Reliving My Obesity

February 1, 2002

This past week I had the unsettling experience of reliving my morbid obesity

in the form of my MO brother-in-law who came to visit. He's 49, weighs nearly

400 pounds, has obvious sleep apnea but won't go for a diagnosis, takes daily

injections of insulin for his diabetes and thinks he is OK because it is

under control. He has bad feet and a bad back, takes meds for cholesterol and

blood pressure, and he suffered 2 heart attacks when he was in his late 30's.

We even share the same first and middle name which is a little scary...We are

both named he spells his middle name Neal and I spell mine Neil. I am

called Bob and he is called Bobby.

Bobby will not consider WLS because he says he can still lose weight on his

own and he is not ready for surgery. I sat next to him and heard his labored

breathing...I watched him trying to get in and out of the car with extreme

difficulty...we had to ask for a table at every restaurant because he would

not fit in a booth...I watched as he could barely walk down the hall of the

house without touching the side walls...I felt the stares of people around us

when we were in public...I listened to his constant complaining about his

health...he is always sick with something...I listened to his negative

attitude about life...he is a very angry, frustrated and at times obnoxious

and unbearable person, and I listened as his mother and other relatives

constantly lectured him about his size and what he ate. This was like

reliving my obesity all over again in a kind of out of body experience. I

could feel the stress and discomfort Bobby felt as he reacted to the fear of

those around him who were really only concerned for his health.

I realized that Bobby was me just 3 and half years ago. It was very

unsettling to realize that this was just how I lived and just how I affected

my family and friends. When I was MO I was also in a very deep state of

denial, just like Bobby. Watching my brother-in-law made me realize how deep

that denial really was. Luckily something clicked and the efforts of my PCP

and Dr. Marcus finally registered and I did what I had to do to save my life.

I tried talking to my brother-in-law about what he needed to do to live but

he would not hear of it. He felt he could still lose weight on his own and he

was not ready to give up his eating style and risk surgery. He used his work

and his inability to be out of work for 4-6 weeks as the main excuse for not

having surgery. I fear that he will never live to make the decision that

could save his life. This is so unfair...he is unfair to his parents who are

still alive and to his sister, my wife, who has already lived through one MO

relationship. I guess I was also so narrowly focused and as selfish when I

was MO. I just hope that something finally clicks in him and he does what is

needed to save his life.

In any event it was an unnerving and disturbing visit, but one that made me

even more sure that I made the right decision to have surgery.

BobA

February 1, 2002

Wow Bob,

Hi Im Donna...You post sure rattled me a bit. I never even stopped yet to

concider what it was like through the eyes of someone besides my 412 self

(over a year ago). But, I must say that the things you commented on your

brother-in-law has saying..I sure have said too. I feel for him, Im sure

many know JUST how. I remember kinda accepting the fact that I was big,

sick, misarable in side, disabled, deemed to be in the bondage of fat, I can

go on and on. Scary...huh...but for the grace of God go I.... Sometimes I

wish I can let everyone feel what I feel inside now " after " surgery. Just

to share one minute of the gratitude and hope that surgery has shared with

me.

Donna

February 1, 2002

In a message dated 2/2/02 1:17:44 AM Eastern Standard Time,

raltman813@... writes:

> This past week I had the unsettling experience of reliving my morbid obesity

>

It is very unsettling to remember... and even more so to see it in living

color as you have. We tend, once we are post op, to forget our pre-op lives.

I know I have. And your letter, with all its detail, brought it all back to

me.

It really was a truly terrible life. Very little in it to be joyous about.

Lots of pain; inside and out.

What's the oddest to me is that I assume there are others in your family

group who were with you who have challenges to overcome -- perhaps one who

never finished his education, perhaps one who is in a great deal of debt,

perhaps one who seems to have problems forming healthy relationships. I'm

pretty sure you didn't all routinely gang up on him or her to do something

about this horror. But when you are MO, it's as though the world feels it is

their right to " cure you. " Of everything you mentioned this is the thing I

am most happy to not have to cope with anymore. It was awful and even

reading about it has upset me.

se

Baltimore, MD

Open RNY 11/22/99, Dr. Sweet, Reading, PA

http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/profile.phtml?N=L951569336 " >http:\

//www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/profile.phtml?N=L951569336

11/22/99 324, BMI 51

12/6/99 301, BMI 47

1/27/00 280, BMI 44

2/22/00 270, BMI 42

3/16/00 262, BMI 41

5/31/00 244, BMI 38 (no longer extremely obese... just plain obese)

7/22/00 224, BMI 35

9/23/00 220, BMI 34 (and still obese)

10/16/00 216, BMI 34

11/7/00 210, BMI 33 (65 pounds from goal!!!)

5/8/01 196, BMI 31 (new goal 157; I am 5'7 " that would give me a BMI of

24.6; 39 pounds to go)

9/13/01 196, BMI 31 (Stuck!)

1/24/02 190, BMI 29.7 (slightly overweight!!)

February 1, 2002

In a message dated 02/02/2002 12:17:47 AM Central Standard Time,

raltman813@... writes:

> he

> was not ready to give up his eating style and risk surgery. He used his

> work

>

Have you presented all surgery options to him. Although the BPD/DS would

still be an adjustment, it may not look as restrictive to him down the road.

There are far fewer rules to follow, so he may actually think he could live

with it. Just a thought as there are really only 3 rules to follow with the

BPD/DS: 1. Eat protein first 2. Take your vitamins 3. Have your

bloodwork done routine.y

Although others maximize their weight loss with a few more " rule " (low carb,

etc.) during the weight loss window, just doing the three things above is

almost guartaneed (per Dr. Hess) to get a person out of the morbidly obese

category and keep them out. Other Drs. have called the BPD/DS the " no

brainer " wls.

To read more about it go to www.duodenalswitch.com.

Dawn--far south suburban Chicago, IL area

Dr. Hess, Bowling Green, OH

BPD/DS

4/27/00

www.duodenalswitch.com

267 to 165 5' 4 "

size 22 to size 10

have made size goal

no more high blood pressure, sore feet, or dieting

February 2, 2002

Bob

One thing just struck a chord to me - you said he could not afford 4-6 weeks

off for the surgery. I was off barely one week as I had the surgery done

laproscopically. That might well be one of HIS options, which could help

him to consider the surgery. I am assuming you had it done " open " and it

was 4-6 weeks recovery. Just a suggestion which could help sway him to this

decision.

Love

Janelle

Reliving My Obesity

This past week I had the unsettling experience of reliving my morbid obesity

in the form of my MO brother-in-law who came to visit. He's 49, weighs

nearly

400 pounds, has obvious sleep apnea but won't go for a diagnosis, takes

daily

injections of insulin for his diabetes and thinks he is OK because it is

under control. He has bad feet and a bad back, takes meds for cholesterol

and

blood pressure, and he suffered 2 heart attacks when he was in his late

30's.

We even share the same first and middle name which is a little scary...We

are