My first year - Long intro

[Guest guest]

Hey everyone,

I've been lurking on here for a over a year now, and yesterday was my

one year anniversary so I can post! I'm a 22-year-old college student

(a grad as of this Friday!) from Seattle, WA, although I'm finishing

up my studies in at Northwestern University near Chicago before

heading home in a few days after commencement. I had a proximal open

RNY with Dr. Simonowitz in Bellevue, WA, at Overlake Hospital

on June 18, 2001. I started at 270 lbs, 5'5'', BMI 45 or so, size 26

and now I'm about 122 lbs, size 4/5, even in junior sizes, which is

pretty crazy. The weight just dropped off like a stone in 8 months,

without any breaks on the way down, and right now I'm struggling with

a whole new set of issues I never dreamed I'd face, trying to keep my

weight stable and battling a number of the symptoms of an eating

disorder. Although I have very muscular legs, which are the only

reason I'm even still in the 120s, my upper body is pretty much

skeletal right now (you can see EVERY SINGLE vertebra), and a lot of

people keep asking my friends if I'm anorexic. I must preface all

this by saying that I would do this surgery over again in a

heartbeat, and that I'm a fundamentally happier person by leaps and

bounds than before. I developed a lot of food issues because I'm so

terrified about ending up back how I was, and the prospect of

maintaining this thing for the rest of my life is a daunting one, and

it's made it very difficult for me to take in more calories because I

literally can't even make myself pick up something high calorie, even

though I clearly need to, because of these food issues. I'm up to

1600-1700 calories a day, including 4 protein shakes made with

soymilk and fruit and such, and I was maintaining for several weeks

and now the scale has started falling again. I know I'll figure it

all out and find a maintenance level, but my surgeon was talking 1000

calories a day when I first had my consults with him, and it's just

scary to be so far over that number.

But I'm a huge exercise fanatic now, and I know that plays a large

role, but I just don't want to cut back, which I suppose is another

mental issue to work on. Being so young makes all of this very crazy,

sometimes, because I often feel like I'm surrounded by people here at

college who could never understand major surgery and obesity and all

these things...which I am.

I thank God every day for this surgery, despite the stuff I'm dealing

with. My insurance doesn't cover anything weight-related and I was

blessed by having grandparents and parents who stepped in to cover

the cost, truly the greatest gift I have ever been given. This new

life never ever ever ceases to amaze me...I feel so free I'm amazed I

don't float around campus. In a fit of spring fever I recently cut

off all my hair and have a little pixie haircut, the kind of thing I

would never have had when I had such a round face, and I've been

skipping around just feeling cute ) I can shop anywhere, indeed, do

anything I want to! I devoted myself to academics my whole life not

only because I love them, but because I felt that it was a place I

could excel, since I was picked on always for my appearance and was

lousy at sports, etc., so I always planned to go into academics as a

career, and now I'm flooded with this sense that I can literally do

ANYTHING at all with my life, which is an amazingly liberating

feeling.

All righty, enough rambling from me. Actually, after this first post,

I'll be out of touch until the 30th, since we're driving back from

Chicago to Seattle with several stops along the way.