cindy: addiction vs. dependence & OT (NOTE: NOT a short story!)

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/26/04 3:17:41 AM Pacific Standard Time,

ceda writes:

" I am no longer concerned about addiction. I do not abuse any Rx (or any

other kind) drug. I am concerned about quality of life. When pain interferes

with my daily basic functioning, I want some level of relief within reason.

Give me the damned medicine! (excuse my rare profanity, but I have no patience

with drs or anyone else who doesn't " get " what it feels like to hurt 24/7/365).

well, cindy, you've said it all in a nutshell. besides any of the drs who

don't get it, those who most bother me, who don't " get it " , are close friends &

family members, as well as co-workers, whom i don't have to worry about

anymore. they just frustrate the hell outta me (my profanities are not rare,

but

if they need excusing, please do so). i had an ongoing disagreement (ok, it

was a fight)...w/my youngest daughter, who doesn't get it at all. this child is

the type who feels " entitled " (a lot like my ex, who's a monster). my

daughter & i had this ongoing fight about the meds i was taking. she thought

they

were bad. personally i didn't care what she thought. my boyfriend kept

telling me, don't worry, sweetie, she'll get tired of it & stop buggin you

pretty

soon. well, i was pretty surprised one day when she called & said to me, it

seems like all we do is fight lately, mom & i guess you'd probably like it if we

just didn't talk about your medications anymore (thank you, Jesus). i agreed

i would like that, so we haven't talked about it since. she lives 35 miles

south & is in a new relationship (i call it new...she's been dating him for 4

mo. & i still haven't met him but they've been w/her dad & stepmom several

times, which is typical). here's how important i am...about 3 wks ago, she

calls &

says something about her birthday [2/27] party (that she's having for

herself) & then a quick, oh, i forgot to send you an invitation, i need to do

that.

did i ever get an invitation? NOPE. well i'm just as glad cuz i wouldn't

have wanted to be in the same room as her dumbass dad & his hillbilly wife. the

amount of stress that causes me is unbelievably immense, so i'm glad she forg

ot. he acts like the life of the party (cuz he gets drunk) & of course, leslie

thinks he's just hilarious. i would've been going to whatever room he wasn't

in!

my other daughter is very sensitive about me & my health challenges, about

the way i feel, about my meds, about everything. cuz she loves me as amazingly

close to unconditional as she can get. she understands my pain (she's

inherited my migraines, but admits she can only imagine the how i must suffer).

she's also inherited my HEDS, but so far, it hasn't been active, other than 2

knee

dislocations in her teens. i pray for her constantly because she is so

overweight & if she doesn't start losing it (i, who am 40 lbs overweight right

now

-- YIKES -- shouldn't be talking), she's going to have sucha hard time when

she gets older. or maybe not, maybe that's all that will ever happen in her

lifetime? who knows? she lost her baby boy at 5 wks old - 7 yrs ago, so she

has

alot of compassion for people. her father disowned her cuz she didn't buy

her stepmonster (laurie's nickname for the witch) a xmas gift one yr. laurie had

to stay at their house for a few months (she was cutting into their private

time...i never had private time, just two kids to raise all by myself & he went

off to live his honeymoon life with the hillbilly lady). that was about 6

yrs ago & he has never spoken to her since. whatta nice daddy, huh? she told

me she would't EVER speak to him again, no matter what & i don't blame her.

i had a dr awhile back who taught me that there was a difference between

addiction & dependence. he said if you are using your last $20 to get drugs on

a

st. corner, then you are addicted. if you have real pain & your dr gives you

rx's for meds, you are dependent on those meds to help control (we pray) that

pain. i'm at the point now where i'm on heavy duty meds & they're not helping

me much anymore. i don't know where i go from here. i know the pump is an

option (my pain dr & i have discussed it), but i don't know if i wanna do that.

i guess i need to do some investigating. anybody who has it & wants to tell

me the E true hollywood story about it - you can email me directly? does

anyone use meds which are injectable & if so, would you please email me about

that/those? anything i'm asking, you can send to me personally, you don't have

to post to everyone, it's up to you, of course. anyway, i'm up for some

suggestions at this point. i'm currently using the highest doseage of ACTIQ

(which

is fentanyl, the chemical in the pain patches - which i couldn't use cuz the

adhesive on the patch made my skin break out (just like in the old days, when

the old adhesive tape w/the really sticky stuff would make my skin turn red & a

rash from hell came along w/it). some drs even freak out when they see the

doseage on my med list. i also take AVINZA, a controlled release form of

morphine, which REALLY helps the chronic daily HA's i've had since 1985 (doesn't

work on migraines tho). it is amazing to me that i've tried just about every

pain med in the universe & finally, this oddball one helps my HA's! thank you,

God. what a relief. i still get them now & then, but not like before. my

neck, however, is still messed up. which is why i don't understand the whole

thing?

i've written quite enough for one evening. i wonder if my knees will let me

stand up. i've been sitting in this chair for about 4 hrs. that's not good.

i had my L knee aspirated on tues & it really helped the level of pain. i'm

going in on mon to see if he'll do my R knee. then he's going to send me to

USC, to a rheumatologist (who was his professor) just to see what he'll think

about my challenges.

love & cloudfuls of anjil hugs

jil () : )

[Guest guest]

Hi Jilly, my angel Anjil!

It's so nice to hear from you again! I get such a kick out of you! :-)

I'm sorry you have such pain issues, and you know you're always in my

prayers! I'm also sorry you have such an idiot for a daughter (oops, did I

just say that???) and I'm glad she's not bugging you any more. Seems to me,

that a pain doctor SHOULD know if you are an addict or dependent! You hang

in there, girl, and write me anytime, OK??

Love ya!

Lana

cindy: addiction vs. dependence & OT (NOTE: NOT a short

story!)

In a message dated 2/26/04 3:17:41 AM Pacific Standard Time,

ceda writes:

" I am no longer concerned about addiction. I do not abuse any Rx (or any

other kind) drug. I am concerned about quality of life. When pain

interferes

with my daily basic functioning, I want some level of relief within reason.

Give me the damned medicine! (excuse my rare profanity, but I have no

patience

with drs or anyone else who doesn't " get " what it feels like to hurt

24/7/365).

well, cindy, you've said it all in a nutshell. besides any of the drs who

don't get it, those who most bother me, who don't " get it " , are close

friends &

family members, as well as co-workers, whom i don't have to worry about

anymore. they just frustrate the hell outta me (my profanities are not

rare, but

if they need excusing, please do so). i had an ongoing disagreement (ok, it

was a fight)...w/my youngest daughter, who doesn't get it at all. this

child is

the type who feels " entitled " (a lot like my ex, who's a monster). my

daughter & i had this ongoing fight about the meds i was taking. she

thought they

were bad. personally i didn't care what she thought. my boyfriend kept

telling me, don't worry, sweetie, she'll get tired of it & stop buggin you

pretty

soon. well, i was pretty surprised one day when she called & said to me, it

seems like all we do is fight lately, mom & i guess you'd probably like it

if we

just didn't talk about your medications anymore (thank you, Jesus). i

agreed

i would like that, so we haven't talked about it since. she lives 35 miles

south & is in a new relationship (i call it new...she's been dating him for

4

mo. & i still haven't met him but they've been w/her dad & stepmom several

times, which is typical). here's how important i am...about 3 wks ago, she

calls &

says something about her birthday [2/27] party (that she's having for

herself) & then a quick, oh, i forgot to send you an invitation, i need to

do that.

did i ever get an invitation? NOPE. well i'm just as glad cuz i wouldn't

have wanted to be in the same room as her dumbass dad & his hillbilly wife.

the

amount of stress that causes me is unbelievably immense, so i'm glad she

forg

ot. he acts like the life of the party (cuz he gets drunk) & of course,

leslie

thinks he's just hilarious. i would've been going to whatever room he

wasn't

in!

my other daughter is very sensitive about me & my health challenges, about

the way i feel, about my meds, about everything. cuz she loves me as

amazingly

close to unconditional as she can get. she understands my pain (she's

inherited my migraines, but admits she can only imagine the how i must

suffer).

she's also inherited my HEDS, but so far, it hasn't been active, other than

2 knee

dislocations in her teens. i pray for her constantly because she is so

overweight & if she doesn't start losing it (i, who am 40 lbs overweight

right now

-- YIKES -- shouldn't be talking), she's going to have sucha hard time when

she gets older. or maybe not, maybe that's all that will ever happen in her

lifetime? who knows? she lost her baby boy at 5 wks old - 7 yrs ago, so

she has

alot of compassion for people. her father disowned her cuz she didn't buy

her stepmonster (laurie's nickname for the witch) a xmas gift one yr. laurie

had

to stay at their house for a few months (she was cutting into their private

time...i never had private time, just two kids to raise all by myself & he

went

off to live his honeymoon life with the hillbilly lady). that was about 6

yrs ago & he has never spoken to her since. whatta nice daddy, huh? she

told

me she would't EVER speak to him again, no matter what & i don't blame her.

i had a dr awhile back who taught me that there was a difference between

addiction & dependence. he said if you are using your last $20 to get drugs

on a

st. corner, then you are addicted. if you have real pain & your dr gives

you

rx's for meds, you are dependent on those meds to help control (we pray)

that

pain. i'm at the point now where i'm on heavy duty meds & they're not

helping

me much anymore. i don't know where i go from here. i know the pump is an

option (my pain dr & i have discussed it), but i don't know if i wanna do

that.

i guess i need to do some investigating. anybody who has it & wants to tell

me the E true hollywood story about it - you can email me directly? does

anyone use meds which are injectable & if so, would you please email me

about

that/those? anything i'm asking, you can send to me personally, you don't

have

to post to everyone, it's up to you, of course. anyway, i'm up for some

suggestions at this point. i'm currently using the highest doseage of ACTIQ

(which

is fentanyl, the chemical in the pain patches - which i couldn't use cuz the

adhesive on the patch made my skin break out (just like in the old days,

when

the old adhesive tape w/the really sticky stuff would make my skin turn red

& a

rash from hell came along w/it). some drs even freak out when they see the

doseage on my med list. i also take AVINZA, a controlled release form of

morphine, which REALLY helps the chronic daily HA's i've had since 1985

(doesn't

work on migraines tho). it is amazing to me that i've tried just about

every

pain med in the universe & finally, this oddball one helps my HA's! thank

you,

God. what a relief. i still get them now & then, but not like before. my

neck, however, is still messed up. which is why i don't understand the

whole

thing?

i've written quite enough for one evening. i wonder if my knees will let me

stand up. i've been sitting in this chair for about 4 hrs. that's not

good.

i had my L knee aspirated on tues & it really helped the level of pain. i'm

going in on mon to see if he'll do my R knee. then he's going to send me to

USC, to a rheumatologist (who was his professor) just to see what he'll

think

about my challenges.

love & cloudfuls of anjil hugs

jil () : )