > ...and then I realized... There is > nothing like unconditional love, huh? I believe my husband > is the first person in my life > -- that I consider, anyway - who loved me from the > beginning for ME, not my outer shell. > > I was asking her to do something I was not willing to do > for myself. I was > asking her to love me the way I am. I did not love me the > way I was. > > That was when I started down this sort of " road of self > discovery " . I had to > learn to love me fat, thin, tall, short, whatever. It > wasn't until I was > " there " that I was able to find success with weight loss. > For me, that was > the road I needed to take. Your road might be different, > but I sense so much > self loathing in your posts and it makes me sad. Not > because I think you're > pathetic, but because you're just like me a few years back > and I know how > much it hurts. > Yes Tory, I know I am a very loving, > giving person, etc. but I treat 'ME' worse than > anyone. Yes, it makes me FURIOUS to > eat myself into such stupors that I wuold actually > regain over a 100 pounds THREE > Times. Must be a slow learner!!! It does hurt but I am > trying to get to the point I won't > let it hurt anymore, especially ignorant comments from > ignorant people - - - just like you > said about your double chin. Know what I have always > HATED hearing all my life? People > telling me I have 'such a pretty face'! I HATE that > phrase. Either a person is pretty > or else they aren't, it isn't just the FACE! > > As for your father-in-law, you have given him power for 15 > years. People > like that are so small minded and say such hurtful things, > that they don't > even begin to keep track of them. He'll never feel the > shame HE should feel > over what he said to this child. You need to let the shame > and anger go > because it's only eating YOU up inside. It is doing nothing > to him, I > guarantee that. Take that power back and when you go to > visit be gracious > but look at him with a look that says, " You can never hurt > me again, you > sorry sad man. " > > Take care of yourself, Sharon...and I don't mean that > lightly. I mean you > need to put you first and take care of you...period. > > Tory > Thanks for taking the time to write > this Tory! I needed to hear everything you said! I read the > self-help books, etc. but I know I need to start not just > reading, but doing the work they tell one to do - on myself. > Bless you, > Sharon > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 24, 2004 Report Share Posted June 24, 2004 I read blogs and websites by women who were comfortable in their own bodies, fat or thin. It was really interesting! Tory: Would you write me personally & let me know where I can find blogs & websites such as you read; I've no idea where to look. Thanks, Sharon H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 25, 2004 Report Share Posted June 25, 2004 Tory, I would also like to know these sites too! Thanks, Kim from WI -- Re: TORY I read blogs and websites by women who were comfortable in their own bodies, fat or thin. It was really interesting! Tory: Would you write me personally & let me know where I can find blogs & websites such as you read; I've no idea where to look. Thanks, Sharon H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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