Re: Clothes Shopping & Whats Important

May 2, 2005

Hello Pam

On Wednesday i guess i will look for the gorgeous woman in the new skirt ! LOL

We go through so many changes in this journey , i think we do need to stop and reflect about how it affects are loved ones too, Men generally as a rule dont always divuldge all that is in their mind like we women, do , i am sure that sounds sexist, just my personal experience....

I loved the end of the story with your shopping and your husband going with you and his letting you soar on your new wings.................I am so proud of both of you....................it takes a lot of courage to do what we have done, or are trying to do in here, it really truly does............

I am looking forward to seeing you to Pam !

Colleensweetnlow20012001 wrote:

Just thought I would post this because I truly believe that in order to help someone deal with a situation, you have to have experienced that same situation or something similiar.On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts & blouses). Normally, I either wear long or just below the knee length skirts. The skirts I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or anything like that but this is not the usual article of clothing style I have worn in the past). I was amazed because my skirts were size 12s - regulars (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my butt). I was thinking maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his comments were "you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am getting aroused just looking at you in the clothes". Well after he took a couple of photos of me, he

suddenly said "wait a minute. You have to take those clothes back to the store". I said just a minute ago, you were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no chandelier) and why now for the change. I told him that I am sure you look at other women that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He said "you are my wife". I said that is hypercritical and I am not returning my clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my clothes and I look good so there is no reason why I should take this stuff back. He said "This is a bit much for me. The weight loss now different style of clothes". I told him you used to dress me (pick out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I have to feel good with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would take the clothes back but did not say anything to him about it. Well, first thing in the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling me how much he loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this

morning, the first thing out of his mouth was "I had nightmares about you in short skirts and high heals" and he said "the skinner you got the shorter the skirts got". I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff. I told him that nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has some issues with security that he needed to deal with. He said yes he was feeling insecure and asked me to help him through this. He said he did not want me to leave him. I told him that he was the only man in my life and I was not going anywhere and that I would do whatever I could to help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told him that this is why I have to return the clothes because I am not about to allow anything to come between our relationship. Well we went back to the store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My husband said now what are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my closet. He said "No you can't wear that stuff

because you are starting to look sloppy". So he said lets go shopping. We went to the vacaville outlets and started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn for Women and did not feel like going in to the regular stores to be disappointed. We went to another store and I found skirts size 12s regular and some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x and 3x. I am still top heavy. The thing too that I did not understand was the very skirts my husband whined about, were the same type of skirts that he picked out for me. I told him I did not understand. He said you look good and I should allow you to develop into the person you want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to promise him that I would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it just amazes me. This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear and I told him just a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days. All in all, all is well now but I had to share

this with you. Its so strange because when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a size 10/12 (we have been together for 18 years but only married 16) he did not act like that. Now after 14 years of being fat, he goes a little off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love him dearly though. Okay enough.I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in there and for the post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys are going. Colleen, can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

May 2, 2005

Pam...

It's pretty natural that he's going to react to the new and improved Pam. Yes, you were thin when you got together...but you were both young and hot...and even though he is still a babe, he probably doesn't feel like one anymore. so, he's worried that you'll be bored with the old guy, and want something new.

That just shows that he is human. And that he cares.

Now, the fact that he overcame his little demons enough to support you is a true testament to his character. And the fact that he obviously really, really loves you. He's been a good man, a supportive man, and a friend and lover to you. Nothing you've ever said has made me feel like your relationship is dysfunctional in any way. I'm not worried about the two of you. You'll keep your head on straight, and you'll both be fine!!!

Wear those skirts short and show off your legs!!!

You go girl!!

Robynn

P.S. And talk about BEAUTIFUL. FOr those of you who haven't seen Pam...Ooh la la. She's going to be causing car crashes pretty soon!!!Colleen Garner wrote:

Hello Pam

On Wednesday i guess i will look for the gorgeous woman in the new skirt ! LOL

We go through so many changes in this journey , i think we do need to stop and reflect about how it affects are loved ones too, Men generally as a rule dont always divuldge all that is in their mind like we women, do , i am sure that sounds sexist, just my personal experience....

I loved the end of the story with your shopping and your husband going with you and his letting you soar on your new wings.................I am so proud of both of you....................it takes a lot of courage to do what we have done, or are trying to do in here, it really truly does............

I am looking forward to seeing you to Pam !

Colleensweetnlow20012001 wrote:

Just thought I would post this because I truly believe that in order to help someone deal with a situation, you have to have experienced that same situation or something similiar.On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts & blouses). Normally, I either wear long or just below the knee length skirts. The skirts I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or anything like that but this is not the usual article of clothing style I have worn in the past). I was amazed because my skirts were size 12s - regulars (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my butt). I was thinking maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his comments were "you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am getting aroused just looking at you in the clothes". Well after he took a couple of photos of me, he

suddenly said "wait a minute. You have to take those clothes back to the store". I said just a minute ago, you were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no chandelier) and why now for the change. I told him that I am sure you look at other women that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He said "you are my wife". I said that is hypercritical and I am not returning my clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my clothes and I look good so there is no reason why I should take this stuff back. He said "This is a bit much for me. The weight loss now different style of clothes". I told him you used to dress me (pick out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I have to feel good with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would take the clothes back but did not say anything to him about it. Well, first thing in the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling me how much he loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this

morning, the first thing out of his mouth was "I had nightmares about you in short skirts and high heals" and he said "the skinner you got the shorter the skirts got". I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff. I told him that nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has some issues with security that he needed to deal with. He said yes he was feeling insecure and asked me to help him through this. He said he did not want me to leave him. I told him that he was the only man in my life and I was not going anywhere and that I would do whatever I could to help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told him that this is why I have to return the clothes because I am not about to allow anything to come between our relationship. Well we went back to the store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My husband said now what are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my closet. He said "No you can't wear that stuff

because you are starting to look sloppy". So he said lets go shopping. We went to the vacaville outlets and started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn for Women and did not feel like going in to the regular stores to be disappointed. We went to another store and I found skirts size 12s regular and some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x and 3x. I am still top heavy. The thing too that I did not understand was the very skirts my husband whined about, were the same type of skirts that he picked out for me. I told him I did not understand. He said you look good and I should allow you to develop into the person you want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to promise him that I would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it just amazes me. This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear and I told him just a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days. All in all, all is well now but I had to share

this with you. Its so strange because when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a size 10/12 (we have been together for 18 years but only married 16) he did not act like that. Now after 14 years of being fat, he goes a little off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love him dearly though. Okay enough.I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in there and for the post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys are going. Colleen, can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

May 2, 2005

Thanks Robynn for your compliments. It helps on this

journey. I guess I feel comfortable with saying that

I am starting to like the way I look but I am SURE of

one thing....I am sure not to cause any car wrecks.

Maybe someday *wink*.

Yeah, I am not worried about me and my old man. We are

going to be fine. I was just sort of caught off

guard. He knows I love him and there is and never

will be another for me. This I am SURE of. I will

continue to love him and allow him to love me and

together as we travel on our journey to our golden

years we will continue to discover those buried

treasures about one another.

Again, thank you.

--- Robynn VanPatten robynnsf@...> wrote:

> Pam...

>

> It's pretty natural that he's going to react to the

> new and improved Pam. Yes, you were thin when you

> got together...but you were both young and hot...and

> even though he is still a babe, he probably doesn't

> feel like one anymore. so, he's worried that you'll

> be bored with the old guy, and want something new.

>

> That just shows that he is human. And that he

> cares.

>

> Now, the fact that he overcame his little demons

> enough to support you is a true testament to his

> character. And the fact that he obviously really,

> really loves you. He's been a good man, a

> supportive man, and a friend and lover to you.

> Nothing you've ever said has made me feel like your

> relationship is dysfunctional in any way. I'm not

> worried about the two of you. You'll keep your head

> on straight, and you'll both be fine!!!

>

> Wear those skirts short and show off your legs!!!

>

> You go girl!!

> Robynn

>

> P.S. And talk about BEAUTIFUL. FOr those of you

> who haven't seen Pam...Ooh la la. She's going to be

> causing car crashes pretty soon!!!

>

> Colleen Garner irishlilt@...> wrote:

> Hello Pam

> On Wednesday i guess i will look for the gorgeous

> woman in the new skirt ! LOL

> We go through so many changes in this journey , i

> think we do need to stop and reflect about how it

> affects are loved ones too, Men generally as a rule

> dont always divuldge all that is in their mind like

> we women, do , i am sure that sounds sexist, just my

> personal experience....

> I loved the end of the story with your shopping and

> your husband going with you and his letting you soar

> on your new wings.................I am so proud of

> both of you....................it takes a lot of

> courage to do what we have done, or are trying to do

> in here, it really truly does............

> I am looking forward to seeing you to Pam !

> Colleen

>

> sweetnlow20012001 sweetnlow20012001@...>

> wrote:

> Just thought I would post this because I truly

> believe that in order

> to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> have experienced

> that same situation or something similiar.

>

> On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> blouses). Normally,

> I either wear long or just below the knee length

> skirts. The skirts

> I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> anything like that

> but this is not the usual article of clothing style

> I have worn in

> the past). I was amazed because my skirts were size

> 12s - regulars

> (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> butt). I was thinking

> maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

>

> I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his

> comments

> were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> getting aroused just

> looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he took a

> couple of

> photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute. You

> have to take

> those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> minute ago, you

> were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> chandelier) and why now

> for the change. I told him that I am sure you look

> at other women

> that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He

> said " you are my

> wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> returning my

> clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> clothes and I look

> good so there is no reason why I should take this

> stuff back. He

> said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss now

>

> different style of clothes " . I told him you used to

> dress me (pick

> out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I

> have to feel good

> with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would take

> the clothes

> back but did not say anything to him about it. Well,

> first thing in

> the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> me how much he

> loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning, the

> first thing out

> of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> short skirts and high

> heals " and he said " the skinner you got the shorter

> the skirts got " .

> I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff. I

> told him that

> nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> some issues with

> security that he needed to deal with. He said yes he

> was feeling

> insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> said he did not

> want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> only man in my life

> and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> whatever I could to

> help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told

> him that this is

> why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> about to allow

> anything to come between our relationship. Well we

> went back to the

> store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> husband said now what

> are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> closet. He said " No

> you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> to look sloppy " .

> So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> vacaville outlets and

> started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn

> for Women and did

> not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> disappointed. We

> went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> regular and

> some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> and 3x. I am

> still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> understand was the

> very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> type of skirts

> that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> understand. He said

> you look good and I should allow you to develop into

> the person you

> want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> promise him that I

> would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> just amazes me.

> This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> and I told him just

> a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days.

> All in all, all

> is well now but I had to share this with you. Its so

> strange because

> when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a size

> 10/12 (we have

> been together for 18 years but only married 16) he

> did

> not act like that. Now after 14 years of being fat,

> he goes a little

> off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love him

> dearly though.

> Okay enough.

>

> I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> there and for the

> post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys are

> going. Colleen,

> can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

>

> Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

>

May 2, 2005

Thanks Colleen. That is one of the reasons why I took

the clothes back because I don't ever want to put

anything (a wedge) in the midst of what we have

because it is truly not worth it when its all said and

done. I love my husband and he means the world to me

and nothing will ever change that. He truly was a

blessing when he crossed my path. I can't wait to see

you. Take care and I will email you so you will know

its me when you see me. Big hug to you.

Pam Marsh

--- Colleen Garner irishlilt@...> wrote:

> Hello Pam

> On Wednesday i guess i will look for the gorgeous

> woman in the new skirt ! LOL

> We go through so many changes in this journey , i

> think we do need to stop and reflect about how it

> affects are loved ones too, Men generally as a rule

> dont always divuldge all that is in their mind like

> we women, do , i am sure that sounds sexist, just my

> personal experience....

> I loved the end of the story with your shopping and

> your husband going with you and his letting you soar

> on your new wings.................I am so proud of

> both of you....................it takes a lot of

> courage to do what we have done, or are trying to do

> in here, it really truly does............

> I am looking forward to seeing you to Pam !

> Colleen

>

> sweetnlow20012001 sweetnlow20012001@...>

> wrote:

> Just thought I would post this because I truly

> believe that in order

> to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> have experienced

> that same situation or something similiar.

>

> On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> blouses). Normally,

> I either wear long or just below the knee length

> skirts. The skirts

> I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> anything like that

> but this is not the usual article of clothing style

> I have worn in

> the past). I was amazed because my skirts were size

> 12s - regulars

> (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> butt). I was thinking

> maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

>

> I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his

> comments

> were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> getting aroused just

> looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he took a

> couple of

> photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute. You

> have to take

> those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> minute ago, you

> were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> chandelier) and why now

> for the change. I told him that I am sure you look

> at other women

> that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He

> said " you are my

> wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> returning my

> clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> clothes and I look

> good so there is no reason why I should take this

> stuff back. He

> said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss now

>

> different style of clothes " . I told him you used to

> dress me (pick

> out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I

> have to feel good

> with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would take

> the clothes

> back but did not say anything to him about it. Well,

> first thing in

> the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> me how much he

> loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning, the

> first thing out

> of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> short skirts and high

> heals " and he said " the skinner you got the shorter

> the skirts got " .

> I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff. I

> told him that

> nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> some issues with

> security that he needed to deal with. He said yes he

> was feeling

> insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> said he did not

> want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> only man in my life

> and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> whatever I could to

> help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told

> him that this is

> why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> about to allow

> anything to come between our relationship. Well we

> went back to the

> store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> husband said now what

> are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> closet. He said " No

> you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> to look sloppy " .

> So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> vacaville outlets and

> started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn

> for Women and did

> not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> disappointed. We

> went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> regular and

> some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> and 3x. I am

> still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> understand was the

> very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> type of skirts

> that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> understand. He said

> you look good and I should allow you to develop into

> the person you

> want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> promise him that I

> would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> just amazes me.

> This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> and I told him just

> a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days.

> All in all, all

> is well now but I had to share this with you. Its so

> strange because

> when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a size

> 10/12 (we have

> been together for 18 years but only married 16) he

> did

> not act like that. Now after 14 years of being fat,

> he goes a little

> off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love him

> dearly though.

> Okay enough.

>

> I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> there and for the

> post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys are

> going. Colleen,

> can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

>

> Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

>

May 2, 2005

The male ego is a very fragile thing! (Speaking as a representative

of my gender.) This seems to be a fairly common occurance. I hear

about it in FTF support meetings all the time. You are, after all,

literally changing the " balance " of your relationship. Post-ops

would be well advised, to spend some time on relationship

maintenance (assuming that's what they want) along with all the " Me

Time " this journey gives us.

Change, even the most positive change, can be scary and threatening

to those around us. They see us making profound changes in our

exteriors, and can't help but wonder what impact it will have on our

interiors. Increased social involvement (even the most innocent) can

trigger real fears.

Tell Hubby not to worry, until you start getting emails from someone

called " stdmfn. "

Uncle Timmy -226

> Just thought I would post this because I truly believe that in

order

> to help someone deal with a situation, you have to have

experienced

> that same situation or something similiar.

>

> On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts & blouses).

Normally,

> I either wear long or just below the knee length skirts. The

skirts

> I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or anything like

that

> but this is not the usual article of clothing style I have worn in

> the past). I was amazed because my skirts were size 12s -

regulars

> (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my butt). I was

thinking

> maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

>

> I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his comments

> were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am getting aroused

just

> looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he took a couple of

> photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute. You have to take

> those clothes back to the store " . I said just a minute ago, you

> were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no chandelier) and why

now

> for the change. I told him that I am sure you look at other women

> that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He said " you are

my

> wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not returning my

> clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my clothes and I

look

> good so there is no reason why I should take this stuff back. He

> said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss now

> different style of clothes " . I told him you used to dress me

(pick

> out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I have to feel

good

> with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would take the clothes

> back but did not say anything to him about it. Well, first thing

in

> the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling me how much he

> loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning, the first thing

out

> of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in short skirts and

high

> heals " and he said " the skinner you got the shorter the skirts

got " .

> I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff. I told him that

> nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has some issues

with

> security that he needed to deal with. He said yes he was feeling

> insecure and asked me to help him through this. He said he did not

> want me to leave him. I told him that he was the only man in my

life

> and I was not going anywhere and that I would do whatever I could

to

> help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told him that this

is

> why I have to return the clothes because I am not about to allow

> anything to come between our relationship. Well we went back to

the

> store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My husband said now

what

> are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my closet. He

said " No

> you can't wear that stuff because you are starting to look

sloppy " .

> So he said lets go shopping. We went to the vacaville outlets and

> started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn for Women and

did

> not feel like going in to the regular stores to be disappointed.

We

> went to another store and I found skirts size 12s regular and

> some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x and 3x. I am

> still top heavy. The thing too that I did not understand was the

> very skirts my husband whined about, were the same type of skirts

> that he picked out for me. I told him I did not understand. He

said

> you look good and I should allow you to develop into the person

you

> want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to promise him

that I

> would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it just amazes

me.

> This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear and I told him

just

> a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days. All in all,

all

> is well now but I had to share this with you. Its so strange

because

> when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a size 10/12 (we

have

> been together for 18 years but only married 16) he did

> not act like that. Now after 14 years of being fat, he goes a

little

> off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love him dearly

though.

> Okay enough.

>

> I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in there and for the

> post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys are going.

Colleen,

> can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

>

> Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

May 2, 2005

lol, lol. I loved your post. I did my best to

reassure him and it seemed to going okay. I know one

day of talking, cuddling and all that others stuff

won't fully do it but as long as it takes.

I know we are going to be alright. I have faith.

Thanks again for your advice.

Pam Marsh

--- Uncle Timmy n01un0@...> wrote:

> The male ego is a very fragile thing! (Speaking as a

> representative

> of my gender.) This seems to be a fairly common

> occurance. I hear

> about it in FTF support meetings all the time. You

> are, after all,

> literally changing the " balance " of your

> relationship. Post-ops

> would be well advised, to spend some time on

> relationship

> maintenance (assuming that's what they want) along

> with all the " Me

> Time " this journey gives us.

>

> Change, even the most positive change, can be scary

> and threatening

> to those around us. They see us making profound

> changes in our

> exteriors, and can't help but wonder what impact it

> will have on our

> interiors. Increased social involvement (even the

> most innocent) can

> trigger real fears.

>

> Tell Hubby not to worry, until you start getting

> emails from someone

> called " stdmfn. "

>

> Uncle Timmy -226

>

> > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> believe that in

> order

> > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> have

> experienced

> > that same situation or something similiar.

> >

> > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> blouses).

> Normally,

> > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> skirts. The

> skirts

> > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> anything like

> that

> > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> style I have worn in

> > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> size 12s -

> regulars

> > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> butt). I was

> thinking

> > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> >

> > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> his comments

> > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> getting aroused

> just

> > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> took a couple of

> > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> You have to take

> > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> minute ago, you

> > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> chandelier) and why

> now

> > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> look at other women

> > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> He said " you are

> my

> > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> returning my

> > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> clothes and I

> look

> > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> stuff back. He

> > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> now

> > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> to dress me

> (pick

> > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> I have to feel

> good

> > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> take the clothes

> > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> Well, first thing

> in

> > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> me how much he

> > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> the first thing

> out

> > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> short skirts and

> high

> > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> shorter the skirts

> got " .

> > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> I told him that

> > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> some issues

> with

> > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> he was feeling

> > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> said he did not

> > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> only man in my

> life

> > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> whatever I could

> to

> > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> told him that this

> is

> > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> about to allow

> > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> we went back to

> the

> > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> husband said now

> what

> > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> closet. He

> said " No

> > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> to look

> sloppy " .

> > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> vacaville outlets and

> > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> Barn for Women and

> did

> > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> disappointed.

> We

> > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> regular and

> > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> and 3x. I am

> > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> understand was the

> > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> type of skirts

> > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> understand. He

> said

> > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> into the person

> you

> > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> promise him

> that I

> > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> just amazes

> me.

> > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> and I told him

> just

> > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> days. All in all,

> all

> > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> so strange

> because

> > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> size 10/12 (we

> have

> > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> he did

> > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> fat, he goes a

> little

> > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> him dearly

> though.

> > Okay enough.

> >

> > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> there and for the

> > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> are going.

> Colleen,

> > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> >

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

May 2, 2005

I know my husband and I have gone through some changes since my own

surgery. There are a couple of ways and causes at work here.

The first is the insecurity. My husband is normally pretty secure, and

he does trust me, but... I guess the best way to put it that his brain

knows I am not interested in replacing him, but his heart is afraid. I

frequently reassure him, reminding that I dated quite a bit before we

got married (seven years ago tomorrow, his third, my third), and I know

what's out there. I ain't that stupid to let him go!

The second set of changes have had to do with the general dynamics of

our relationship, because I CAN be a lot more active now. This means

that our roles have changed a lot. We're doing pretty well, but there

are times when one of us will let the other know " Hey, you're

interfering in my territory! " In some cases, this is because I have

reclaimed some of the typical " female " roles (housekeeping, decorating,

etc.) that he used to do most of.

So what are my secrets? Well, the first thing that I brought to our

relationship is the knowledge that there's stuff that matters, and stuff

that doesn't. You know, it doesn't matter HOW he hangs the roll of

toilet paper. I'm just glad it's there when I need to wipe my @$$! He

had one girlfriend who got hysterical when he hung a towel (hey, at

least he didn't just drop in on the floor in the corner) such that it

was touching itself. Well, you know, all my towels are washable. Even if

they weren't it's much easier to replace a towel than my !

The other secret is that we TALK! If there's something bothering one of

us, or one of us is feeling insecure, we DEAL WITH IT! We do NOT let it

fester. The other day, he said something that hurt my feelings pretty

badly. Mentally I knew he didn't mean what I heard. I did tell him I

wasn't going to respond right away. A couple of hours later I let him

know how my heart had interpreted what he had said, and how it had made

me feel. I was right, he had NOT meant what he had said the way my heart

heard it. By not letting it fester, the episode has, if anything, made

us stronger, rather than driving a wedge between us.

Kinda like when Pam's hubby decided she SHOULD get the same style

clothes he had originally pitched a fit about. He was willing to set

aside his own insecurity, not wanting the wedge between them. She was

willing to get more conservative clothes, not wanting the wedge between

them. I think this is great! The important issue is NOT the clothing,

but how you deal with the issue!

Ooops, I got more dishes to wash and stuff to find places for, so I'd

better get to it! Love you all, and hope to see some of you Wednesday at

the Oakland meeting!

Eleanor

Uncle Timmy wrote:

>The male ego is a very fragile thing! (Speaking as a representative

>of my gender.) This seems to be a fairly common occurance. I hear

>about it in FTF support meetings all the time. You are, after all,

>literally changing the " balance " of your relationship. Post-ops

>would be well advised, to spend some time on relationship

>maintenance (assuming that's what they want) along with all the " Me

>Time " this journey gives us.

>

>Change, even the most positive change, can be scary and threatening

>to those around us. They see us making profound changes in our

>exteriors, and can't help but wonder what impact it will have on our

>interiors. Increased social involvement (even the most innocent) can

>trigger real fears.

>

>Tell Hubby not to worry, until you start getting emails from someone

>called " stdmfn. "

>

--

Eleanor Oster

eleanor@... (personal address)

www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm

San , CA

Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003

P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)

~5'9 " tall

05/09/2003 319 Orientation

07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery

Current ~150 Goal until plastics?

Goal 140-150?

May 2, 2005

Oh Pam, you're doing so well! I am now down 15-1/2 pounds, and I am

fitting into some clothes that were too small when I bought them! Haven't

been sick much, just once or twice a little bit! Haven't exercised much

because I had a horrible cold last week, so bad that I had to reschedule

m;y post-op follow-up with Doctor Dutta, and I will be doing it this Friday

instead. I admire the spirit of compromise that you and your husband

expressed with each other, it's obvious to me that the two of you have a

good and strong marriage. Congrats again, LaWanda At 11:44 AM 5/2/05,

you wrote:

>Just thought I would post this because I truly believe that in order

>to help someone deal with a situation, you have to have experienced

>that same situation or something similiar.

>

>On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts & blouses). Normally,

>I either wear long or just below the knee length skirts. The skirts

>I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or anything like that

>but this is not the usual article of clothing style I have worn in

>the past). I was amazed because my skirts were size 12s - regulars

>(I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my butt). I was thinking

>maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

>

>I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his comments

>were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am getting aroused just

>looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he took a couple of

>photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute. You have to take

>those clothes back to the store " . I said just a minute ago, you

>were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no chandelier) and why now

>for the change. I told him that I am sure you look at other women

>that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He said " you are my

>wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not returning my

>clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my clothes and I look

>good so there is no reason why I should take this stuff back. He

>said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss now

>different style of clothes " . I told him you used to dress me (pick

>out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I have to feel good

>with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would take the clothes

>back but did not say anything to him about it. Well, first thing in

>the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling me how much he

>loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning, the first thing out

>of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in short skirts and high

>heals " and he said " the skinner you got the shorter the skirts got " .

>I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff. I told him that

>nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has some issues with

>security that he needed to deal with. He said yes he was feeling

>insecure and asked me to help him through this. He said he did not

>want me to leave him. I told him that he was the only man in my life

>and I was not going anywhere and that I would do whatever I could to

>help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told him that this is

>why I have to return the clothes because I am not about to allow

>anything to come between our relationship. Well we went back to the

>store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My husband said now what

>are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my closet. He said " No

>you can't wear that stuff because you are starting to look sloppy " .

>So he said lets go shopping. We went to the vacaville outlets and

>started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn for Women and did

>not feel like going in to the regular stores to be disappointed. We

>went to another store and I found skirts size 12s regular and

>some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x and 3x. I am

>still top heavy. The thing too that I did not understand was the

>very skirts my husband whined about, were the same type of skirts

>that he picked out for me. I told him I did not understand. He said

>you look good and I should allow you to develop into the person you

>want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to promise him that I

>would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it just amazes me.

>This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear and I told him just

>a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days. All in all, all

>is well now but I had to share this with you. Its so strange because

>when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a size 10/12 (we have

>been together for 18 years but only married 16) he did

>not act like that. Now after 14 years of being fat, he goes a little

>off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love him dearly though.

>Okay enough.

>

>I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in there and for the

>post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys are going. Colleen,

>can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

>

>Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

>65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

>

May 2, 2005

Im going through almost exactly the same thing!!! My hubby is going

nuts but cant express it like yours is. He just gets mad and makes

comments about the length. I bought a cute skort at costco and it is

short. Well he goes to walmart the next day and buys me another one,

only longer. He really doesnt like the new clothes....he doesnt feel

safe anymore. But Im not really taking it that easy on him. Im

experimenting too...nothing sleezy but definitely different. Im

dressing to accentuate and not to hide and its unsettling for him.

Huggles

> Just thought I would post this because I truly believe that in

order

> to help someone deal with a situation, you have to have

experienced

> that same situation or something similiar.

>

> On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts & blouses).

Normally,

> I either wear long or just below the knee length skirts. The

skirts

> I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or anything like

that

> but this is not the usual article of clothing style I have worn in

> the past). I was amazed because my skirts were size 12s -

regulars

> (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my butt). I was

thinking

> maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

>

> I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his comments

> were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am getting aroused

just

> looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he took a couple of

> photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute. You have to take

> those clothes back to the store " . I said just a minute ago, you

> were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no chandelier) and why

now

> for the change. I told him that I am sure you look at other women

> that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He said " you are

my

> wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not returning my

> clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my clothes and I

look

> good so there is no reason why I should take this stuff back. He

> said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss now

> different style of clothes " . I told him you used to dress me

(pick

> out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I have to feel

good

> with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would take the clothes

> back but did not say anything to him about it. Well, first thing

in

> the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling me how much he

> loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning, the first thing

out

> of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in short skirts and

high

> heals " and he said " the skinner you got the shorter the skirts

got " .

> I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff. I told him that

> nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has some issues

with

> security that he needed to deal with. He said yes he was feeling

> insecure and asked me to help him through this. He said he did not

> want me to leave him. I told him that he was the only man in my

life

> and I was not going anywhere and that I would do whatever I could

to

> help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told him that this

is

> why I have to return the clothes because I am not about to allow

> anything to come between our relationship. Well we went back to

the

> store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My husband said now

what

> are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my closet. He

said " No

> you can't wear that stuff because you are starting to look

sloppy " .

> So he said lets go shopping. We went to the vacaville outlets and

> started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn for Women and

did

> not feel like going in to the regular stores to be disappointed.

We

> went to another store and I found skirts size 12s regular and

> some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x and 3x. I am

> still top heavy. The thing too that I did not understand was the

> very skirts my husband whined about, were the same type of skirts

> that he picked out for me. I told him I did not understand. He

said

> you look good and I should allow you to develop into the person

you

> want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to promise him

that I

> would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it just amazes

me.

> This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear and I told him

just

> a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days. All in all,

all

> is well now but I had to share this with you. Its so strange

because

> when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a size 10/12 (we

have

> been together for 18 years but only married 16) he did

> not act like that. Now after 14 years of being fat, he goes a

little

> off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love him dearly

though.

> Okay enough.

>

> I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in there and for the

> post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys are going.

Colleen,

> can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

>

> Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

May 2, 2005

Pam,

Thank you for sharing that story. You sound like you have very good

communication and a very loving relationship. One of the things I

found as a benefit to losing 170 pounds was shopping! I am a

shopaholic. (I just asked my hubby how do you spell shopaholic and

he yell from downstairs shell,, lol funny guy) anyway. I love buying

new fun sexy cloths. I have to wear suits everyday for work so when

i'm not working and not in jeans and a tee shirt I love to dress

fun,cute and sexy. I am lucky my hubby could careless. He loves to

wear shorts 24/7 being in the tekie world he does not have to wear

suits.

I think what I have been reading is true. Couples need to be able

to communicate with each other, to help each other understand the

changes on both sides. My hubby is a big guy and he can sometimes

get down on himself. I tell him I love him just as he is and I do.

He knows our love is strong and neather of us are jealous people.

I can be a big flirt and I love attention (could you guess) but I

have always been that way. I love people ,meeting new friends and

staying close to old ones. My losing 170 has not changed that at

all. I can be who I am with my husband and he can be the same. On

our wedding day my friend (we have been friends for over 12

years) was in our wedding and he told our wedding day was

the worse day of his life! was like sorry dude! When it came

time to toss the garter took it off me and walked it right

over to gearge, the whole place went up in laughter.

and I have a lot of fun in our marrage and we communicate

any feelings we may be having. Being in AA has helped me a lot in

learning how to communicate . My relationship with my husband is the

healthiest, non-drama relationship I have ever been in.

I have been in a lot of relationships that I tried to be someone

else to please " the guy " . When I found myself single before I met

I swore I would be true to myself no matter what.I would

always try to speake my truth. God blessed me with a very stong

loving,honest man who could take my big energy and all my crazy ways

and not be threaten by them.

Pam your story was so wonderful and showed how a good relationship

of open communicate can work! I bet you look dame good in your new

cloths!

Just a hint. When I first started buying new cloths I shopped at the

goodwill, I was losing so fast it was cheaper ,and if your willing

to spend a little time in the thirft store you can find some great

deals! I would get gap jeans ,Tommy hilflyer (sp?) top name brands

for like $5.00 a pair,so in a couple of weeks when I lost more

weight I could just pass them on.

Hugs

Shell

> Just thought I would post this because I truly believe that in

order

> to help someone deal with a situation, you have to have

experienced

> that same situation or something similiar.

>

> On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts & blouses).

Normally,

> I either wear long or just below the knee length skirts. The

skirts

> I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or anything like

that

> but this is not the usual article of clothing style I have worn in

> the past). I was amazed because my skirts were size 12s -

regulars

> (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my butt). I was

thinking

> maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

>

> I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his comments

> were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am getting aroused

just

> looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he took a couple of

> photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute. You have to take

> those clothes back to the store " . I said just a minute ago, you

> were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no chandelier) and why

now

> for the change. I told him that I am sure you look at other women

> that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He said " you are

my

> wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not returning my

> clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my clothes and I

look

> good so there is no reason why I should take this stuff back. He

> said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss now

> different style of clothes " . I told him you used to dress me

(pick

> out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I have to feel

good

> with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would take the clothes

> back but did not say anything to him about it. Well, first thing

in

> the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling me how much he

> loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning, the first thing

out

> of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in short skirts and

high

> heals " and he said " the skinner you got the shorter the skirts

got " .

> I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff. I told him that

> nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has some issues

with

> security that he needed to deal with. He said yes he was feeling

> insecure and asked me to help him through this. He said he did not

> want me to leave him. I told him that he was the only man in my

life

> and I was not going anywhere and that I would do whatever I could

to

> help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told him that this

is

> why I have to return the clothes because I am not about to allow

> anything to come between our relationship. Well we went back to

the

> store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My husband said now

what

> are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my closet. He

said " No

> you can't wear that stuff because you are starting to look

sloppy " .

> So he said lets go shopping. We went to the vacaville outlets and

> started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn for Women and

did

> not feel like going in to the regular stores to be disappointed.

We

> went to another store and I found skirts size 12s regular and

> some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x and 3x. I am

> still top heavy. The thing too that I did not understand was the

> very skirts my husband whined about, were the same type of skirts

> that he picked out for me. I told him I did not understand. He

said

> you look good and I should allow you to develop into the person

you

> want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to promise him

that I

> would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it just amazes

me.

> This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear and I told him

just

> a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days. All in all,

all

> is well now but I had to share this with you. Its so strange

because

> when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a size 10/12 (we

have

> been together for 18 years but only married 16) he did

> not act like that. Now after 14 years of being fat, he goes a

little

> off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love him dearly

though.

> Okay enough.

>

> I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in there and for the

> post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys are going.

Colleen,

> can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

>

> Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

May 2, 2005

Gosh TImmy i loved that ending about email from stdmfn, that just cracked me up

ColleenPamela A Marsh wrote:

lol, lol. I loved your post. I did my best toreassure him and it seemed to going okay. I know oneday of talking, cuddling and all that others stuffwon't fully do it but as long as it takes.I know we are going to be alright. I have faith. Thanks again for your advice. Pam Marsh --- Uncle Timmy wrote:> The male ego is a very fragile thing! (Speaking as a> representative > of my gender.) This seems to be a fairly common> occurance. I hear > about it in FTF support meetings all the time. You> are, after all, > literally changing the "balance" of your> relationship. Post-ops > would be well advised, to spend some time on> relationship > maintenance (assuming that's what they want) along> with all the "Me > Time" this journey gives

us.> > Change, even the most positive change, can be scary> and threatening > to those around us. They see us making profound> changes in our > exteriors, and can't help but wonder what impact it> will have on our > interiors. Increased social involvement (even the> most innocent) can > trigger real fears. > > Tell Hubby not to worry, until you start getting> emails from someone > called "stdmfn."> > Uncle Timmy -226> > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly> believe that in > order > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to> have > experienced > > that same situation or something similiar.> > > > On Saturday, I

purchased five out fits (skirts & > blouses). > Normally, > > I either wear long or just below the knee length> skirts. The > skirts > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or> anything like > that > > but this is not the usual article of clothing> style I have worn in > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were> size 12s - > regulars > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my> butt). I was > thinking > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.> > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of> his comments > > were "you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am> getting aroused > just > > looking at you in the clothes". Well after he> took a couple of > > photos of me, he suddenly said "wait a minute. > You have to take > >

those clothes back to the store". I said just a> minute ago, you > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no> chandelier) and why > now > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you> look at other women > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. > He said "you are > my > > wife". I said that is hypercritical and I am not> returning my > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my> clothes and I > look > > good so there is no reason why I should take this> stuff back. He > > said "This is a bit much for me. The weight loss> now > > different style of clothes". I told him you used> to dress me > (pick > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. > I have to feel > good > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would> take the clothes >

> back but did not say anything to him about it. > Well, first thing > in > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling> me how much he > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,> the first thing > out > > of his mouth was "I had nightmares about you in> short skirts and > high > > heals" and he said "the skinner you got the> shorter the skirts > got". > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff. > I told him that > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has> some issues > with > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes> he was feeling > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He> said he did not > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the> only man in my > life > > and I was not going anywhere and that I

would do> whatever I could > to > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also> told him that this > is > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not> about to allow > > anything to come between our relationship. Well> we went back to > the > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My> husband said now > what > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my> closet. He > said "No > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting> to look > sloppy". > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the> vacaville outlets and > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress> Barn for Women and > did > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be> disappointed. > We > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s> regular

and > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x> and 3x. I am > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not> understand was the > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same> type of skirts > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not> understand. He > said > > you look good and I should allow you to develop> into the person > you > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to> promise him > that I > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it> just amazes > me. > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear> and I told him > just > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of> days. All in all, > all > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its> so strange > because > > when we got married I was

130 pounds and wore a> size 10/12 (we > have > > been together for 18 years but only married 16) > he did > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being> fat, he goes a > little > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love> him dearly > though. > > Okay enough.> > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in> there and for the > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys> are going. > Colleen, > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.> > > === message truncated ===__________________________________________________

May 2, 2005

Hi Shell, your relationship with sounds a lot like mine with

Dan. He is definitely not threatened by knowing that I will lose a lot of

weight now, if anything he is as excited about it as I am. We have been

married for sixteen wonderful years, it was the third marriage for me and

the first for him, and neither of us is going anywhere. LaWanda At 08:46

PM 5/2/05, you wrote:

>Pam,

>

>Thank you for sharing that story. You sound like you have very good

>communication and a very loving relationship. One of the things I

>found as a benefit to losing 170 pounds was shopping! I am a

>shopaholic. (I just asked my hubby how do you spell shopaholic and

>he yell from downstairs shell,, lol funny guy) anyway. I love buying

>new fun sexy cloths. I have to wear suits everyday for work so when

>i'm not working and not in jeans and a tee shirt I love to dress

>fun,cute and sexy. I am lucky my hubby could careless. He loves to

>wear shorts 24/7 being in the tekie world he does not have to wear

>suits.

>

>I think what I have been reading is true. Couples need to be able

>to communicate with each other, to help each other understand the

>changes on both sides. My hubby is a big guy and he can sometimes

>get down on himself. I tell him I love him just as he is and I do.

>He knows our love is strong and neather of us are jealous people.

>

>I can be a big flirt and I love attention (could you guess) but I

>have always been that way. I love people ,meeting new friends and

>staying close to old ones. My losing 170 has not changed that at

>all. I can be who I am with my husband and he can be the same. On

>our wedding day my friend (we have been friends for over 12

>years) was in our wedding and he told our wedding day was

>the worse day of his life! was like sorry dude! When it came

>time to toss the garter took it off me and walked it right

>over to gearge, the whole place went up in laughter.

>

> and I have a lot of fun in our marrage and we communicate

>any feelings we may be having. Being in AA has helped me a lot in

>learning how to communicate . My relationship with my husband is the

>healthiest, non-drama relationship I have ever been in.

>

>I have been in a lot of relationships that I tried to be someone

>else to please " the guy " . When I found myself single before I met

> I swore I would be true to myself no matter what.I would

>always try to speake my truth. God blessed me with a very stong

>loving,honest man who could take my big energy and all my crazy ways

>and not be threaten by them.

>

>Pam your story was so wonderful and showed how a good relationship

>of open communicate can work! I bet you look dame good in your new

>cloths!

>

>Just a hint. When I first started buying new cloths I shopped at the

>goodwill, I was losing so fast it was cheaper ,and if your willing

>to spend a little time in the thirft store you can find some great

>deals! I would get gap jeans ,Tommy hilflyer (sp?) top name brands

>for like $5.00 a pair,so in a couple of weeks when I lost more

>weight I could just pass them on.

>

>Hugs

>Shell

>

> > Just thought I would post this because I truly believe that in

>order

> > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to have

>experienced

> > that same situation or something similiar.

> >

> > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts & blouses).

>Normally,

> > I either wear long or just below the knee length skirts. The

>skirts

> > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or anything like

>that

> > but this is not the usual article of clothing style I have worn in

> > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were size 12s -

>regulars

> > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my butt). I was

>thinking

> > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> >

> > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his comments

> > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am getting aroused

>just

> > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he took a couple of

> > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute. You have to take

> > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a minute ago, you

> > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no chandelier) and why

>now

> > for the change. I told him that I am sure you look at other women

> > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He said " you are

>my

> > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not returning my

> > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my clothes and I

>look

> > good so there is no reason why I should take this stuff back. He

> > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss now

> > different style of clothes " . I told him you used to dress me

>(pick

> > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I have to feel

>good

> > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would take the clothes

> > back but did not say anything to him about it. Well, first thing

>in

> > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling me how much he

> > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning, the first thing

>out

> > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in short skirts and

>high

> > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the shorter the skirts

>got " .

> > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff. I told him that

> > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has some issues

>with

> > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes he was feeling

> > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He said he did not

> > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the only man in my

>life

> > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do whatever I could

>to

> > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told him that this

>is

> > why I have to return the clothes because I am not about to allow

> > anything to come between our relationship. Well we went back to

>the

> > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My husband said now

>what

> > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my closet. He

>said " No

> > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting to look

>sloppy " .

> > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the vacaville outlets and

> > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn for Women and

>did

> > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be disappointed.

>We

> > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s regular and

> > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x and 3x. I am

> > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not understand was the

> > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same type of skirts

> > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not understand. He

>said

> > you look good and I should allow you to develop into the person

>you

> > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to promise him

>that I

> > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it just amazes

>me.

> > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear and I told him

>just

> > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days. All in all,

>all

> > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its so strange

>because

> > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a size 10/12 (we

>have

> > been together for 18 years but only married 16) he did

> > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being fat, he goes a

>little

> > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love him dearly

>though.

> > Okay enough.

> >

> > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in there and for the

> > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys are going.

>Colleen,

> > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> >

> > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

>

May 3, 2005

Good morning Shell, I loved your post here. Thanks for

sharing your story. You sound like you have a great

guy.

I know that if we continue to communicate as we do and

work with each other as we have been we are going to

be fine. Its okay to have bumps here and there.

These bumps make you stop and be aware of what you

have and see the value in one another.

Thanks again.

Pam Marsh

--- Shell shells793@...> wrote:

>

> Pam,

>

> Thank you for sharing that story. You sound like you

> have very good

> communication and a very loving relationship. One of

> the things I

> found as a benefit to losing 170 pounds was

> shopping! I am a

> shopaholic. (I just asked my hubby how do you spell

> shopaholic and

> he yell from downstairs shell,, lol funny guy)

> anyway. I love buying

> new fun sexy cloths. I have to wear suits everyday

> for work so when

> i'm not working and not in jeans and a tee shirt I

> love to dress

> fun,cute and sexy. I am lucky my hubby could

> careless. He loves to

> wear shorts 24/7 being in the tekie world he does

> not have to wear

> suits.

>

> I think what I have been reading is true. Couples

> need to be able

> to communicate with each other, to help each other

> understand the

> changes on both sides. My hubby is a big guy and he

> can sometimes

> get down on himself. I tell him I love him just as

> he is and I do.

> He knows our love is strong and neather of us are

> jealous people.

>

> I can be a big flirt and I love attention (could you

> guess) but I

> have always been that way. I love people ,meeting

> new friends and

> staying close to old ones. My losing 170 has not

> changed that at

> all. I can be who I am with my husband and he can be

> the same. On

> our wedding day my friend (we have been

> friends for over 12

> years) was in our wedding and he told our

> wedding day was

> the worse day of his life! was like sorry

> dude! When it came

> time to toss the garter took it off me and

> walked it right

> over to gearge, the whole place went up in laughter.

>

> and I have a lot of fun in our marrage and

> we communicate

> any feelings we may be having. Being in AA has

> helped me a lot in

> learning how to communicate . My relationship with

> my husband is the

> healthiest, non-drama relationship I have ever been

> in.

>

> I have been in a lot of relationships that I tried

> to be someone

> else to please " the guy " . When I found myself single

> before I met

> I swore I would be true to myself no matter

> what.I would

> always try to speake my truth. God blessed me with a

> very stong

> loving,honest man who could take my big energy and

> all my crazy ways

> and not be threaten by them.

>

> Pam your story was so wonderful and showed how a

> good relationship

> of open communicate can work! I bet you look dame

> good in your new

> cloths!

>

> Just a hint. When I first started buying new cloths

> I shopped at the

> goodwill, I was losing so fast it was cheaper ,and

> if your willing

> to spend a little time in the thirft store you can

> find some great

> deals! I would get gap jeans ,Tommy hilflyer (sp?)

> top name brands

> for like $5.00 a pair,so in a couple of weeks when I

> lost more

> weight I could just pass them on.

>

> Hugs

> Shell

>

> > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> believe that in

> order

> > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> have

> experienced

> > that same situation or something similiar.

> >

> > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> blouses).

> Normally,

> > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> skirts. The

> skirts

> > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> anything like

> that

> > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> style I have worn in

> > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> size 12s -

> regulars

> > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> butt). I was

> thinking

> > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> >

> > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> his comments

> > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> getting aroused

> just

> > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> took a couple of

> > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> You have to take

> > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> minute ago, you

> > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> chandelier) and why

> now

> > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> look at other women

> > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> He said " you are

> my

> > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> returning my

> > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> clothes and I

> look

> > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> stuff back. He

> > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> now

> > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> to dress me

> (pick

> > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> I have to feel

> good

> > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> take the clothes

> > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> Well, first thing

> in

> > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> me how much he

> > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> the first thing

> out

> > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> short skirts and

> high

> > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> shorter the skirts

> got " .

> > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> I told him that

> > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> some issues

> with

> > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> he was feeling

> > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> said he did not

> > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> only man in my

> life

> > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> whatever I could

> to

> > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> told him that this

> is

> > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> about to allow

> > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> we went back to

> the

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

May 3, 2005

, I am glad that you posted what you posted.

Its great to know that others are experiencing the

same thing or similar things.

I know that Lawanda posted that her husband does not

feel threatened but I also realize that LaWanda is

very early in her journey. You and I and others both

know that as the changes come (and they are going to

come), your attitude changes and the way you act and

dress changes. These changes, in our case, come about

quick. So I will be waiting for a follow-up post from

LaWanda (*wink*).

Well, my only advice is to continue to communicate.

Your husband knows that you love him and he knows that

you are beautiful and sexy and all that other

wonderful stuff but he also knows how men can be and

it has nothing to do with you or whether he trust you.

Your husband is too cute. I guess he decided to take

things into his own hands (cute). Whatever you do,

don't stop communicating. He will get over it, they

always do. I think it is important to rock the boat

every now and then. It keeps everyone on their toes

because in any relationship, it is real easy to take a

person for granted especially when you have been

together for a long time.

I plan on doing this marriage thing once. I wish you

much happiness in your marriage and continued success

in your weight loss journey.

Take care.

Pam Marsh

--- Diane Duenas brendadiane64@...>

wrote:

> Im going through almost exactly the same thing!!! My

> hubby is going

> nuts but cant express it like yours is. He just gets

> mad and makes

> comments about the length. I bought a cute skort at

> costco and it is

> short. Well he goes to walmart the next day and buys

> me another one,

> only longer. He really doesnt like the new

> clothes....he doesnt feel

> safe anymore. But Im not really taking it that easy

> on him. Im

> experimenting too...nothing sleezy but definitely

> different. Im

> dressing to accentuate and not to hide and its

> unsettling for him.

>

> Huggles

>

> > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> believe that in

> order

> > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> have

> experienced

> > that same situation or something similiar.

> >

> > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> blouses).

> Normally,

> > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> skirts. The

> skirts

> > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> anything like

> that

> > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> style I have worn in

> > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> size 12s -

> regulars

> > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> butt). I was

> thinking

> > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> >

> > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> his comments

> > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> getting aroused

> just

> > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> took a couple of

> > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> You have to take

> > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> minute ago, you

> > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> chandelier) and why

> now

> > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> look at other women

> > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> He said " you are

> my

> > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> returning my

> > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> clothes and I

> look

> > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> stuff back. He

> > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> now

> > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> to dress me

> (pick

> > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> I have to feel

> good

> > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> take the clothes

> > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> Well, first thing

> in

> > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> me how much he

> > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> the first thing

> out

> > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> short skirts and

> high

> > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> shorter the skirts

> got " .

> > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> I told him that

> > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> some issues

> with

> > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> he was feeling

> > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> said he did not

> > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> only man in my

> life

> > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> whatever I could

> to

> > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> told him that this

> is

> > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> about to allow

> > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> we went back to

> the

> > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> husband said now

> what

> > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> closet. He

> said " No

> > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> to look

> sloppy " .

> > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> vacaville outlets and

> > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> Barn for Women and

> did

> > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> disappointed.

> We

> > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> regular and

> > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> and 3x. I am

> > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> understand was the

> > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> type of skirts

> > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> understand. He

> said

> > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> into the person

> you

> > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> promise him

> that I

> > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> just amazes

> me.

> > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> and I told him

> just

> > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> days. All in all,

> all

> > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> so strange

> because

> > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> size 10/12 (we

> have

> > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> he did

> > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> fat, he goes a

> little

> > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> him dearly

> though.

> > Okay enough.

> >

> > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> there and for the

> > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> are going.

> Colleen,

> > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> >

> > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

>

__________________________________________________

May 3, 2005

LaWanda, congrats on your weight loss. I posted in a

email to that I can't wait for a follow-up post

from you about the changes in your life.

I really believe that you will be talking about your

husband and clothing issues (smile). I will be

checking in with you in about a month :>)

As for the exercise, take small steps. When you do

exercise, you are going to enjoy it. I mean I really

enjoy it now. I don't have the extra weight weighing

me down.

I think I got sick once and it was horrible. It was

on chicken and I eat too fast. That was the worst 30

minute ordeal I have ever dealt with. I am 3 months

today and life is great.

Aren't you glad you did this and wasn't the weight

worth it. I can't imagine what my life would be like

in another 6 months to a year had I NOT done the

surgery.

We are truly blessed and I am so glad that we have

this forum to talk with each other.

About my husband...yes, I love him dearly, I honestly

do. I have never been with someone that I feel safe

and comfortable with. He truly balances me. You know

we have been together for 18 years but only married

for 16 and whenever I see my husband, I still get that

nervous, silly feeling in my stomach. When I see him

its like when you first hook up with someone and its

new and you are excited. Its crazy but I still feel

like when I see him. Okay, enough. You take care

now.

Pam Marsh

--- LaWanda Ezell konfuzed@...> wrote:

> Oh Pam, you're doing so well! I am now down 15-1/2

> pounds, and I am

> fitting into some clothes that were too small when I

> bought them! Haven't

> been sick much, just once or twice a little bit!

> Haven't exercised much

> because I had a horrible cold last week, so bad that

> I had to reschedule

> m;y post-op follow-up with Doctor Dutta, and I will

> be doing it this Friday

> instead. I admire the spirit of compromise that you

> and your husband

> expressed with each other, it's obvious to me that

> the two of you have a

> good and strong marriage. Congrats again, LaWanda

> At 11:44 AM 5/2/05,

> you wrote:

> >Just thought I would post this because I truly

> believe that in order

> >to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> have experienced

> >that same situation or something similiar.

> >

> >On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> blouses). Normally,

> >I either wear long or just below the knee length

> skirts. The skirts

> >I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> anything like that

> >but this is not the usual article of clothing style

> I have worn in

> >the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> size 12s - regulars

> >(I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> butt). I was thinking

> >maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> >

> >I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his

> comments

> >were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> getting aroused just

> >looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he took

> a couple of

> >photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute. You

> have to take

> >those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> minute ago, you

> >were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> chandelier) and why now

> >for the change. I told him that I am sure you look

> at other women

> >that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He

> said " you are my

> >wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> returning my

> >clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> clothes and I look

> >good so there is no reason why I should take this

> stuff back. He

> >said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> now

> >different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> to dress me (pick

> >out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I

> have to feel good

> >with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> take the clothes

> >back but did not say anything to him about it.

> Well, first thing in

> >the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> me how much he

> >loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> the first thing out

> >of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> short skirts and high

> >heals " and he said " the skinner you got the shorter

> the skirts got " .

> >I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> I told him that

> >nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> some issues with

> >security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> he was feeling

> >insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> said he did not

> >want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> only man in my life

> >and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> whatever I could to

> >help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told

> him that this is

> >why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> about to allow

> >anything to come between our relationship. Well we

> went back to the

> >store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> husband said now what

> >are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> closet. He said " No

> >you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> to look sloppy " .

> >So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> vacaville outlets and

> >started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn

> for Women and did

> >not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> disappointed. We

> >went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> regular and

> >some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> and 3x. I am

> >still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> understand was the

> >very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> type of skirts

> >that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> understand. He said

> >you look good and I should allow you to develop

> into the person you

> >want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> promise him that I

> >would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> just amazes me.

> >This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> and I told him just

> >a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days.

> All in all, all

> >is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> so strange because

> >when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> size 10/12 (we have

> >been together for 18 years but only married 16) he

> did

> >not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> fat, he goes a little

> >off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> him dearly though.

> >Okay enough.

> >

> >I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> there and for the

> >post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> are going. Colleen,

> >can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> >

> >Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> >65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> >

May 3, 2005

Thanks Eleanor. I could not have it any other way.

Nothing ever succeeds or is successful without

communication. Even if something is said that you

don't like, you have step aside of yourself and really

hear what is being said. You have to realize that the

person that truly loves you is going to speak up

because they care.

You are right NOTHING is worth destroying what we have

worked for and nothing ever will. I don't care if its

a piece of paper, garment, whatever.

I am glad you shared your story.

LaWanda, Eleanor, , Shell, Robynn, , Uncle

Timmy and everyone else whose name I could not

remember, THANK YOU for your continued support.

Pam Marsh

--- Eleanor Oster wls@...> wrote:

> I know my husband and I have gone through some

> changes since my own

> surgery. There are a couple of ways and causes at

> work here.

>

> The first is the insecurity. My husband is normally

> pretty secure, and

> he does trust me, but... I guess the best way to put

> it that his brain

> knows I am not interested in replacing him, but his

> heart is afraid. I

> frequently reassure him, reminding that I dated

> quite a bit before we

> got married (seven years ago tomorrow, his third, my

> third), and I know

> what's out there. I ain't that stupid to let him go!

>

> The second set of changes have had to do with the

> general dynamics of

> our relationship, because I CAN be a lot more active

> now. This means

> that our roles have changed a lot. We're doing

> pretty well, but there

> are times when one of us will let the other know

> " Hey, you're

> interfering in my territory! " In some cases, this is

> because I have

> reclaimed some of the typical " female " roles

> (housekeeping, decorating,

> etc.) that he used to do most of.

>

> So what are my secrets? Well, the first thing that I

> brought to our

> relationship is the knowledge that there's stuff

> that matters, and stuff

> that doesn't. You know, it doesn't matter HOW he

> hangs the roll of

> toilet paper. I'm just glad it's there when I need

> to wipe my @$$! He

> had one girlfriend who got hysterical when he hung a

> towel (hey, at

> least he didn't just drop in on the floor in the

> corner) such that it

> was touching itself. Well, you know, all my towels

> are washable. Even if

> they weren't it's much easier to replace a towel

> than my !

>

> The other secret is that we TALK! If there's

> something bothering one of

> us, or one of us is feeling insecure, we DEAL WITH

> IT! We do NOT let it

> fester. The other day, he said something that hurt

> my feelings pretty

> badly. Mentally I knew he didn't mean what I heard.

> I did tell him I

> wasn't going to respond right away. A couple of

> hours later I let him

> know how my heart had interpreted what he had said,

> and how it had made

> me feel. I was right, he had NOT meant what he had

> said the way my heart

> heard it. By not letting it fester, the episode has,

> if anything, made

> us stronger, rather than driving a wedge between us.

>

> Kinda like when Pam's hubby decided she SHOULD get

> the same style

> clothes he had originally pitched a fit about. He

> was willing to set

> aside his own insecurity, not wanting the wedge

> between them. She was

> willing to get more conservative clothes, not

> wanting the wedge between

> them. I think this is great! The important issue is

> NOT the clothing,

> but how you deal with the issue!

>

> Ooops, I got more dishes to wash and stuff to find

> places for, so I'd

> better get to it! Love you all, and hope to see some

> of you Wednesday at

> the Oakland meeting!

>

> Eleanor

>

> Uncle Timmy wrote:

>

> >The male ego is a very fragile thing! (Speaking as

> a representative

> >of my gender.) This seems to be a fairly common

> occurance. I hear

> >about it in FTF support meetings all the time. You

> are, after all,

> >literally changing the " balance " of your

> relationship. Post-ops

> >would be well advised, to spend some time on

> relationship

> >maintenance (assuming that's what they want) along

> with all the " Me

> >Time " this journey gives us.

> >

> >Change, even the most positive change, can be scary

> and threatening

> >to those around us. They see us making profound

> changes in our

> >exteriors, and can't help but wonder what impact it

> will have on our

> >interiors. Increased social involvement (even the

> most innocent) can

> >trigger real fears.

> >

> >Tell Hubby not to worry, until you start getting

> emails from someone

> >called " stdmfn. "

> >

> --

> Eleanor Oster

> eleanor@... (personal address)

> www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm

> San , CA

> Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003

> P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)

> ~5'9 " tall

> 05/09/2003 319 Orientation

> 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery

> Current ~150 Goal until plastics?

> Goal 140-150?

>

__________________________________________________

May 3, 2005

I am glad I chose to make this journey now while I am single. I

have had 3 long term relationships, one I was married to. It is

true what they say about the 7 year itch. I am a very strong person

and chose to end all three of the relationships. I have never been

one to hide about my weight, however I am very extroverted and I am

looking forward to doing all the things on my goal list once I

lose. That means meeting new people and forming new friendships

with others that like the same things I do. My two main goals are

to go parasailing, and kite surfing under the bay bridge by Crissy

Field. I technically could do both now, but the sight of me in a

wet suit would be just darn right wrong :-)

Jeanne

> > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > believe that in

> > order

> > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > have

> > experienced

> > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > >

> > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > blouses).

> > Normally,

> > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > skirts. The

> > skirts

> > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > anything like

> > that

> > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > style I have worn in

> > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > size 12s -

> > regulars

> > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > butt). I was

> > thinking

> > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > >

> > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > his comments

> > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > getting aroused

> > just

> > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > took a couple of

> > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > You have to take

> > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > minute ago, you

> > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > chandelier) and why

> > now

> > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > look at other women

> > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > He said " you are

> > my

> > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > returning my

> > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > clothes and I

> > look

> > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > stuff back. He

> > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > now

> > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > to dress me

> > (pick

> > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > I have to feel

> > good

> > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > take the clothes

> > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > Well, first thing

> > in

> > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > me how much he

> > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > the first thing

> > out

> > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > short skirts and

> > high

> > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > shorter the skirts

> > got " .

> > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > I told him that

> > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > some issues

> > with

> > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > he was feeling

> > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > said he did not

> > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > only man in my

> > life

> > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > whatever I could

> > to

> > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > told him that this

> > is

> > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > about to allow

> > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > we went back to

> > the

> > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > husband said now

> > what

> > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > closet. He

> > said " No

> > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > to look

> > sloppy " .

> > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > vacaville outlets and

> > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > Barn for Women and

> > did

> > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > disappointed.

> > We

> > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > regular and

> > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > and 3x. I am

> > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > understand was the

> > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > type of skirts

> > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > understand. He

> > said

> > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > into the person

> > you

> > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > promise him

> > that I

> > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > just amazes

> > me.

> > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > and I told him

> > just

> > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > days. All in all,

> > all

> > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > so strange

> > because

> > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > size 10/12 (we

> > have

> > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > he did

> > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > fat, he goes a

> > little

> > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > him dearly

> > though.

> > > Okay enough.

> > >

> > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > there and for the

> > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > are going.

> > Colleen,

> > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > >

> > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> >

>

> __________________________________________________

>

May 3, 2005

I think he just feels like all of a sudden he has a teenager on his

hands again. LOL We were married in our teens, I was 17 and he was

19. For years my weight kept me isolated and dependent on just him.

Now I feel like soaring,spreading my wings and flying. I mean I got

a tatoo, Im running a marathon, meeting people, going out for

coffee, wearing very cute clothes ect. Emotionally changing

too...not willing to settle for status quo..wanting to shake things

up a bit...getting a little crazy. After 24 years of marriage I can

see how that can be unsettling for him but Im trying to bring him

along albeit kicking and screaming LOL.

Huggles

> > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > believe that in

> > order

> > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > have

> > experienced

> > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > >

> > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > blouses).

> > Normally,

> > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > skirts. The

> > skirts

> > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > anything like

> > that

> > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > style I have worn in

> > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > size 12s -

> > regulars

> > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > butt). I was

> > thinking

> > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > >

> > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > his comments

> > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > getting aroused

> > just

> > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > took a couple of

> > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > You have to take

> > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > minute ago, you

> > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > chandelier) and why

> > now

> > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > look at other women

> > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > He said " you are

> > my

> > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > returning my

> > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > clothes and I

> > look

> > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > stuff back. He

> > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > now

> > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > to dress me

> > (pick

> > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > I have to feel

> > good

> > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > take the clothes

> > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > Well, first thing

> > in

> > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > me how much he

> > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > the first thing

> > out

> > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > short skirts and

> > high

> > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > shorter the skirts

> > got " .

> > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > I told him that

> > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > some issues

> > with

> > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > he was feeling

> > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > said he did not

> > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > only man in my

> > life

> > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > whatever I could

> > to

> > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > told him that this

> > is

> > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > about to allow

> > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > we went back to

> > the

> > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > husband said now

> > what

> > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > closet. He

> > said " No

> > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > to look

> > sloppy " .

> > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > vacaville outlets and

> > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > Barn for Women and

> > did

> > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > disappointed.

> > We

> > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > regular and

> > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > and 3x. I am

> > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > understand was the

> > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > type of skirts

> > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > understand. He

> > said

> > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > into the person

> > you

> > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > promise him

> > that I

> > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > just amazes

> > me.

> > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > and I told him

> > just

> > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > days. All in all,

> > all

> > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > so strange

> > because

> > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > size 10/12 (we

> > have

> > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > he did

> > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > fat, he goes a

> > little

> > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > him dearly

> > though.

> > > Okay enough.

> > >

> > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > there and for the

> > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > are going.

> > Colleen,

> > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > >

> > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> >

>

> __________________________________________________

>

May 3, 2005

I am glad you chose to take this journey to as well.

I think that we have to remember that although we

become one when we are married we are still two

separate people.

I think that anytime we are taken out of our comfort

zone it can be a little scary and yes, we just might

question our own abilities as well as others.

With all things, we have to seek wisdom and stay

prayerful and not put our faith in man. I won't say

it is any easier doing this journey as a single person

over being a married person. You just have to make

choices that are right for you.

With any relationship, there must be a sense of

freedom.

I am hoping that you will have your surgery real soon

so that you can experience true freedom. Parasailing

and kite sailing awaits you....

Pam Marsh

--- topazmisskitty topazmisskitty@...> wrote:

> I am glad I chose to make this journey now while I

> am single. I

> have had 3 long term relationships, one I was

> married to. It is

> true what they say about the 7 year itch. I am a

> very strong person

> and chose to end all three of the relationships. I

> have never been

> one to hide about my weight, however I am very

> extroverted and I am

> looking forward to doing all the things on my goal

> list once I

> lose. That means meeting new people and forming new

> friendships

> with others that like the same things I do. My two

> main goals are

> to go parasailing, and kite surfing under the bay

> bridge by Crissy

> Field. I technically could do both now, but the

> sight of me in a

> wet suit would be just darn right wrong :-)

>

> Jeanne

>

> > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > believe that in

> > > order

> > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you

> have to

> > > have

> > > experienced

> > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > >

> > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts

> &

> > > blouses).

> > > Normally,

> > > > I either wear long or just below the knee

> length

> > > skirts. The

> > > skirts

> > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy

> or

> > > anything like

> > > that

> > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > style I have worn in

> > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts

> were

> > > size 12s -

> > > regulars

> > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > butt). I was

> > > thinking

> > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > >

> > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some

> of

> > > his comments

> > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I

> am

> > > getting aroused

> > > just

> > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > took a couple of

> > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

>

> > > You have to take

> > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said

> just a

> > > minute ago, you

> > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > chandelier) and why

> > > now

> > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > look at other women

> > > > that wear the same style skirts if not

> shorter.

> > > He said " you are

> > > my

> > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am

> not

> > > returning my

> > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in

> my

> > > clothes and I

> > > look

> > > > good so there is no reason why I should take

> this

> > > stuff back. He

> > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight

> loss

> > > now

> > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you

> used

> > > to dress me

> > > (pick

> > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening

> anymore.

> > > I have to feel

> > > good

> > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I

> would

> > > take the clothes

> > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

>

> > > Well, first thing

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

May 3, 2005

This journey can be a lot like a second adolesence! Physically,

we're adjusting to new bodies, while emotionally, we're finding our

identities, and socially, there is just so much more we want and can

do. Many of us have deferred so many life experiences for so long,

that finally being at a healthy weight is incredilbly liberating.

Uncle Timmy -226

> > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > believe that in

> > > order

> > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > > have

> > > experienced

> > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > >

> > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > blouses).

> > > Normally,

> > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > skirts. The

> > > skirts

> > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > anything like

> > > that

> > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > style I have worn in

> > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > size 12s -

> > > regulars

> > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > butt). I was

> > > thinking

> > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > >

> > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > his comments

> > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > getting aroused

> > > just

> > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > took a couple of

> > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > You have to take

> > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > minute ago, you

> > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > chandelier) and why

> > > now

> > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > look at other women

> > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > He said " you are

> > > my

> > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > returning my

> > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > clothes and I

> > > look

> > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > stuff back. He

> > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > now

> > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > to dress me

> > > (pick

> > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > I have to feel

> > > good

> > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > take the clothes

> > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > Well, first thing

> > > in

> > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > > me how much he

> > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > the first thing

> > > out

> > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > short skirts and

> > > high

> > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > shorter the skirts

> > > got " .

> > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > I told him that

> > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > > some issues

> > > with

> > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > > he was feeling

> > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > > said he did not

> > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > only man in my

> > > life

> > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > whatever I could

> > > to

> > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > told him that this

> > > is

> > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > about to allow

> > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > we went back to

> > > the

> > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > husband said now

> > > what

> > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > closet. He

> > > said " No

> > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > > to look

> > > sloppy " .

> > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > Barn for Women and

> > > did

> > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > > disappointed.

> > > We

> > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > regular and

> > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > > and 3x. I am

> > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > understand was the

> > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > > type of skirts

> > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > understand. He

> > > said

> > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > into the person

> > > you

> > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > > promise him

> > > that I

> > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > > just amazes

> > > me.

> > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > and I told him

> > > just

> > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > days. All in all,

> > > all

> > > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > > so strange

> > > because

> > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > size 10/12 (we

> > > have

> > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > he did

> > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > fat, he goes a

> > > little

> > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > him dearly

> > > though.

> > > > Okay enough.

> > > >

> > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > there and for the

> > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > are going.

> > > Colleen,

> > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > >

> > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > >

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >

May 3, 2005

I agree. Its like I have been, as stated in another

post, hiding behind a wall and now I see this person

peaking out and I want to get to know her. I don't

walk with my head down or I should say looking at the

ground now. Every now and then I might catch myself

looking down when I walk but I quickly correct my

posture. I get excited about going out even if it is

just for a ride to no where in the car. I make it my

business to apply makeup everyday where I had

completely stopped wearing it. I make sure I go and

get my air fixed at the salon. I look forward to my

work outs and yes, it is liberating. I feel so good.

Thanks again Uncle Timmy.

Pam Marsh

--- Uncle Timmy n01un0@...> wrote:

> This journey can be a lot like a second adolesence!

> Physically,

> we're adjusting to new bodies, while emotionally,

> we're finding our

> identities, and socially, there is just so much more

> we want and can

> do. Many of us have deferred so many life

> experiences for so long,

> that finally being at a healthy weight is

> incredilbly liberating.

>

> Uncle Timmy -226

>

> > > > > Just thought I would post this because I

> truly

> > > > believe that in

> > > > order

> > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you

> have to

> > > > have

> > > > experienced

> > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > >

> > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits

> (skirts &

> > > > blouses).

> > > > Normally,

> > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee

> length

> > > > skirts. The

> > > > skirts

> > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing

> skimpy or

> > > > anything like

> > > > that

> > > > > but this is not the usual article of

> clothing

> > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts

> were

> > > > size 12s -

> > > > regulars

> > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on

> my

> > > > butt). I was

> > > > thinking

> > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > >

> > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some

> of

> > > > his comments

> > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and

> I am

> > > > getting aroused

> > > > just

> > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after

> he

> > > > took a couple of

> > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a

> minute.

> > > > You have to take

> > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said

> just a

> > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > now

> > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure

> you

> > > > look at other women

> > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not

> shorter.

> > > > He said " you are

> > > > my

> > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I

> am

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

May 3, 2005

I think that raises a question that I have been struggling with:

What happens when you see that new body, and it scares the hell out

of you? I have what I guess is a body-dysmorphic disorder...it's

gotten worse instead of better since I lost the weight. Anyone else

experience this?

pascha =)

-130

> > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > believe that in

> > > > order

> > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > > > have

> > > > experienced

> > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > >

> > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > > blouses).

> > > > Normally,

> > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > > skirts. The

> > > > skirts

> > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > > anything like

> > > > that

> > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > size 12s -

> > > > regulars

> > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > butt). I was

> > > > thinking

> > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > >

> > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > his comments

> > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > > getting aroused

> > > > just

> > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > took a couple of

> > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > You have to take

> > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > now

> > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > look at other women

> > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > He said " you are

> > > > my

> > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > > returning my

> > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > > clothes and I

> > > > look

> > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > > now

> > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > > to dress me

> > > > (pick

> > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > > I have to feel

> > > > good

> > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > take the clothes

> > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > Well, first thing

> > > > in

> > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > > > me how much he

> > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > > the first thing

> > > > out

> > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > short skirts and

> > > > high

> > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > got " .

> > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > > I told him that

> > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > > > some issues

> > > > with

> > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > > > he was feeling

> > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > > > said he did not

> > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > > only man in my

> > > > life

> > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > > whatever I could

> > > > to

> > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > told him that this

> > > > is

> > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > > about to allow

> > > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > > we went back to

> > > > the

> > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > husband said now

> > > > what

> > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > > closet. He

> > > > said " No

> > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > > > to look

> > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > did

> > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > > > disappointed.

> > > > We

> > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > > regular and

> > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > understand was the

> > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > > > type of skirts

> > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > > understand. He

> > > > said

> > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > into the person

> > > > you

> > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > > > promise him

> > > > that I

> > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > > > just amazes

> > > > me.

> > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > > and I told him

> > > > just

> > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > days. All in all,

> > > > all

> > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > > > so strange

> > > > because

> > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > have

> > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > he did

> > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > little

> > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > > him dearly

> > > > though.

> > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > >

> > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > > there and for the

> > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > > are going.

> > > > Colleen,

> > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > >

> > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > >

> > >

> > > __________________________________________________

> > >

May 3, 2005

I truly am glad I did this too, especially when I see my blood sugar

readings! What a neat way to feel about your husband, in a way I wish we

still had that! Really though I am happy that we are comfortable together,

my husband has provided me with the first comfort place I have ever had,

the first place where I have ever felt I am home. LaWanda At 07:01 AM

5/3/05, you wrote:

>LaWanda, congrats on your weight loss. I posted in a

>email to that I can't wait for a follow-up post

>from you about the changes in your life.

>

>I really believe that you will be talking about your

>husband and clothing issues (smile). I will be

>checking in with you in about a month :>)

>

>As for the exercise, take small steps. When you do

>exercise, you are going to enjoy it. I mean I really

>enjoy it now. I don't have the extra weight weighing

>me down.

>

>I think I got sick once and it was horrible. It was

>on chicken and I eat too fast. That was the worst 30

>minute ordeal I have ever dealt with. I am 3 months

>today and life is great.

>

>Aren't you glad you did this and wasn't the weight

>worth it. I can't imagine what my life would be like

>in another 6 months to a year had I NOT done the

>surgery.

>

>We are truly blessed and I am so glad that we have

>this forum to talk with each other.

>

>About my husband...yes, I love him dearly, I honestly

>do. I have never been with someone that I feel safe

>and comfortable with. He truly balances me. You know

>we have been together for 18 years but only married

>for 16 and whenever I see my husband, I still get that

>nervous, silly feeling in my stomach. When I see him

>its like when you first hook up with someone and its

>new and you are excited. Its crazy but I still feel

>like when I see him. Okay, enough. You take care

>now.

>

>Pam Marsh

>--- LaWanda Ezell konfuzed@...> wrote:

>

> > Oh Pam, you're doing so well! I am now down 15-1/2

> > pounds, and I am

> > fitting into some clothes that were too small when I

> > bought them! Haven't

> > been sick much, just once or twice a little bit!

> > Haven't exercised much

> > because I had a horrible cold last week, so bad that

> > I had to reschedule

> > m;y post-op follow-up with Doctor Dutta, and I will

> > be doing it this Friday

> > instead. I admire the spirit of compromise that you

> > and your husband

> > expressed with each other, it's obvious to me that

> > the two of you have a

> > good and strong marriage. Congrats again, LaWanda

> > At 11:44 AM 5/2/05,

> > you wrote:

> > >Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > believe that in order

> > >to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > have experienced

> > >that same situation or something similiar.

> > >

> > >On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > blouses). Normally,

> > >I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > skirts. The skirts

> > >I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > anything like that

> > >but this is not the usual article of clothing style

> > I have worn in

> > >the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > size 12s - regulars

> > >(I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > butt). I was thinking

> > >maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > >

> > >I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of his

> > comments

> > >were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > getting aroused just

> > >looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he took

> > a couple of

> > >photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute. You

> > have to take

> > >those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > minute ago, you

> > >were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > chandelier) and why now

> > >for the change. I told him that I am sure you look

> > at other women

> > >that wear the same style skirts if not shorter. He

> > said " you are my

> > >wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > returning my

> > >clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > clothes and I look

> > >good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > stuff back. He

> > >said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > now

> > >different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > to dress me (pick

> > >out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore. I

> > have to feel good

> > >with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > take the clothes

> > >back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > Well, first thing in

> > >the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > me how much he

> > >loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > the first thing out

> > >of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > short skirts and high

> > >heals " and he said " the skinner you got the shorter

> > the skirts got " .

> > >I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > I told him that

> > >nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > some issues with

> > >security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > he was feeling

> > >insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > said he did not

> > >want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > only man in my life

> > >and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > whatever I could to

> > >help him feel as secure as one can be. I also told

> > him that this is

> > >why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > about to allow

> > >anything to come between our relationship. Well we

> > went back to the

> > >store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > husband said now what

> > >are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > closet. He said " No

> > >you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > to look sloppy " .

> > >So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > vacaville outlets and

> > >started getting depressed all I knew was Dress Barn

> > for Women and did

> > >not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > disappointed. We

> > >went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > regular and

> > >some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > and 3x. I am

> > >still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > understand was the

> > >very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > type of skirts

> > >that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > understand. He said

> > >you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > into the person you

> > >want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > promise him that I

> > >would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > just amazes me.

> > >This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > and I told him just

> > >a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of days.

> > All in all, all

> > >is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > so strange because

> > >when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > size 10/12 (we have

> > >been together for 18 years but only married 16) he

> > did

> > >not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > fat, he goes a little

> > >off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > him dearly though.

> > >Okay enough.

> > >

> > >I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > there and for the

> > >post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > are going. Colleen,

> > >can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > >

> > >Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > >65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > >

May 3, 2005

You're not alone, Pascha! What exactly scares you? The way it

actually looks? (Plastic surgeons can take care of the loose skin.)

Or is it the potential social/emotional/sexual issues it now makes

possible?

I've heard many people say that they feel more vulnerable, both

physically and emotionally. That's hardly surprising, considering

that many of us carried our weight around as literal body armour.

It kept the world at a distance, literally and figuratively.

I've been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder. There were often

times (much fewer now) when I literally did not recognize myself,

when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a window or mirror. It

is a very bizarre feeling. BDD is related to how 90-pound anorexics

can be convinced they're fat. I'm fascinated by the whole brain

chemistry component of obesity. My guru says it tales 2-3 years,

for our internal images to synch up with our new external reality.

It's like our brains have been wired to think like a fat person, and

we have to relearn a whole new way of thinking about ourselves.

Uncle Timmy -226

> > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > believe that in

> > > > > order

> > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > > > > have

> > > > > experienced

> > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > > > blouses).

> > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > skirts

> > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > > > anything like

> > > > > that

> > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > regulars

> > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > thinking

> > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > > his comments

> > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > just

> > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > now

> > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > my

> > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > > > returning my

> > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > look

> > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > > > now

> > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > > > to dress me

> > > > > (pick

> > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > good

> > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > in

> > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > > > the first thing

> > > > > out

> > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > high

> > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > got " .

> > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > > > > some issues

> > > > > with

> > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > > > only man in my

> > > > > life

> > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > to

> > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > told him that this

> > > > > is

> > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > > > we went back to

> > > > > the

> > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > > husband said now

> > > > > what

> > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > > > closet. He

> > > > > said " No

> > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > > > > to look

> > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > did

> > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > We

> > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > > > regular and

> > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > > > understand. He

> > > > > said

> > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > > into the person

> > > > > you

> > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > > > > promise him

> > > > > that I

> > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > > > > just amazes

> > > > > me.

> > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > > > and I told him

> > > > > just

> > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > all

> > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > > > > so strange

> > > > > because

> > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > have

> > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > > he did

> > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > little

> > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > > > him dearly

> > > > > though.

> > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > > > are going.

> > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > > __________________________________________________

> > > >

May 3, 2005

Not sure if I've shared on this board, but I was born with a birth

defect that affected my leg and foot. It is not visible because my

foot deformity is covered up by my shoe. I've always felt

like " damaged goods. " In fact, I can pretty much pinpoint that my

obesity is a direct result of wanting to feel uglier so I wouldn't be

approached and have to reveal my flaw. Everyone I've talked to says

it's not bad, that someone will love me no matter what, etc. That's

where they body dysmorphic disorder comes in--I can't seem to accept

the fact that my defect is not as big of a deal as I make it out to

be. In my brain, I'm telling myself I'm a circus freak. People tell

me I'm decent looking (I have a pic on this board in the photos

section), so now that I've lost the weight and I'm getting

more " looks " I start panicking. I really need therapy to sort this

all out, but I'm not sure I am strong enough to confront it. Do you

attend any BDD support groups or have a good therapist?

pascha =)

-130

> > > > > > > Just thought I would post this because I truly

> > > > > > believe that in

> > > > > > order

> > > > > > > to help someone deal with a situation, you have to

> > > > > > have

> > > > > > experienced

> > > > > > > that same situation or something similiar.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > On Saturday, I purchased five out fits (skirts &

> > > > > > blouses).

> > > > > > Normally,

> > > > > > > I either wear long or just below the knee length

> > > > > > skirts. The

> > > > > > skirts

> > > > > > > I purchased were above my knee (nothing skimpy or

> > > > > > anything like

> > > > > > that

> > > > > > > but this is not the usual article of clothing

> > > > > > style I have worn in

> > > > > > > the past). I was amazed because my skirts were

> > > > > > size 12s -

> > > > > > regulars

> > > > > > > (I fit in a 10 but it was just too tight on my

> > > > > > butt). I was

> > > > > > thinking

> > > > > > > maybe a 14 regular but not 12 yet.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I modeled my clothes for my husband and some of

> > > > > > his comments

> > > > > > > were " you are gorgious, sexy, beautiful and I am

> > > > > > getting aroused

> > > > > > just

> > > > > > > looking at you in the clothes " . Well after he

> > > > > > took a couple of

> > > > > > > photos of me, he suddenly said " wait a minute.

> > > > > > You have to take

> > > > > > > those clothes back to the store " . I said just a

> > > > > > minute ago, you

> > > > > > > were ready to swing from the ceiling fan (no

> > > > > > chandelier) and why

> > > > > > now

> > > > > > > for the change. I told him that I am sure you

> > > > > > look at other women

> > > > > > > that wear the same style skirts if not shorter.

> > > > > > He said " you are

> > > > > > my

> > > > > > > wife " . I said that is hypercritical and I am not

> > > > > > returning my

> > > > > > > clothes. I told him for once, I feel good in my

> > > > > > clothes and I

> > > > > > look

> > > > > > > good so there is no reason why I should take this

> > > > > > stuff back. He

> > > > > > > said " This is a bit much for me. The weight loss

> > > > > > now

> > > > > > > different style of clothes " . I told him you used

> > > > > > to dress me

> > > > > > (pick

> > > > > > > out my clothes) and thats not happening anymore.

> > > > > > I have to feel

> > > > > > good

> > > > > > > with what I wear. Well, I decided that I would

> > > > > > take the clothes

> > > > > > > back but did not say anything to him about it.

> > > > > > Well, first thing

> > > > > > in

> > > > > > > the mornings, I am usually awakened by him telling

> > > > > > me how much he

> > > > > > > loves me (all the mushy stuff) but this morning,

> > > > > > the first thing

> > > > > > out

> > > > > > > of his mouth was " I had nightmares about you in

> > > > > > short skirts and

> > > > > > high

> > > > > > > heals " and he said " the skinner you got the

> > > > > > shorter the skirts

> > > > > > got " .

> > > > > > > I said see, this is why I am returning the stuff.

> > > > > > I told him that

> > > > > > > nothing is wrong with my clothes but rather he has

> > > > > > some issues

> > > > > > with

> > > > > > > security that he needed to deal with. He said yes

> > > > > > he was feeling

> > > > > > > insecure and asked me to help him through this. He

> > > > > > said he did not

> > > > > > > want me to leave him. I told him that he was the

> > > > > > only man in my

> > > > > > life

> > > > > > > and I was not going anywhere and that I would do

> > > > > > whatever I could

> > > > > > to

> > > > > > > help him feel as secure as one can be. I also

> > > > > > told him that this

> > > > > > is

> > > > > > > why I have to return the clothes because I am not

> > > > > > about to allow

> > > > > > > anything to come between our relationship. Well

> > > > > > we went back to

> > > > > > the

> > > > > > > store (Walmart) and I returned the clothes. My

> > > > > > husband said now

> > > > > > what

> > > > > > > are you going to wear and I said the stuff in my

> > > > > > closet. He

> > > > > > said " No

> > > > > > > you can't wear that stuff because you are starting

> > > > > > to look

> > > > > > sloppy " .

> > > > > > > So he said lets go shopping. We went to the

> > > > > > vacaville outlets and

> > > > > > > started getting depressed all I knew was Dress

> > > > > > Barn for Women and

> > > > > > did

> > > > > > > not feel like going in to the regular stores to be

> > > > > > disappointed.

> > > > > > We

> > > > > > > went to another store and I found skirts size 12s

> > > > > > regular and

> > > > > > > some 10s. My shirts are extra large instead of 2x

> > > > > > and 3x. I am

> > > > > > > still top heavy. The thing too that I did not

> > > > > > understand was the

> > > > > > > very skirts my husband whined about, were the same

> > > > > > type of skirts

> > > > > > > that he picked out for me. I told him I did not

> > > > > > understand. He

> > > > > > said

> > > > > > > you look good and I should allow you to develop

> > > > > > into the person

> > > > > > you

> > > > > > > want to be and not interfer. He again asked me to

> > > > > > promise him

> > > > > > that I

> > > > > > > would not leave him. So it turned out okay but it

> > > > > > just amazes

> > > > > > me.

> > > > > > > This morning he asked me what outfit I would wear

> > > > > > and I told him

> > > > > > just

> > > > > > > a new shirt. The skirts can wait a couple of

> > > > > > days. All in all,

> > > > > > all

> > > > > > > is well now but I had to share this with you. Its

> > > > > > so strange

> > > > > > because

> > > > > > > when we got married I was 130 pounds and wore a

> > > > > > size 10/12 (we

> > > > > > have

> > > > > > > been together for 18 years but only married 16)

> > > > > > he did

> > > > > > > not act like that. Now after 14 years of being

> > > > > > fat, he goes a

> > > > > > little

> > > > > > > off the ricter about my sense of fashion. I love

> > > > > > him dearly

> > > > > > though.

> > > > > > > Okay enough.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I hope the pre ops are doing well and hanging in

> > > > > > there and for the

> > > > > > > post ops, I would love to hear how your journeys

> > > > > > are going.

> > > > > > Colleen,

> > > > > > > can't wait to see you on Wednesday at 6:00.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Pam Marsh-184 (3 months post op)

> > > > > > > 65.5 pounds gone but not forgotten

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > __________________________________________________

> > > > >

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