2002 - staggering responsibility and joy?

[Guest guest]

For anyone who's lost track of my pathetic life, here's an update:

I used to weigh 500 pounds and got an RNY. Things were going just fine,

until I had a massive panniculectomy and a large amount of wound packing was

lost in my body cavity. I became very ill until they did another surgery and

removed the packing. About the time I was getting back to normal and

beginning to enjoy my life, my sister became gravely ill due to an obesity

related illness. Also, my work situation is uncertain. Oh, yeah, and I had

2 more major surgeries last year and two wound complications.

My sister will be getting her RNY a week from Thursday. She is high-risk. I

have battled mightily to get time off work to take care of her (vacation I'd

earned, but evidently wasn't expected to use?) and will be working hard to

help her get well. She is off oxygen during the day, but sleeps with a

ventilator. Hopefully, she will be able to get off of the ventilator and go

to a C-Pap when she loses more weight.

My parents are old and hate each other. My godkids still have problems and

need constant attention. My coworkers are miserable over the way our boss

treats them and everyone I work with is nervous. My house looks like someone

backed a dump truck into it.

That's the hard part. I have to deal with all of those problems.

Here's the amazing part. I am happy. I find joy in things that used to make

me furious. Right before a staff meeting with the boss from hell, I get

everyone to sing " Who can turn the world on with her smile? " in preparation

for our boss's amazing lack of interpersonal skill. No matter how awful

anything is, I am facing it in a relatively small body of 250 pounds. I

don't get bronchitis every few months. I don't have sleep apnea. I can buy

clothes at Target. If I go on a job interview I know my weight will not be

the main thing people remember about me. I am alarmingly spontaneous. When

I'm around people all I want to do is laugh and have fun.

Even though I am incredibly busy and can't give much attention to anyone, I

am now being actively courted by FOUR men. I'm not bragging. Much of the

attraction is based on demographics. (I think most professionally employed

women in their thirties with no children who happen to be attracted to guys

in their fifties are popular.) Still, it's part of a general pattern in my

life. People are drawn to me now. It seems like I'm the " belle of the ball "

and it has nothing to do with my physical appearance. I am still average at

best, and downright funny looking if you're in a mean mood. Some people say

" live for the moment " but I really do now, because I have to. In a little

over a week, I will be beside myself with worry over my sister. Until then,

I will have fun.

Early on in any dating situation, I tell guys about the scars. With that and

a few questions, they know that horrible things have happened to me. (One

thought he had found " the scars " and I said, casually, " Oh, no, that's just

where I got stabbed. I don't count those. " He just sat there and laughed,

not knowing what to say.) The thing I want least from people is pity, and

they see the frenzy of activity around me and the way I've accepted it all

and they're amazed. My scars, the fact that I've survived cancer, and

everything else make me more attractive to them, not less.

I don't know if I will keep this joy in my life forever, but I certainly hope

to. I hear people talking about New Year's Resolutions and they seem to come

from people on another planet. Who would make organizing a closet a goal for

a year? Who would focus on weight loss, instead of a desire to make

permanent changes in health-related habits? I take it as a given that I will

take care of my family and myself. I take it as a given that I'll keep this

job, or at least not get fired for cause so I'll get severance pay. My goal

for 2002 is that I will be HAPPY, that I will take time to read for fun, that

I will take my dogs for walks, that I will make time for male friends. I

doubt very seriously if with everything going on, I'll really have time to

clean my closets.

in St. Louis

[Guest guest]

,

I don't know you, but I think you're AWESOME - in all caps, bold, italicized and

underlined!

WLS@... wrote: For anyone who's lost track of my pathetic life,

here's an update:

I used to weigh 500 pounds and got an RNY. Things were going just fine,

until I had a massive panniculectomy and a large amount of wound packing was

lost in my body cavity. I became very ill until they did another surgery and

removed the packing. About the time I was getting back to normal and

beginning to enjoy my life, my sister became gravely ill due to an obesity

related illness. Also, my work situation is uncertain. Oh, yeah, and I had

2 more major surgeries last year and two wound complications.

My sister will be getting her RNY a week from Thursday. She is high-risk. I

have battled mightily to get time off work to take care of her (vacation I'd

earned, but evidently wasn't expected to use?) and will be working hard to

help her get well. She is off oxygen during the day, but sleeps with a

ventilator. Hopefully, she will be able to get off of the ventilator and go

to a C-Pap when she loses more weight.

My parents are old and hate each other. My godkids still have problems and

need constant attention. My coworkers are miserable over the way our boss

treats them and everyone I work with is nervous. My house looks like someone

backed a dump truck into it.

That's the hard part. I have to deal with all of those problems.

Here's the amazing part. I am happy. I find joy in things that used to make

me furious. Right before a staff meeting with the boss from hell, I get

everyone to sing " Who can turn the world on with her smile? " in preparation

for our boss's amazing lack of interpersonal skill. No matter how awful

anything is, I am facing it in a relatively small body of 250 pounds. I

don't get bronchitis every few months. I don't have sleep apnea. I can buy

clothes at Target. If I go on a job interview I know my weight will not be

the main thing people remember about me. I am alarmingly spontaneous. When

I'm around people all I want to do is laugh and have fun.

Even though I am incredibly busy and can't give much attention to anyone, I

am now being actively courted by FOUR men. I'm not bragging. Much of the

attraction is based on demographics. (I think most professionally employed

women in their thirties with no children who happen to be attracted to guys

in their fifties are popular.) Still, it's part of a general pattern in my

life. People are drawn to me now. It seems like I'm the " belle of the ball "

and it has nothing to do with my physical appearance. I am still average at

best, and downright funny looking if you're in a mean mood. Some people say

" live for the moment " but I really do now, because I have to. In a little

over a week, I will be beside myself with worry over my sister. Until then,

I will have fun.

Early on in any dating situation, I tell guys about the scars. With that and

a few questions, they know that horrible things have happened to me. (One

thought he had found " the scars " and I said, casually, " Oh, no, that's just

where I got stabbed. I don't count those. " He just sat there and laughed,

not knowing what to say.) The thing I want least from people is pity, and

they see the frenzy of activity around me and the way I've accepted it all

and they're amazed. My scars, the fact that I've survived cancer, and

everything else make me more attractive to them, not less.

I don't know if I will keep this joy in my life forever, but I certainly hope

to. I hear people talking about New Year's Resolutions and they seem to come

from people on another planet. Who would make organizing a closet a goal for

a year? Who would focus on weight loss, instead of a desire to make

permanent changes in health-related habits? I take it as a given that I will

take care of my family and myself. I take it as a given that I'll keep this

job, or at least not get fired for cause so I'll get severance pay. My goal

for 2002 is that I will be HAPPY, that I will take time to read for fun, that

I will take my dogs for walks, that I will make time for male friends. I

doubt very seriously if with everything going on, I'll really have time to

clean my closets.

in St. Louis

Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

,

I don't know you, but I think you're AWESOME - in all caps, bold, italicized and

underlined!

WLS@... wrote: For anyone who's lost track of my pathetic life,

here's an update:

I used to weigh 500 pounds and got an RNY. Things were going just fine,

until I had a massive panniculectomy and a large amount of wound packing was

lost in my body cavity. I became very ill until they did another surgery and

removed the packing. About the time I was getting back to normal and

beginning to enjoy my life, my sister became gravely ill due to an obesity

related illness. Also, my work situation is uncertain. Oh, yeah, and I had

2 more major surgeries last year and two wound complications.

My sister will be getting her RNY a week from Thursday. She is high-risk. I

have battled mightily to get time off work to take care of her (vacation I'd

earned, but evidently wasn't expected to use?) and will be working hard to

help her get well. She is off oxygen during the day, but sleeps with a

ventilator. Hopefully, she will be able to get off of the ventilator and go

to a C-Pap when she loses more weight.

My parents are old and hate each other. My godkids still have problems and

need constant attention. My coworkers are miserable over the way our boss

treats them and everyone I work with is nervous. My house looks like someone

backed a dump truck into it.

That's the hard part. I have to deal with all of those problems.

Here's the amazing part. I am happy. I find joy in things that used to make

me furious. Right before a staff meeting with the boss from hell, I get

everyone to sing " Who can turn the world on with her smile? " in preparation

for our boss's amazing lack of interpersonal skill. No matter how awful

anything is, I am facing it in a relatively small body of 250 pounds. I

don't get bronchitis every few months. I don't have sleep apnea. I can buy

clothes at Target. If I go on a job interview I know my weight will not be

the main thing people remember about me. I am alarmingly spontaneous. When

I'm around people all I want to do is laugh and have fun.

Even though I am incredibly busy and can't give much attention to anyone, I

am now being actively courted by FOUR men. I'm not bragging. Much of the

attraction is based on demographics. (I think most professionally employed

women in their thirties with no children who happen to be attracted to guys

in their fifties are popular.) Still, it's part of a general pattern in my

life. People are drawn to me now. It seems like I'm the " belle of the ball "

and it has nothing to do with my physical appearance. I am still average at

best, and downright funny looking if you're in a mean mood. Some people say

" live for the moment " but I really do now, because I have to. In a little

over a week, I will be beside myself with worry over my sister. Until then,

I will have fun.

Early on in any dating situation, I tell guys about the scars. With that and

a few questions, they know that horrible things have happened to me. (One

thought he had found " the scars " and I said, casually, " Oh, no, that's just

where I got stabbed. I don't count those. " He just sat there and laughed,

not knowing what to say.) The thing I want least from people is pity, and

they see the frenzy of activity around me and the way I've accepted it all

and they're amazed. My scars, the fact that I've survived cancer, and

everything else make me more attractive to them, not less.

I don't know if I will keep this joy in my life forever, but I certainly hope

to. I hear people talking about New Year's Resolutions and they seem to come

from people on another planet. Who would make organizing a closet a goal for

a year? Who would focus on weight loss, instead of a desire to make

permanent changes in health-related habits? I take it as a given that I will

take care of my family and myself. I take it as a given that I'll keep this

job, or at least not get fired for cause so I'll get severance pay. My goal

for 2002 is that I will be HAPPY, that I will take time to read for fun, that

I will take my dogs for walks, that I will make time for male friends. I

doubt very seriously if with everything going on, I'll really have time to

clean my closets.

in St. Louis

Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe