Osama's Twelve Steps to Recovery

[Guest guest]

I found this little gem elsewhere on the 'Net. It is too funny.

Read on:

" Can Osama bin Ladin be rehabilitated in the eyes of the

American public? " OH YES!!! If your initials are Osama bin Ladin, just

follow this simple twelve step program to find everlasting popularity:

1) Go on Oprah. Tell everyone what a horrible childhood you've had. If

someone reminds you of your spoiled, filthy rich youth, call them a

narrow

minded bigot for not thinking that wealthy people can hurt too. Cry

buckets.

Tell everyone how sorry you are. Before the second commercial break,

Oprah

introduces " Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus " author

Gray. Let

Gray welcome you to a kinder, gentler non-Taliban lifestyle, as he

holds you

and lets you weep on his shoulder.

2) Appear on TV with Britney Spears. Heck, Bob Dole did it.

Britney: " I was

all like, 'Hey, you give me the creeps Sammy,' but he was all

like, " That's

cool, that's cool, " and by the third day of our video shoot he was

like

letting me hold a little fake gun on him and he was saying stuff

like, 'Oh,

don't shoot Britney! Allah save me!' and so I was like busting a gut

laughing. We hang together all the time now. He wants to be my date

to the

MTV awards this year, but I've, like, already got a boyfriend. "

3) Find God the American way. Announce on Christian television that

you have

become a born again TaliBaptist, and since God has forgiven you,

everyone

else should too. Relate the story of how you found the Lord when you

were

down on your luck, hiding in a cave, eating Doritos and watching

Christian

TV as the bombs fell outside of your door. Cry a lot as you

tell this story, and just hope no one spots any of your seven wives

while

you're doing this. It could ruin the effect.

4) Let everyone see the goofy outtakes from your terrorist interview

videos.

5) Become a guest voice on Frasier or the Simpsons.

6) Manage a professional wrestler. An evil professional wrestler.

Then, when

he turns on you, you can " change your ways " and become a good guy

manager.

Start the OWF (Osama Wrestling Federation) and make a ton of money

off of

the American public.

7) Develop a taste for barbecued ribs, and become the guy who

everyone asks

when they want to find a really good BBQ joint in town. You can't

hate a guy

like that.

8) Don't go anywhere near O.J. I repeat, don't go anywhere near O.J.

9) Let women know that you cry when you watch " The Bridges of Madison

County. " And, unless you're sitting around watching football with the

guys,

never admit that you have *ever* laughed at a Three Stooges movie.

10) Memorize the dialogue to all the best scenes from Seinfeld. Ask

people

if they " saw that one Garfield the other day. " Collect Elvis Presley

CD's,

and get into friendly conversations about who was best - young Elvis,

1968

comeback Elvis, or old Las Vega Elvis. Sing " Hound Dog " at parties,

because

it will sound cute with your little accent.

11) Go on infomercials. If you learn one line of English dialogue, it

should

be, " But that's crazy, Bob! How can they sell it at such a low, low

price??? "

12) Get a " Behind the Music " episode made of your life. Appear on a

cheesy

talk show with Danny Bonaduce, Todd Bridges, Pamela and Alice

. By this point, any evil you have ever done will become just

another

piece of pop culture trivia.

Congratulations. You are a free man

[Guest guest]

Cry a lot as you

> tell this story, and just hope no one spots any of your seven wives

> while

> you're doing this. It could ruin the effect.

Osama would be the perfect AA/NA man with the seven wives as he would

know how to " thirteenth step " any newcomer women. And he would be

forgiven by the other steppers of his " part " in the terrorist attacks

as long he got 'honest' in the meetings and included the WTC in his

fifth step. LOL!!!

http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/aaornatwelvestepcults

[Guest guest]

Cry a lot as you

> tell this story, and just hope no one spots any of your seven wives

> while

> you're doing this. It could ruin the effect.

Osama would be the perfect AA/NA man with the seven wives as he would

know how to " thirteenth step " any newcomer women. And he would be

forgiven by the other steppers of his " part " in the terrorist attacks

as long he got 'honest' in the meetings and included the WTC in his

fifth step. LOL!!!

http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/aaornatwelvestepcults

[Guest guest]

Cry a lot as you

> tell this story, and just hope no one spots any of your seven wives

> while

> you're doing this. It could ruin the effect.

Osama would be the perfect AA/NA man with the seven wives as he would

know how to " thirteenth step " any newcomer women. And he would be

forgiven by the other steppers of his " part " in the terrorist attacks

as long he got 'honest' in the meetings and included the WTC in his

fifth step. LOL!!!

http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/aaornatwelvestepcults