Re: Hi everyone...general whining, and questions about children

[Guest guest]

Kim, OK, now here's what I did when things started to go downhill for me when my boys were still

little. I did things with them that I COULD do. I looked for things I could participate in, supervise,

or just plan and do WITH my boys. I could still drive, so we packed a "what if" bag for the van, kept

it in there, and kept a "what if" piggy bank so we could have adventure days. All that meant was, on

a day when I was up to it, we would pile everyone in the car, bring along snacks, lunch, or whatever

in a cooler bag, and go for a ride. Since we are close to the west coast, we go to the beach (I wear

hats, use umbrellas, and gallons of sunscreen.), or a local park where there is lots of shade. I can

play ball or frisbee with the little ones, I sit and they run, and the bigger ones can explore nearby.

The first thing you have to learn is to get over your fear that something bad will happen if you are

alone with the kids. 99% of the time, things are just fine. I am a single parent, adopted four kids

who had special needs, and worked full time at two jobs until my illness took over about 7 years ago.

I still take my boys on adventure days, and they are now 15 and 12. It's a lot easier on me, now,

because I can take my camp chair, a book, and just build a campfire for heat and cooking, the boys

go off and hike, play ball, etc. and we meet up in camp at mealtime. I get my camping "fix" without

exhausting myself, and the boys get their adventure outdoors.

On days when I am just not up to it, we watch TV or play board games in my room. I'm on the

bed, the younger one on his knees on the floor leaning on the bed, and the bigger one in a chair

beside the bed. We play cards, talk, watch movies, play on the computer, etc. I try to plan my day

so that I am up when the boys are home from school, but some days that is not possible. So, they

have learned, for the most part, to just deal with it. They have been taught to fix their own lunch,

simple breakfasts, and if necessary, can use the microwave to heat up dinner. They both like to cook, and so when I'm feeling up to it, we hold cooking classes in the kitchen. I can still help with

homework, help with research for term papers, attend band concerts where my youngest plays his

clarinet, drive my older son to club meetings, and both of them to karate class. I just stay in the van

and read while they do their t hing. If it's an exhibition night, I come in and sit in my own little camp

chair. It's more comfortable than the benches in the center. LOL

So, you see, you CAN adjust your life and your children will adjust if you are honest, caring, and un-

afraid. I think the key thing is that they not know you are fearful...unless you recruit them to help

you be brave about things. That's been a very helpful angle for my boys. My elder son and daughter

are grown and gone, so it is just the three of us, now. I have found that my sons are willing and eager to be helpful if it is put to them in the right way. I try not to nag, although I am a nagger by

nature. LOL If I'm in one end of the house and they in the other, I am not afraid to yell out and get

their attention. The neighbors probably think I'm the biggest meanie this side of the Mississippi, but

I really don't care. We are a loving, tightknit, and happy family. That is what counts in my book.

So, I hope I was helpful for you. I am sort of a no nonsense kind of person, and tend to try to get

ready for the maybe and then forget about it. Sort of my take on life. Loving hugs, MM