Re: Ken, re Breastfeeding

[Guest guest]

,

Your reply below has me not a little baffled. It doesn't seem to be in any

way a response to the news story at the URL

http://www.sun-herald.com/NewsArchive2/080801/tp3ch12.htm?date=080801&story=tp3c\

h12.htm

The news story was about a woman who was asked to leave a Florida K-Mart

because other customers complained her discreetly breastfeeding her infant

was " repulsive " and a " disgrace. "

It was supportive of a Florida law that allows breastfeeding in public and

mentioned some of the benefits. How does this connect to _anything_ below?

Or were you actually responding to someone else?

Comment interspersed below.

Hicks wrote:

> Hi Ken,

>

> I simply can not tell you the number of articles that I've read that

> indicate that breastfeeding is superior for both babies and mothers.

That is not what this article was about. It was about the humiliation a

woman went through over breastfeeding her child in a K-Mart. While the

articles you mention are a good measure of attitude change, the article was

pointing out where the attitude was far from completely changed.

>

> And, I think it really is. Everyone thinks so. It is definitely

> " preferred. "

That was what the news article I cited clearly stated, except about the part

" Everyone thinks so. " The word " prefered " itself was even used. In spite of

the sea change in public opinion as evidenced by the current writing in

popular magazines on the subject, this woman's experience is far from unique

and it isn't the first time she herself has experienced such a thing.

> I personally breastfed two babies both until they were

> approximately 13 months old, the first in spite of *considerable* pain

> and having to rent breast pumps, etc., to keep it going. In fact I

> *agonized* over it and went to clinic after clinic to figure out how

> to do it right. Even with all that, I ended up with one breast that

> didn't make any milk and I *had* to supplement.

Hopefully your efforts have paid off for both your children (avoiding speech

impediments, etc.) and you too because breastfeeding reduces the risk of

breast cancer.

>

>

> Here is where you consistently mistake my perspective. There is

> *preferred* and there is *adequate*. And sometimes, many more times

> than you seem able to acknowledge, adequate is OK, it works. In fact,

> sometimes adequate is the best that can be hoped for!

>

Where does the article I posted say otherwise? Here I post something in

defense of mothers, an article that tells of people publicly humiliating and

mistreating mothers who are doing the best they can in a difficult situation,

and you are telling me " I don't understand. "

What don't I understand? Where have I ever suggested that the " best that can

be hoped for " is not good enough?

>

> In your posts about child raising, your perspective raises my hackles.

> You seem to want to turn *preferred* into *required* and totally

> dismiss adequate as unfit. This is a general societal trend, and you

> are certainly not alone in it. I do get sick of it.

Here you certainly are responding to things in other posts, but I have no

idea what.

A friend of mine was thinking of adopting a newborn infant from overseas and

asked me about the possibility of breastfeeding. I assured her that it was

possible, milk production could be induced with hormones. She asked

_precisely_ because she was concerned and wanted to do what was best for the

child and delighted that she would be able to do so but . . .

She asked how long breastfeeding goes on for. I responded in other countries

usually around two or three years. I still remember the look of disgust on

her face, " Eeeeewwww, I'd never do that. " She was _disgusted_ at the

thought. Was this because she was a " bad person " ? Of course not. She

simply was never breastfed and grew up in a culture that saw such as

" disgusting. "

Some women wish to breast feed because they know of the benefits of it but

when it comes down to it, they have an intense feeling, " The little monster

is sucking the life out of me. " These women are the ones I have most

sympathy for. They have nowhere to turn for help. The idea is so horrendous

(and to themselves, too) that they dare not mention it to anyone. They are

subject to feel guilty for the rest of their lives for something that is

_not_ their fault and there is no one to help them with it. (Remember the

mother chimpanzees raised by manequins?)

>

>

>

> Every time I read something you write about it I wish with my whole

> heart that you had a small child or two to raise 24/7!

So I'd lose the objectivity of a little distance?

> Then maybe

> you'd lighten up. You might even realize that no matter how someone

> does it, someone else is going to disagree with that.

>

And here I post a news article directly in support of mothers, critical of a

woman who stops shopping at K-Mart (not an expensive boutique) to take care

of her child (and herself) and you come up with the above paragraph. Where

did that come from? Or is whatever I post on the subject simply going to be

criticized no matter what? Do you think that mother should have been

humiliated and thrown out? Do you think strangers should make rude comments

to mothers who breastfeed? I doubt it, so why the problem with the article

posted? Why the above paragraph?

>

> Even beyond that, the constant messages that parents get about how

> things *should* be done for " optimal " results...after awhile, it just

> gets down into your psyche and you start to think that no matter what

> you do, it won't be good enough. That is, until the parent, ie,

> *me*, ... I can find it within myself to listen to my own heart on it

> and quit letting the " experts " tell me where I went wrong. WTF, are

> they dealing with it on a day to day basis? Are you?

>

> Ken, you have a *romantic* idea of what child raising is all about.

> Do it first. Attempt to maintain your old ideas on it. See how they

> fall apart...then give me your ideas on how it *should* be done.

>

Here you go again. I post a URL 100% in support of mothers' options, a

rather open criticism of people embarassing and making life difficult for

mothers, and I get this nonsense from you again. I'll ask again although I

know it can't be, do you think it proper for members of the public to

humiliate and throw out a mother nursing her infant? Why the criticism

directed toward me for posting _this_ article?

Ken Ragge

>

>