Re: Discrimination

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

The post I saw from Beth in Houston sounded right on. You seem to have come a

long way as far as self-esteem, don't back slide now;-) What I mean is.... who

cares what these folks think. You're doing great, you look great and you are a

smart and interesting person... the heck with them. Just go to your class and

learn what you went there for.

just my 2c

> vMessage: 5

> Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2002 10:30:34 -0500

>

> Subject: Reverse (?) Discrimination (?) - LONG

>

> I've got some really strange stuff going on right now and I'd like to bounce

> something off you guys. A little background; I'm 45, almost 3 years

> post-op from a proximal RNY. I've lost 110-120 pounds, am pretty much at

> goal and I look great. I take care of myself, dress well and drive a very

> nice car. I'm *finally* getting a bit of self-confidence and I try to

> present myself positively. I know this is sounding conceited. I'm not -

> honestly. I'm well aware of where I came from.

>

> Anyway, I just went back to the local community college. I'm not looking

> for a career. I'm a stay at home mom and I just wanted to learn some new

> things. The instructors and a person in class I thought had become my

> friend are behaving strangely toward me and I'm wondering if it might be

> some kind of disrimination or resentment? I mean, I've read where some

> people who are very nice looking say some people dislike them just because

> they are nice looking. I know people disliked me and treated me differently

> before because I was fat. Now I'm wondering if they dislike me because of

> the way I am now?

>

> It started at the beginning of the semester when this one instructor, on the

> first day of class, referred to me as " the very nice looking lady in front " .

> Later that same day, she sort of went off, ridiculing me and making fun of

> the fact I had trouble getting around on our online learning site. She

> actually posted an announcement online and sent me a congratulatory e-mail

> when I got something right. I don't think she was necessarily being

> malicious. I think she was trying to be friendly in her own weird way. But

> I don't know her and she doesn't know me and I took offense. I thought

> maybe she was some type of stalker, or something. Fortunately, things sort

> of died down and became somewhat normal in that class but there is still

> this strange feeling with her.

>

> There is another woman in my classes that is around my age. Naturally, we

> started kind of hanging out together. I like her. She is M.O. and seems to

> have a growing resentment that I'm not and has made references to how

> beautiful she used to be and how small I still am. BTW - No one knows I was

> M.O. and I don't throw my size in anyone's face. Like I said, I know where

> I came from.

>

> But last night was the kicker. I have an evering class that for the past 8

> weeks had followed the same schedule exactly; lecture for first half of

> class, lab the last half. Yesterday was my birthday and I wanted to go home

> after the lecture to spend some time with my family before the evening was

> totally gone. So I told the instructor it was my birthday and I wanted to

> leave after the lecture to spend it with my family and asked if that was

> O.K. He kind of grunted there was no problem without acknowleding my

> birthday. I wasn't looking for accolades, or anything. It was just kind of

> weird the way he blew me off.

>

> Anyway, we recently had an exam. Both my friends in the class got a 100% on

> the test but I missed one. I am really embarassed about it because I try to

> do well. So the first thing this instructor does is put everyone's grades

> up on the overhead. ALL their grades. I couldn't believe it. I was the

> ONLY one in the class that missed a question on the exam. He even brought

> attention to my grades by pointing out an assignment I hadn't done yet. I

> felt like such a fool and wanted to crawl under a rock. He then went on to

> lecture for 2.5 hours without a break, seemingly intentionally keeping me

> from leaving. He kept going on and on about the same thing; kind of

> rambling. It was so weird.

>

> Does anyone have some insight into this? I really don't know if I am doing

> something that repels people, or what. I'm really trying to be nice and

> friendly. But I'm feeling pretty isolated these days.

>

> Thanks.

> Kim

>

> __