Guest guest Posted May 31, 2002 Report Share Posted May 31, 2002 Hi Everyone, I've waited a long time to join this group. Then again it seems like only yesterday that I was a newbie with nothing but questions. I had my open rny on 5/23/01. As of yesterday morning I have lost 100 lbs. Those last 12 pounds have been a real grind to get off, but I've lost about 2 sizes along with them so they were well worth it. I've had no complications and am amazed daily with the utter delight of living as a normal weighted person. I always had the feeling I was me, living in a styrofoam box before. I feel as if I've finally broken out of my packaging! Although I don't have a strict exercise routine, I tend to work out 4-6 x week, and now that summer is here I'll be at the pool every evening. I'm religious about my vitamins, but never count calories or fat grams. I just eat my protien first and let it happen. I've been reading today's posts and I can already tell you guys are going to be a lot of fun. My main area of concern is the mental adjustment I'm making now of going from a morbidly obese wife to a normal weighted single mother of two. I've been separated from my husband for almost two years. Divorce is imminent, as soon as we can afford it. How in the world do I start dating again? I have kids to think about now! Actually, I've got my first date next Saturday (the 8th) and I'm a nervous wreck. My husband left me because of my weight (he said, but I think it was a rotten excuse...) We're still friends, but after putting me through what he did (another woman) I've grown beyond him. Enough about me. I'm looking forward to sharing lots of good info with all of you. Best wishes, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2002 Report Share Posted June 1, 2002 At the risk of sounding like Dr. , what would be wrong with waiting to date until the kids are gone? Maybe have some " friends " here and there but concentrate on getting the kids raised without mom being shared.OK, let it fly, because this post will make some really mad. All I am saying is that it is hard enough to raise kids with two parents, but the " step-mom, step-dad syndrome " is so full of complications. The number one reason for a second divorce is fighting over each others kids.... Jan C. 3-11-98 RNY My Introduction > Hi Everyone, > I've waited a long time to join this group. Then again it seems like > only yesterday that I was a newbie with nothing but questions. > I had my open rny on 5/23/01. As of yesterday morning I have lost > 100 lbs. Those last 12 pounds have been a real grind to get off, but > I've lost about 2 sizes along with them so they were well worth it. > I've had no complications and am amazed daily with the utter delight > of living as a normal weighted person. I always had the feeling I > was me, living in a styrofoam box before. I feel as if I've finally > broken out of my packaging! Although I don't have a strict exercise > routine, I tend to work out 4-6 x week, and now that summer is here > I'll be at the pool every evening. I'm religious about my vitamins, > but never count calories or fat grams. I just eat my protien first > and let it happen. > I've been reading today's posts and I can already tell you guys are > going to be a lot of fun. My main area of concern is the mental > adjustment I'm making now of going from a morbidly obese wife to a > normal weighted single mother of two. I've been separated from my > husband for almost two years. Divorce is imminent, as soon as we can > afford it. How in the world do I start dating again? I have kids to > think about now! Actually, I've got my first date next Saturday (the > 8th) and I'm a nervous wreck. My husband left me because of my > weight (he said, but I think it was a rotten excuse...) We're still > friends, but after putting me through what he did (another woman) > I've grown beyond him. > Enough about me. I'm looking forward to sharing lots of good info > with all of you. > Best wishes, > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2002 Report Share Posted June 3, 2002 I have to agree with Dr. on this one too. I am also in the middle of a divorce with two young boys. They are my focus now not a man. My goal is to shape them into men. Kids always need to feel they are wanted and loved unconditionally and its hard to do that and maintain a relationship as well. I know thats hard to do and its a HUGE sacrafice but I hate to have my kids feel as though they are leftovers from a marriage thats gone bad. Now thats not to say that you should have no social life you have to have something but my boys always come first and anywhere I go is always after they have been read their bedtime story and are asleep. I know that many others may not agree with me but this is just my opinion Effie laemax@... wrote: At the risk of sounding like Dr. , what would be wrong with waiting to date until the kids are gone? Maybe have some " friends " here and there but concentrate on getting the kids raised without mom being shared.OK, let it fly, because this post will make some really mad. All I am saying is that it is hard enough to raise kids with two parents, but the " step-mom, step-dad syndrome " is so full of complications. The number one reason for a second divorce is fighting over each others kids.... Jan C. 3-11-98 RNY My Introduction > Hi Everyone, > I've waited a long time to join this group. Then again it seems like > only yesterday that I was a newbie with nothing but questions. > I had my open rny on 5/23/01. As of yesterday morning I have lost > 100 lbs. Those last 12 pounds have been a real grind to get off, but > I've lost about 2 sizes along with them so they were well worth it. > I've had no complications and am amazed daily with the utter delight > of living as a normal weighted person. I always had the feeling I > was me, living in a styrofoam box before. I feel as if I've finally > broken out of my packaging! Although I don't have a strict exercise > routine, I tend to work out 4-6 x week, and now that summer is here > I'll be at the pool every evening. I'm religious about my vitamins, > but never count calories or fat grams. I just eat my protien first > and let it happen. > I've been reading today's posts and I can already tell you guys are > going to be a lot of fun. My main area of concern is the mental > adjustment I'm making now of going from a morbidly obese wife to a > normal weighted single mother of two. I've been separated from my > husband for almost two years. Divorce is imminent, as soon as we can > afford it. How in the world do I start dating again? I have kids to > think about now! Actually, I've got my first date next Saturday (the > 8th) and I'm a nervous wreck. My husband left me because of my > weight (he said, but I think it was a rotten excuse...) We're still > friends, but after putting me through what he did (another woman) > I've grown beyond him. > Enough about me. I'm looking forward to sharing lots of good info > with all of you. > Best wishes, > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2002 Report Share Posted June 3, 2002 Yes, I agree that your kids must be top priority. My girls are everything to me. I am here EVERY evening (after work) with them. We spend our weekends together doing normal family things and I have NEVER left them at home by themselves (even though they are 12 & 16) so I could go spend time with friends (male or female). They are with their father every other weekend and every Wednesday evening. During that time to myself I see nothing wrong with an occasional date. My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. My mother used us kids as an excuse not to have any kind of social life. She was very emotionally dependant on us kids because of that. The only exposure I had to a normal, loving partnership was my fathers remarriage. I have been separated for two years, with two very painful years leading up to that. I am in NO hurry to get involved with anyone. I find I really enjoy running my household as I see fit, making decisions I know I'm capable of making. Are you saying that a woman can't have a date without it clouding her judgement in the loving care of her own children? Now if we're talking about someone who is leaving her kids at home alone, in order to go out on dates, or bringing men home when her children are there......well that's a horse of a different color. Best wishes to all, open rny 5/23/01 Dr. Alison Clarey, D.O. - 100 lbs so far! Bubba tomorakisou@...> wrote: I have to agree with Dr. on this one too. I am also in the middle of a divorce with two young boys. They are my focus now not a man. My goal is to shape them into men. Kids always need to feel they are wanted and loved unconditionally and its hard to do that and maintain a relationship as well. I know thats hard to do and its a HUGE sacrafice but I hate to have my kids feel as though they are leftovers from a marriage thats gone bad. Now thats not to say that you should have no social life you have to have something but my boys always come first and anywhere I go is always after they have been read their bedtime story and are asleep. I know that many others may not agree with me but this is just my opinion Effie laemax@... wrote: At the risk of sounding like Dr. , what would be wrong with waiting to date until the kids are gone? Maybe have some " friends " here and there but concentrate on getting the kids raised without mom being shared.OK, let it fly, because this post will make some really mad. All I am saying is that it is hard enough to raise kids with two parents, but the " step-mom, step-dad syndrome " is so full of complications. The number one reason for a second divorce is fighting over each others kids.... Jan C. 3-11-98 RNY My Introduction > Hi Everyone, > I've waited a long time to join this group. Then again it seems like > only yesterday that I was a newbie with nothing but questions. > I had my open rny on 5/23/01. As of yesterday morning I have lost > 100 lbs. Those last 12 pounds have been a real grind to get off, but > I've lost about 2 sizes along with them so they were well worth it. > I've had no complications and am amazed daily with the utter delight > of living as a normal weighted person. I always had the feeling I > was me, living in a styrofoam box before. I feel as if I've finally > broken out of my packaging! Although I don't have a strict exercise > routine, I tend to work out 4-6 x week, and now that summer is here > I'll be at the pool every evening. I'm religious about my vitamins, > but never count calories or fat grams. I just eat my protien first > and let it happen. > I've been reading today's posts and I can already tell you guys are > going to be a lot of fun. My main area of concern is the mental > adjustment I'm making now of going from a morbidly obese wife to a > normal weighted single mother of two. I've been separated from my > husband for almost two years. Divorce is imminent, as soon as we can > afford it. How in the world do I start dating again? I have kids to > think about now! Actually, I've got my first date next Saturday (the > 8th) and I'm a nervous wreck. My husband left me because of my > weight (he said, but I think it was a rotten excuse...) We're still > friends, but after putting me through what he did (another woman) > I've grown beyond him. > Enough about me. I'm looking forward to sharing lots of good info > with all of you. > Best wishes, > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2002 Report Share Posted June 4, 2002 < > I'll assume we are speaking of a matter of degree. I'm married, have custody of my two daughters from my first marriage (10 & 14). The color of my horse is that I can be a responsible, dedicated parent, and still go out with my husband once or twice a week without the kids. Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2002 Report Share Posted June 4, 2002 Kate, I think that is a heathy thing to be showing your kids (and your husband) that your relationship with him is important. It doesn't mean your relationship with them isn't also important. My only point (and I'm not sure how we got to this in the first place) is that a single mother should be able to date without feeling she is being a poor mother. I'm sure my ex is dating (if he can find anyone that will go out with him) and that's fine. I don't think that makes him an irresponsible father. Should a woman be judged any differently? open rny 5/23/01 Dr. Alison Clarey, D.O. - 100 lbs so far! kateseidel@... wrote: <> I'll assume we are speaking of a matter of degree. I'm married, have custody of my two daughters from my first marriage (10 & 14). The color of my horse is that I can be a responsible, dedicated parent, and still go out with my husband once or twice a week without the kids. Kate Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2002 Report Share Posted June 4, 2002 Hi , That is not what I was saying at all. A person needs to have outside relationships so that their children have some sort of role model to build on as well as for their own sanity at times. I don't think that these outside relationships should A.) take quality time away that would normally be spent with your kids and B.) if it is an intimate relationship then the children should not be exposed to that. I think that we both agree on this subject I may have just said it differently. This is just my opinion and how I have decided to raise my kids. That doesn't mean I have no friends with no social life. Its the opposite I just pick and choose my outings and arrange it so that it is after I have my boys in bed. My ex does not have visitation rights so they will either spend time with Grandma or she comes to my house and stays a bit. Sometimes my friends will come to my home and we will all spend time together including my kids. My friends know that my kids come first and repect that. I do not have an intimate relationship as of right now more so because I don't think I can handle it emotionally I'm just not ready for it (sad to say at 30 huh) but we will see when and if I ever cross that bridge. Effie lbenntt4@...> wrote: Yes, I agree that your kids must be top priority. My girls are everything to me. I am here EVERY evening (after work) with them. We spend our weekends together doing normal family things and I have NEVER left them at home by themselves (even though they are 12 & 16) so I could go spend time with friends (male or female). They are with their father every other weekend and every Wednesday evening. During that time to myself I see nothing wrong with an occasional date. My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. My mother used us kids as an excuse not to have any kind of social life. She was very emotionally dependant on us kids because of that. The only exposure I had to a normal, loving partnership was my fathers remarriage. I have been separated for two years, with two very painful years leading up to that. I am in NO hurry to get involved with anyone. I find I really enjoy running my household as I see fit, making decisions I know I'm capable of making. Are you saying that a woman can't have a date without it clouding her judgement in the loving care of her own children? Now if we're talking about someone who is leaving her kids at home alone, in order to go out on dates, or bringing men home when her children are there......well that's a horse of a different color. Best wishes to all, open rny 5/23/01 Dr. Alison Clarey, D.O. - 100 lbs so far! Bubba tomorakisou@...> wrote: I have to agree with Dr. on this one too. I am also in the middle of a divorce with two young boys. They are my focus now not a man. My goal is to shape them into men. Kids always need to feel they are wanted and loved unconditionally and its hard to do that and maintain a relationship as well. I know thats hard to do and its a HUGE sacrafice but I hate to have my kids feel as though they are leftovers from a marriage thats gone bad. Now thats not to say that you should have no social life you have to have something but my boys always come first and anywhere I go is always after they have been read their bedtime story and are asleep. I know that many others may not agree with me but this is just my opinion Effie laemax@... wrote: At the risk of sounding like Dr. , what would be wrong with waiting to date until the kids are gone? Maybe have some " friends " here and there but concentrate on getting the kids raised without mom being shared.OK, let it fly, because this post will make some really mad. All I am saying is that it is hard enough to raise kids with two parents, but the " step-mom, step-dad syndrome " is so full of complications. The number one reason for a second divorce is fighting over each others kids.... Jan C. 3-11-98 RNY My Introduction > Hi Everyone, > I've waited a long time to join this group. Then again it seems like > only yesterday that I was a newbie with nothing but questions. > I had my open rny on 5/23/01. As of yesterday morning I have lost > 100 lbs. Those last 12 pounds have been a real grind to get off, but > I've lost about 2 sizes along with them so they were well worth it. > I've had no complications and am amazed daily with the utter delight > of living as a normal weighted person. I always had the feeling I > was me, living in a styrofoam box before. I feel as if I've finally > broken out of my packaging! Although I don't have a strict exercise > routine, I tend to work out 4-6 x week, and now that summer is here > I'll be at the pool every evening. I'm religious about my vitamins, > but never count calories or fat grams. I just eat my protien first > and let it happen. > I've been reading today's posts and I can already tell you guys are > going to be a lot of fun. My main area of concern is the mental > adjustment I'm making now of going from a morbidly obese wife to a > normal weighted single mother of two. I've been separated from my > husband for almost two years. Divorce is imminent, as soon as we can > afford it. How in the world do I start dating again? I have kids to > think about now! Actually, I've got my first date next Saturday (the > 8th) and I'm a nervous wreck. My husband left me because of my > weight (he said, but I think it was a rotten excuse...) We're still > friends, but after putting me through what he did (another woman) > I've grown beyond him. > Enough about me. I'm looking forward to sharing lots of good info > with all of you. > Best wishes, > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2002 Report Share Posted June 7, 2002 My boyfriend has a ten year old boy and every other weekend visits. I know this makes a difference. When we first met, the rule was that Josh's weekends were his and he got to decide how to spend them. always gave him first say. We would plan things centered around Josh and he would let Josh decide whether they do something else alone or as the three of us. It was a great way to establish a new relationship with the three of us. We were very careful not to show any intimacy between us which would make Josh uncomfortable. And Josh and I formulated our own friendship. I did that by remaining low key with Josh, not trying to impress him, and by showing real interest in the things that interested him. Example, I had a big house with pool that Josh loved and he chose to spend weekends at my house (of course). and I did NOT share bedroom on those weekends. But Josh and I always ended up awake earlier than Dad and spent those early Saturday mornings watching our favorite cartoon shows together. We discovered that we both loved Spongebob Squarepants and thus the beginning of a great friendship. You can have a relationship and ensure that your kids feel like they come first. ===== judy in austin American by birth, Southern by Heritage and Texan by the Grace of God. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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