safety first

[Guest guest]

So......what does this mean? I DON'T KNOW!!! but I'm thinking it means

that maybe I'm not a fat girl outside anymore! And maybe, just maybe (and

I'll call ya all liars if you tell my DH I said this) my DH is right.....and

I need to be more careful.

Sue

***Sue,

Yes, you need to be more careful! Have a plan, woman! Flirt, but when

someone comes on like that fellow did, you don't tell him a thing except to

get lost or you'll flatten him. If he laughs, take out your cell phone, and

tell him you're dialing 911. Do whatever you can to discourage him. If he

asks anything personal, you tell him you'd be delighted to tell his wife

anything she'd like to know about you, but you are not interested in telling

him even the time of day! Plan your responses. Plan on your escape routes.

Plan.....and stay safe.

This is scary, really. I felt trapped just reading it! I was terrified for

you....and you told him your name? Wow~ I was amazed at the emotion I was

feeling as you told your story. And it got me thinking that if it happened

to me, how would I handle it? So....I'm getting me a plan. I may never

need it, but I am going to have it.

Thanks for telling us. And be careful!

Alice in NY***

[Guest guest]

Alice said:

> This is scary, really. I felt trapped just reading it! I was terrified

for

> you....and you told him your name? Wow~ I was amazed at the emotion I was

> feeling as you told your story. And it got me thinking that if it

happened

> to me, how would I handle it? <<<<<<<

To which I say, DITTO. My heart was beating fast, I was squirming---I was

gonna beat you to the door! But then you were too scared to go outside, by

yourself, I betcha. Oh man, I'd probably have fled for the bathroom! LOL!

But I am sufficiently sobered by this. I still think of me as being more,

um, substantial than I am. I need to remember that a determined person can

now pick me up and disable me pretty easily since if my feet don't touch the

ground, I've sorta lost any advantage that I had. Now I'm nervous, too.

[Guest guest]

But you know, when you stop and think about it were we really more

able to take care of ourselves when we were MO? I sat and thought

about this for a few minutes and here's what I decided.

I am more able to defend myself now than I was a hundred pounds ago.

People assumed that because I was large I could " take care " of

myself. They thought that because I was huge I must be strong as an

ox. The reverse was true. It was all that I could do to haul my own

flab around. At a hundred pounds heavier, I could barely get out of

my own way, I sure as hell couldn't have gotten away from anyone who

wanted to harm me. If I could have thrown a punch AND connected

without losing my balance and ending up on my behind, I might have

hurt the other guy but the chances of that happening were pretty slim

since my arms barely reached past my belly. I would have had to have

stood on the toes of the bad guy to keep him from moving so he would

be within reaching distance. I feel like I have a better chance now

that I can move and although I don't have that extra hundred pounds

behind me (literally) I do have more strength in my arms and legs and

sure as hell can run for more than 3 feet! Yes, we all need to be

more careful. We all need to be more aware of who and what is around

us. We all need to be careful of what we say to whom. I was a

sexual assualt advocate for several years and became more aware of

the precautions that we all need to take. Thanks to Sue, we will

take a few minutes to play " what if " .

Alice

The Loon

Dr. Boone

Dec. 28, 2000

.....I need to remember that a determined person can now pick me up

and disable me pretty easily since if my feet don't touch the ground,

I've sorta lost any advantage that I had. Now I'm nervous, too....

[Guest guest]

Yup, I gotta admit...this scared the bejeezus outta me!! I'm actually

thinking about carrying pepper spray or something like that now!

Re: safety first

Alice said:

> This is scary, really. I felt trapped just reading it! I was terrified

for

> you....and you told him your name? Wow~ I was amazed at the emotion I was

> feeling as you told your story. And it got me thinking that if it

happened

> to me, how would I handle it? <<<<<<<

To which I say, DITTO. My heart was beating fast, I was squirming---I was

gonna beat you to the door! But then you were too scared to go outside, by

yourself, I betcha. Oh man, I'd probably have fled for the bathroom! LOL!

But I am sufficiently sobered by this. I still think of me as being more,

um, substantial than I am. I need to remember that a determined person can

now pick me up and disable me pretty easily since if my feet don't touch the

ground, I've sorta lost any advantage that I had. Now I'm nervous, too.

Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Sue,

It means all of the things you said, plus that this guy was a

creep and no matter how careful you are or how much weight you hide

behind, his kind are out there. They prey on people and because you are

attractive now, he zeroed in on you. Don't be afraid to look him square

in the eye and tell him to leave you alone. You don't owe him kindness

or even cordial conversation. Unsolicited advances are a form of abuse

and you DO NOT have to take it. If he finds you to be a strong woman, as

we all know you are, he will tuck tail and run. They want to intimidate

the weak, scared ones. Be alert and aware of your surroundings, but

don't be afraid. You have a right to be left in peace, regardless of

your size (or lack of it!)

Michele (with one L)

>

>Then he says, " You're looking might fine tonight. You're built like a

>black woman. "

[Guest guest]

I want to jump in here with one comment...this is something I think we need

to stress with our children as well...YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE NICE TO SOMEONE

WHO IS COMING ON TO YOU AND MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. I was once accosted by

a man when I was about 13 years old, and I didn't know what to do...but I

didn't think I could be rude to him and just tell him to get the hell away

from me. I tried to be " nice " and discourage him without offending

him...after all, my parents always told me to be polite to adults. NO, NO,

NO!! We need to tell our kids, and ourselves too, it's ok to be rude and

tell someone like this to get the hell away or we'll scream and make a

scene.

KC

Kathy Carl

Chrysalis

E-mail: chrysalis@...

RE: safety first

Sue,

It means all of the things you said, plus that this guy was a

creep and no matter how careful you are or how much weight you hide

behind, his kind are out there. They prey on people and because you are

attractive now, he zeroed in on you. Don't be afraid to look him square

in the eye and tell him to leave you alone. You don't owe him kindness

or even cordial conversation. Unsolicited advances are a form of abuse

and you DO NOT have to take it. If he finds you to be a strong woman, as

we all know you are, he will tuck tail and run. They want to intimidate

the weak, scared ones. Be alert and aware of your surroundings, but

don't be afraid. You have a right to be left in peace, regardless of

your size (or lack of it!)

Michele (with one L)

>

>Then he says, " You're looking might fine tonight. You're built like a

>black woman. "

Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Sue, I feel for you, I know how hard that is. I would probably have responded

the same way. But once in my life I didn't.

All of this reminds me of something that happened when I was in grad school. I

was in San Francisco, living by myself, for a summer internship. I was also

broke, so I got a job at Fisherman's Wharf in a crafts shop, evenings. The store

closed at 9pm and then I caught a cable car downtown to catch the bus home. I

had a couple of blocks to walk between the end of the cable car line and the bus

stop. One night I heard footsteps behind me. It was the classic thing: I slowed

down, they slowed down. I walked faster, they walked faster. I started getting

pissed off. I whirled around and this big guy stopped short. I said, real loud

" ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME? " He said " Well... yes. " I said " WELL I HAVE HAD A

HORRIBLE DAY AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS TO DEAL WITH YOU. SO BUG OFF!!! " The

amazing thing is, he started backing up, putting his hands up, palms out, like

he was protecting *himself*, saying " gee lady, I'm sorry, I had no idea... " Then

he turned around and ran for it. I scared him to death I think!

I tell this because I think there's a lesson in there somewhere for us. At the

time I was 25, clueless, and didn't think about the fact that I was in danger. I

get cold sweats thinking about it now. But I just responded unthinkingly, yelled

at him like crazy, and he took off.

Would I be able to do that now? I dunno. I might let all that conditioning

intervene and try and be nice. But I'm going to keep that image of that creep,

backing away from the crazy lady who was yelling at him, in mind for future

reference. And the image of the brave and foolish me, telling the man to bug

off. Someday I may need the spirit, if not the letter, of that experience.

Thanks, Sue, for sharing with us and reminding us of something we think too

little about.

hugs,

Ann

[Guest guest]

I agree wholeheartedly with Michele and KC about this. After I sent my

post, I kept thinking why I was squirming about this scenario that Sue

endured. And that is what it was - she endured. It was an assault, he was

intimidating her and enjoying her discomfort. And don't think he didn't

KNOW he was making her uncomfortable. He was, and he liked it. Part of me

was panicking for Sue, and part of me wanted to punch the SOB in the gut.

How dare he talk to you like that? What gives him the right? Sue, you are

blameless in this whole thing, and you got a lot of us thinking about how to

handle it should we ever be in the situation. Michele was right - when it

happened to me a a child (the assault was physical), I was too scared to

run, and thought I had to be " nice " to him. I wanted to get away, but was

taught to respect my elders, and be a " good " girl. We carry this

indoctrination with us into adulthood, and it overrides the common sense we

have cultivated, because it is such a deeply ingrained part of our psyche.

Thank you, Sue, for sharing this very provoking situation, and making us

think about it. You were brave. And braver still to tell us all about it.

So, what do we do with this knowledge? What does who is physically

unable to defend herself do? She speaks up, firmly. She says, first and

forcefully, " I am not interested. Go away. " That's all. " Go away " should

do it. If it doesn't help, then if you are in a place to make it happen,

ask for help. Simply tell the next available person, male or female, that

this person is bothering you, and you would like to have a witness to it.

If you are alone, scream! Make noise! Run, turn on the suspect and swing,

do something. I say all of this, and wonder, " can I do that, if

confronted? " I am going to practice......in the mirror. In my head. In my

house, aloud. Whatever. Thanks, Sue.

Alice in NY

> I want to jump in here with one comment...YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE NICE TO

SOMEONE WHO IS COMING ON TO YOU AND MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. > KC

> It means all of the things you said, plus that this guy was a creep and no

matter how careful you are or how much weight you hide behind, his kind are

out there.

[Guest guest]

My adrenals were working while I read this post too...but instead of

running...I was already kneeing the jerk and poking my fingers in his

eyes...I feel sorry for any idiot that tries messing with me!! As a victim,

I used to feel I *had* to be nice to these jerks....and tell them my name and

anything they asked. Not anymore...I'm not a victim anymore, and guys..if I

ever go down...look for the one that is terribly scarred up...because he WILL

be~!!

Regards~

Jacque

> Alice said:

>

> > This is scary, really. I felt trapped just reading it! I was terrified

> for

> > you....and you told him your name? Wow~ I was amazed at the emotion I was

> > feeling as you told your story. And it got me thinking that if it

> happened

> > to me, how would I handle it? <<<<<<<

>

> To which I say, DITTO. My heart was beating fast, I was squirming---I was

> gonna beat you to the door! But then you were too scared to go outside, by

> yourself, I betcha. Oh man, I'd probably have fled for the bathroom! LOL!

>

> But I am sufficiently sobered by this. I still think of me as being more,

> um, substantial than I am. I need to remember that a determined person can

> now pick me up and disable me pretty easily since if my feet don't touch the

> ground, I've sorta lost any advantage that I had.

[Guest guest]

said:

> But I am sufficiently sobered by this. I still think of me as being more,

> um, substantial than I am. I need to remember that a determined person

can

> now pick me up and disable me pretty easily since if my feet don't touch

the

> ground, I've sorta lost any advantage that I had. Now I'm nervous, too.

This has been a big issue for me - I have felt so vulnerable since losing my

armour. Please, please - have a plan, DON'T give any personal info, and if

you are in a place like a store or a mall - head for the customer service

area or other employee and ask them to call security.

I would not have gone to the parking lot by myself, in this situation. I

would have asked for an escort.

Trust me, stores don't mind doing it. They want to keep their customers

safe to come back and spend more money. Nothing is worse for business than

to have it splattered all over the news that someone was assaulted or

abducted from their parking lot.

BTW, having the " smart comments " in mind ahead of time always helps me :-)

dee