Re: Trying to Regroup

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I applaud you and your family for making a commitment and setting up some

clear guidelines to follow -- I'm sure y'all will do well.

I don't know if this will help or not but last week I had to do the same at

my house -- family meeting and all -- my husband nor my daughter are over

weight but the " food choices " around here are AWFUL -- nothing even close

to a " healthy " plan for anyone... anyway... (our daughter is 5) our

therapist suggested we use the term " food choices " instead of " bad " food

" good " food (lots of reasons) -- using... " healthy choice " and " un-healthy

choice " -- so we don't forget it is a " choice " and what we are choosing is

health or un-healthy -- it works much better for our daughter (I realize

their is a BIG age difference) but to learn to think in terms of healthy

foods is good for everyone... not just the obese... healthy choices are good

for everyone and it doesn't have that old " ring " of a diet kind of thing.

Again, just a suggestion that I thought might be helpful for families to

try -- it is helping with us... keeping the fruit around as a " healthy "

choice is so much better for all of us. Making fruit plates of seasonal

stuff that is available at the store is almost as much fun as making a pan

of brownies ~smile~ not nearly the mess in the kitchen, still something that

can be done together and shared with everyone :-)

Let us know how your " family plan " goes -- so many of our 'habits' are

family oriented that these types of things are helpful for us to share in

" tips and tricks "

hugz,

~denise

8-18-00, Houston, Dr. Ferrari

RnY Proximal, BMI 39, 250 lbs. 5' 6 " size 26

4-18-02

BMI 19, 120 lbs., 5' 6 " size 2/4 "

[Guest guest]

, that's a great idea about " choices " . And believe it or not, I don't

think a 5-year old girl is too different from a 17-year old girl. They don't

like ideas forced on them, but would rather make " choices. "

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

You know, I didn't have a weight problem either, my Mother did. She labeled

foods good and bad and restricted what I was allowed to eat. So I had to

sneek food . . .and eventually I had an eating disorder. God knows I thought

I was fat before I ever was. And I got fat after I started dieting and

restricting food, not before. Weight loss surgery is a tool as it reduces

the size of out stomachs at the very least, and helps us lose while our

behavior is catching up with our desire to change. If we treat ourselves

like dieters after weight loss surgery, we will get the same results we

always did. You know the Chinese definition of insanity, its doing th same

thing over and over expecting to get different results. Diets don't work,

and call by any other name and its still a diet. So what does work??? How

about awareness and meeting the physical needs of your body. It is easy to

keep doing something that makes you feel good . . . but you have to feel

first. I was numb for many years because of dieting. I was made to eat when

I wasn't hungry, what I didn't want . . .and not allowed to eat when I was

hungry! My mind played tricks on me like it does to most people . . .if I

wasn't allowed to have something, how come that is exactly what I wanted?

How come if I didn't want it, it is all that I was allowed? I knew in my

heart that food didn't mean more to me than my life and health, but yet I was

killing myself with food. I learned from all the diets and programs I had

ever been on . . .they don't work for weight loss, they ultimately work for

weight gain. I'd done enough gaining in my life, I'm done.

So do what you will, but remember If you do what you always did,

you'll get ehat you always got. What if you could eat what ever foods made

you physically feel wonderful everytime you got hungry? Do you think you

could keep that up for a lifetime? That is how I lost my weight. There is

nothing on my list . . . all food is equal . . .I just honor hunger and eat

what makes my body feel strong and vital. Once and agreat while I choose

something that doesn't agree, its OK . . . It is wonderful knowing that when

I get hungry I am going to eat something that tastes great and makes me feel

great too! www.sevensecretsofslimpeople.com . . .it saved my life and

allowed me to bexome successful beyond what I dared dream. And maintainence

will be easy as there is nothing for me to change . . .Best to you and your

family.

) Vicki

In a message dated 5/19/2002 3:49:36 PM Pacific Standard Time,

lrfaulkner@... writes:

> I called a family meeting tonight. We are doing awful with our eating. I

> am 17 months post-op and my husband is 3 months post-op. I am embarrassed

> to tell you the things we have been eating. I have put on 8 pounds in one

> week. I feel terrible. I have no energy, I am weak, irritable, nervous

> and bloated. I told my husband we are doing terrible things to each other.

> When he wants to cheat, he brings home something I love (usually in a

> jumbo size). I told him he is sabotaging me so he can eat what he wants to

> without guilt. I on the other hand, sabatoge him by talking about

> something I'm craving because I know he'll encourage me to go ahead and get

> it (then get him something). We made a pact to go at least 2 weeks without

> any of the foods we've been having problems with (bread, cookies, pastry,

> pasta). I put a list on the fridge of the " no foods " . If one of us is

> having a problem the other will encourage a protein shake. If one of us

> insists on having a " treat " , they must leave the house, go buy it and eat

> it before they come home. Hopefully neither of us will resort to this. I

> made a list of good foods that are handy, healthy and tasty. That will go

> on the fridge too. We will increase our protein shakes and water

> consumption. By the end of the week, I'm sure I will have lost this

> re-gain and then hopefully, I can begin some weight loss again. I have

> been stuck since August and it's no one's fault but my own. I will take

> the best of all the advice I have seen given on these sites and try what's

> worked well for others. I'm not really asking anything, I guess I'm just

> trying to make a commitment. Thanks for listening.

> in Akron

> P.S. We made these rules apply to my 17 year old daughter as well. Though

> she doesn't have a weight problem, she doesn't need these foods either. At

> least we don't want them to be laying around the house so available. I

> bought her lots of fruit to take the place of Reese's and chips & dip and

> Pepsi.

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/20/2002 8:19:48 PM Pacific Standard Time,

Haasevp@... writes:

> And maintainence

> will be easy as there is nothing for me to change . . .Best to you and your

>

> family.

> ) Vicki

>

I am 42 months post op, have a BMI of 22 and haven't stopped losing weight

yet. I wanted to add that so you didn't hink I was just a year post op and

reality hadn't hit me yet. It has and I say " Bring it On! " I have never

looked or felt better. If this had been dieting, I would have started the

regain 2 1/2 years ago! Truly, if I can do this, anyone can. I was the

queen of rebound weight gain!

) Vicki

[Guest guest]

But Vicki aren't you a distal RNY? That is a total different game from those

that have proximal RNYs.

Dawn--far south suburban Chicago, IL area

Dr. Hess, Bowling Green, OH

BPD/DS

4/27/00

www.duodenalswitch.com

267 to 160 5' 4 "

size 22 to size 10

have made size goal

no more high blood pressure, sore feet, or dieting

[Guest guest]

Vicki, you make a lot of valid points. Someone else e-mailed me about rules

vs. choices. I revised my fridge list. On the same sheet of paper I have

listed healthy food choices and a list of not-so-healthy food choices. To my

surprise, the good food choices far outnumbered the poor choices and seemed much

more appetizing. I do not tell my daughter (age 17) what she is allowed or not

allowed to eat. Sometimes she will ask me if a food is healthy--last night it

was a peanut butter and banana sandwich. I told her that for me, personally, it

was too high in sugar, but both peanut butter and bananas are good for lots of

people, especially if she ate it on good whole wheat bread. She wanted white

bread, which she could have had, but decided to forget it. My daughter is

probably about 10 to 15 pounds overweight. Of course, that's comparing herself

to her friends who would blow away in the wind. I try not to bring up the issue

of diet around her, but sometimes it's hard because she is constantly

complaining about her stomach roll (wish I had one that was 4 times bigger than

hers) and her double chin. She wants that slender, sculpted look. High school

is such a tough age. I don't want her to have a " diet " mindset, but I do want

her to be aware of turning to food for comfort as my husband and I have done.

In high school, I ate two lunches trying to gain weight. I was a twig. In my

mid 20's I started struggling with alcohol. When I stopped that, I turned to

food. Same with my husband. Genetics plays a big role here with addictions.

She has no desire to try a drop of alcohol, but I sometimes see her turn to food

like I did alcohol. I think it's fine if she has a candy bar now and then, but

I don't like her to bring in a huge bag of candy that serves 4 people for

herself. And I'm trying to discourage bringing in chips and dip, stuff like

that. But I do think I need to make myself clear with her about not trying to

dictate what she eats, especially outside the home. Mainly, it's educating

ourselves on healthy eating -- which she is the first to admit she feels great

when she's eating properly and if she goes on a food binge, she feels like she's

been on a 3-day drunk. Where am I going with this? Lol

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Ithink I could relate to everything your wrote, both from your view point,

your daughter, and in the 3rd person . . . I think sometimes we are so scared

that our kids will follow in our footsteps that we actually promote it

unknowingly. One of the things I have learned post op is, " It's not about

food and it never will be. " My neighbor who is 12 yares AA, says the same

goes for alcohol, drugs or anything else we use. What I learned is, that

" you have to get right with food, to find out it never was abut food in the

first place. " At first, what I did was very mechanical . . .I'd almost call

it the 7 secrets diet. But I forced myself to do the worksheets and take the

steps necessary to make the change permanent. It was the first time In my

life I ever trusted my body Vs scientific reteric. Following 7 secrets

forced me to choose between trusting my body by feeling good and believing

something I have always believed because of scientific proof. When I do goof

by my body, I feel good. When I ignore my body and try to do what I am

supposed to, If I feel bad I learn what doesn't work for me! It comes down

to a pretty simple fprmula . . .if you feel good, it is good. If you feel

bad it is for a reason . . . when it comes to food, bad matches, non-hunger

eating, and overeating all make me and most people feel bad. But before we

can feel any of it, we have to move ourselves into awareness of how we

physically feel. I personally was numb for so many years that it took time

to really feel hunger and satisfaction. As for your daughter, I have 2 of

them and the oldest is 11 and has just entered a chubby pregrowth stage. It

is making her crazy, she used to be skinny and she prefered that! I have

taught her to accept her body as it is shaped, because we can't change

shapes. I explained to her how we are like " dogs. " We have a Pomerainian

and an Aussie. No matter how much I try, neither of them is going to look or

be like the other . . . So I take care of each animal to be the best of their

breed they can be. I want my kids and I to be the best them they can be. I

would love to look like Cameron . . .but I look more like Jane Curtin .

.. .oh well. I can't force my body type to change anymore than I can do

something to be taller or shorter . . .Oh yes we can have plastic surgery,

but that doesn't change the flavor of the cake, just the frosting! ) I

remember at 17 it was my tendency to carry weight around my waist that

started me dieting to try and gain a slimmer waistline. Had I truly known it

was something I couldn't change, I would have focused on my physical

attributes and what a blessing they are. Awareness and acceptance of

ourselves as is, is important for long term maintainence . . .I wish you the

best and peace.

) Vicki

short proximal RNY 12/98

BMI 47 to BMI 22, I gained so much more than I ever lost!

In a message dated 5/21/2002 6:35:05 AM Pacific Standard Time,

lrfaulkner@... writes:

> Vicki, you make a lot of valid points. Someone else e-mailed me about rules

> vs. choices. I revised my fridge list. On the same sheet of paper I have

> listed healthy food choices and a list of not-so-healthy food choices. To

> my surprise, the good food choices far outnumbered the poor choices and

> seemed much more appetizing. I do not tell my daughter (age 17) what she

> is allowed or not allowed to eat. Sometimes she will ask me if a food is

> healthy--last night it was a peanut butter and banana sandwich. I told her

> that for me, personally, it was too high in sugar, but both peanut butter

> and bananas are good for lots of people, especially if she ate it on good

> whole wheat bread. She wanted white bread, which she could have had, but

> decided to forget it. My daughter is probably about 10 to 15 pounds

> overweight. Of course, that's comparing herself to her friends who would

> blow away in the wind. I try not to bring up the issue of diet around her,

> but sometimes it's hard because she is constantly complaining about her

> stomach roll (wish I had one that was 4 times bigger than hers) and her

> double chin. She wants that slender, sculpted look. High school is such a

> tough age. I don't want her to have a " diet " mindset, but I do want her to

> be aware of turning to food for comfort as my husband and I have done. In

> high school, I ate two lunches trying to gain weight. I was a twig. In my

> mid 20's I started struggling with alcohol. When I stopped that, I turned

> to food. Same with my husband. Genetics plays a big role here with

> addictions. She has no desire to try a drop of alcohol, but I sometimes

> see her turn to food like I did alcohol. I think it's fine if she has a

> candy bar now and then, but I don't like her to bring in a huge bag of

> candy that serves 4 people for herself. And I'm trying to discourage

> bringing in chips and dip, stuff like that. But I do think I need to make

> myself clear with her about not trying to dictate what she eats, especially

> outside the home. Mainly, it's educating ourselves on healthy eating --

> which she is the first to admit she feels great when she's eating properly

> and if she goes on a food binge, she feels like she's been on a 3-day

> drunk. Where am I going with this? Lol

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/2002 7:01:25 AM Pacific Standard Time, Dwkteach

writes:

> But Vicki aren't you a distal RNY? That is a total different game from

> those that have proximal RNYs.

>

> Dawn--far south suburban Chicago, IL area

> Dr. Hess, Bowling Green, OH

> BPD/DS

> 4/27/00

> www.duodenalswitch.com

> 267 to 160 5' 4 "

> size 22 to size 10

> have made size goal

> no more high blood pressure, sore feet, or dieting

>

NO I AM NOT DISTAL!!!! After researching, I wouldn't even consider it, as I

know I couldn't do what is necessary to be healthy. In fact, I am a VERY

short proximal RNY. I made sure that I had the minimum bypass that is

possible! I only have 6 " of doudenum bypassed (roux limb?) and it is

reconnected about 24 " down to prevent acid refux. (The only part of our

intestines that doesn't function in our digestion post op, is intestine that

never touches food. If it moves food, it is still part of the digestive

process. Its not just the common channel where digestion takes place.) I

basicly have no calorie malabsorption . . . and little or no micro

malabsorption! I always had problems with iron and B, so what is going on

post op is not a change for me. As for distal Vs, proximal VS DS Vs VBG or

bands . . .read your statistics. The percentage of people that lose weight

down to the ideal range for their body (BMI's 20 - 25) and maintain the loss

is pretty equal for all the procedures. No procedure has a ideal weight

success rate over 9%! What does vary greatly between procedures is the speed

of the weight loss and the failure rate. Failure is failing to lose 50% of

one's excess weight and maintaining that loss . . . So no, I don't have any

advantage that some believe a distal has for weightloss and maintainence, and

many would say being a short proximal RNY, I am even at a disadvantage.

Personally, I think that all procedures and all post ops from all procedures

have an equal opportunity to achieve and maintain weight in the ideal range!

My opinion is that the prox. RNY procedure was great for me. I don't have

to deal much with supplementing to maintain my health and I don't have

trouble with most types of food. Some food problems that I always had are

now more exaggerated, but we all knew that was a possibility going into it.

My surgery gave me some free no change weight loss and facilitated my

decision to make real and lasting changes in myself and my relationship with

food . . . I am so blessed to have my health back after straying so far.

) Vicki

[Guest guest]

I guess it's another trip to the library. I'd really like to read that book.

I visited the web site that you posted and then e-mailed my library to put a

book on hold. Thanks for the tip.

---------------------------------