Re: funnies

[Guest guest]

Those were good, Bonnie, and we all needed a laugh today -- especially you!!

Glad you're keeping your sense of humor! It's your friend at times like

this! But so am I - contact me anytime you want to whine! I'm a good

listener.

Love Lana

" 'Be who you are and say what you feel because those

who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.' "

Dr. Suess

[Guest guest]

I agree!!!! Thanks for the chuckles!!!!

Patti

Re: funnies

Nothing like a little Irish humor...Brilliant!

And funny too.

Robin

Bonnie Heintskill wrote:

Two naugty ones at the bottom....beware!

<G>

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home

from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all

over the road.

A cop pulls him over. " So, " says the cop to the driver, " where

have ya been? "

" Why, I've been to the pub of course, " slurs the drunk.

" Well, " says the cop, " it looks like you've had quite a few to drink

this evening. "

" I did all right, " the drunk says with a smile.

" Did you know, " says the cop, standing straight and folding

his arms across his chest, " that a few intersections back, your wife fell out

of your car? "

" Oh, thank heavens, " sighs the drunk. " For a minute there, I thought I'd gone

deaf. "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning

service, and she's in tears.

He says, " So what's bothering you, my dear? "

She says, " Oh, Father, I've got terrible ! news. My husband

passed away last night. "

The priest says, " Oh, , that's terrible. Tell me, ,

did he have any las+t requests? "

She says, " That he did, Father. "

The priest says, " What did he ask, ?

She says, " He said, 'Please , put down that gun...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things To Ponder ..... or not

1. Can you cry under water?

2. When I was young we used to go " skinny dipping, " now I just

" chunkydunk. "

3. How important does a person have to be before they are considered

assassinated instead of just murdered?

4. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

5. Why do you have to " put your two cents in " ... but it's only a penny

for

your thoughts " ? Where's that extra penny going to?

6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were

buried in for eternity?

7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

8. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would

be

a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

9. Why is it that people say they " slept like a baby " when babies wakeup

like every two hours?

10. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

11. Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

12. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in

binoculars to look at things on the ground?

13. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for

Miss America?

14. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

15. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting

clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up

in

the first place!

16. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could

simply

press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

17. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you

haven't

fallen asleep yet.

18. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

19 Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they

can

in prison?

20. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have

started

with something called labor!

21. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?

(they don't have enough time)