Guest guest Posted November 5, 2006 Report Share Posted November 5, 2006 Jen.....your post mirrors exactly how i felt and i see probably all of us...the emotions are crazy...i see in your post why i went up and down ...its the times you feel your going to be ok and then another BAM comes your way...you try to stay positive implement this and you get this, ill say false high..then the dread and reality sink in after yet another day or another appt. then comes the crash. I went to bed last night so early just to stop my mind from wandering...so great now im up so early and its still rolling the film in my head... the minute i woke up i heard the directors say action and snapped that thing they do in my head!!! Thank you for your post it put it all in perspective and you did it so well.... I hope all of you have a nice Sunday and week ahead...hugs to all Kassy --------------------------------- Access over 1 million songs - Yahoo! Music Unlimited Try it today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2006 Report Share Posted November 5, 2006 Oh Jen - how suscinctly you put that! It's like you were speaking for me. Comforting to know I'm not alone in all of these emotions. Thanks ssoooooooooo much for sharing. Ellen > > From an artistic standpoint, the pictures are nice BUT I > think this parallels the " short " that Dove (I think it was > them) did on the concept of real beauty. They took a > woman with great bone structure (not a natural beauty) > and showed the " making of a model " process from hair > & makeup to digitally enlarging her eyes and elongating > her neck. She looked great when finished, but it was > not her anymore... > > I do not say this critically, I say it because the pictures > posted offer yet another disconnect between > reality and what is seen by the public. Inasmuch as > people are obsessed with aesthetics (looking younger, > thinner, more beautiful), I think his photos of " perfect > people " would probably depress some survivors and > leave others clueless to the realities of our sometimes > overwhelming emotions (and most UNwelcome) fight. > > Let me see if I can sum up the riotous emotions of > the past 4 months for you ... I'm still having them, > but I'll try to give you an idea... > - SHOCK - You found something? A mass? A Lump? > But this is my first mammogram...I'm only 40 I can't > have anything. (I actually had a 1% risk of cancer). > - SCARED - What will I do? What will happen to me > now? I cannot handle this...A week before I could > actually say THE WORD (cancer). Please GOD, > don't ask this of me...I can't have it, I JUST CAN'T! > - OVERWHELMED - I don't understand all of these > words...I cannot process anything more....reading > until exhaustion overtakes...But I HAVE to know... > - ACCEPTANCE - I had a lumpectomy and I will be > okay (God promised). I can handle this, I have a > very supportive husband, family and a wonderful > church. Surgery is finished, I am healing...I found > a bra that fits perfectly...it's heavily padded, so you > can't even tell my breast is deformed - it's amazing > what can make you happy (sigh, it's going to be ok). > - DEVASTATION - It's NOT over...I have to go back > again...cells in the margin...PLEASE GOD I can't > handle anymore...Please don't make me do this! I > don't want to have a mastectomy!!! Please?? > - OVERWHELMED - More to learn...drains, chemo, > staging, HER2 status, invasive...Lord, I am so tired... > - ANGRY - I sat in the waiting room at the hospital > today, both tired and scarred (to have my port put in) > and listened to two women discussing their breast > enhancement surgeries they were having done. I > could only wish to be so oblivious...I was happy > with what I had...I don't want to hear anymore (you > women know nothing - NOTHING!) > - UP & DOWN - I am okay, I will win this...I am > losing my hair, I don't want to lose my hair...Gave > myself a GI Jane today (made me feel better : ) I > am going to make it...Shaved my head today, it > was hard...I am so tired of being a walking side > effect...So many treatments; such a long time left... > I feel better today, I will be okay...I feel terrible, I > don't want anymore chemo...A year seems > forever...I'll beat this yet; 3 A/Cs down one to go... > I'm getting there, I'll make it... > > If you're still out there , I hope this helps you > to understand. It is different for all of us; it is the > same for all of us... > > - Jen : ) Age 40, taking Chemo > Stage 1c, Grade 3, ER- HER2+ > Lumpectomy, SLNB, Mastectomy > Diagnosed: 7/2006 (1st Mammo) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2006 Report Share Posted November 5, 2006 Kassy; Thanks for that...I am sure I'll be riding the roller coaster for quite a bit longer : ) I don't know if it will help to understand or not - to wit: You won't REALLY get it unless you've already GOT it. Hugs back atcha girl : ) - Jen : ) Age 40, taking Chemo Stage 1c, Grade 3, ER- HER2+ Lumpectomy, SLNB, Mastectomy Diagnosed: 7/2006 (1st Mammo) On Sun, 5 Nov 2006 08:01:29 -0800 (PST) kassy plattus writes: > Jen.....your post mirrors exactly how i felt and i see probably all > of us...the emotions are crazy...i see in your post why i went up > and down ...its the times you feel your going to be ok and then > another BAM comes your way...you try to stay positive implement this > and you get this, ill say false high..then the dread and reality > sink in after yet another day or another appt. then comes the crash. > I went to bed last night so early just to stop my mind from > wandering...so great now im up so early and its still rolling the > film in my head... the minute i woke up i heard the directors say > action and snapped that thing they do in my head!!! Thank you for > your post it put it all in perspective and you did it so well.... I > hope all of you have a nice Sunday and week ahead...hugs to all > Kassy > > --------------------------------- > Access over 1 million songs - Yahoo! Music Unlimited Try it today. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2006 Report Share Posted November 5, 2006 Ellen - Thanks...It is awfully hard to just sum it up, but hopefully it will give some insight (I dunno : ) I did pretty much cringe when I got to the end - it was SO long - and I wasn't entirely sure I should post it (but obviously I did : ) Anyway, you are sooooooooooooo welcome! (ha) - Jen : ) Age 40, taking Chemo Stage 1c, Grade 3, ER- HER2+ Lumpectomy, SLNB, Mastectomy Diagnosed: 7/2006 (1st Mammo) On Sun, 05 Nov 2006 18:37:59 -0000 " Ellen " writes: > Oh Jen - how suscinctly you put that! It's like you were speaking > for me. Comforting to know I'm not alone in all of these emotions. > > Thanks ssoooooooooo much for sharing. > > Ellen > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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