Admitting is painful

[Guest guest]

I was diagnosed with t1 about five years ago and

started out with an A1c of 14%. Was on Lantus and

Humalog up until about 7 months ago and on injection

therapy until I was graced with my insulin

pump....but was I really graced? I find that it has

made me very lazy and my last A1c about a month ago

went back up to an 8.1 from a 7.4.

When I started the pump I quit recording everything on

paper and quit eating meals with exactly 45 carbs per

meal and decided to eat whatever the hell I wanted.

My husband left me and and then I started drinking

beer almost on a daily basis, plus I smoke a pack a

day. I feel like crap and have for quite some time

now. I'm feeling much better about the divorce, but

now I have something else that haunts me...my

diabetes. I'd say my average daily BG ranges from

about 180 to 250 and I'm constantly bolusing with my

new CONVIENIENT pump. I guess you could say I've lost

track. Thought I could live like a person without DM,

but I'm finding that not to be true. I've also become

almost secretive about my BG control and have even

quit communicating with my doctor. I understand that

I am doing this to myself and I keep saying that I

will 'do it right today', but I think what I lack the

most right now is encouragement from people who deal

with the same thing I do. I don't know anyone who has

this and it is hard to talk about my issues with my

loved ones who have no idea even what insulin does for

me. They all think it does the opposite and that I

HAVE to eat sugar. Sometimes the ignorance of others

pisses me off.

I know I appear angry and maybe I am a little bit, but

mostly I need the encouragement to help me get back on

track. I'm even considering going back to injection

therapy b/c it made me more disciplined, but my BG's

were still all over the place.

What do you think?

Kay.

T-1

Humalog

Insulin pump

ratio of 1 unit per 10 carbs.

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