Re: Re: TORY & OTHERS

[Guest guest]

I read this and I was just wondering how does a person start loving

themselves?

Please let me know how as I have been struggling with this a long time?

Thanks,

Kim

-- Re: TORY & OTHERS

I have lost and kept off 100 pounds, but it wasn't until I stopped hating

myself and aiming my barbs and arrows at myself that I was able to do it and

do it right. See there was no value in Tory. She was a loser. She was fat.

She was disgusting. She wasn't worth the effort it took to take off weight,

much less keep it off. My aunt gave me some pictures of me from high school

this weekend and I looked at that beautiful, thin girl and remembered that

in my mind's eye I was FAT FAT FAT and ugly and worthless. You know Tory,

you sound just like me.

In high school I dieted all the way through, always thought I was so fat &

therefore, I was a shy little

wallflower. I was recently going through some pictures & I saw one of me in

my graduation dress - - - and

I wasn't even overweight!!!! & yet I had wasted all my H.S. years thinking I

was FAT & not worth much. Wow,

how one's eye can deceive us sometimes, huh?

It almost kills me to admit that because I've always wanted to exude self

confidence, but I didn't. I didn't feel worthy of so many things. I was the

" loser " of the family and I put myself in that spot, because I was fat. I

practically BEGGED for friendship and attention from inappropriate people,

because I was fat. I didn't think I should even try to accomplish certain

things I yearned for, because I was fat. You are writing my STORY,

especially about wanting to exude the self confidence, be so at peace with

myself, everyone around love & like me, yada, yada

I hear that same thing in your post. You are angry with yourself and you

just want to scream. You know the MECHANICS of weight loss. We all do. Eat

less, move more, lose weight...easy. But the psychology of weight loss goes

SO much deeper. SCREAM is exactly what I wanted to do when I wrote that

post. I didn't even bother to reread what I had posted, but wondered about

it later & thought oh no, did I say something that will make someone mad?

That is why when I went to bed, I talked to my husband only a minute, then

abruptly turned & said good night. I was afraid if I said anything else I

would start screaming, plus I had nothing else to say, which is unusual for

me. lol

First you have to believe you're worth it.

You have to believe you can do it.

You have to love yourself so fiercely that you can't NOT do it because

taking care of your body is an act of self love.

Then you come here and you say " Help! I need support and SOMEONE will be

there for you. I promise. "

As for posts about running and weight loss...hey, that's what I need. I need

to be able to say to people who UNDERSTAND what it's like to go from 222

pounds to making goal " I ran three miles today! " because you know what?

People who have always been thin and athletic don't understand one bit what

a miracle it is to me Tory, when I posted, I will admit I didn't realize the

value of you being

able to post about your successes. Just from reading what you have said

tonight though, I can see

exactly why you are so excited. I would be excited about walking even a

mile right now!

And you know what? Someone who is

new and struggling will read that and

think, " Wow, I so admire Sharon. OR, else saying 'I sure wish she would shut

up' because Tory, as I said, I

never gave any thought to how one feels about doing something for the first

time in their life. I know now I

would be full of exhiliration & want to share too.

Tory, I really want to offer you my heartfelt 'THANKS' for your posts

tonight. They have meant something to me,

they have touched me, I appreciate you taking your time to encourage me & I

really relate with a lot of what you

said.

Bless you,

Sharon

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tory, when I posted, I will admit I

> didn't realize the value of you being able to post about your

> successes. Just from reading what you have said tonight

> though, I can see exactly why you are so excited. I would be

> excited about walking even a mile right now! And you know

> what? Someone who is

That's okay. You're working through some stuff right now and I understand

that.

The first time I ran a very very slow mile, I cried. Remember " having " to

run a mile in PE as a kid? It was torture and I hated it. To actually

intentionally run a mile was such a personal victory to me. But someone who

has always been an athlete would say " Big flapping deal! " They don't get

what's it's like to have so little body confidence that you don't even TRY

to exercise because you are afraid you'll fail and make a fool of yourself.

> new and struggling will read that and

> think, " Wow, I so admire Sharon. OR, else saying 'I sure wish

> she would shut up' because Tory, as I said, I never gave any

> thought to how one feels about doing something for the first

> time in their life. I know now I would be full of

> exhiliration & want to share too.

Please do! Share ALL of your victories. I think that's the best part of this

group because when we need help, we can reach out...but sometimes when we

need help and don't realize it because we're being our own worst enemies, a

post that says " Hey I did Curves today for the first time and it was

awesome! " might give us the confidence to give it a try. I know I tried

running because someone on one of my mailing lists was doing it and I was

thinking, " Well if she can do it, I can at least try it. "

> Tory, I really want to offer you my heartfelt 'THANKS'

> for your posts tonight. They have meant something to me,

> they have touched me, I appreciate you taking your time to

> encourage me & I really relate with a lot of what you

> said.

You're very welcome Sharon! That's what we're all here for.

[Guest guest]

That is so true Tory!!

My leader was saying yesterday that is the great thing about

meetings....everyone there..leader, weigher, members...all understand the

different struggles that others are having. That is the only place that someone

will give you a pat on the back and really be excited when you say ....I went

for a walk, etc.

Maureen

RE: Re: TORY & OTHERS

Tory, when I posted, I will admit I

> didn't realize the value of you being able to post about your

> successes. Just from reading what you have said tonight

> though, I can see exactly why you are so excited. I would be

> excited about walking even a mile right now! And you know

> what? Someone who is

That's okay. You're working through some stuff right now and I understand

that.

The first time I ran a very very slow mile, I cried. Remember " having " to

run a mile in PE as a kid? It was torture and I hated it. To actually

intentionally run a mile was such a personal victory to me. But someone who

has always been an athlete would say " Big flapping deal! " They don't get

what's it's like to have so little body confidence that you don't even TRY

to exercise because you are afraid you'll fail and make a fool of yourself.

> new and struggling will read that and

> think, " Wow, I so admire Sharon. OR, else saying 'I sure wish

> she would shut up' because Tory, as I said, I never gave any

> thought to how one feels about doing something for the first

> time in their life. I know now I would be full of

> exhiliration & want to share too.

Please do! Share ALL of your victories. I think that's the best part of this

group because when we need help, we can reach out...but sometimes when we

need help and don't realize it because we're being our own worst enemies, a

post that says " Hey I did Curves today for the first time and it was

awesome! " might give us the confidence to give it a try. I know I tried

running because someone on one of my mailing lists was doing it and I was

thinking, " Well if she can do it, I can at least try it. "

> Tory, I really want to offer you my heartfelt 'THANKS'

> for your posts tonight. They have meant something to me,

> they have touched me, I appreciate you taking your time to

> encourage me & I really relate with a lot of what you

> said.

You're very welcome Sharon! That's what we're all here for.

[Guest guest]

Well Kim, I think it depends on the person. What I did was I tried to accept

myself as a fat woman, just the way I was. I mean what if I'd never lost a

pound? Would I not still be as valid? Smart? Funny? Valuable? Of course! So

I started finding things that sent the message that you could love yourself

at any size. I read a book called " Self Esteem at Any Size " and another one

called " Fat?So! " and then I read Cameron Maneheim's book, " Wake Up! I'm

Fat! "

I learned to listen to the messages I was sending myself. I remember

specifically thinking one day, " Well if we had had children, I'd make sure

we were eating right, exercising as a family, and really would work on our

health. "

Then I realized how ridiculous that was...that I was saying, in essence, " If

I had a child I would love that child enough to make sure he/she lived a

healthy lifestyle, but since I don't I guess I'm not worth the same

consideration. "

I also listened to myself just say horrible things and my mind kept going

back to that " if I had children " thing. If I had children, what would I do

to someone who said such vile things to them as I said to myself? If I had

children, would I allow them to eat junk food and sit in front of the TV all

of the time? If I had children what things would I want to do with them? (I

can't have children, so I wonder if somehow in the back of my mind I let

that be part of an excuse to stay unhealthy.) I realized that I needed to

treat myself with the same, respect, and nurturing that I would if I were my

own child.

I also completely stopped all negative self talk. That was HARD because

let's face it, we do that to ourselves all the time! No way was I going to

allow that to continue. I got in this habit of listening to my self talk and

if I " heard " myself start to form a negative thought aimed at me, I

immediately kind of " Yelled " in my head " No! Stop! " and I'd reframe that

thought. So if it was, " Oh good heavens you are a fat pig " (which I would

think often) I would rephrase, " Oh you are looking very nice this morning.

Are you doing the best you can do with what you have today? Great! "

Sometimes I would force myself to look in the mirror and form positive

thoughts; " You have beautiful eyes, lovely hair, and a balanced body. " Oh it

was BRUTAL sometimes trying to make myself do that, and I tried not to lie

to myself. We all have wonderful aspects of ourselves that we can capitalize

on.

I read blogs and websites by women who were comfortable in their own bodies,

fat or thin. It was really interesting!

I also dressed neatly, always did my hair and makeup even if I wasn't going

out, and made sure that I was literally doing the very best with what I had

on any given day. Oh, and I put up two full length mirrors in my bedroom. It

was difficult to look into those sometimes, but I think it needed to be

done. On my fat days, it revealed that I really wasn't nearly as bad as I

thought I was. On my delusional days it allowed me to see the real me. As I

lost weight it allowed me to see the weight loss.

I don't know if that kind of stuff would work for you. We're all different,

but it did for me. Some people might need to see a counselor. Others can

work through it on their own. I don't think it matters how you come to it,

but just that you DO.

> Re: TORY & OTHERS

>

>

> I have lost and kept off 100 pounds, but it wasn't until I

> stopped hating myself and aiming my barbs and arrows at

> myself that I was able to do it and do it right. See there

> was no value in Tory. She was a loser. She was fat. She was

> disgusting. She wasn't worth the effort it took to take off

> weight, much less keep it off. My aunt gave me some pictures

> of me from high school this weekend and I looked at that

> beautiful, thin girl and remembered that

> in my mind's eye I was FAT FAT FAT and ugly and worthless.

> You know Tory,

> you sound just like me.

> In high school I dieted all the way through, always thought I

> was so fat & therefore, I was a shy little wallflower. I was

> recently going through some pictures & I saw one of me in my

> graduation dress - - - and I wasn't even overweight!!!! & yet

> I had wasted all my H.S. years thinking I was FAT & not worth

> much. Wow, how one's eye can deceive us sometimes, huh?

>

> It almost kills me to admit that because I've always wanted

> to exude self confidence, but I didn't. I didn't feel worthy

> of so many things. I was the " loser " of the family and I put

> myself in that spot, because I was fat. I practically BEGGED

> for friendship and attention from inappropriate people,

> because I was fat. I didn't think I should even try to

> accomplish certain

> things I yearned for, because I was fat. You are writing my STORY,

> especially about wanting to exude the self confidence, be so

> at peace with myself, everyone around love & like me, yada, yada

>

> I hear that same thing in your post. You are angry with

> yourself and you just want to scream. You know the MECHANICS

> of weight loss. We all do. Eat less, move more, lose

> weight...easy. But the psychology of weight loss goes

> SO much deeper. SCREAM is exactly what I wanted to do when

> I wrote that

> post. I didn't even bother to reread what I had posted, but

> wondered about it later & thought oh no, did I say something

> that will make someone mad?

> That is why when I went to bed, I talked to my husband only a

> minute, then abruptly turned & said good night. I was afraid

> if I said anything else I would start screaming, plus I had

> nothing else to say, which is unusual for me. lol

>

> First you have to believe you're worth it.

> You have to believe you can do it.

> You have to love yourself so fiercely that you can't NOT do

> it because taking care of your body is an act of self love.

>

>

> Then you come here and you say " Help! I need support and

> SOMEONE will be there for you. I promise. "

>

> As for posts about running and weight loss...hey, that's what

> I need. I need to be able to say to people who UNDERSTAND

> what it's like to go from 222 pounds to making goal " I ran

> three miles today! " because you know what? People who have

> always been thin and athletic don't understand one bit what a

> miracle it is to me Tory, when I posted, I will admit I

> didn't realize the value of you being able to post about your

> successes. Just from reading what you have said tonight

> though, I can see exactly why you are so excited. I would be

> excited about walking even a mile right now! And you know

> what? Someone who is

>

> new and struggling will read that and

> think, " Wow, I so admire Sharon. OR, else saying 'I sure wish

> she would shut up' because Tory, as I said, I never gave any

> thought to how one feels about doing something for the first

> time in their life. I know now I would be full of

> exhiliration & want to share too.

>

> Tory, I really want to offer you my heartfelt 'THANKS'

> for your posts tonight. They have meant something to me,

> they have touched me, I appreciate you taking your time to

> encourage me & I really relate with a lot of what you

> said.

> Bless you,

> Sharon

>

>

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tory,

There is nothing that I can write to tell you how much I appreciate your

advise! As I sit here I have tears running down my face, I guess when they

say the truth hurts it really does. I don't know if it makes any different

to you, but I am going to do some of your suggestion and pray with me that

I too some day will love me! Oh, I have three children and one is on his own

and my daughter graduate (my best friend) this past month and she is on her

way to Madison for school this August and my baby son is 16 so what you were

talking about having a child and treating them as well as I possible can,

hit home too me. If I have treated them the best I know how, well then I

think it is my turn to start loving me. I have a very support husband almost

20 years for us so this helps too and he is always trying to help me too!

Sorry I babbled on!!

Thanks once again!

Kim from WI.

-- Re: TORY & OTHERS

>

>

> I have lost and kept off 100 pounds, but it wasn't until I

> stopped hating myself and aiming my barbs and arrows at

> myself that I was able to do it and do it right. See there

> was no value in Tory. She was a loser. She was fat. She was

> disgusting. She wasn't worth the effort it took to take off

> weight, much less keep it off. My aunt gave me some pictures

> of me from high school this weekend and I looked at that

> beautiful, thin girl and remembered that

> in my mind's eye I was FAT FAT FAT and ugly and worthless.

> You know Tory,

> you sound just like me.

> In high school I dieted all the way through, always thought I

> was so fat & therefore, I was a shy little wallflower. I was

> recently going through some pictures & I saw one of me in my

> graduation dress - - - and I wasn't even overweight!!!! & yet

> I had wasted all my H.S. years thinking I was FAT & not worth

> much. Wow, how one's eye can deceive us sometimes, huh?

>

> It almost kills me to admit that because I've always wanted

> to exude self confidence, but I didn't. I didn't feel worthy

> of so many things. I was the " loser " of the family and I put

> myself in that spot, because I was fat. I practically BEGGED

> for friendship and attention from inappropriate people,

> because I was fat. I didn't think I should even try to

> accomplish certain

> things I yearned for, because I was fat. You are writing my STORY,

> especially about wanting to exude the self confidence, be so

> at peace with myself, everyone around love & like me, yada, yada

>

> I hear that same thing in your post. You are angry with

> yourself and you just want to scream. You know the MECHANICS

> of weight loss. We all do. Eat less, move more, lose

> weight...easy. But the psychology of weight loss goes

> SO much deeper. SCREAM is exactly what I wanted to do when

> I wrote that

> post. I didn't even bother to reread what I had posted, but

> wondered about it later & thought oh no, did I say something

> that will make someone mad?

> That is why when I went to bed, I talked to my husband only a

> minute, then abruptly turned & said good night. I was afraid

> if I said anything else I would start screaming, plus I had

> nothing else to say, which is unusual for me. lol

>

> First you have to believe you're worth it.

> You have to believe you can do it.

> You have to love yourself so fiercely that you can't NOT do

> it because taking care of your body is an act of self love.

>

>

> Then you come here and you say " Help! I need support and

> SOMEONE will be there for you. I promise. "

>

> As for posts about running and weight loss...hey, that's what

> I need. I need to be able to say to people who UNDERSTAND

> what it's like to go from 222 pounds to making goal " I ran

> three miles today! " because you know what? People who have

> always been thin and athletic don't understand one bit what a

> miracle it is to me Tory, when I posted, I will admit I

> didn't realize the value of you being able to post about your

> successes. Just from reading what you have said tonight

> though, I can see exactly why you are so excited. I would be

> excited about walking even a mile right now! And you know

> what? Someone who is

>

> new and struggling will read that and

> think, " Wow, I so admire Sharon. OR, else saying 'I sure wish

> she would shut up' because Tory, as I said, I never gave any

> thought to how one feels about doing something for the first

> time in their life. I know now I would be full of

> exhiliration & want to share too.

>

> Tory, I really want to offer you my heartfelt 'THANKS'

> for your posts tonight. They have meant something to me,

> they have touched me, I appreciate you taking your time to

> encourage me & I really relate with a lot of what you

> said.

> Bless you,

> Sharon

>

>

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You're very very welcome Kim. That's why this is such a great group. We're

all here to support each other. Like I said in another post, we all know the

" mechanics " of weight loss...they're easy. IT's the emotions surrounding it

that really hurt.

> Re: TORY & OTHERS

> >

> >

> > I have lost and kept off 100 pounds, but it wasn't until I

> > stopped hating myself and aiming my barbs and arrows at

> > myself that I was able to do it and do it right. See there

> > was no value in Tory. She was a loser. She was fat. She was

> > disgusting. She wasn't worth the effort it took to take off

> > weight, much less keep it off. My aunt gave me some pictures

> > of me from high school this weekend and I looked at that

> > beautiful, thin girl and remembered that

> > in my mind's eye I was FAT FAT FAT and ugly and worthless.

> > You know Tory,

> > you sound just like me.

> > In high school I dieted all the way through, always thought I

> > was so fat & therefore, I was a shy little wallflower. I was

> > recently going through some pictures & I saw one of me in my

> > graduation dress - - - and I wasn't even overweight!!!! & yet

> > I had wasted all my H.S. years thinking I was FAT & not worth

> > much. Wow, how one's eye can deceive us sometimes, huh?

> >

> > It almost kills me to admit that because I've always wanted

> > to exude self confidence, but I didn't. I didn't feel worthy

> > of so many things. I was the " loser " of the family and I put

> > myself in that spot, because I was fat. I practically BEGGED

> > for friendship and attention from inappropriate people,

> > because I was fat. I didn't think I should even try to

> > accomplish certain

> > things I yearned for, because I was fat. You are writing

> my STORY,

> > especially about wanting to exude the self confidence, be so

> > at peace with myself, everyone around love & like me, yada, yada

> >

> > I hear that same thing in your post. You are angry with

> > yourself and you just want to scream. You know the MECHANICS

> > of weight loss. We all do. Eat less, move more, lose

> > weight...easy. But the psychology of weight loss goes

> > SO much deeper. SCREAM is exactly what I wanted to do when

> > I wrote that

> > post. I didn't even bother to reread what I had posted, but

> > wondered about it later & thought oh no, did I say something

> > that will make someone mad?

> > That is why when I went to bed, I talked to my husband only a

> > minute, then abruptly turned & said good night. I was afraid

> > if I said anything else I would start screaming, plus I had

> > nothing else to say, which is unusual for me. lol

> >

> > First you have to believe you're worth it.

> > You have to believe you can do it.

> > You have to love yourself so fiercely that you can't NOT do

> > it because taking care of your body is an act of self love.

> >

> >

> > Then you come here and you say " Help! I need support and

> > SOMEONE will be there for you. I promise. "

> >

> > As for posts about running and weight loss...hey, that's what

> > I need. I need to be able to say to people who UNDERSTAND

> > what it's like to go from 222 pounds to making goal " I ran

> > three miles today! " because you know what? People who have

> > always been thin and athletic don't understand one bit what a

> > miracle it is to me Tory, when I posted, I will admit I

> > didn't realize the value of you being able to post about your

> > successes. Just from reading what you have said tonight

> > though, I can see exactly why you are so excited. I would be

> > excited about walking even a mile right now! And you know

> > what? Someone who is

> >

> > new and struggling will read that and

> > think, " Wow, I so admire Sharon. OR, else saying 'I sure wish

> > she would shut up' because Tory, as I said, I never gave any

> > thought to how one feels about doing something for the first

> > time in their life. I know now I would be full of

> > exhiliration & want to share too.

> >

> > Tory, I really want to offer you my heartfelt 'THANKS'

> > for your posts tonight. They have meant something to me,

> > they have touched me, I appreciate you taking your time to

> > encourage me & I really relate with a lot of what you

> > said.

> > Bless you,

> > Sharon

> >

> >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >