To WJ

[Guest guest]

Hi there WJ,

You have asked some difficult questions for us " ladies of the list " to

answer. Some of them are medical issues while the others are moral ones.

It has always been my belief that life cannot be planned out to the " enth "

degree. A friend once told me, " LIFE is what happens when you're planning

something else. " It is true that those who plan to have children and count

every day of their cycle many times have problems conceiving. And then

those who weren't even considering getting pregnant miraculously have an

unplanned baby.

However, if you are wanting a child, there is still some planning and

preparation involved especially if you need medical attention.

Medically...

No, I don't believe 44 is too old to have a child. And with as many

fibroids as you have, it may be wise to have a myo so that your uterus can

conceive and carry a full term baby if that is what you choose. From my own

experiences investigating fibroid procedures, a UAE is not recommended if

you want a future pregnancy. Too much of the uterus's blood supply is

decreased that may cause complications with a pregnancy. This can vary

depending on the artery that is embolized. If you really want a future

baby, taking time off work and healing from a myo is worth it in my book.

However, these are medical reasons behind wanting a child.

Morally...

I am with your first doctor on this one. If you want a baby, you really

need to think of its best interest first. Do you want a baby just so you

can pass along your genes, have a lineage, or just have a baby before your

body cannot any longer? Or do you want a baby so you can be the best parent

you can be to it? It is of my moral opinion that when you are thinking of

raising a child in this world, you need to give that child the best of

yourself and of its other parent. If you want a baby with your boyfriend,

do you want the baby to have two responsible parents? If so, why not get

married? The more secure a child feels with its family growing up, the

better chance it has to be happy. If you don't think your boyfriend is

husband or father material, why have a child with him?

If you can do all you can to get ready for a baby such as having a baby

shower, buying the furniture needed, the supplies, and sometimes even the

right house, why isn't it just as important to have your life be prepared to

offer stability in a marriage as well? Since you are in the position to

choose to have a baby, why not make the baby's life as secure as possible?

I come to this opinion because of my situation. My husband and i have been

told we cannot have kids (until lately.) So for the first few years of our

marriage we have looked into adoption as an option for starting our family.

So many young women who have unplanned babies are looking for good families

to adopt their children. These young women are courageous to me because

they are putting their baby's best interest ahead of their own. They have

accepted that having an unwanted pregnancy was their mistake, not the

child's, and they chose to give their child the best possible situation they

could.

And on the flip side, those who have unplanned pregnancies and decide to

become the best parents they can, learn that the baby is the inocent part of

the situation. The parent has to make moral choices of what would be the

best situation for the child. Should I raise the child alone? Can I afford

to raise this child alone? Should the child be in day care while I work?

Should I marry the child's father? Would he make a good father? Would I

make a good mother?

These are issues that all potential parents need to consider. Granted, a

large number of children come into this world unplanned and grow up healthy,

happy, and well-adjusted. But this is because their parents cared about

their best interests and made sure they put their own agenda second.

Being a parent is the most important responsability you can have in life.

Our children are the future, do we want them to succeed? We aren't just

their biological gene pool, we are their gardians who show them the world

and all its wonders.

So think about how much you really want a baby. Would you be a better

candidate for a child who is already in the world looking for a loving mommy

to raise him? Do you feel strongly about raising your own flesh and blood,

or would you consider adopting?

My husband and I have discussed being foster parents too. So many children

in our local community need safe homes and caring people to guide them. My

folks raised a foster son and found incredible joy from him.

For now, we are seeking medical help. We were told lately by a new doctor

that we may be able to have our own children. Yes, we would like to try

this first, but if we have no success, we will seriously look into adoption

at this point. It was too soon to even think of starting a family in our

marriage when we were told we may not be able to have kids a few years ago.

Now we are as ready as we can be!

I wish you luck with these moral decisions. Please talk to your boyfriend

about how you're feeling. He needs to be an " equal' in this idea if he is

going to be involved as daddy.

I think if you really want to start your family, a myo is your best choice

of surgery. I have lost plenty of work in my own business too with the

multiple surgeries I have had this year to prepare my uterus for a potential

pg. But my hubby and I discussed it ahead of time and knew we could manage

if I stopped working for a time to recover from these surgeries. Having a

supportive husband is wonderful. I know I couldn't do it all on my own.

Best wishes to you,

Sonja

[Guest guest]

--I have fibroids, and I have anxiety problems, so sugery is

definetly out for me-