Re: Clothes Shopping & Whats Important

May 3, 2005

And you know what LaWanda, that is fabulous. Keep up

the great work.

Pam Marsh

--- LaWanda Ezell konfuzed@...> wrote:

> I truly am glad I did this too, especially when I

> see my blood sugar

> readings! What a neat way to feel about your

> husband, in a way I wish we

> still had that! Really though I am happy that we

> are comfortable together,

> my husband has provided me with the first comfort

> place I have ever had,

> the first place where I have ever felt I am home.

> LaWanda At 07:01 AM

> 5/3/05, you wrote:

> >LaWanda, congrats on your weight loss. I posted in

> a

> >email to that I can't wait for a follow-up

> post

> >from you about the changes in your life.

> >

> >I really believe that you will be talking about

> your

> >husband and clothing issues (smile). I will be

> >checking in with you in about a month :>)

> >

> >As for the exercise, take small steps. When you do

> >exercise, you are going to enjoy it. I mean I

> really

> >enjoy it now. I don't have the extra weight

> weighing

> >me down.

> >

> >I think I got sick once and it was horrible. It

> was

> >on chicken and I eat too fast. That was the worst

> 30

> >minute ordeal I have ever dealt with. I am 3

> months

> >today and life is great.

> >

> >Aren't you glad you did this and wasn't the weight

> >worth it. I can't imagine what my life would be

> like

> >in another 6 months to a year had I NOT done the

> >surgery.

> >

> >We are truly blessed and I am so glad that we have

> >this forum to talk with each other.

> >

> >About my husband...yes, I love him dearly, I

> honestly

> >do. I have never been with someone that I feel

> safe

> >and comfortable with. He truly balances me. You

> know

> >we have been together for 18 years but only married

> >for 16 and whenever I see my husband, I still get

> that

> >nervous, silly feeling in my stomach. When I see

> him

> >its like when you first hook up with someone and

> its

> >new and you are excited. Its crazy but I still

> feel

> >like when I see him. Okay, enough. You take care

> >now.

> >

> >Pam Marsh

> >--- LaWanda Ezell konfuzed@...> wrote:

> >

> > > Oh Pam, you're doing so well! I am now down

> 15-1/2

> > > pounds, and I am

> > > fitting into some clothes that were too small

> when I

> > > bought them! Haven't

> > > been sick much, just once or twice a little bit!

> > > Haven't exercised much

> > > because I had a horrible cold last week, so bad

> that

> > > I had to reschedule

> > > m;y post-op follow-up with Doctor Dutta, and I

> will

> > > be doing it this Friday

> > > instead. I admire the spirit of compromise that

> you

> > > and your husband

> > > expressed with each other, it's obvious to me

> that

> > > the two of you have a

> > > good and strong marriage. Congrats again,

> LaWanda

> > > At 11:44 AM 5/2/05,

> > > you wrote:

> > > >Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > believe that in order

> > > >to help someone deal with a situation, you have

> to

> > > have experienced

> > > >that same situation or something similiar.

> > > >

> > > >On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts

> &

> > > blouses). Normally,

> > > >I either wear long or just below the knee

> length

> > > skirts. The skirts

> > > >I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy

> or

> > > anything like that

> > > >but this is not the usual article of clothing

> style

> > > I have worn in

> > > >the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > size 12s - regulars

> > > >(I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > butt). I was thinking

> > > >maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > >

> > > >I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> his

> > > comments

> > > >were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I

> am

> > > getting aroused just

> > > >looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> took

> > > a couple of

> > > >photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> You

> > > have to take

> > > >those clothes back to the store " . I said just

> a

> > > minute ago, you

> > > >were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > chandelier) and why now

> > > >for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> look

> > > at other women

> > > >that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> He

> > > said " you are my

> > > >wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am

> not

> > > returning my

> > > >clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in

> my

> > > clothes and I look

> > > >good so there is no reason why I should take

> this

> > > stuff back. He

> > > >said " This is a bit much for me. The weight

> loss

> > > now

> > > >different style of clothes " . I told him you

> used

> > > to dress me (pick

> > > >out my clothes) and thats not happening

> anymore. I

> > > have to feel good

> > > >with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > take the clothes

> > > >back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > Well, first thing in

> > > >the mornings, I am usually awakened by him

> telling

> > > me how much he

> > > >loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this

> morning,

> > > the first thing out

> > > >of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > short skirts and high

> > > >heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> shorter

> > > the skirts got " .

> > > >I said see, this is why I am returning the

> stuff.

> > > I told him that

> > > >nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he

> has

> > > some issues with

> > > >security that he needed to deal with. He said

> yes

> > > he was feeling

> > > >insecure and asked me to help him through this.

> He

> > > said he did not

> > > >want me to leave him. I told him that he was

> the

> > > only man in my life

> > > >and I was not going anywhere and that I would

> do

> > > whatever I could to

> > > >help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> told

> > > him that this is

> > > >why I have to return the clothes because I am

> not

> > > about to allow

> > > >anything to come between our relationship.

> Well we

> > > went back to the

> > > >store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > husband said now what

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

May 3, 2005

BDD is sort of related to OCD. (Not surprising then, that many of

us are obsessive/compulsive/addictive around food!) People with BDD

fixate on the smallest flaw, until (in their minds) it's their whole

focus.

I don't know where you're located, bu the OCD Center of Los Angeles

treats BDD. or http://www.ocdla.com/. Try Googling

body dysmorphic disorder, and you'll get hundreds of hits. A

therapist who treats OCD or addiction disorders would probably be

best.

Anyone who gets through life undamaged, just isn't living!

Uncle Timmy -226

> > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > >

May 3, 2005

Hey Pascha, I can't speak directly to what you are saying, as far as I know

I don't have any deformities or defects except for my blindness. I have

been lucky in that I have never felt unworthy of it, if anything I almost

feel that society would be richer if they adjusted to include me, and

people like me, more. I can tell you this, most people have a flaw of some

kind or other. My ex husband, who was an artist though I don't know how

good he was, always told me that most people are asymmetrical, something I

never knew. Yes there are those rare people who are physically unflawed,

but they are very rare. I doubt that you look bad, and I'm sorry that

feeling that you might causes you problems. Best of all to

you, LaWanda At 12:33 PM 5/3/05, you wrote:

>Not sure if I've shared on this board, but I was born with a birth

>defect that affected my leg and foot. It is not visible because my

>foot deformity is covered up by my shoe. I've always felt

>like " damaged goods. " In fact, I can pretty much pinpoint that my

>obesity is a direct result of wanting to feel uglier so I wouldn't be

>approached and have to reveal my flaw. Everyone I've talked to says

>it's not bad, that someone will love me no matter what, etc. That's

>where they body dysmorphic disorder comes in--I can't seem to accept

>the fact that my defect is not as big of a deal as I make it out to

>be. In my brain, I'm telling myself I'm a circus freak. People tell

>me I'm decent looking (I have a pic on this board in the photos

>section), so now that I've lost the weight and I'm getting

>more " looks " I start panicking. I really need therapy to sort this

>all out, but I'm not sure I am strong enough to confront it. Do you

>attend any BDD support groups or have a good therapist?

>pascha =)

>-130

>

> > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > >

May 3, 2005

I think I've finally begun to realize that I'M the one with the

problem, not anyone else. I'm completely shutting myself off from a

fulfilling life because I've made this my own personal pity party.

Only someone very shallow would find fault with my defect. Does that

mean I'M shallow?!?! Yikes!

Bottom line is I'm 31 and not getting any younger. I know my last

date was over a decade ago. I need to get out there. Girls night

out, anyone?

> > > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > > >

May 3, 2005

Pascha...

I've seen your picture and I think you look fantastic !!

Regards,

Gordy

> > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > >

May 3, 2005

If I wasn't so happily married and such a homebody now, I'd do one or two

with you! Used to love to go out all the time when I was young and

hunting! We are often our harshest critics, doesn't mean that we're

shallow just means that other people who would judge us like that are. I

think that, the more you get out there, the better your self image will

become, and maybe some therapy as well. LaWanda At 03:12 PM 5/3/05, you

wrote:

>I think I've finally begun to realize that I'M the one with the

>problem, not anyone else. I'm completely shutting myself off from a

>fulfilling life because I've made this my own personal pity party.

>Only someone very shallow would find fault with my defect. Does that

>mean I'M shallow?!?! Yikes!

>Bottom line is I'm 31 and not getting any younger. I know my last

>date was over a decade ago. I need to get out there. Girls night

>out, anyone?

>

> > > > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > > > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > > > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > > > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > > > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > > > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > > > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > > > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > > > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > > > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > > > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > > > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > > > >

May 4, 2005

Self-knowledge is a wonderful thing. It sounds (like many of us)

that you've made this superficial " defect " (Your word, not mine.)

into something that symbolizes your entire being, while anyone

meeting you would see it as just a tiny knot in the rich tapestry of

your life. What makes you you, is in your head and in your heart,

not in your shoe.

Big, Big Hug!

Uncle Timmy -226

> > > > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have

to

> > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him

telling

> > > > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he

has

> > > > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said

yes

> > > > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this.

He

> > > > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are

starting

> > > > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to

be

> > > > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of

2x

> > > > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the

same

> > > > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me

to

> > > > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but

it

> > > > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you.

Its

> > > > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > > > >

May 4, 2005

Uncle Timmy and any other people on here, have you

ever considered becoming a counselor...specifically

for gastric bypass patients. Sometimes, you should

really go back and read the post that you write. Very

comforting to know that there are so many caring and

wise people on this site.

Great Advice Uncle Timmy

Pam Marsh

--- Uncle Timmy n01un0@...> wrote:

> Self-knowledge is a wonderful thing. It sounds

> (like many of us)

> that you've made this superficial " defect " (Your

> word, not mine.)

> into something that symbolizes your entire being,

> while anyone

> meeting you would see it as just a tiny knot in the

> rich tapestry of

> your life. What makes you you, is in your head and

> in your heart,

> not in your shoe.

> Big, Big Hug!

>

> Uncle Timmy -226

>

> > > > > > I think that raises a question that I have

> been struggling

> > with:

> > > > > > What happens when you see that new body,

> and it scares the

> > hell

> > > > > out

> > > > > > of you? I have what I guess is a

> body-dysmorphic

> > disorder...it's

> > > > > > gotten worse instead of better since I

> lost the weight.

> > Anyone

> > > > > else

> > > > > > experience this?

> > > > > > pascha =)

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

May 4, 2005

WOW I some how misses this thread and so many things said in here

are so true. I still havent psychologically caught up with my

outward image and its been almost 2 years. I see photos or pass by

windows and I do not recognize myself. I still see the 315 me and

when I get a glimpse of me now Im taken aback for a few minutes.

I have a suggestion/request....when the topic changes please change

the subject line!!

Thanks and Huggles

> > > > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have

to

> > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him

telling

> > > > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he

has

> > > > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said

yes

> > > > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this.

He

> > > > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are

starting

> > > > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to

be

> > > > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of

2x

> > > > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the

same

> > > > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me

to

> > > > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but

it

> > > > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you.

Its

> > > > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > > > >

May 4, 2005

lol......I agree with you about the topic and I

am probably guitly myself so I am sorry.

Take care and ....thanks for your caring spirit

and for always being here to help us out.

Pam Marsh

--- Diane Duenas brendadiane64@...>

wrote:

> WOW I some how misses this thread and so many things

> said in here

> are so true. I still havent psychologically caught

> up with my

> outward image and its been almost 2 years. I see

> photos or pass by

> windows and I do not recognize myself. I still see

> the 315 me and

> when I get a glimpse of me now Im taken aback for a

> few minutes.

>

> I have a suggestion/request....when the topic

> changes please change

> the subject line!!

>

> Thanks and Huggles

>

> > > > > > I think that raises a question that I have

> been struggling

> > with:

> > > > > > What happens when you see that new body,

> and it scares the

> > hell

> > > > > out

> > > > > > of you? I have what I guess is a

> body-dysmorphic

> > disorder...it's

> > > > > > gotten worse instead of better since I

> lost the weight.

> > Anyone

> > > > > else

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

May 4, 2005

Pascha,

I was trying to find the post you wrtoe that uncle timmy replyed

to . I read what you said and just want to tell you, you are not a

shallow person! You are very beautiful in side and out and someone

with a huge heart. I have never even met you but I know just by what

you do for this community how special you are. There is some lucky

guy how there just waitin for you. Maybe gods just trying to get you

ready for him. Just think, being single right now means you can pick

the perfect man just for you! You don't have to settle for Mr almost

right you can grab the brass ring and get the man you deseve.

Someone who will treat you with all the love you deseve.

P.s I may of offerd the olive branch ,but you took it. I must admit

I have a junk yard dog living in me, and I have been known to act

out in ways that i'm not pround off. I am very happy we cleared the

air and you blessed us by re-joining our group.

I swear I may be sober for the last 12 years but when i'm in fear

are feeling scared my old street ways come back. I was a alcoholic

and drug addict for 18 years growing up in the mission area of san

francisco. I'm happy to say most days Im very nice ,,lol

> > > > > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you

have

> to

> > > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts

&

> > > > > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee

length

> > > > > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy

or

> > > > > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I

am

> > > > > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said

just a

> > > > > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am

not

> > > > > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in

my

> > > > > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take

this

> > > > > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight

loss

> > > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you

used

> > > > > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening

anymore.

> > > > > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him

> telling

> > > > > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this

morning,

> > > > > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the

stuff.

> > > > > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he

> has

> > > > > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said

> yes

> > > > > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through

this.

> He

> > > > > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was

the

> > > > > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would

do

> > > > > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am

not

> > > > > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship.

Well

> > > > > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in

my

> > > > > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are

> starting

> > > > > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores

to

> be

> > > > > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size

12s

> > > > > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead

of

> 2x

> > > > > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the

> same

> > > > > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did

not

> > > > > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked

me

> to

> > > > > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay

but

> it

> > > > > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would

wear

> > > > > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you.

> Its

> > > > > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I

love

> > > > > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging

in

> > > > > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your

journeys

> > > > > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > > > > >

May 5, 2005

Shell,

I think we just both got riled up because we're passionate about the

other people on this board. Certainly nothing to find fault with on

either side. We both have the best intentions!

Thanks so much for your wonderful compliments. I am finally getting

to a point where I can recognize that it's time to stop living with

past pain and get on with my life. To use the WLS analogy, I may be

a butterfly now, but no one will ever see my true colors until I

allow myself to break free from the cocoon.

pascha =)

> > > > > > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you

> have

> > to

> > > > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits

(skirts

> &

> > > > > > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee

> length

> > > > > > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing

skimpy

> or

> > > > > > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts

were

> > > > > > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some

of

> > > > > > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I

> am

> > > > > > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said

> just a

> > > > > > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not

shorter.

> > > > > > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am

> not

> > > > > > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in

> my

> > > > > > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take

> this

> > > > > > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight

> loss

> > > > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you

> used

> > > > > > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening

> anymore.

> > > > > > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I

would

> > > > > > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him

> > telling

> > > > > > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this

> morning,

> > > > > > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you

in

> > > > > > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the

> stuff.

> > > > > > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather

he

> > has

> > > > > > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He

said

> > yes

> > > > > > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through

> this.

> > He

> > > > > > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was

> the

> > > > > > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would

> do

> > > > > > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am

> not

> > > > > > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship.

> Well

> > > > > > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes.

My

> > > > > > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in

> my

> > > > > > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are

> > starting

> > > > > > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores

> to

> > be

> > > > > > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size

> 12s

> > > > > > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead

> of

> > 2x

> > > > > > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the

> > same

> > > > > > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did

> not

> > > > > > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to

develop

> > > > > > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked

> me

> > to

> > > > > > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay

> but

> > it

> > > > > > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would

> wear

> > > > > > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with

you.

> > Its

> > > > > > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore

a

> > > > > > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married

16)

> > > > > > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of

being

> > > > > > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I

> love

> > > > > > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging

> in

> > > > > > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your

> journeys

> > > > > > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > > > > > >

May 5, 2005

Shell,

I think we just both got riled up because we're passionate about the

other people on this board. Certainly nothing to find fault with on

either side. We both have the best intentions!

Thanks so much for your wonderful compliments. I am finally getting

to a point where I can recognize that it's time to stop living with

past pain and get on with my life. To use the WLS analogy, I may be

a butterfly now, but no one will ever see my true colors until I

allow myself to break free from the cocoon.

pascha =)

> > > > > > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you

> have

> > to

> > > > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits

(skirts

> &

> > > > > > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee

> length

> > > > > > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing

skimpy

> or

> > > > > > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts

were

> > > > > > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some

of

> > > > > > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I

> am

> > > > > > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said

> just a

> > > > > > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not

shorter.

> > > > > > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am

> not

> > > > > > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in

> my

> > > > > > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take

> this

> > > > > > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight

> loss

> > > > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you

> used

> > > > > > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening

> anymore.

> > > > > > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I

would

> > > > > > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him

> > telling

> > > > > > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this

> morning,

> > > > > > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you

in

> > > > > > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the

> stuff.

> > > > > > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather

he

> > has

> > > > > > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He

said

> > yes

> > > > > > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through

> this.

> > He

> > > > > > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was

> the

> > > > > > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would

> do

> > > > > > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am

> not

> > > > > > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship.

> Well

> > > > > > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes.

My

> > > > > > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in

> my

> > > > > > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are

> > starting

> > > > > > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores

> to

> > be

> > > > > > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size

> 12s

> > > > > > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead

> of

> > 2x

> > > > > > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the

> > same

> > > > > > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did

> not

> > > > > > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to

develop

> > > > > > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked

> me

> > to

> > > > > > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay

> but

> > it

> > > > > > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would

> wear

> > > > > > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with

you.

> > Its

> > > > > > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore

a

> > > > > > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married

16)

> > > > > > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of

being

> > > > > > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I

> love

> > > > > > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging

> in

> > > > > > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your

> journeys

> > > > > > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > > > > > >

May 5, 2005

Shell,

I think we just both got riled up because we're passionate about the

other people on this board. Certainly nothing to find fault with on

either side. We both have the best intentions!

Thanks so much for your wonderful compliments. I am finally getting

to a point where I can recognize that it's time to stop living with

past pain and get on with my life. To use the WLS analogy, I may be

a butterfly now, but no one will ever see my true colors until I

allow myself to break free from the cocoon.

pascha =)

> > > > > > > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > > > > > > order

> > > > > > > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you

> have

> > to

> > > > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits

(skirts

> &

> > > > > > > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee

> length

> > > > > > > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing

skimpy

> or

> > > > > > > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts

were

> > > > > > > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some

of

> > > > > > > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I

> am

> > > > > > > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said

> just a

> > > > > > > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not

shorter.

> > > > > > > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am

> not

> > > > > > > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in

> my

> > > > > > > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > > > > > > look

> > > > > > > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take

> this

> > > > > > > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight

> loss

> > > > > > > > > > > now

> > > > > > > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you

> used

> > > > > > > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening

> anymore.

> > > > > > > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > > > > > > good

> > > > > > > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I

would

> > > > > > > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him

> > telling

> > > > > > > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this

> morning,

> > > > > > > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > > > > > > out

> > > > > > > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you

in

> > > > > > > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > > > > > > high

> > > > > > > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the

> stuff.

> > > > > > > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather

he

> > has

> > > > > > > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > > > > > > with

> > > > > > > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He

said

> > yes

> > > > > > > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through

> this.

> > He

> > > > > > > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was

> the

> > > > > > > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > > > > > > life

> > > > > > > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would

> do

> > > > > > > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > > > > > > is

> > > > > > > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am

> not

> > > > > > > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship.

> Well

> > > > > > > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes.

My

> > > > > > > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > > > > > > what

> > > > > > > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in

> my

> > > > > > > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are

> > starting

> > > > > > > > > > > to look

> > > > > > > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > > > > > > did

> > > > > > > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores

> to

> > be

> > > > > > > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size

> 12s

> > > > > > > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead

> of

> > 2x

> > > > > > > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the

> > same

> > > > > > > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did

> not

> > > > > > > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > > > > > > said

> > > > > > > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to

develop

> > > > > > > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > > > > > > you

> > > > > > > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked

> me

> > to

> > > > > > > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay

> but

> > it

> > > > > > > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would

> wear

> > > > > > > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > > > > > > all

> > > > > > > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with

you.

> > Its

> > > > > > > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > > > > > > because

> > > > > > > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore

a

> > > > > > > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > > > > > > have

> > > > > > > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married

16)

> > > > > > > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of

being

> > > > > > > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > > > > > > little

> > > > > > > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I

> love

> > > > > > > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging

> in

> > > > > > > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your

> journeys

> > > > > > > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > > > > > > >

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