I'm New

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Wow... I have enjoyed reading all the emails that everyone posts and

thought maybe I should let you know that I'm new. This is one great

group with all the positive support and help everyone seems to receive.

My surgery date is September 2nd and since my Mother is helping me with

the doctors 20%, I feel much better and I'm even excited now. Before I

knew how or where I would get over $1000, I was worried sick and

depressed, because I thought I was going to have to cancel my surgery

date. I live in Northeastern California and my doctor is in Carson City,

Nevada. I go for my Pre-op Educational Teaching appt on the 18th, and my

pre-admission appt on the 28th.

I know I am going to enjoy this group.

My name is Gloria, but some of my nicknames are Meadowmuffin and

Mamabear. Everyone take care and I'm praying for everyone that needs a

prayer.

Gloria

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[Guest guest]

nice to have ya onboard, gloria. & way to go on your date, less

than a month away. feel free to pick our brains:-)

lori h.

> Hi,

> Wow... I have enjoyed reading all the emails that everyone posts

and

> thought maybe I should let you know that I'm new. This is one

great

> group with all the positive support and help everyone seems to

receive.

>

> My surgery date is September 2nd and since my Mother is helping me

with

> the doctors 20%, I feel much better and I'm even excited now.

Before I

> knew how or where I would get over $1000, I was worried sick and

> depressed, because I thought I was going to have to cancel my

surgery

> date. I live in Northeastern California and my doctor is in

Carson City,

> Nevada. I go for my Pre-op Educational Teaching appt on the 18th,

and my

> pre-admission appt on the 28th.

>

> I know I am going to enjoy this group.

>

> My name is Gloria, but some of my nicknames are Meadowmuffin and

> Mamabear. Everyone take care and I'm praying for everyone that

needs a

> prayer.

>

> Gloria

[Guest guest]

Hi Hillary,

Welcome to the Group.

You've found a bunch of other people who " get it. " I think you have made some

wise and necessary choices to protect yourself in the face of your mother's

negative, destructive borderline pd and alcoholic behaviors. Its sad that the

adult children of bpd and/or alcoholic parents get forced into making the choice

to go No Contact out of sheer self-preservation, whether its temporary NC or

permanent NC. But I'm glad that you and your sister are no longer in danger of

physical or emotional harm.

Have you started reading about bpd? There are some good books out there now

about understanding borderline pd, and how to better manage having a

relationship with a bpd parent, if you feel its safe for you to remain in

contact. The choice of whether to remain in contact or to go No Contact is very

personal; there is no right or wrong choice, its about your safety, in my

opinion.

I personally recommend " Understanding The Borderline Mother " , and " Surviving A

Borderline Parent " gets recommended here often. " The Essential Family Guide to

BPD " is authored by the owner of this Group. Her first book, " Stop Walking on

Eggshells " was my introduction to the concept of bpd and was helpful to me,

although for the sake of my own physical and mental health I needed to choose

permanent No Contact with my borderline pd/narcissistic pd mother.

Your time is really crunched, but it may help you and your sister to check out

the in-person support group for the adult children of alcoholics, ACOA. I

personally think that borderline pd behaviors and alcoholic behaviors overlap,

or have enough similarities that ACOA would be useful for dealing with both

issues.

Again, Welcome. I hope you will find your own personal path to peace and

healing; I found it comforting to realize that I wasn't the only one who was

trying to manage having a bpd/npd mother.

-Annie

>

> Hi, my name is Hillary. I'm almost 23 years old, and have an 18 year old

sister. Our mother has borderline personality disorder. While she has not been

officially diagnosed, as she doesn't think there is an issue with her behavior,

my therapist, my psychiatrist, one of my psych. nurses at work, my aunt's

therapist, and my sister's therapist have all told us (independantly!) that it

is extraordinarily likely that she has BPD. She also is an alcoholic, and is

still married to my father, who is quite codependant, and passive, and likes to

make excuses for, and enable my mother's behavior. He also had a drinking

problem, and was hospitalized this past march for alcohol withdrawal after a

surgery. He has been sober since (quite honestly i'm worried about this lasting

since he is in such an abusive and stressful environment with my mother who is

sick and an alcoholic).

>

> A few weeks ago, my sister and I took a stand. My mother was having a

'tantrum' as she didn't want me and my sister to go to my grandfather's funeral,

as my uncle would be there, and she has convinced herself that he is 'trying to

turn her children against her and is spreading lies about her to the world.'

> I figured, I am an adult, and my grandma and grandfather were the one truly

loving, and caring influence in my life, and am not going to let my mother's

issues get in the way of being there for my grandma and my family.

> Since that point, a lot has changed, my mother turned off my sister's cell

phone and this resulted in her leaving, and having to travel alone from chicago

to Purdue in indiana alone with no phone, took MY car (I had been making

payments to her and my dad, but title was in their name) and called my grandma

making threats and swearing (she is an 86 year old woman).

>

> This was the last straw for me, and for my sister. Prior to this, when my

mother would have a meltdown, I would always fold, and placate her in an attempt

to protect my sister. But since she is no longer a minor, and has moved away

from their home and is financially independant, i don't have to worry. My father

is not there to protect us, as he always tries to smooth things over, and always

feels as though there is a way to prevent my mother's meltdowns, and is now

trying to 'get my mother to realize that she is pushing us away'.

> while he realizes that she has a personality disorder, i don't think he really

realizes that until she gets help, she won't change.

>

> Since that point, neither me nor my sister have contacted my mother. For now,

it may be selfish (i know cutting her out won't help her) but it really is

self-preservation for us. I don't have TIME. I am a full time student, and work

full time overnight. My sister is a new college freshman.

>

> It is REALLY tough, and sometimes i'm terrified that I may have it. Is this

normal? I'm very emotional, and stressed, and sometimes am quite needy of

relationships.

>

> I'm sorry this was long and rambling, and I will peruse the posts of others to

see what the forum etiquette generally is.

>

> I am just really happy to have found this online (convenience!) I really am

interested in the experience of others, and hope to gain some perspective and

some advice for my own life.

>

> Thanks,

> -Hill

>