Re: for Cheryl

[Guest guest]

Hi Cheryl,

It is nice to meet you also. It sounds like you have had a

rough go of it. I am so sorry for everything you have been dealing

with.

Yes, my hubby also turns to alcohol as a way of self

medicating. He will also abuse prescription meds, so I have to hide

my pain pills so there is no temptation for him. Sad, huh? He has

come to a place where he will ask me if it is ok for him to have a

couple of beers on the weekend, but I finally came to the realization

that if I said yes, I was enabling him, so I started saying, no, it

is not okay, matter of fact, it is terrible for you to do that and be

on anti depressants. The first time I did that, he had an attitude,

and carried it around for awhile. But he didn't drink. He said he

won't drink at all without my " permission " . So I got a clue finally,

and said, Well, then you won't be drinking anymore. Just recently, I

had a long talk with him about not even sharing his desire for

alcohol with me, as it is taking away his accountability. If I

approve, then he could drink and say, well, I let him, so it is my

fault. If I say no, then the only reason he doesn't drink is because

I said no...so there again he doesn't have to be accountable. I told

him he is no longer to talk to me about it...or else!;o)

As far as the meds goes, since I have gooten really ill

over the last several months, he hasn't asked me for any of my meds.

But I know when he is on a downswing, anything is possible. He says

he can logically see that asking me for my pain meds is wrong, and

selfish, but it still didn't stop him from asking. But I raised such

a big stink when my Dr gave me Percocet and I told him how rotten he

was that he would rather me have pain so he could self medicate...and

it broke him down in tears.

My hubby is really a wonderful man. He has been my greatest

support through all of my testing, pain and waiting. He has been one

person I could always count on to be here for me, even leaving work

early or staying home to take care of the kids if I have a migraine.

It's just this darn illness he is dealing with. Ugh!!!

Where in No Ca are you? I am in the bay area.)

Well, it was nice getting to know you a bit, and I look

forward to getting to know you better!

Kim

> Hi Kim,

>

> My name is Cheryl & I'm in Northern CA. My kids are grown and

gone, both

> living out of state. I have 3 grandchildren. I don't know how you

deal

> with 6 kids, let alone 6 kids while you are ill. My symptoms of

Lupus began

> while I was a teen. I didn't get a lupus dx until I was about 45

years old.

> I have had lupus all that time while working. I got sicker and had

to work

> part-time. I had irritable bowel syndrome and TMJ dysfunction

too. Seven

> years ago I got cancer. I had a small stroke. I came down with

> fibromyalgia due to the physical and mental stress of the

illnesses. I now

> have arthritis, osteoporosis, the usual memory loss, interstitial

cystitis

> and who knows what else. I just had my gallbladder removed in

January and I

> am still recovering.

>

> We have something in common. My husband is bi-polar. He drank a

lot the

> first 2 years we were married. He didn't know he was bi-polar.

Drinking is

> a common medication for bi-polar illness. Neither of us drinks

now. I have

> been on a rollercoaster ride with him for 25 years. He too used to

make a

> lot of money. He had a psychotic breakdown and we lost two houses,

his job

> and had to move and go bankrupt. He has had about 17 jobs in all

the years

> we have been married. He and I are both 57 now. He has been on

his current

> job for about 4 months. He makes about ¼ of what he used to make.

It is

> very hard to get a job at his age. I am on permanent disability.

It has

> been hard on him having the whole responsibility of bringing in the

money.

> We went without insurance for about a year. He recently had a

psychotic

> episode and caused a lot of family trouble because he couldn't get

his meds.

> My daughter's family hates us now. He is a good, faithful, and kind

man but

> you know what it is like to live with someone with that problem. I

have my

> own problems too. I suffer from depression due to my illnesses.

My husband

> needs me to keep him stable and I need him because I can't take

care of

> myself. We love each other but go through trials, He is my

strength and a

> trial too.

>

> It's nice to meet you and find someone on the lupie line who has a

bi-polar

> husband too. <http://www.mymailsignature.com>

>

>

>

>

> _____

>

> Hi all,

> My name is Kim. I am a 38 yo sahm to 6 great kids, 5

boys

> and an 11 mo princess.) My hubby is a loan officer, and we live

in

> the SF bay area here in CA.

> My symptoms of lupus started almost right after my dd

was

> born, although I didn't recognize what was going on. I got post

> partum depression for a short time. I started on Zoloft, but it

made

> me violently ill, so I stopped taking it, and I felt better and

>

> My dh is bi-polar, and went through making 125,000. a

> year to losing his job due to his illness (well, the errors he made

> due to his illness) and was on disability for 3 months. He then

found

> a job making 1/3 of his previous salary and we had to move and give

> up one of our cars.

> Well, to make a long sad story short, we went through

> being homeless for 2 months while I was pg with my dd and my dh

> started drinking as well.

> It has been a long hard road to get back on our feet,

> but we made it and our children are well adjusted. I think alot of

> the stress finally got to me and manifested through my health.

> My dh is doing well now, making a better income (not

> near what it was before, but we have also learned to live within

our

> means). He is on good meds to control his depression, and we have 2

> cars again.)

> He has been an incredible source of strength and

> frustration for me. Strange, but true.;o)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> *